[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
Part I Chapter 34

AJ thought about what Tessa had said for three days before deciding to go through with it. At first he’d been insulted. But then he thought back about it. He had been high an awful lot, and drunk a lot too, what if he had been with a woman who was infected? What if he’d been HIV positive in the first place, that could have happened too. He it owed to himself, and to Win if they ever were going to push their relationship forward. After all, it wasn’t that big of a request.
His test results were mailed to him three days later, he was clean. Now the real struggle was going to be bringing this up to Win without being obvious. The best way would be to come right out with it. Besides, everyone on the crew would probably know by now, since Kevin, Tessa and Howie had blurted it out in front of everyone. That settled it, he’d talk to Win tonight.
AJ was so nervous his throat kept drying up. Just the thought of talking to Win about what he was thinking about was enough to make anyone try celibacy. But he didn’t want to try celibacy, and he did want to be intimate with Win, and maybe this was the way to suggest it.
Since they came back Win had been staying in her room with Jen and AJ had been sleeping alone. He did not like sleeping alone, not when he’d been sleeping in the same bed with Win for two weeks. Even though it was hard to not to make a move on Win when they weren’t even kissing, he preferred just sleeping with her. Now he just tossed and turned until he finally fell into a shallow sleep, which was filled with an array of triple “X” dreams staring Win. He’d been taking a lot of cold showers lately.
He definitely had to talk to her tonight.

After the show, AJ took Win back to the hotel and walked her up to her room. Jen left quickly, going to hang out with Taylor. Win invited AJ inside for a moment.
“The show was fantastic tonight.” Win said emptying her pockets.
“Uh, Win, can I talk to you for a minute.” AJ said rubbing the back of his neck and sitting on the edge of her bed. Win looked over at him confused.
“You okay sweetie?” she asked sitting down next to him.
“Um, look, I’m not going to be all stupid about this. You know how everyone has been talking, about us not, you know. So I, well, I went and got tested.” AJ stammered pulling the results of his tests out of his pocket and handing it to her. She unfolded the paper and looked it over.
“Good, now I don’t feel like such an idiot.” Win said getting up and pulling a paper out of her drawer. She sat back down and handed it to him.
“So we’re both free and clean.” He said.
“Yeah, and that took a lot for you to do, I appreciate it.” Win said putting her head on his shoulder.
“Now Win, I don’t want to push you, I’m not saying that we have to do anything, right now. I just wanted to say that, I care about you, and I wanted to be mature about it. And now, when we are ready, we can really be ready, and we’ll be responsible about it.”
“Well, thank you AJ. Yeah, I couldn’t deal with any kids right now. I couldn’t. That’s why I’m on birth control, always have been, although that was kind of a concern for Elizabeth.” Win said shaking her head.
“Yeah, that would be kinda hard right now, wouldn’t it?” AJ said halfheartedly.
“Well, I’m not saying I don’t ever want kids, but I don’t want my own. I want to adopt. I want to give homes to kids that need them. You just make sure you have condoms, I’m not taking any chances.” AJ felt his stomach do a backwards roll, she didn’t want kids, she didn’t want his kids. But did he even want kids?
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. A real good idea.”

AJ left Win’s room that night considerably confused as he had the night his grandfather suggested marrying Win. Win did not want to have her own children, she wanted to give homes to children that had been abandoned the way she had. Of course he could see the logic in that, but still, the image he had seen at his mother’s house, still brought a smile to his face. Maybe he was getting too sentimental. He didn’t have to have kids of his own. His mother would be happy being able to have kids to call her grandchildren, even if they weren’t biologically his own. Kevin and Tessa weren’t thinking about having kids any time soon, maybe they couldn’t have kids? Who knew, and especially now, with his own clock ticking, his twenty-seventh birthday being tomorrow, AJ was constantly wondering whether he could be a good father or not. His own had been a pale disappointment.
Besides he didn’t know how to be a father, maybe it was better this way. And too, wasn’t he jumping the gun, yet again? He and Win had been together for two months only. They had not even discussed the idea of marriage, even abstractly, and here was thinking about kids.
“What a stupid idea, a real stupid idea.” He muttered to himself, flicking off the light and snuggling into his pillow, trying to fall asleep.