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Part I Chapter 25

AJ woke up still in Win’s lap, her hand in his hair and the other still on his back. He lingered for a moment, realizing that she was asleep and listened to her soft and easy breathing. He closed his eyes tight for a moment, thinking he might be dreaming and snapped them open again. But she was still here with him, still touching his chest, still holding him to comfort him. He savored this thought, smiling brightly to himself for the first time in a long time and slowly pulled out from under her arms. Her body lay limply against the padded headboard as her chest rose and fell gently. He stared at her, noticing the freckles along her cheeks, her soft brown eye lashes, her carved and lovely cheeks. The delicate lips he so wanted to kiss sat there staring back at him, taunting him as she slept.
The backs of her hands now lay pressed against the sheets and he looked closely at her wrists. They bore scars, numerous ones. Old track marks from her heroin days and haphazard gashes across her wrists, both of them. She’d tried to kill herself, at least once. He felt a piece of himself fall off the high wall he’d placed it on. Win was weak too, she could not pick him up all the way by herself, she’d need his help too.
Quietly he climbed out of the bed and stretched, he felt much better now, strong and relaxed. The idea that Win had stayed with him, had come running when he heard he was sick was enough to make him want to fly.
He put a hand up to his mouth and checked his breath, he cringed at it and thought he should brush his teeth.
By the time he was dressed, Win was stirring. She looked around for AJ for a minute and when she found him she asked,
“You feeling better?”
“Yes, and it was all because of you.” He said sitting down beside her, but she still looked worried.
“Come here, let me see,” she replied putting her hands on his forehead and his face, feeling his temperature.
“Are you sure you’re feeling better?” she asked as her hands slid down his neck, checking the temperature there also.
“I told you I feel fine, you don’t have to worry.”
“I have to worry, you were really sick, what happened? You were fine when I saw you at breakfast yesterday? What did you eat?” she asked, still concerned.
“I just got a case of the nerves is all. About that talk I’m supposed to give on Friday.”
“So that’s what it is,” she said relaxing and smiling.
“Yeah.”
“So what’s the matter, why are you nervous.”
“Well, I’m not nervous anymore, I’m not doing it.” He replied. He expected her to smack him, yell at him, at least give him a dirty look.
“Okay,” she said simply nodding her head.
“You’re not gonna try and get me to do it?” he asked surprised.
“Nope, it’s your decision, you’re a big boy, if you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to.” She got up out of the bed and went to the bathroom. When she came back out, he was still sitting on the bed stunned.
“You think I should do it?” he asked.
“I’m not qualified to give that answer.” She replied, walking around the room and picking up his clothes that he had strewn around the place and folding them into a neat pile on the bed beside him.
“Not qualified, you were a drug addict too! What would you do?” he asked turning to her. She couldn’t be sure of his expression because he was as always wearing his sunglasses.
“Honestly I have no affinity to speak in front of a large group of people who I do not know.” She replied.
“So you wouldn’t do it either.” He said nodding his head.
“I didn’t say that. I just said I wouldn’t stand up in front of a bunch of strangers and speak. If I knew who it was, if I’d met the people at least, it wouldn’t feel so awkward.”
“So you’d rather explain what you went through to an audience of the crew and the guys as opposed to a crowd of strangers?” he asked.
“Exactly.”
“I’m not doing it,” he said again.
“Like I said AJ, you can do what you want.”
“Then I’m not doing it.”
“Good, now change the subject, you’re getting annoying.” She replied. She didn’t act angry that he wasn’t going to do the talk, besides, she said she wouldn’t do it either. She couldn’t possibly be mad at him.
“Cause if you want me to do it, I still wont.”
“AJ!” she said exasperated, throwing down the T-shirt she was folding, “this is just one of those things that you will have to decide on your own. Don’t throw guilt in this. If you do it cause you feel guilty, you’ll regret it later. You decide what you, and what’s comfortable to you and that’s all that matters.” He sat quiet for a moment, realizing that he had indeed tried to get her to make him feel guilty enough to do it. But he still didn’t feel confident enough, he still would not do it.
“Now if you’d stop giving yourself a pity party I’d tell you something that would make you very happy.” She said coyly. He looked up at her quickly.
“What are you talking about?”
“I thought about it, and decided, I want to go home with you to meet your family.”
“You’re kidding?” he asked.
“No I’m not, just when you asked me out there, in front of everyone, it took me by surprise is all. I would love to meet your family.” She replied. He jumped up and threw his arms around her waist, spinning her in a circle.
“That is the best thing I’ve heard come out of your mouth in two days!” he said when he put her down.
“I can’t wait to tell my mom, she’s so excited to meet you.” He said with a large goofy grin.
“You’ve told her a lot about me then?” she asked.
“The very first night I met you, I called her and said, ‘Ma, this is the one.’”
“That’s very sweet, but cut the crap, what did you really say?”
“Oh okay, I said that I had met the most incredible, funny, and beautiful woman, and there was one drawback, she had a rat for a pet.” Win laughed.
“Sorry, he comes with the package, love me, love my rat.”
“And what if I do?”
“What if you what?” she asked suspiciously.
“Love you?”
“Easy boy, we ain’t getting that far yet. You gotta take me home to mama first.”