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"Are you mad at them?" Howie asked honestly as he poured the freshly brewed coffee into two cups, carrying them over to the kitchen table where Kevin was slumped. They had just put Brian and Nick into a taxi, sending them to the airport for the first flight home. Howie honestly couldn't blame Brian for wanting to leave. He had Leighanne and Baylee to think about, but the hostility when he left could ahve been avoided. In fact, Howie wished that all the hostility could have been avoided, especially when Kevin had yelled at Anya. She had yet to appear from her bedroom, hulled inside like a lost child. Whenever passing the room, Howie could hear muffled sobs, but she'd never let them in. Not with the way Kevin had scorned her.

"I don't know who I'm mad at anymore," Kevin sighed as he took a long drink of the strong, dark liquid. He knew his actions were out of line at times, and he wished he could take the words back... but he could never admit that outloud.

"Brian was wrong to bring up your divorce with Kristen, but he is right about needing to go home. Leighanne had a terrible fright when she heard what happened. She needed him," Howie attempted to persuade further, adding a mixture of milk and sugar to his coffee.

"Fine, I'll agree with that."

"And you didn't have to yell at Anya. She's been in her room for three days."

"And Stephanie's been in the hospital, alone, for even longer. Not to mention AJ, too. I don't have any sympathy--"

"For goodness sakes, Kevin. She had her virginity taken away by being raped. How can you say those awful things?"

"You know firsthand that denying it ever happened makes things worse! She's regressing and no one will tell her the consequences."

"You can't just force those consequences on her or she'll regress even more. Your yelling turned her into this stone ball and Stephanie is going to be furious when she gets home to hear you did that."

"If she gets home.""What are you talking about?"

"Stephanie's not coming home until her fever goes down. It hasn't moved an inch and none of the antibiotics have worked yet. Her organs could start failing, Howie."

"And I'm sure your pessimistic attitude isn't effecting her a bit..."

"I don't talk to her like that, thank you very much," Kevin snapped, slamming down his empty mug.

"But your entire presense exudes that hatred and pessimism, Kevin..." Howie winced.

"Not everyone can have your oh-so-sunny disposition, D--"

"Just because you're upset with what happened and scared about what might happen doesn't mean you have to take it out on everyone else. You yell at Anya for repressing her emotions, but what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm making sure AJ and Stephanie are getting the best care at the hospital, I just sent Nick and Brian home, I've been calling Denise to keep her posted--"

"You're keeping yourself busy so you don't have to deal with your emotions."

"I don't have anything to deal with."

"Sure--"

"I don't."

Howie sighed hopelessly, gathering both cups so he could rinse them in the sink. "You keep telling yourself that, Kev. But, when you're laying in bed tonight, alone in the dark, try telling yourself that."

"I've got to call the hospital," Kevin stood up and walked out to the living room.

He wanted to brush away the thoughts that Howie had distinctly planted into his brain, but it was useless. Especially as he stepped into the living room to find the youngest of the traumatized group sprawled face first into the couch. She was clutching a ratty piece of faded lavender cloth as her entire body heaved with sharp sobs. She had obviously assumed no one was home, allowing her to leave the tower of her bedroom. And, Kevin had just invaded, unbeknownst to her. Now he had a decision to make.

He stood there for what seemed like an eternity, before he finally made his decision.

Sitting down, he placed a hand against the small of Anya's back to alert her to his presense. Only, his hand seemd to contain some invisible magnetic charge that zapped Anya's entire body. Because she immediately jerked away, practically falling off the couch as she attempted to clear away the tears, hiccuping on her sharp sobs. When she recognized Kevin through the tears, she stiffened. "It's my house, I can do what I want."

"I wasn't going to say anything about what you were doing," Kevin replied softly with a shake of his head.

"Then what do you want?"

"I wanted to talk."

"About how I'm a spoiled little brat?"

"No. I want to talk. Especially about what I said to you."

"I'd rather not listen," Anya stated plainly, crawling off the couch and moving back toward the stairs to hide. She had no strength left to defend herself against Kevin. A man that barely knew her.

"I want to apologize for what I said, Anya. Please, just hear me out and then you can leave."

Anya slowly turned on the stairs, folding her arms tightly against her chest for silent protection. Glaring slightly at Kevin, she prepared to release a string of curses. But, suddenly, she stopped when she saw the earnesty in his light green eyes. Her jaw tensed as she slowly sunk to sit on the stairs. "Go ahead."

"We've all been through a lot... you more than anyone..." Kevin trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. It was always hard for him to get the right words across when it came to apologies. "I'm really worried about you and I reacted like a fool. I thought yelling at you would make you see that you need to talk to someone, but I was totally out of line. You don't have to forgive me, but... I'm really sorry."

"You're a very proud person, aren't you?" Anya guessed after a few moments of silence.

"Wasn't that hard to see, was it?"

"Not really."

"Yes. I am a very proud person. I was brought up to be proud, but I think it's a little extreme most of the time."

"Phi's the same way," Anya admitted, staring at her hands as she played with the single silver ring on her fourth, left digit. It was her vow of virginity until her wedding night. She seemed obsessed over that fact, wondering whether or not she should be wearing it in the first place. "Proud of herself, stubborn as Hell, and the shittiest apologize-r in the world."

"That describes me too, doesn't it?"

"To a tee."

"I thought so..."

"That's why you compliment each other so well... An instant attraction or whatever..."

"I really care about her."

"I know."

"I care about you, too."

"Because I indefinitely come with the Phi package and it's better just to put up with me?"

"No, because you're an amazing woman. I think of you as my little sister and I do care about you."

"I don't think I want you as my big brother. You terrify me."

"I don't mean to terrify you, Anya... I just... I saw you hold everything in about the rapes and... I saw you regress into this little shell of your former self and it was killing me. I don't want you to have a mental breakdown when I promised Stephanie I would always look after you and I went about it the wrong way."

"You just don't want to get in trouble with protective Phi."

"I'm telling you the honest to God truth, Anya."

"Well, you can sleep better at night, because I'm not going to have a mental breakdown. I'm fine."

"Sweetheart, you're not fine. Not even close."

"Sweetheart?"

"Sweetheart. You can't hold that all in... you'll burst or go insane."

"I was already insane to begin with," Anya attempted to joke with a quick shrug of her shoulders and a nervous laugh.

"Not that kind of insane. You're in pre-med, I'm sure you learned about that post-traumatic stress? It can have some nasty results and I don't want that happening to you."

"It's not going to happen to me--"

"What makes you different from anyone else? It'll happen, Anya."

Anya released a soft sigh, "I'll figure it out, okay?"

"You can always talk to me about it."

"Me? Talk to you about it? How would you even know what it's like?"

"I don't know what it's like, but you resisted talking to Howie when his sister went through the same thing. I'm just trying to help you, Ani--"

"Don't. Phi only uses that nickname."

"I'm sorry. I'm just tying to help you, Anya."

"Thank you, but no thank you--"

"Would it be so bad to let me? I may not know you extremely well, but I'm a good listener."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"There's a difference between wanting to and having to."

"Well... I don't want to and I don't have to--"

"Would you rather get this out with me or a random therapist?"

"You have honestly got to be worse than Phi when it comes to pushing me around," Anya seethed with disbelief as Kevin took her by the hands, pulling her back to sit on the couch.

"Stephanie would want you to talk about this just as much as I do--"

"But you're not her."

"So?"

"So I don't have to talk about it."

"Anya, please?"

"Why is this so damn important to you? Do you like hearing these kind of stories? I mean--"

"Because I care about you. Is there something wrong with that?"

Anya glanced away. "I guess not..."

"Then talk to me."

Anya hesitated as she glanced back to her silver ring, spinning it on her finger. It was something to play with to avert her gaze when she grew nervous. "...I don't know what to say..."

"Start from anywhere... how you feel about it..."

"I don't feel anything," she admitted quite honestly with a dejected sigh. "I'm just numb. Like it never happened."

"Your mind is trying to make you believe it didn't happen."

"I know it happened--"

"Then face it."

"Maybe I don't want to, okay? I promised to be a virgin until my wedding night and they fucking took it away from me like it didn't fucking matter."

"Virginity is a state of mind--"

"No, virginity is a state of being. Someone who has never had sexual intercourse. No statement included about it being consensual or nonconsensual. Well, whoops, I had sexual intercourse, several times in fact," Anya growled with obvious disgust in herself, finally taking the ring off her finger and hurling it across the room. She had looked in every dictionary and online source known to man in order to ease her pain.

"You're just stating the definition of virginity. Anya, you did not consent to those assholes. They only take away your virginity if you let them. As long as you give yourself to the man you marry and love... that's when you truly lose it."

"It's easy for you to say."

"It can be easy for you to believe. You're punishing yourself when you're not at fault. I know you fought against them, but there was no way you could defend yourself against three men that size."

"Instead I get two people almost killed in the process..." Anya muttered.

"You are not blaming yourself for what happened to Stephanie and AJ. It would have happened either way. That guy was a lunatic and would hurt anyone."

"Kevin--"

"It is not your fault."

"It feels like my fault."

"It's not."

Anya nodded briefly, though she looked none too convinced with Kevin's dedication. He may have been asking her to talk, but her heart was elsewhere as well as her mind. Like before, she drifted within an out of body experience, just watching her life revolve as if nothing could stop it.

"Anya, please. Just let it out. You're holding so much in and it isn't healthy."

"It's stuck," she answered, tucking a few fallen strands of golden locks behind her ear to reveal the somewhat large goose-egg she had developed after visiting AJ.

"Is it stuck from that goose-egg on your head?"

"Huh?" Anya blanked, glancing up.

"Your goose-egg. Maybe that's what making your brain stuck and you aren't able to talk to me."

"Love-bump," Anya corrected softly.

"A what?"

"A bump."

"You didn't just say bump."

"I snuck out to visit AJ this afternoon... I was there when he woke up..." Anya confessed, somewhat meekly. Figuring it was easier to divert away from the rapes by speaking about AJ, almost an equally difficult task in her mind.

"You were... how did you... visiting him gave you that bump?"

"In advertantly... Sorry..."

"Sorry for what?"

"Technically you say who visits him and who doesn't... And, I didn't ask for permission..."

"AJ cares about you. I wouldn't have said anything against you visiting him."

"Doesn't negate the fact that--"

"Anya, don't worry about it. I'm glad you visited him."

"You're glad?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because he needed to know you were there and you needed to see him."

"I didn't need to see him..."

"Oh?"

"I wanted to see him."

"You wanted and needed to see him," Kevin corrected.

"You're full of it, just like him," Anya answered with a nervous laugh, slipping off the couch to stand.

"How am I full of it if I'm speaking the truth? And will you stop trying to leave while we're talking? Please?"

"Do I have a choice?" Anya sighed as Kevin pulled her down yet again.

"Anya... I'm begging you... just let all that you're holding deep inside out. Let it go."

"AJ told me he loved me."

"He did?"

"Yes."

"Then he means it."

"What?"

"He loves you. AJ only says things like that when he means it."

"And a cracked skull, slight brain damage, severe concussion, and blood on the brain couldn't effect his judgement slightly?"

"Not when it comes to love."

"Kevin--"

"He loves you. That man will always love you."

"That's what I was afraid of..."

~*~*~*~*~

Anya bit down hard on her bottom lip as she stepped timidly into her sister's hospital room, preparing to turn around and bolt. Only, Kevin and Howie stood out in the hallway, fully prepared to catch her and then throw her back in. She immediately frowned with frustration, but they motioned for her to step in. She defiantly shook her head, so Kevin gave her a firm push inside and closed the door behind her. She stumbled forward to grasp the end of the bed, fully aware that her older sister's attention was centered directly at her. She felt her stomach knot tightly as her throat constricted. "He's like you with a penis."

"Yeah, I know," Stephanie nodded, shivering a little under the dark blue blanket Kevin had brought to her from home. It was the blanket their grandmother had given her right before she died. Anya had one but in lavender.

"And somehow I thought you being in the hospital meant I could cause trouble at home, but no, not with Mr. Phi on duty," Anya answered with a nervous laugh, trying not to analyze her sister's appearance.

Stephanie chuckled softly, too tired to come up with a witty remark. She laid back onto the damp pillows, her hair sleeked back from perspiration.

"And I'm not amused that you put him onto my trail--"

"He promised me that he would look after you since I'm not able to yell at your mischievous ass twenty-four/seven like I usually am."

"He's been breathing down my throat, Phi--"

"That's because he cares about you. And I asked him to..."

"Why?"

"I would have to do the same thing so you would talk about what those bastards did to you."

"Phi--"

"We all care about you, Anya. We just want to help."

Anya glanced away from her sister, folding her arms across her chest with a firm defiance. Everyone was so insistant on letting her relive a horror she wanted no part of. In fact, she continued to live her life as if she were disconnected from her body. She was numb and she liked it that way. At least it helped with the nightmares while she continued on the sedative her physician had instructed. She had yet to find out the results of her test, figuring it was easier to ignore it. "...How are you, Phi?"

"Damnit... Ani--"

"What?"

"You can't pretend it never happened. You'll go crazy."

"I already am."

"It's not healthy and you damn well know it."

"Would you take the over-protectiveness down at least one notch? Or do you not realize you're still laying in a hospital bed? Sick?"

"I realize I'm sick in a hospital bed. That never stops me from being protective of you."

"Over-protective."

"Fine, over-protective."

"Exactly--"

"Nothing will change that. I don't give a damn about my one-oh-four fever. I want my Ani to get better."

"I am better."

"Maybe physically. Not mentally."

"I've never been mentally stable in my life."

"Ani."

"What?"

"I know you don't want to relive what happened, but you have to if you ever want life to go back to the way it was."

Anya glanced down at her bare hands with obvious shame, unable to face her sister's fierce gaze. She couldn't stand to see the guilt, shame, and hate radiating from Stephanie. "Life is never going to be the same."

"Maybe not exactly the same, but it can go back."

"It can't."

"Yes it can."

"I just wanted to come in to make sure you were okay..."

"How can I be fine when my little sister isn't?"

"This isn't about me--"

"I'm making it about you. Kevin told me that you talked to him a little... why not talk to me?" Stephanie asked, pulling the blanket farther up to her chin, shivering hard.

"Because you're sick..." Anya trailed, frowning when she glanced back at the glass windows to give Kevin a hard glare. "And what exactly did he tell you?"

"Just that you two talked. I don't know d-details."

"You're shivering..."

"I'm freezing."

"Hold on," Anya sighed, standing up to grasp the extra blankets the nurses had made sure to set in a nearby chair. Diligently, she draped them over her sister, one by one, fussing at them till they were perfect.

"Th-thank you," Stephanie's teeth chattered. It seemed as the days went on, she got colder as the fever rose. Nothing was working and deep down she was becoming afraid of imminent death.

"That's what they're here for..." Anya answered, curling them underneath Stephanie's chin before cupping her face. She could feel the blistering fever radiating through Stephanie's body, causing Anya to frown harder than before. She had been so selfish.

"I know But I just want you to be okay again, my sweet A-Ani..."

"I'll be okay when you get home."

"That may not be for awhile."

"You don't know that."

"You know my condition, Anya."

"Yes--"

"No one knows when I'll come home... if I'll ever come home."

"Don't even start talking like that--"

"My brain is being fried by the fever... my organs could shut down anytime."

"You haven't used your brain that much in this lifetime, so I doubt that's a concern," Anya answered, sniffling hard against the tears that fell no matter how much she tried to push them back.

Stephanie offered a weak smile, pulling out a thin arm to brush away the falling tears. "You know I love you, right, Ani?"

Anya jerked away with a firm hate that Stephanie would give up so easily. "Don't--"

"I love you."

"Don't."

"Anya, I've tried to fight this but there's been no change... what more can I do?"

"Fight harder!"

"I can't fight anymore!"

"That's bullshit!"

"You're telling yourself the same damn thing! You don't want to fight against the nightmares, you just want them to linger far enough so they don't touch you."

"You're giving up on life, Stephanie."

"And so are you, Anya."

"I'm not letting myself be buried six feet under--"

"In your mind you are. You can fight and beat what's eating at you. Don't you think I've tried to do the same? The damn doctors have tried everything but it all failed!"

"Then you take over, because I refuse to go to your funeral, do you hear me?!"

"I don't want to die! Do you think I want to?!" Stephanie shouted back, tears pouring down her red cheeks.

"Then act like it!"

"You should listen to your own words, Anya! I want you to get better and you want me to get better!"

Anya heaved a ragged breath as she finally glanced up into her older sister's eyes. It was the first time that she had ever looked at her sister, who looked far different than she expected. Her cheeks were red with anger as hard beads of sweat continued to drop from her temples. But, she wasn't as pale. Frowning, Anya reached forward to press the back of her hand to Stephanie's forehead. It felt cool.

"What are you doing?" Stephanie asked as Anya pulled her hand away.

"You're cool..." Anya murmured, reaching for the tympanic thermometer on the nearby wall.

"Cool? What are you--"

"Just be quiet for once in your life," Anya muttered, pulling back her sister's ear to insert the thermometer. She then depresed teh button to make the machine run, releasing it just as fast. A dedicated smile graced her face as she showed her sister. "Your fever broke."

"You're shitting me," Stephanie pushed the blankets down to her waist and stared at the numbers. One-oh-one.

"Now, start fighting harder, Phi."

~*~*~*~*~

"How are you feeling today?" Anya asked softly as she slipped into AJ's room, trying to be as quiet as physically possible. She had just finished visiting with her sister and decided it would be best to visit AJ also. She had no desire to go downstairs for her test results and, somehow, AJ knew how to make her feel better. Even though the man had suffered from severe head trauma, resulting in a great sensitivity to sound, light, and any obnoxious stimuli, he still managed to smile at her. His head continued to throb with a raw pain that never seemed to be alleviated by the pain medicine, leaving him miserable. Anya felt so guilty for his state that she was willing to do anything to make him feel better. Anything.

"Better now that you're here," AJ smiled as she carefully sat on his left side of the bed, brushing a kiss on her forehead. "The swelling is still going down and the doc said within the next couple of days they can take the tube out of my head."

"That sounds like really good news," Anya enthused softly, running her fingertips down the length of his furry jaw. She was so thankful that Stephanie and AJ were doing so well now. It gave her a small bead of hope to hold onto, though she wasn't sure where her relationship with AJ stood. "Just wait till they unravel those bandages from your head..."

"My hair must look like shit... if I have any left," AJ continued to smile, linking their free hands together as she carressed his face.

"Well... Until you get the chance to get it cut, I figured you could use this..." Anya trailed, removing her hand from his face so she could tug something from her back jean pocket. She offered a somewhat shy smile as she produced the faded Adidas baseball cap. It was worn with some torn edges along the bill, but obviously loved. "It's my lucky hat... Figured you could use it?"

"Baby, thank you. That means a lot to me," AJ took the hat into his hand and fingered the fabric, imagining Anya wearing the hat while she did various activities, most likely with Stephanie.

"I know it's really ratty, but..."

"No, it's not ratty. It's your lucky hat."

"Hopefully it'll bring you some luck, too..."

"It already has. You're right here with me."

"AJ," she laughed softly, reaching to take the hat so she could set it on his bed table. He pulled it out of her grasp with another smile before placing the hat over her locks.

"You're such a goofball," she actually giggled as he tugged on the rim of the hat, pulling her closer to him.

"Yeah, but that's something you like about me," he leaned forward, their lips inches apart.

"There's a lot of things I like about you," she promised as he kept a firm grip on the hat, which was nearly pulled down over her eyes. She kept a firm smile on her face, slightly oblivious to what he was doing. She was still in a numbed state, watching on the outside, unable to react.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Like..." Anya bit affectionately on her bottom lip, looking far more innocent and adorable than AJ had anticipated. "You love to laugh. You're wild and carefree, not really worrying about tomorrow when you have today... How dedicated you are to your music. And that rasp in your voice when you sing... I know girls are probably always telling you that, but it just does something to me when I hear it... But, the best part is that you carry out this tough exterior. You want everyone to know how strong you are, but... Inside... You've got such a burning soul... Something no one would ever think to look for... Something you don't show too often..."

"It's something that I show to you. Anya... you've got such a pure and innocent soul with a heart to match. You want to care about everyone and do anything to make sure they're happy. I saw how happy you were when you dance. That's how I feel. Free... almost like flying. And your eyes... I could just drown in them. They're so beautiful... everything about you is beautiful."

"That's why we make good friends, AJ..." Anya trailed with a faint blush tinting her already rosy cheeks. She wasn't prepared for AJ to counter so quickly, nor to praise her so sweetly.

"I think we could be more than good friends, Anya."

"Best friends?"

"More than best friends."

Anya attempted to pull his hand away from the rim of her cap, hoping to lift it up so she could look into his eyes. She was honestly lost. "What's better than best friends?"

"Boyfriend and girlfriend... which leads to husband and wife as we get older?"

"AJ..."

"Anya, I mean it with everything I know."

"You don't--"

"It's not my head injury talking. I want to be with you."

"I just came here to make sure you were doing better..." Anya murmured, exhaling slightly as she attempted to disengage from the situation. She was far more easygoing when AJ didn't offer the prospect of a romantic relationship. Any hopes she had of that died in the convience store when she was ripped away.

"And, I am, because you're here," AJ insisted, reaching to grasp her in attempts to keep her close. It was the first time that she visited when she actually dared to sit on the bed. He dreamed of her being close to him for so many nights as he attempted to alleviate the steady throb of his aching head. And, he couldn't let it slip away.

"AJ..." she murmured in obvious shock, the spirit that had been floating just outside her body quickly envoking back into the depth of her heart. It felt like a jolt of electricity as AJ gingerly pulled the cap from her locks, allowing them to fall into bouncy ringlets of perfection.

"If I didn't have you... I would have given up in the darkness a long time ago. You bring this light in my life and I don't want to lose it. I care about you, Anya... I love you," AJ cupped her cheeks with his cool hands.

"You've al-already said that b-before," Anya stammered slightly, feeling the butterflies catch within her stomach lining to form heavy knots as she grew pale in color.

"What? That I love you?"

"Y-Yes."

"And I want to keep saying it.""But--"

"I love you. I will always love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Anya."

"I'm sorry, AJ, but I can't do this," Anya choked, grasping his wrists to pull his hands away from her face. She felt physically ill as AJ confessed his darkest secrets, causing her a sight mental breakdown, because she had been hiding far too much to be able to deal with AJ's emotions, too.

"What? Anya, wait--"

"No. I can't. Not with what happened and... no. I'm sorry--"

"No--"

"I'm really glad you're feeling better and I'm sure your friends will be in to visit soon... But, I've got to get home... I just remembered... Well... I'm sorry..." Anya fumbled, reaching to set the cap on his night stand before stumbling toward the door, practically knocking into everything as her vision blurred and it became difficult to breathe.

"Anya! Wait!"

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I can't..." Anya continued to chant as she managed to locate the door, bursting into a face paced run down the hallway as means of an escape.