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Chapter 1

Fear and anger can consume a person. When left to spread through out the entire being of a person, the results are most often deadly. Pent up rage seeks release, impairing even the best of judgement. This rage often comes from years of devistating losses and not being accepted. This rage has the chance to build in anyone that does not have the strength or the patience to fight it off. Slowly reaching peaks that were once unknown. Fighting off this rage becomes that much harder with each passing day as it becomes stronger and you lose control. Soon you become blinded by this now unstopable force. Doing things that could hurt you and others. Never stopping once to think about the things that have been done, becoming all the more reckless as it progresses.

Loved ones also feel the pain. They suffer because of the pain that you are willing to inflict upon them. Numbing your feelings to the world. No longer knowing happiness, or love. Constantly dealing with having no emotions. Living life not caring about anything. Not making anything happen for yourself. Instead, your lack of emotions tear everything down, never once phasing you. In some cases, this rage can strike without warning. Sneaking up on the individual who is experiencing the emotion, as well as those closest to them.

Nickolas Carter was one of the unfortunate people in the world that had to embark on this life changing journey. From the outside, things appeared as if they were perfect for him. In a very short period of time he had in a sence conquered the world. Millions of people knew his name. Woman desired him and men despised him for everything that he had. He loved the feeling that ran through his veins when he looked out into a crowd and knew that he had complete control over them. Anything that he told them, they would believe. That's helped make everything work out.

"Carter get your ass out of there! We have to be at the press conference in twenty-four minutes!" Kevin Richardson, self proclaimed guardian of the group of men known to the world as the BackStreet Boys, yelled as he pounded on the door. Groaning, Nick turned over and placed the pillow over his head, hoping to drown out all the noise that Kevin was creating.

"Nick, buddy, you have to come out of there," came the always calm and relaxed voice of Howie D. Never did he let the situation take control of him. Throughout anything, he was able to maintain his cool.

"Just go without me," Nick called back groggily.

"Kiddo, you have to go," Howie replied, "this is the only thing that we have to do today. So come on and let's get it over with alright?"

"I just wanna stay in bed D," Nick informed Howie. Kevin looked over at Howie as if to say I could have done that much. Howie grinned and went back to talking to Nick through the hotel door which was standing between them.

"I know you do. We all want to but we gotta do this. It's part of the job description."

"Fine," Nick answered, hoping that he could just spend the rest of the day relaxing in bed. Normally he liked to go out and experience new things, but today, he was just too tired.

"I told you I could get him out of there without yelling," Howie said to Kevin, "you owe me twenty bucks there Kev."

"Shut up," Kevin snapped playfully as he handed his friend a twenty dollar bill.

"Easy money," Howie answered as he placed the bill into his pocket and walked away. Kevin shook his head and walked down the hall to ensure that the others were awake. Satisfied that they were, he decided that he would get a quick run down from their manager as to what the conference would consist of.

Nick threw the covers off of him self and stumbled towards the shower. All he had to do was just show up at this stupid thing. He didn't really have to say anything unless something was directed towards him, which almost never seemed to happen because Kevin was always happily explaining everything for them. Nick only required a few moments in the shower. It wasn't as if he was going to be spending the entire day out and about.

He sighed as he pulled on his last bit of clothing and walked into the hallway of the hotel. He wasn't afraid of running into fans because this floor was off limit to them so that the men could have their peace.

"Hey Kaos," AJ McLean said as he saw Nick walking in the hallways. Nick turned to face him and he was met by the very familiar tattoos that dawned his body. His eyes were covered by a pair of dark tinted sunglasses and a hat sat upon the top of his head.

"Hey J," Nick answered, before yawning.

"Out late last night?" AJ questioned remarking about look of pure exhaustion that was on Nick's face.

"Nah, I just couldn't sleep," he answered.

"Were you alone?" AJ asked as he raised one eye brow and continued to glare at Nick.

"Yes AJ I was."

"Are you sure? Wasn't Lena supposed to fly out here one day?" AJ asked refuring to Nicks long time girlfriend.

"I'm picking her up at the airport today," Nick answered as he started to walk towards the personel elevator which they had been given the freedom to use as they pleased to help them avoid being attacked by a mob of young fans. Nick extended his arm and pressed the button for the elevator.

"So what are you guys going to do once she gets here?"

"Does it really matter AJ?" Nick asked as he looked towards his friend.

"Hey, I just wanted know if any of us were getting any."

"What's it with you and wanting to know about everyone's sex life?" Nick asked curisouly. AJ grinned at him.

"I dunno," AJ shrugged, "but you have to admit that it does make for good conversation when you talk to the right people."

"So when you talk to people you just out and say 'how's your sex life goin' for ya?'"

"No of course not," AJ replied, "I wait a bit then I casually sneak it into the conversation so they don't think I'm some pervert."

"They're going to think you're a pervert no matter how late you put that into the conversation," Nick pointed out. The elevator doors opened and AJ and Nick stepped in. Nick pressed the button to bring them to the lobby and the doors shut as the elevator began its decent.

"What exactly is this conference about anyway?" AJ asked.

"I have no idea, but you know Kevin, he's probably going to do most of the talking anyway so it doesn't even matter."

"Yeah I guess you're right," AJ replied as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes along with his lighter. Once he lit one, he placed the pack and the lighter back into his pocket.

"I just want to get this shit over with already," Nick commented as he leand his head against the wall of the elevator.

"I'm with ya buddy," he answered after taking a puff of his cigarette, "we should just send Kevin to do it."

"Like he would. He'd probably try and tell us some shit about having to do things as a group but in the same breath tell us that we shouldn't say anything that he doesn't like. It's like he thinks were going to fuck things up."

"We probably would," AJ explained, "Kev has saved our asses a couple of times."

"I know but I just hate being treated like a little kid."

"That's just how Kevin is so get used to it kiddo."

"It's been almost ten years J. You'd think that he'd leave me alone for a while and let me figure things out for myself."

"He's just lookin' out for ya. He cares."

"Yeah well I wish he'd back off a little."

"Good luck trying to explain that one to him," AJ responded.

"I shouldn't have to explain anything," Nick countered.

"Yo, I'm behind you one hundred percent but....," he began but his voice soon trailed off. Nick looked at him questioningly, his anger building.

"But what AJ?"

"Nothing."

"What? Are you trying to tell me that I need Kevin to do all this shit for me?" Nick snapped.

"Woah, chill man, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that Kevin isn't the kind of guy that I would want to piss off alright? That's it." The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Kevin was standing there with the other guys along with some managers and people of that sort.

"Put that out AJ," Kevin ordered when he saw the cigarette in his hand. AJ rolled his eyes and took a few more puffs before putting it out. Nick looked down at AJ, his eyes saying 'you see what I'm talking about.'

"So what are we doing?" AJ asked as he walked futher into the room.

"We're getting ready for the conference," Kevin replied, "where've you been?"

"Upstairs."

"It's going to be short thing. Just a few questions about the next album and dismiss all the rumors about us breaking up," Howie informed AJ.

"Thanks D."