Part II Chapter 44
“The second night I was out on the street, after I got kicked out of the orphanage, I was walking along Green Street, it was night, and of course it was stupid to be out, walking at night. I heard someone walking up behind me, they were heavy steps, very heavy. Very ominous too, should have warned me. But I didn’t have time to think about anything, I didn’t hear anything else except the swishing of air when something hit my head. When I woke up I had a blind fold over my eyes and I was tied down. There was a man, he was on top of me, and he raped me.” Win said all of this as if she were explaining something to a student who hadn’t listened the first time she spoke. She didn’t look directly at AJ as she spoke, she couldn’t.
She took another long shaking drag of her cigarette and breathed out the smoke before she continued.
“For the next three days, maybe four, I can’t remember now, he used me. Or really it was more than just him. There were always other voices. I never saw his face. He would drug me, he’d inject me with something, I think it was heroin, but I’m not sure. Anyways, I usually woke up when they were in the middle of it. He never spoke to me. Just raped me. I don’t know how many times, I lost count.” She finished her cigarette here and flicked the butt into the sink. AJ lit another one and passed it to her.
“Thanks,” she replied, still shaking, her swollen face making her all the more tragic looking. AJ lit himself a cigarette as well and leaned his head back as he blew the smoke out of his nostrils, trying to let what had happened to her sink in.
“After he was finished using me he beat the shit out of me, slit my wrists,” she held them up to show AJ. He ran his fingers over the raised and jagged scars. These were the scars he’d thought she’d inflicted upon herself. She felt him take her hand and cradled it in his as she continued.
“He wrapped me in a rug, and threw me in the dumpster behind his apartment complex. I don’t know how long I was there, but I was convinced, that I’d die.” She paused here, sitting and smoking, watching while AJ stroked her hand, fingers and wrist. She finished her second cigarette and again flicked the remnants into the sink. AJ offered her a third and she accepted it, holding it to her lips as AJ lit it for her.
She sat back again and blew out a few smoke rings.
“I thought I had died.” She continued.
“But when I woke up, I was in the hospital. I spent three weeks drugged on pain meds. I didn’t have to feel anything. When I was finally recovered enough, the police spoke to me, but there wasn’t anything they could do. I hadn’t seen the man. When I left the hospital for the streets, the memories haunted me. The pain rushed back, and I couldn’t deal with it. I had a few dollars and I knew a couple people who dealt in drugs, I mean, word travels. I got some stuff, and for the next three years, that’s what I focused on. During the day I stayed on pain meds to get me through my jobs, at night, I shot up, snorted, smoked, you name it. Anything to stop from remembering. The only good thing I had left was the choir. And eventually they noticed. You know the rest from there.” She said finally. She felt relieved. For so long she’d carried that around with her.
“Win, I, I am so sorry that happened to you.” AJ said finally.
“So is the guy that did it. Only he’s sorry I didn’t kick it in the dumpster.” She replied.
“How can you, how are you not afraid of,” AJ didn’t know how to finish.
“What, sex? I can distinguish between the two. That was not sex, that was not love. That was rape AJ. That was pain. It could never feel good. Sex feels good, I like sex, just as much as the next woman. I don't like being raped.” She replied.
“And you’re not afraid of anything.” He said.
“I can’t be. If I was, I’d never do anything. I’ve never actually told that to anyone before.” Win replied distantly, pulling the glowing embers closer to her fingers. AJ turned to her, and looked her directly in the eyes.
“I’m honored, that you told me Win, that you felt you could tell me, about, this horrible, horrible thing that happened to you. Win, I want you to know. That I am going to be here for you, forever. And you can always count on me, you can always call me, I’ll come right away, no matter how big, or how small. I love you Win, and I will always protect you. I’m going to be by your side, for the rest of your life. No one, and I mean no one, will ever hurt you again.” AJ felt tears in his own eyes.
“Oh AJ, it’s okay, don’t cry.” Win said wiping away his tears.
“It’s just so awful. And you Win, are this amazing, beautiful person, this incredible, wonderful person. You’ve been through so much, and you still have the strength to go on. You continue to amaze me, every time I look at you. I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt you. And it makes me so angry, that I can’t do anything about it.” AJ said gently touching her face.
“You can do something about it, you can understand. You can be here for me. You can continue to love me the way you have, with your entire heart.” Win replied.
“And I do love you Win, I love you so much.”
“I love you too AJ.”
“What say we get up out of this bathroom and do something?” he asked.
“Yeah, okay.” Win replied. They both got rid of their cigarettes and he stood up. Win was trying to get up but he picked her up instead and carried her out to the bed and set her gently on it. He sat beside her.
“What do you feel like doing?” he asked brushing the hair away from her face.
“Chain smoke two or three packs, lay back, in your arms and watch the smoke curl away.” She replied.
“We’re going to need some more cigarettes then.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Warning, explcit material, read at your own discretion.
