[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
Chapter One

I looked out of the window as the rain fell, splashing angrily against the glass in large droplets. A flash of lightening flickered in a shade of dull yellow followed by booming thunder in the distance. Sighing, I turned away just as the rain begun to pick up. I’ve always hated the rain, and storms I despised even more. To be honest, they somewhat scared me. Especially when I was all alone. In the dark...

In the hospital.

Why I was there, I refused to believe. In my mind, I was still a healthy, nineteen year old girl. Reality though? Reality told me otherwise. The rational part of me told me that I was lying in this hospital bed for a reason and that the doctors were right and doing everything in their power to make me well again. I was trying to block this part of me out though, even though I knew deep down that it was accurate. Why? Truthfully, I was afraid. Afraid of what was going to become of me, afraid of the next few weeks, possibly months that lie ahead. Afraid that I wasn’t going to make it out alive.

Life. It was a funny thing. Something I’d often taken for granted before being diagnosed with cancer. I hadn’t even seen it coming, and then bam, it hit me from behind out of nowhere. Being an active gymnast probably saved my life...or at least prolonged it. If it hadn’t been for that, then I would have likely put up with the pain and gone on with my life, waiting so long until one day finally, I didn’t wake up. That was how I was. That was how I’d been raised. I never let anything keep me down because I was ambitious and motivated. I hated to miss class. I hated to call off work and I refused to miss a gymnastics practice and especially a competition.

Anyways, on to how they discovered the cancer. I was in the middle of a meet and my knee was aching more than usual. With not so much as a wince, I continued on gracefully as if nothing was wrong. After all, there were scouts there on that particular day. It was my big chance to get noticed and impress them. Then, just maybe, I’d have a shot of making it to the Olympics. That had been my dream.

Everything had been going great, my performances, flawless. It wasn’t until my floor routine that everything crumbled. I’d been dancing to the song of my choice, my knee stiffening the longer I continued. I forced myself to keep going, working myself beyond what my body was capable of due to the circumstances. I thought I was going to get away with everything, getting claps from the judges and talent scouts every time I landed a particularly difficult jump or flip. And then, it happened. It was almost the end and I was about to land the toughest series of flips. It was what would make or break the entire performance. I’d done it dozens of times before though, to the point that it if I tried, I could do it with my eyes closed...in my sleep. Confidence soared through me as I took in a deep breath and smiled through the pain, doing my thing.

Then it happened. Just as I was in the middle of the grand finale, my knee gave out and I collapsed to the blue floor mat. I’d grabbed my knee in agony, trying to bite back from screaming out, but as the pain grew more intense, my cries became louder as on-site paramedics rushed to my side.

After that, everything went by in a blur. Before I knew it, I was here, numbed up by pain killers and being strapped down to a cold table with a heavy, lead apron over me as they x-rayed my leg. On top of my knee being fractured, they found more than that. Something much worse. A fracture that would keep me away from gymnastics would have been a blessing compared to this nightmare. Small tumors on my bones. That’s right.

Bone cancer.

The words sounded foreign to my ears and tasted bitter on my lips as I spoke them aloud, or more like whispered. The more specific name is Osteosarcoma. I, at almost twenty years old, had a rare form of bone cancer.

The second the doctor had diagnosed me, everything else he’d said went in one ear and out the out the other. As he spewed out all of the terrifying statistics, I couldn’t process any of it. All that was running through my head was ‘I’m going to die’ My life came crashing down and while the doctor continued to speak, I realized that my gymnast career would have to be put on hold and I tried to think of what I could do to continue on with it once I was out of the hospital, completely disregarding the fact that I’d been told that I wouldn’t be able to compete for a very long time due to the fact that the cancer was in its third phase and it would be awhile before I even felt up to it once I was out of the hospital and in remission, if I even hit that mark.

So here I was still awake at nearly two in the morning listening to every little creak that happened to sound around me. I heard somebody walk in to the room and near my bed, fiddling around with the IV’s that were inserted in to my body. A nurse, likely. I refused to sleep though. If I fell asleep, I was afraid I wouldn’t awaken. Only bad things could happen when asleep. I’d managed to stay awake through one entire night. I was going for two despite how heavy my eyelids were, my eyes burning from tiredness.

Thunder sounded again, closer this time. Its loudness caused me to jump slightly, cowering beneath the thin white blanket atop me even further, I clutched the material close to my face as if it would somehow protect me. This was what my life had become in less than forty-eight hours. An adult acting like a scared, small child. I had a feeling that things wouldn’t be getting any better any time soon. From here, things could only get worse and then, if my some miracle, things would get better again. That was too far off in to the future to even begin to count on though. As of yesterday, I couldn’t count on anything...

~*~*~*~

“Kendra?”

I let out a soft moan as I heard somebody calling my name. It was a male voice. A voice I recognized. Opening one eye slowly and then the other, I realized I must have fallen asleep at some point during the night. Despite my fear, I’d thankfully awakened. This gave me some hope. One night down, countless ones to go.

“Ken?” came the voice again, calling me by my nickname. There was a light tapping on the door, “Are you awake?”

Turning my head to the side, I found myself looking at my handsome boyfriend, Craig.

God, he’s gorgeous. I thought

Here I was, looking as if all of the energy and life had been drained from me. I looked like a living corpse. Suddenly, the song ‘Living Dead Girl’ by Rob Zombie popped in to my head, causing me to let out a small laugh. It was pitiful, and even somewhat forceful, but it felt good to smile. Then again, seeing Craig always made me smile. It reminded me also that there was a normal life waiting for me outside of this stuffy building that smelled like medicine and sickness. A huge part of my life, at that. Craig was my everything and had been there for me through the thick and the thin. Him being here told me that this was just another obstacle he would help me through. That he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hi.” I stated with a sleepy smile, wondering how he’d found out I was there. Maybe I’d called him at some point in my distraught state earlier on.

“Hey baby.” Craig replied, stepping cautiously in to the room. He smiled his heartwarming smile as he neared, grabbing my hand as soon as he was at my bedside, “How are you doing?”

I shrugged, “Good as can be expected, I suppose.” was my honest reply, “I start chemotherapy tomorrow morning.” Craig paled at the mention of that, “It’s my only hope...to shrink the tumors and kill the cancer cells.”

Despite his naturally tanned complexion, his skin still seemed a few shades lighter at the mention of this. His chocolate eyes clouded over with worry. I wanted nothing more than to reach over and run my fingers through his shaggy, ear length hair and tell him everything would be okay. That I would be okay. I couldn’t though. It would be a dishonest truth. Instead, I just looked at him, his five foot nine stature, athletic build, looking completely helpless with shoulders slumped. He reminded me of a scared child rather than the eighteen year old man he was. To look at him, he was handsome and had a very confident appearance. To know him, one knew that Craig was actually insecure and shy...sensitive even. I got to know that side through dating him. I could only imagine what he was feeling on the inside with this news. Emotions his ‘tough’ side wouldn’t allow him to show.

“You’ll get through this,” he stated, “You’re strong like that. I have confidence in you.”

His comment proved my point exactly. I wondered what he truly wanted to say though. We were alike in that sense. We joked around, were sarcastic and huge smart ass’s as well as stubborn. If I were to ask him, he would tell me nothing and change the subject. Despite this, I still loved him. We were pretty damned compatible. Having Craig there was making me feel better already even though it had only been five minutes.

“I know,” I told him with more confidence than I felt, “Thanks for coming.”

“I came the second I found out.” he admitted to me.

“I know.” I smiled

There was a moment of awkward silence. Craig’s eyes shifted nervously and I bit my bottom lip casually. I sighed without realizing it, the noise causing Craig to look up. Still no words. Was this how our relationship was going to be? Since I now had cancer, were thinks going to be tense and weird between us? I surely hoped not. We were off to a bad start. However, we’d both found out some shaking news about my health. What was Craig supposed to do, throw a party and bring in the circus? I may have slapped him if he’d done that...several times. Although, it would have been nice if...

“Oh yeah, I forgot something!” he exclaimed, holding up a finger to let me know he’d be back in a second. He disappeared from the room, but only for a second. When he returned, Craig was holding the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I had ever seen. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of them. And then, tucked under his left arm was a fuzzy, medium sized teddy bear with shaggy fur and a light blue bow tied around its neck. He came closer to me again, handing me the pleasant surprises, “These are for you...but you can’t read the card until after I’m gone.” he winked at me.

I took the flowers, sticking my nose into the center for a large whiff of their soft, sweet scent. After I started chemo, I really wouldn’t be aloud to have them in the room because my immune system would be down, or some bull crap like that. I still could hold on to the bear though, which I was hugging close to me, nuzzling my face against the fur. Craig chuckled lightly and I looked up in to his eyes, which had let go of some of the worry that had filled them earlier.

‘Thank you.” I said softly.

Reaching over, Craig cupped the right side of my face in his hand before brushing his fingers through my honey-blonde wavy hair. I winced, realizing for the first time that I’d be losing that hair very soon. I sucked in the heavenly feeling of Craig’s hand running through it, knowing it would be awhile before I felt it again once I lost it all.

“Anything for you, Ken.” he said, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Craig.” was my response, knowing that his departure was coming up soon, and as if on cue, he said the words I’d been dreading.

‘I have to get going...work and class,” he rolled his eyes as he let out an irritated huff, “But I’ll come back either tonight or tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I knew my tone was sullen, but I didn’t want to be left alone again. Despite the rather tacky...and sparse, decoration, it was almost as if we were back home in one of our dorm rooms at school, “Have a good day.”

“You too,” I groaned at his words, “Sorry...take care I should say.”

“That sounds so...final.” I complained.

“Don’t worry...nothing is going to change.” he leaned over and kissed me before saying goodbye and then my boyfriend was gone.

His words echoed in my head for the remainder of the morning. Nothing is going to change. I wanted to believe him, and I did at first. But then reality sunk in again and I wondered just how he could say that when everything was going to change. The thing was, nobody realized the extent of it yet. Not even me.