What You Have To Let Go Of
Later that night, after her show, Fran took AJ back to her dressing room while she got ready to go out and greet her fans. She did her usual routine and when she was getting ready, AJ asked her something.
“Do you want me to leave, so that you can have your spot light?”
“What?” Fran asked, thoroughly confused.
“I don’t want to be conceited or anything, but it’s happened before. My ex-fiancée accused me of stealing her spotlight all the time.” AJ replied.
“Then she wasn’t exactly all that gracious for what you got for her. AJ don’t worry about it. If people would rather talk to you than talk to me, that is perfectly okay. I’m not exactly pleased about having to do this all the time in the first place. Besides, I’m not going to go make you sit alone in a hotel room because you might have a couple people talking to you instead of me, that’s insane. I’m not ashamed of you.” AJ cracked a smile at her reply. She turned from the dressing table to look at him.
“Okay?” she asked.
“Okay,” he smiled.
“Good, now you, get your cute ass over here and give me a good luck kiss for my fans and we’ll be on our way.” He did as she asked he was reminded why he’d found her so attractive in the first place. She wanted what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. It was a nice change.
A little over an hour later they were back at the hotel working their way through some room service food and talking again.
“You sure you don’t mind me drinking in front of you?” Fran asked as she went to grab a beer from the fridge.
“I’m sure. Besides, that wasn’t my drink of choice, always Jack Daniel’s.”
“Still,” Fran mused as she looked over at him.
“Really go on, my friends drink around me, and it’s no big deal, really,” AJ had no problem with it. He’d been dealing with it for four years, it didn’t matter too much to him now whether the people around him drank or not. What mattered was whether he drank and he didn’t, so there was nothing more to it.
“But you don’t make out with your friends, unless there’s something you’re not telling me,” Fran said with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh yes, you caught us. The Backstreet Boys are gay and fuck each other senseless whenever we can’t get a girl. That’s why two of us are married, to women, and one has a kid,” AJ rolled his eyes.
“Hey you never know, Lance Bass, sweetie.” She took the cap off the Coors and tossed it the garbage before returning to him.
“A lot of people knew, his bandmates were just clueless.”
“Not a problem with you guys then?”
“Please, Nick was girl crazy from the second I met him, Brian was always in mushy love with Leighanne, just as much as Kevin was with Kristen, and Howie, he’s just too busy. Always off on some business deal or another, his last girlfriend gave him an ultimatum, her or his real estate deal, and well, you can imagine how well that went.”
“Ouch, a house over her, that’s gotta hurt.”
“Needless to say I don’t go to Howie for relationship advice.”
“Hey, how is Kevin by the way?” AJ wasn’t sure how to respond, he didn’t know much of what Kevin had decided, he wasn’t sure what he was gonna do when he left.
“I think he’s getting the message that she’s over him. Considering that she was the biggest reason he left the band, he’s pissed that she’s doing this to him.”
“I would imagine so.”
“I don’t know. I told him to just divorce her cheating ass and get it over with. It’s not like she’ll get anything in the divorce anyway. Prenup is iron clad. She’s got no leg to stand on.”
“Do you feel that way about me?” Fran asked and AJ felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his lungs.
“Why, because you’re with me and what’s his name?” He wouldn’t look at her.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know what I’m thinking to be honest.”
“I didn’t ask what you were thinking, I asked what you were feeling.”
“I feel like the second I leave I’m gonna regret being with you, but what the fuck, it’s the way it’s been with all the women I’ve been with, why should you be different.”
“McLean, look, if this is too much for you, just tell me. I’m not gonna expect that you stay with me if it’s hurting you.”
“Of course it’s hurting me, thinking about you with him. It fucking kills me. And it makes me wonder why I’m not good enough, why I’m just not enough for you. What is it that he does that I don’t do?” His voice rose slightly and she understood his anger.
“I can’t answer that,” Fran replied quietly.
“Why not?”
“McLean, it’s not that easy. It’s been a week, and I’m so involved with two people, I mean, this is happening like I never had it happen before. I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know what I’m thinking, feeling, it’s all just so much a jumble.”
“Yeah, and do you love him, like me?”
“That’s not the point, McLean,” Fran said pathetically, looking towards him.
“No? Then what is? If you love him, tell me that,” AJ looked at her hard and she was afraid.
“I can’t tell him that I love him, he won’t hear it, and he won’t say it.”
“But you do love him, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“And you love me?”
“Yes.”
“You love both of us?” Us, like he was part of a brotherhood with this man who was taking his girl, us, like they were a team or something. AJ wanted to vomit.
“Yes.”
“Then what’s so complicated?”
“The fact that I’m involved with two men when I was hurt by guys who did this to me.”
“Does it feel any better to be on the other end of it?”
“No,” Fran answered immediately.
“Is this all our relationship gonna be? Talking about the fact that this ‘we’ is not two, but three?”
“It seems that way, now.”
“But it doesn’t have to be.”
“Then quit bringing it up, McLean.”
“You were the one who asked me if I thought of you that way!” AJ retorted.
“So what, you didn’t have to answer me,” Fran replied, a slight smile on her lips.
“You are so fucking annoying!” AJ laughed, falling back on the mattress.
“And like you’re not?”
“I never said that.”
“You got to go home tomorrow,” Fran interrupted.
“Why?” AJ asked as he looked up at her. She didn’t answer and looked away.
“Oh, he’s gonna be here, right?”
“He said he’d meet me in Pensacola and then he’s coming home with me to Mud Hollow.”
“How long is he gonna be there?”
“A few days, then he’s got to go back to work.”
“What’s he do?”
“McLean,” Fran warned. He put his hands up in peace.
“All right, all right, I’ll let it go, only if I can grab onto something else.”
“What now?”
“You.”
“That I can arrange.” AJ forgot everything else and allowed himself to love Fran as if he were the only man in her life. He held onto her, kissing her, touching, forgetting that in the morning he would have to stop his car to vomit out the pain and frustration.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey everyone, i just gotta let you know i'm getting a little stuck on this story. I have some more stuff that i'm gonna keep posting, but i need your help! Give me some opinions! I'm gonna open up the story for chapters, so if you want to add something, please do! I do not leave stories unfinished, i hate that! So help me out!Thanks so much!
