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By making the excuse that he wasn’t feeling well, Brian slipped away from the building and outside. Waving down a taxi, Brian formatted his plan in his head. It was pretty simple. Get to the hotel as quickly as possible, lock the door to his room, pull out the gun he bought last month, and BANG. Game over. He just had to get there.

The taxi weaved in and out of traffic. The driver didn’t even seem to recognize him. He really didn’t expect much. He just wanted to get to the hotel right away. He knew once he shot the gun, the whole hotel would be in an uproar. Once clean shot. No more pain.

Brian snapped to attention when he felt the taxi jerk to a stop. His eyes darted around as it finally registered what was going on. Traffic jam. Just what he needed. This was not helping. Brian shifted his weight in his seat. He needed to get back to the hotel. He was on the brink of collapsing, and he surely didn’t want to crumble in public. Knowing he couldn’t run back to the hotel, he pulled out his notebook and began to construct his suicide letter. The guys would want to know why, so he would tell them, plain and simple. When he finished, he looked it over…

Dear Guys,
I know a lot of questions must be arising because of what I did. This letter might answer some of them. I know you don’t know why this happened. Trust me, it isn’t your fault, so don’t think I blame you. This is totally my fault, my decision. It’s my life that was screwed up. My responsibility. So… now to answer the question of why…
The reason this happened is because I can’t deal with my life anymore. It’s too much for me to handle. Ever since I was 18, my life has gone down hill. Being in the Backstreet Boys has been fun, but it just isn’t fulfilling anymore. Leighanne… I love her, but it just isn’t the same as it used to be. I can’t fix it. It’s too late to do anything. She will move on, I know it. I hate to leave Baylee without a father, but he is better off for it.
Kevin, you are a wonderful cousin and friend. I could tell you things that I couldn’t tell my brother or anyone else. You were always there for me, from the very beginning. I’m sorry I kept you from this. I just didn’t know how to tell you. Goodbye.
Howie, man, you are it. You are the sweetest man I know. Me doing this was not because of you. If anything, you were the one that helped me the most. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. You should have been the first one to know. Goodbye Howie.
AJ. What can I say to you. You were a great friend, and don’t let this affect your sobriety. I want you to keep working on that. Do not give up just because of me, okay? Keep up the good work. Life cannot get any better for you, so just hold on to it with all your might. Goodbye buddy.
Last but not least, Nick. My best friend. You helped me through a lot of stuff when the group first started. You helped me adjust to the changes in my life. You cannot blame yourself for this. My life is my problem. You couldn’t have known anything. I didn’t let on to anybody. Please hold your head up high and remember the good times we shared, buddy. Farewell my friend.
I love you guys. I will miss you. I am sincerely sorry for what I put you through these past few years. I could’ve been more civil to you all. I should’ve been more considerate of those around me. I know this is a selfish act, but it is the only way to end the pain. Please don’t cry. I don’t want you to be sad. This is my decision. Keep your chins up and walk through life better than I did. I’m so sorry, guys. Please tell my family that I love them and they mean the world to me. I imagine that this is goodbye. I will hold you in my heart for all time.

A single tear rolled down his cheek as the traffic jam started to disengage.