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Shit!


I wake up with a jerk. Overslept again. A bit cross, I look over at the bed where Brian is sleeping, since he has made no attempt to wake me up this time. Then I remember that B'rok is out with the flu and that he is running a temperature of 102.5 degrees.


He is forgiven, for the time being.


Groaning I walk into the bathroom. Feeling like a zombie. Looking into the mirror an ugly face is staring back at me. Sticking out my tongue to the reflection only makes me feel moderately better. Critically, I eye my face, only to discover that one more zit has made a home on my cheek. Crap. I tried to press out the white gunk from the zit, when I hear a knock on the door.


Brian most have opened up since Kevin's voice is booming on the other side. Great, now Mr. Perfect has decided to check up on me too.


As I brush my teeth, after giving up the futile attempt to squeeze my zits, I notice that my throat is really sore. Must have had something to do with last nights "chili pepper" incident. And that is not the only body part that feels sore today! I have been suffering all night from a stomach ache, ready to burst. And burst I did! Big time. I never knew that a stomach could hurt so much from being windy. It was early dawn before I even got an eye shut.


Brian, on the other hand, had snored all night, except for coughing occasionally. Ok, I have to give him credit for sleeping restlessly as he has been mumbling some incoherent words all night long.


As I rub my sore stomach my mind wonders off to the previous night. Wonder how they could survive in the Wild West since their diet was mainly consistent of chili and beer. Did they have air freshener back then too? Speaking of fresh air. This room really needed a touch of Lysol since there were a shortage oxygen. My smell isnīt the only scent that is lingering in the room. Brian's sickness is just as bad and I am surprised that Kevin dared to come into this disaster area.


" Hi Nick," Kevin looks up at me as I walk to my bed and then sit down. Yawning. I give a short nod.


Brian turns his head towards me. " Frack, man! Are you still suffering from that stomach ache?" he asks with a hint of concern in his voice.


I shake my head as I start to put on a pair of navy blue pants and a t-shirt and a checked shirt, all in blue. It kind of fits the mood that I am in today.


Blue.


Seriously, I donīt really know what my mood is since my brain hasnīt even start to revive. It is much too early for doing any brain activities. Rule number one is that before noon Nick never should be asked any questions or do anything that require use of brain cells!


" You sure man?" Brian continued, not wanting to drop my health subject. Apparently he knows that I have been pretty bad off. At one time last night I was seriously thinking that the appendix was going to burst. Kevin had a hot appendix one time in Germany about two years ago. He was very sick.


" Yes" Now drop it!


After Kevin had been reassured that Brian was going to survive another day he turns his attention to me, " Are you sick too?" He eyes me up and down trying to judge if I should be sent to a hospital or not.


" Nah, you know it was that Chili that kept me up all night." I felt my face start to blush and Kevin gave a small laugh.


" Yeah, that can be pretty bad." Then he turned to Brian to once again tell him the story of "red chili pepper" and Brian laughed so much that he started to cough and Kevin had to slap him on his back. Served him right to be choking when he was laughing at my despair.


As I started to take on my boots I thought that the topic was dropped. But Oh No!


" You most have been pretty bad off since one time I swear that you were farting so loud that the windows rattled." Brian laughed even more as he continued, " It had to be an eight in the Richter scale!" This comment had both Kevin and Brian laughing their asses off. I however was not at all amused by the situation. Sticking out my tongue I made my point clear.


" Ok, ok if you guys have stopped making fun of me and my "problems" then maybe I can get something to eat" I said sourly.


" Nick youīre late, which means that we have all eaten breakfast a long time ago. But you can grab a yogurt and some fruit and eat it in the bus before we go to the Tv-show!"


What?? A TV show?


Suddenly this didnīt sound so promising. "Uh.Kev.Uh," I started, rubbing my stomach to emphasize the feeling, " My stomach feels really eh..unsure..so I donīt think that a TV-show is such a good idea." The outcome wasnīt as I expected and Kevin showed no mercy, instead Brian butted in joking about my situation.


" Thatīs Ok Nick," he giggled, " If you have to let one go, just let the guys know so.." he coughed between the laughs, " so they can hide for cover!"


He he he..very funny!


Brian and Kevin were very amused at this and as Train ushered me out through the door the laughter echoed in the room. Me, I stuck my head back in, giving my bro a finger. Brotherly love!


If I thought that the jokes would have eased down I couldnīt be more wrong. As soon as I entered the bus, carrying my yogurt and one banana I was met with AJīs sweet comment." Shit Kaos, I thought you had left the place for good,"


" Uh? What? Where?" I said a bit confused before my mind even registered what my band brother was saying. This is one of my biggest flaws. I speak before thinking and this has had me in for trouble one time too many.


"To the moon, rocket fuel you know" AJ made some sounds expressions with his mouth that had the whole bus rolling with laughter.


Oh AJ. I promise I get you back.


Even Howie made a lame attempt to joke on my behalf. " Nick I hear that you are not feeling too hot, strange I thought that chili was hot enough for you" Ha ha Howie. Watch me. I stuck my index finger down my throat to show him my utter contempt for his witty jokes.


After about 100 jokes the guys finally got sick and tired of laughing at me and my mishap. It also ended up that we were at the TV Station. I was in no mood for being in public and sulking I walked inside the station and then sat down, not saying a word. Blaming my silence on being jetlagged.


And NO, there was no need for the guys to take cover!


*********


" One, two, three..Nick watch out"


" Ouchhh.."


"Nick!!! Pay attention"


"Nick, wrong cue. One more time"


"NICK!!!!"


This was like an ordinary day at rehearsal before an concert. Today had been a very stressed out schedule and we had met the press, done a TV show and also managed to fit in a record signing a big store down town. Needless to say I was dead on my feet.


I was trying hard to follow the dance steps that I knew so well, yet it was like my legs refused to co-operate. Somehow I think that being up all night due to the chili pepper incident can make you a little off. This was an understatement, as Kevin who loudly explained that "I sucked and if I didnīt shape up my act they would have to cancel the whole tour due to my poor performance.


Fine.


Feeling cross, I tried to explain that I was doing my best, yet I always got chewed out. The need to bawl came over me again. I always tried my hardest to do my best when I am rehearsing for a concert or being on stage. To Johnny and Kevin that wasnīt enough. They yelled at me all the the time and I had no one there to defend me. Kevin could be such a bitch when Brian wasnīt around.


Kevin is often a pretty nice guy and I know that deep inside he cares for me. He just has the strangest way of showing it to me. Itīs just that Kevin has this need to control his surroundings, including me, and that pisses me off. Like Johnny and Denise he has a habit of making me feel like a seven year old. It might have to do something with me being 9 years younger than Kevin. Anyway we fight all the time.


Brian, was the lucky one, he wasnīt at rehearsal. He was still sick. Still puking, complaining that his throat hurt and I sincerely doubt that he will make it to the concert tonight. Johnny says he will, but I am calling the cards on this one. I know that Denise is going to take Brian to the doctors today and I suspect that he is going to get a red card. Red card means that he canīt perform at tonight's show. Green card means that he has a clearance of health.


At Globen I had gone down to the vending machine and now had Snickers Bar together with a coke safely nested inside of me. Not much for a growing guy, but it would have to do until the rehearsal was over. Maybe my lack of food had something to do with the wooziness than I felt in my head. It was making it difficult to focus on my surroundings and my head ached like a bitch.


"Nick, try to focus" Kevin,"The Perfect" shouted when I had bounced into him for the second time, in a time limit of five minutes. He was very annoyed at me and when I wasnīt prepared he stopped in mid dancing and started to give me the lecture of my life.


Suddenly I had enough.


"Jeeze Kevin. You are always bitching around, "Nick do this," "Nick do that" I draw after my breath, " I am so sick and tired of you bossing me. To you I never do anything perfect. "I shouted so loud that my head was threatening to blow from my own sound.


"Nick," Kevin started, but I was far from finished.


" You are at my ass whatever I do. Knock it off" This was a bad move. Very bad. If there something that Kevin dislikes, besides running late on schedule, it is when I am telling him off.


Kevin, that is always so calm when other people are around, started to yell at me, saying that same old story that I was immature and that I was acting like a baby.


Howie, who had been out for a moment, came in, hushing Kevin down, " Hey guys, keep it down." He gestured towards the door. Some press people were lingering outside and we always have to keep and good face to them.


That ended our fight and I sat down with a loud sigh. Taking a sip from my water bottle I murmured, " I am so tired" AJ hunched down beside me, " Itīs Ok Nick. I know that you have stage nerves".


Although this wasnīt my main problem right now, he was sooo right. On top of every nerve problem there is, I also suffered from stage fright or stage nerves. Me and Kevin! Brian only suffers from it when it comes to attending some award show. Me and Kevin all the time. Kevin who wants everything to be perfect, suffers badly and there are more than one time when we had to drag him out of the backstage toilet. Howie the calm person that he is drinks his tea, says itīs calming his innards. Like if they can ever be upset? AJ is NEVER nervous. He just does goes out to the audience or press and does his things. Me, I am ready to shit my pants. Pardon the brutal statement.


The strange thing is that the minute I hit the stage, the nervousness is gone with the wind. Itīs like the audience is eating bread crumbs from our hands. It's an awesome feeling. This is the best feeling there is. I get high, no not that kind of high, when I am out there singing and dancing. Before going on a stage I can be feeling like shit, but the second I am out there I become ALIVE!!!


" I am NOT nervous." I state a bit stubbornly.


AJ says nothing, just shakes his head. Then he gives me his hand, helping me up again as Kevin is yelling that it is time to continue again. The band starts playing and before AJ lets my hand go he whispers, " Try to do it correct this time"


AJ is a person that is hard to understand. There are times when he can be the best of guys.. A great listener, that can even take my side. There is no one that can be as crazy as him and I love him for that. Then there are times when he does everything to make my life as shity as possible. Teasing me has become an art form. Deep inside he is a guy that thinks a lot. He is really smart, I think the brightest guy in the group. It is a pity that he didnīt go to high school since he would have aced it. If he wasnīt so damned rebellious. The rebellion, or stalion inside him makes him think with his dick and on more than one occasion he has ended up in big trouble.


He is a person that can get along with everyone. He is really sociable and we can get along pretty good with each other. Before I started to room in with Brian we used to share hotel rooms, but we had to stop since we were up all night, doing all kinds of stuff. There is only a two years difference between us, yet AJ often is so much more mature than me. Sometimes.


"Nick, Are you paying attention at all?" Kevin was still cross and he didnīt spare an opportunity to share it with me.


I nodded, " Yeah"


"Ok, letīs do it one more time, so we can wrap it up and get some rest." It was Johnny that had entered the scene and I did my best one more time. I could tell when the guys were tired of me, screwing up all the time. It was all so serious when Brian wasnīt around. We need him since he cheers us up with his crazy and goofy jokes. I might be a prankster, but Brian is the one that makes everyone laugh. Especially Kevin.


Finally Johnny and Kevin (always have something to say about the schedule) decided that we had enough and I was last to hit the shower room. Afterwards we were going to due some interviews and then there was the concert. Johnny had promised us a short break at the hotel before going to the concert and I sincerely hoped that he was holding to his promise. I needed to get a quick nap, ánd to pack my bags. We were going to travel early in the morning.


The interviews went without any disasters, mainly because I was too tired to say anything stupid, in fact i think I uttered one or two lines. I was so silent that the journalist asked if there were something wrong, but before I could answer Kevin butted in saying that it was all peachy. Ok it might not been his exact words, but the message were the same.


When the interview was over me and AJ hit McDonalds. Oh, I forgot. We are not alone. I had my body guard Billy hanging behind me all the time since there were fans everywhere. Very surealistic. I canīt imagine that girls are screaming their heads of when I am coming. I have had more proposals then I can count and girls are clinging into me. Wanting to have hugs all the time.


It is fun, but also frightening. They are in love with Nick the Backstreet Boy. Not Nick, that is me. I highly doubt that they would find ME so attractive since I can be really nasty and gross in times. Like all seventeen old teenage boys. If you have a teenage brother you know what I am talking about. I am not very romantic either. The most romantic stuff I have done to a girl was to take her out for a pizza.


How is that for lover boy?


Guess who is the most romantic person in the band? There are two. Kevin and AJ. Not Brian, like everybody would think. At one time Kevin sent Kristin 100 roses. It was one rose for each day they had been together since their last break up. They have a weird relationship since they keep breaking up and then getting back at each other, Brian says that it is because they can't live without each other. He also thinks that they will get married in the future.


AJ did something similar. He once took Amanda up on the tower of Eiffel, when we were in France last time, and there he told the whole world how much he loved her. He also said that they made love up there which me and Brian highly doubt,. AJ is secretly scared of heights. Anyway AJ can be like a real gentleman, with flaws.


Enough of mush for now. After devouring a Quarter Pounder, thank you America for bringing McDonalds to the world, so I can feel at home, every where. (I borrowed AJīs word), we headed straight to the hotel. There was roughly an hour before we had to go to the venue.


I knocked several times at the door before Brian opened up. His hair was sticking up all over the place and it looked like he had been sleeping.


"Hey" he said and let me in, before heading back to bed. He still looked as bad as when I had left him in the morning. Coughing several times he crawled under the covers. Now I was pretty sure that we had to do the show without Brian.


"Frick, how are you doing?" I flopped down on my own bed, kicking of my sneakers before I lay down. I shivered as the cold Swedish weather really messed up my body temperature.


"So and so," Brian answered, not very talkative. He is always rather silent when he is sick and the flu that he had caught was pretty bad.


"Did you go to the doctor?" I asked lightly. Brian never likes to talk about his own health, maybe because he had a heart problem when he was little and came close to dying.


"Yeah, he gave me the red card" I knew it. No performance for Brian Littrell.


"Shit, what did Johnny say?" I rose on my arms, so I could take a better look at my friend.


" He wasnīt too happy." Brian stopped then he said, " I have Strep Throat and sinuses".


Strep Throat.and Tonsilitis, or singers infection is a disease that is rather common in this business and I tell you it ainīt no picnic. Iīve had it several times and there is nothing worse. Ok, maybe stomach flu then, but other than that Strep sucks.


He gestured to his bed table that was stocked with all sorts of remedies. " I got some antibiotics". With a sigh he lay down on the bed.


I feel so sorry for him. Being sick abroad is bad. Having Strep is worse.


"Will you go down to the venue?" I asked.


He shook his head, negative. " No I have a fever of 103 and I feel like a truck ran me down."


At that moment I wanted to hug Brian. He looked so lost. I really wished that Samantha could be here to comfort him.


" Denise has been with me all day. And I am totally exhausted." he rolled his eyes when he mentioned her name. Denise was great,, it was just that she liked to talk so much that sometimes it was hard to concentrate on your own thoughts.


She loves to talk about Alexander. Especially when he was a little kid. Strangely AJ never seem uncomfortable when she is telling all those embarrassing things that he did as a little kid. Me, I would rather strangle my self, than listen to my mother telling me that I looked cute sitting on the pot!


"Bri, do you know that we are leaving early tomorrow morning?"


" Yeah, Iīll try to straighten up here until you come back."


The schedule had been so tight and I hadnīt even had a chance to pick up my Nintendo. I hope that this was not something that was going to be a habit. I was starting to feel abstience and needed my Nintendo fix.


Rigging up the TV game I decided that I needed a game to calm down my nerves. Howie drinks tea. I play Super Mario.


It felt so good to sit down with the controller, scoring points like there were no tomorrow. I was in the middle of a game when a knock on the door disturbed my concentration. With a displeased grunt I turned off the Nintendo. There was work to be done, yet there was a feeling that I didnīt want to let go. It was no fun doing concerts when Brian wasnīt around.


Reluctantly I went to the venue. Preparing to meet the Swedish fans!