Chapter Three - Kendra
I stared down at the envelope which contained the card Craig had given me for what seemed to be the longest time. I just held it in my hands unable to bring myself to open it. It was later that night and Craig still hadn’t returned for another visit. In fact, the time was nearing midnight. I knew he’d said tonight or tomorrow, but I couldn’t help but be nervous. What if he never came back at all? Maybe that was why he’d told me to wait to open it until after he’d left. Was it possible that Craig was dumping me? Surely not at a time like this...
A wave of emotion hit me as this thought came to mind, but I refused to shed a tear. Not yet. Not until I knew for sure. To be honest, I’d been saving the card to read until right before my first chemo treatment anyways. I felt it would serve as encouragement. Maybe instead, what lied on the inside was a death sentence. A letter to bring me down so low that I would let all of my strength and positivity falter because all of my energy would be put in to a failed twenty month long relationship.
“Get a grip, Kendra,” I muttered to myself, realizing how paranoid I was becoming, “Just calm yourself down.”
As if for reassurance, I looked over to the exquisite bouquet my boyfriend had brought me earlier. Too bad I couldn’t keep them. Damn chemo weakening my immune system. I hadn’t had the heart to tell Craig that the doctors wouldn’t allow me to keep the flowers. At least I could enjoy them until morning. Not a moment before then would I worry about how I was going to break it to him that his generosity had been thrown in to the hospital dump.
Realizing my mind had shifted to yet another topic, I groaned. Ever since being admitted into the place, my attention span was really having much to be desired. With that, I looked back down at the envelope. I was dying to know what was written. Better judgement told me to sleep on it and wait like I’d originally planned. Curiosity was killing me though and I was impatient. I’d waited all day as it was. I figured whether it was bad or good, that wouldn’t change no matter when I decided to tear in to its paper. Why not find out sooner?
Taking in a deep breath and with trembling hands, I slowly stuck my pinkie finger under the fold where the envelope was sealed, tearing it open gently. I laughed nervously with a shake of my head. I was really making too much of this, and even when I had it completely torn open, I paused for a few seconds before actually taking the card out, unable to bring myself to look down at it. It wasn’t until I mustered up all of the courage I had inside of me that I pulled out the card and looked down at it. On the cover was a picture of a scruffy teddy bear sitting on a bed. Wrapped around its upper arm was a band aid with a heart on it. It was cute and sweet. But you couldn’t always judge a book by its cover. It was what was on the inside that really mattered. What I was afraid of.
“Here goes nothing.” I mumbled. My hands shook like a leaf and I closed my eyes, opening up my fate. When I looked down, right away I let out a huge sigh of relief at what I read.
Kendra baby,
I’m so sorry that you’re in the hospital and sick. Never have any doubt in your mind that I am here for you. I’m not going anywhere. If you need anything at all, day or night...don’t hesitate to call me. Ill be there in a heartbeat. Stay strong and know that I love you. You’ll get through this and one day, we’ll both look back on it together and it will feel as if it never happened. You’re my everything, Ken... Get well and I’ll see you soon.
Forever yours with a HUGE kiss and a hug
Craig
I could feel my cheeks starting to flame up in a blush as I ducked my head low letting my hair sweep over my reddening face. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed by his words, or anything even close. It was that they were flattering and heartfelt. Craig had never been so open in expressing his feelings verbally...or rather, written. Either way, he’d never really told me how much he cared but rather showed it on occasion. It was no wonder he’d wanted me to wait. He was self-conscious about what he’d written, afraid of me laughing at him. Nothing could be further from that. I just wish he’d tell me these things to my face.
Letting out a sleepy yawn, I realized with much surprise that it was nearing one in the morning. I’d been dwelling on that card for nearly an hour and now that I knew I had nothing to worry about, I found how tired I actually was. So as I placed it next to me on the rickety night stand, I turned out the small table lamp next to me as I lay down. Tomorrow was nearing quickly and I knew I’d have to have all of the strength I could muster up to get through the chemotherapy treatment. If I was weak and tired would probably make all the difference in the world and for the worst too rather than the better.
As I closed my eyes, I knew I would be falling asleep with a smile on my face that night. I could only hope that I woke up with the same smile as I made my way down to my very first treatment. As long as Craig was on my mind, I didn’t think that would be much of a problem.
~*~*~*~
When I awakened the next morning, I half expected to see Craig at my bedside. I was disappointed when I found I was alone, but really didn’t have much time to dwell on it. Before I knew it, I was being whisked away by a nurse to where I’d have my first treatment. I’d been under the impression that this would be happening in the comfort and sanctuary of my own, personal hospital room. Much to my surprise, I was taken somewhere where there were three others also receiving chemo treatments. Two of them were much older than myself, both of whom were carrying on a conversation with each other. Off in a corner by himself though, was a young man who looked to be about my age, give or take a couple of mere, insignificant years.
“You’ll be hooked up right over there, next to Anthony.” She smiled and pointed next to the boy who I’d been evaluating with my eyes. I smiled slightly, for when he looked up from the magazine he’d been reading at the sound of his name, I realized just how attractive he was, despite his lack of hair atop his shiny, bald head, “He’s a sweet guy. I think you’ll like him.” The nurse winked at me.
I must have blushed because she laughed as she lead me right over to Anthony, directing me on where to sit. After finding a good vein, and cleaning the area with a cotton ball and some weird, brownish-orange colored junk, she inserted a needle in to me which was connected to an IV that had been pre-prepared and waiting just for my arrival. Within seconds, the liquid within the bag marked with my name, and the name of the drug, was running in to my system.
“Let one of the nurses know if you need anything at all.”
I nodded, but really didn’t hear a word she’d said, because within seconds of the treatment making contact with my insides, a burning sensation started to arise, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut to avoid tears, a harsh wince set upon my features. When I opened my eyes again, the kind woman who’d brought me to this horrible place that was supposed to help me, was gone. Anthony, however, was looking right at me.
“First timer?” he asked.
I nodded, feeling sick to my stomach. What I didn’t know, though, was if it was from lack of food or from the drugs. Maybe a mixture of both. By now, my breathing was coming out heavier and I could feel my stomach rumbling as the feeling shot up to my throat. I managed to swallow it away quickly, but it was then that I noticed the silver pan next to me, realizing what it was for. I grabbed it, and less than a second later, the bottom was covered in bile and chunks of vomit, an unpleasant taste left in my mouth, the burning still taking over every inch of my body as a few weak tears slipped down my cheeks. I set the pan aside, unsure if there would be a repeat of this event or not. One thing was for sure though. All of the energy had been ripped from my soul, and I sat there feeling sluggish, weak.
“That’ll happen,” Anthony said softly, as if what had just happened to me didn’t even phase him nor was he grossed out by it, “It’ll get better though. I promise.”
“I take it you’ve been doing this for awhile?” I asked softly.
Anthony laughed, his bright blue eyes shining despite his pale skin tone and ill features, “Lets just say I’m a pro at this by now.” He shrugged, “Second timer…I had AML…a form of leukemia. I was in remission for three years, but it came back. I’m in to my first week of treatments again.”
I nodded, smiling at him as best I could despite how lousy I was feeling. When he turned away for a moment, I quickly scanned over him, taking in everything. Despite how sick he was and how his features were, well, not so good, he was still gorgeous. I was getting a quick glance in to my future as well though. In one weeks time, this was how I would look, and that scared me. It couldn’t be prevented though. If things were going to get better for me, they had to get worse first. Much, much worse.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I found myself telling him.
Anthony shrugged, “It comes with cancer. Always the risk of it returning.” He acted as if it was no big deal. I was guessing that it was part of the whole ‘keeping up a positive attitude’ thing which I’d been told about by so many nurses and doctors. I’d have to remember to try that…sometime, “So, what’s your name? Your story?”
I sighed, not really wanting to discuss it. Anthony had, however, shared his grueling past and had opened up to me, and probably was the one friendly face that I’d be seeing. Hell, he would likely be the one friend I’d be making. I decided to trust him, telling him why I was there. What could it hurt? Besides, I kind of, in a really weird way, owed it to him.
“First off, I’m Kendra.” He smiled at me, and I knew by the look in his eyes that he wouldn’t be forgetting that like so many people would the first time they heard a name, “I’m here for Osteosarcoma.” Anthony winced at that, “What?” I asked defensively, not meaning to come off so harsh.
“Nasty disease, is all.” He smiled at me sympathetically and I wondered how he knew about my form of cancer, “Go on.”
My nerves felt knotted at his words, but I continued anyways, “I was a gymnast. I was having some pain in my knees, but ignored it because of a competition. Lets just say that the competition didn’t go as planned.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Anthony commented, and I knew that he wasn’t just saying that because it was appropriate, as so many would. I knew that he meant it. Something about his way was genuine and I could feel my heart rate speed up just enough to notice. I instantly scolded myself, remembering Craig for the first since I’d laid my eyes upon Anthony.
The remainder of time was spent in silence. Anthony returned to the magazine he’d been reading and I…well I had been foolish and not brought anything along with me. Therefore, my time was spent glancing around, counting how many times Anthony blinked, or seeing how long I could get without getting another urge to throw up. Nothing ever came out though, for everything within my stomach had been emptied the first time around. Instead, I just dry heaved for a few seconds, wishing that I would be put out of my misery.
What seemed like an eternity later, but only happened to be fifteen minutes, a nurse came up, pulling the treatment IV out of Anthony’s arm. He stood up, and with the help of the nurse, he started to walk away, but stopped and turned back towards me.
‘It was great meeting you. I hope I get to see you again soon. And stay strong. It only wins if you let it get to you. Just keep up a positive attitude and everything will work out in your favor.”
“I’ll do my best.” I replied, waving with a small smile as he left.
And just like that, I was alone. I had a lot to think about, and a lot of things running through my head, causing great confusion. There was Craig, whom I loved but wasn’t exactly doing what he could to make me feel important to him. Then there was Anthony, whom had a light in his eyes which showed great interest and he was also starting to steal my heart. I supposed that I should just sleep on it. After all, I didn’t want to make any hasty decisions that I would end up regretting. After all, Craig had been in my life for several months now. I’d just met Anthony a mere few minutes ago.
By the time my chemotherapy treatment was finished, I was left feeling weak, sluggish and drained of all energy. All I really wanted to do was crawl in to bed and fall asleep, hiding from the world. Having visitors would have been a very bad thing, for their safety that was. It was crabby and temperamental, feeling sick to my stomach. Not even having Craig there with me could have brightened my mood. He still hadn’t come back to see me again, by the way. I was bitter over that. He’d have to face my wrath against him and the grudge I’d still be holding whenever he decided to show up.
When I closed my eyes, the face of a handsome man crept in to the back of my mind. Who it belonged to however, wasn’t Craig. It was Anthony. This surprised me, and even though I felt guilty, I didn’t really mind. I figured it only made sense, since he’d been there in chemo with me and I’d talked to him during the duration of it. It had been refreshing, and he actually knew what I was going through. After all, he’d been there before and was now back for a second try to hit remission again.
Just keep up a positive attitude and everything will work out in your favor, he’d told me
I wanted to believe him, and I knew that his words were probably very true, however if that were the case, then why was he back again? That didn’t make sense, but I was somewhat thankful because it meant I had somebody my own age to talk to and go through the whole routine with. Anthony had been there and back again. He knew what was going to happen, and could prepare both of us. I felt sorry for him, however for my own selfish reasons, was glad he was here to walk me through this every step of the way.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's Chapter 3...told in Kendra's POV. I'll try to have 4 up soon. :) Thanks for reading, and as always, feedback motivates me to write...*hint hint* lol
