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He stood facing the newly placed stone. “Nevaeh Adams McLean, Beloved wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend,” it read. He began to cry just as the rain began to fall.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this bad. Maybe it was back when he was two and his father had left him and his mother. Then he thought, “No. I’ve never felt the pain of losing someone I love more than life itself.”

He was glad he had left the kids with his mother and uncle. How was he going to get through the rest of his life without Nevaeh? But he had to be strong. He had too; he had his children to think about.

The kids. Poor babies. He didn’t want to think about them growing up without their mother. He knew what it was like growing up without a parent because he had grown up without his father. Sure he was still alive, but it was like he was dead because he hadn’t been around since he was young. He hadn’t even bothered to come to his own son’s wedding.

The only one of his children who would remember their mother was three-year-old Gracie Lynne, and she wouldn’t remember well. And poor little Nevaeh and James would never know what a wonderful person their mother had been.

~FLASHBACK~

He was in the nursery with his newborn son and daughter. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Then he turned around and saw his panicked mother.

“Alex you have to get back to Nevaeh, something’s wrong.”

He hadn’t heard the last word because he had broken into a run to get back to his wife.

The doctor had managed to bring her back, although he didn’t know for how long.

She wasn’t well and it showed. “Sweetheart, I love you.” He had said to her.

Her voice was barely a whisper, “Alex you have to promise me that you’re going to be okay and that you’ll take care of the kids.”

“Nevaeh, hon, don’t talk like that you’re going to be fine. I promise…..” he choked and couldn’t finish what he started to say.

“No Alex. You have to listen to me.” He could hear the pain in her voice. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I don’t think I’m going to leave this hospital alive. I want you to promise me that you’ll be okay, and that you’ll take care of the kids. Please, Alex, please promise me that.”
She was right. He didn’t want to hear what she was saying, didn’t want to think of a life without her.

“Okay, Nevaeh. I promise I’ll be okay. And you know I’ll take care of the kids.” he said to calm her down.

“Alex, I love you.” She said as she closed her eyes and smiled at him one last time.

The doctors and nurses came running at the sound of the flat line. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to help, but he was frozen to the spot. He didn’t want to watch his wife die.

Finally he was able to move. He wanted to run from the room; to run so far and so fast that he could rewind time and Nevaeh would be alive and well.

He heard the doctor say, “Mr. Mclean, I’m so sorry. We couldn’t get your wife to come back this time. There’s nothing more we can do for her. She’s gone.”

He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. He went to his wife, took her hand and broke down into tears. He couldn’t believe that somebody who had been so full of life, so excited about the prospect of giving birth to twins, was now lying lifeless in front of him.

Suddenly, he couldn’t stand being in the same room as his now deceased wife. He jumped up, and bolted from the room.

He made it to the waiting room, where the rest of BSB was before he collapsed.

Kevin rushed over and asked in a worried voice, “Alex, what’s wrong? What happened?”

He just shook his head thinking, “If I don’t say it, it won’t be true.”

Brian’s wife, Leighanne, came over and sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulder. She had always been able to get him to spill his guts about anything and everything that bothered him.

“Alex, honey, tell me what happened. You know you can tell me.”

“N…N…Nevaeh. S…S…She’s gone.” He said, once again giving into the tears.

“Oh, honey.” She said, as she took him in her arms.

Soon everyone in the room was crying. Denise walked in from her visit with the twins and burst into tears as soon as she saw what was going on.

“Oh, Alex, honey.” She said as she took her son into her arms.

For a while everyone sat around crying, and then a nurse came into the room and asked to speak with Alex.

She sat down in front of him and his mother and said, “I know you’re going through something horrible, but I need to ask you a few questions about your son and daughter.”

“Yes, yes of course.” He replied.

“The first thing I need to know is if you have decided what you’re going to name them.”

“Yes I have. My son’s name is James Oliver. And my daughter’s name is Nevaeh Bonnie.”

“Okay,” she said writing down their names. “And then the hospital requires that I ask if you would like us to send the birth announcements out to the newspaper.”

“No.”

“Okay that was it. Oh and your son and daughter have to stay here for a few more hours then you’ll be able to take them home.” She said and left the room.

At this point he was glad that his uncle had agreed to baby-sit Gracie. God, how was he going to tell her that mommy was never coming home?

A few hours later he left the hospital with his son and daughter.

His mother stayed with him for the week leading up to the funeral, as did his uncle. His mother had taken care of the funeral arrangements for him and he was glad because he hadn’t wanted to deal with any of it.

He was the last of Nevaeh’s family because her parents and younger brother had died in a car accident not long after Gracie had been born.

“Baby, I love you.” He said as her casket was lowered.

Everyone went back to Alex’s house after the funeral was over and sat around remembering Nevaeh and fawning over baby Nevaeh and James, and Gracie.

An hour after Kevin and Kristin, who were the last to leave, left, Alex left his sleeping children with their grandmother and went back to the cemetery to say his private goodbye.
~ENDFLASHBACK~
“Nevaeh, you always said we’d be together forever. Now that’s not gonna happen. I can’t believe you left me and the kids. I know you had no choice, but it still hurts. I don’t know why this happened to us. I wish I did. God, I miss you so much it hurts and you haven’t been gone very long. I don’t know how I’m going to get through life without you, or how I’m going to raise the kids without you. I love you so much. I always have and always will. I will always remember you and I’ll make sure the kids do too. I’ve got to get home to the kiddos now. I love you.”

As he climbed into his Explorer to go home to his children, he swore he heard Nevaeh say, “I’ll never forget you Alex.”