24  

I looked at him and surprisingly didn’t feel scared. Maybe because I was an old pro at peril now. It might not have matched AJ’s nail polish but it seemed to match me brilliantly. Besides, now knowing the entire story, I knew there was really nothing to fear anymore.

“Well? Where is it?” He asked again when I managed to avoid the question entirely the first go round.

“Where is what?” I asked very calmly. I could tell he wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction. He seemed disappointed that I didn’t get on my hands and knees and beg for my life.

“Don’t play dumb with me kid. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“You can put the gun away Tommy, there’s no reason to aim it at me.”

“Who the hell do you think you are? This isn’t some cop show where you can just tell me to do something and I’ll do it. My patience is running thin. Tell me what I need to know or I’ll not only shoot you but I’ll shoot your friends too.”

Right, I had forgotten about them. “Where are they?”

“Downstairs with my partner.”

“Why did you drag her in on this Tommy?”

“Don’t call me that!” He was getting really mad at me now and I was starting to think that maybe he had a point. Maybe I was seeing this as nothing more than a cop drama.

“Why? That is your name, isn’t it? I mean maybe everyone else knows you as Parker Daniels but your real name is Tommy, right?”

 Writing this out is so painful but then again I knew it would be. How could something like this be easy? Well… I started so I might as well finish, just get everything out in the open Belle and stop procrastinating. Like I said before, after my brother died I took to my hiding places for comfort. I would occasionally hear my father yelling for me in a drunken stupor. Calling me all kinds of horrible names and slamming things against the wall. I never came out when this would happen. I would bury my head in my pillow and try my best to muffle my cries of desperation. This was a terrible time in my life. I felt so isolated and alone.  When he would finally pass out, I’d make my escape from the house calling on my friends to take me in from time to time. I only had two good friends that didn’t use me for my fame, Sarah and my boyfriend Matty. They were my pillars of strength back then and I know without them I wouldn’t be here telling this story. Sarah moved away a year after my brother’s death but Matt still lived pretty close. It was his door I always ended up knocking on at ungodly times of the night.  I would lay down in the comfort of my boyfriend’s strong arms and feel an incredible sense of protection. With him I was safe and sound. Nothing could harm me, not even my dad. We would talk about running away together, never looking back, starting over. It was one of those nights that my son Tommy was conceived…  

“Where is it?” He moved closer to me and this time put the point of his gun right on my chest. “Tell me now or I’ll shoot you in the leg.”

“That’s my chest. My leg is down there.” I pointed. I know it was dumb of me to be a smartass but I was this close from turning into the Rambo version of Gizmo. You can only victimize Nick Carter for so long before he stopped caring. Once that happened I think my history shows how reckless and stupid I could be.

He hit me in the chest with the gun. It hurt as much as you think it did too. “Shit! Why did you do that?” I asked as I grabbed at my chest and went to the floor.

“It’s been a very long night. I haven’t gotten much sleep; I’m tired, crabby and just want this whole thing to be over with. Now for the last time…tell me where it is.”

I coughed, damn it! I was in pain, but despite that I managed to stand myself up. Yes, this further agitated the police officer who shook his head and bit at his bottom lip in frustration as if he was holding back a slew of four letter words to fling at me. Better that than a bullet.

“You know I have heard a lot about you Nick Carter, how you are the typical pretty boy, dumb and blonde, clueless in everyway. I really thought that was an exaggeration…but I’m starting to think maybe not.”

“I’m flattered that you did your research on me.”

“I had no choice. When I heard a damn celebrity was buying this house I had to find out who it was and all the articles about your band always centered on you.”

“Yeah, I’m the popular one with the ladies.”

“And the dumb one.”

“I’m not dumb.”

“If you’re not dumb then why aren’t you listening to me? Don’t you care about your life or the life of your friends?”

“Of course I do but I also know that you are a good guy and good guys don’t just randomly shoot people.”

 When I got official word of my pregnancy I was terrified. I was so young. I had no idea what to do. I knew once the media saw my growing belly it would all be over. Any chance I had of making a comeback would be gone. Who wanted a teenaged mommy as a role model for their network? This baby was going to be born though. There was no way I was going to give it up or do anything else for that matter. He was made out of love and when I told Matt about it, he agreed. I had prepared myself for the worst. Part of me thought he would walk out of my life and never look back. I wouldn’t blame him, but instead, he took me into his big arms and hugged me. “Everything will work out in the end honey, it always does.” He said. I believed him. I’m such an idiot! 

He finally seemed to relax a little and for the first time since he entered the room he put the gun down at his side. “I understand why you’re here Tommy, I really do.” I said, slowly inching my way towards Belle’s bed to sit down.

“I haven’t gone by Tommy for a long time.”

“I figured.”

“Everyone knows me as Parker Daniels now.”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t be associated with her…no one would have hired me.”

I nodded, “I know.”

 We decided to tell my parents about the baby and then I’d move out of the house and into a small apartment with Matty. Money was tight for him but luckily I had some of my own in savings. Money that I hoped was still there. Since I wasn’t really in charge of my finances I wasn’t quite sure if my dad had managed to spend all of my hard earned money or not but I was pleasantly surprised to see I still had a few thousand dollars in the bank. Not much but enough. I knew my mother would be happy for us, well after she got over the fact that I was so young and had gotten myself pregnant. Okay, maybe happy is the wrong word to use. Why don’t we just go with understanding? It wasn’t her I was afraid of, it was my dad.  Matt thought we should just go without saying anything to anyone but I loved my mother too much to do that so we went to the house to break the news to my parents. I didn’t realize that my sister and brother were already there. My sister Beth was in the living room arguing with my father when we walked in the door, while my brother Ben paced back and forth.  We should have just turned around and left, but we didn’t... 

“She was never the same after it happened. I’m only trying to protect her.”

I nodded at him. The sad look in his eyes said so much more. In them I was able to see everything he must have gone through as a kid. “Does your partner know the whole story?” I asked him. By now the gun was put away and was leaning against his mother’s old dresser.

He nodded at me, “Yeah, she knows. She’s actually my wife.”

I handed him his mother’s journal, “This belongs to your mom.” I said as he took it from me and gave me the smallest of smiles.

“Thanks.”

 I’m not sure what they were even yelling and screaming at each other for. It was nasty, that’s all I recall. You know when something really bad happens you always hear that to the victim it can sometimes feel like the world is going in slow motion. That’s exactly right. The next set of events probably all happened within minutes of one another but to me they lingered on for hours, days and to a certain extent, even now. We didn’t have a chance to say anything. I didn’t get to make my big speech that I had practiced over and over again in the car. We walked in, heard the yelling, saw the pacing and the next thing you know, my sister Beth who I shared my deepest darkest secrets with, was on the floor covered in blood.  The sound of my brother screaming triggered the next shot. At the time, I had no idea it was a gun. It sounded more like someone had exploded fireworks in the living room. Once when we were really little, Tommy and I almost set off an M-80 in the kitchen. Our housekeeper saw it in my brother’s hand, grabbed it and went running for the backyard as fast as she could. She had thrown it out there just as it exploded. That’s what it sounded like, my childhood exploding in my face… 

“I’m sorry I read it. I was just intrigued with her story and then you broke in and it made me want to fish for answers.”

“She still writes in a journal, every single day.”  He said, ignoring my apology and holding on to his mother’s journal as if it was his lifeline. I had done the same thing earlier.

“Journaling is supposed to help heal your soul. At least that’s what I hear.” Now I was babbling. This all felt so surreal.

 Before I could scream or utter one word, my boyfriend grabbed me and pushed me out of the way. It seemed that my father after shooting his daughter and son, decided to turn his attention to us. He shot at Matt and all I could do was cover my ears and scream. I closed my eyes because I couldn’t bear to see what was to come. I heard wrestling. I knew they were down on the ground the both of them and in my panic I briefly thought about calling the police. I’m sure someone else would have by now after hearing all the gunshots fired.  That’s when I heard another one and I knew… 

“Parker, what’s taking you so long up there?” The sound of Linda’s voice made us both jump.

“Everything is okay, we’ll be right down.” He called to her from the top of the steps.

“You sure?”

He looked over at me as if to confirm his answer, “Yeah.”

 They also say at moments of great distress, things become hazy for you and in the most extreme cases, you lose time. I’m not sure when I grabbed the gun. Maybe during the struggle when I heard Matt yell out in urgent need, or maybe it just kind of ended up beside me. All I know is when I heard the pop of the gun, the blast sent me backwards. I landed against the wall as my father stood there looking at me with a shocked expression on his face, his hands covering the wound I had just made in his stomach.  “Why?” He asked as he fell to the floor.  I had no answer then and I still have no answer now. It just kind of happened… 

“He would have killer her.” Parker said as if reading my thoughts.

“She made it seem like that was the case.” I answered.

 The next sound I heard was my own screaming as Matt grabbed me and lead me towards the stairs. There was the sound of police sirens coming towards the house but all I could focus on was my father’s pained expression as he lay on the floor.  “Is that secret room still open Belle?” He asked me as he ran up the stairs so quickly I thought he was going to pull my arm out of its socket.  “Yes.” I whispered.  At this point we had passed my parent’s room as we headed for my brother’s and I saw a bloody handprint on the outside of it. I knew my mother was in there probably on the bed in a pool of her own blood. “How could he do this?” I remember thinking although I don’t think I said it out loud.  

“How does somebody get over watching their family die like that?”

“They don’t.” Parker aka Tommy answered.

 We made it into the room and closed the wall just as the police entered the house. The two of us huddled together in a ball afraid to make a sound. Once again I felt like Anne Frank only this time I was a murderer. I should have turned myself in. I should have stayed downstairs and explained what happened. I’m sure my actions would have been declared self defense, but we didn’t think about it. We just ran.  I can’t even tell you how long we stayed up in that room. The police were in my house for hours and in Tommy’s room for a good portion of that time. They finally left at around midnight. All of the bodies were gone and white tape had replaced them. Just as I had figured, there was also a body outline on my parent’s bed. That’s when I lost it. I fell to my knees and sobbed… 

“Why didn’t she ever turn herself in?”

Parker looked over at me as he tapped the journal, “She wanted to, many times but I wouldn’t let her.”

“She murdered someone.”

“And he murdered everyone she ever loved!”

 Tommy in his saddest moments and believe me, there were plenty, would always talk about our father entering rehab and one of those twelve step programs. You know the ones where they feed you donuts and give you sobriety chips after finishing each step. He said that maybe that’s what our father needed. After he finished those twelve steps he would be a good man. It was after he said things like that; he would smile and say, “Who am I kidding? That would take a thirteenth step. I don’t believe learning to be a good man is one of the twelve.” 

“You want the gun, don’t you? It’s not just about the journal. You need the gun.”

“Yes, I need the gun Nick. I can’t let it fall into the wrong hands and have my mother go to jail after all these years. She wouldn’t be able to deal with it.”

“You were afraid Kevin would find the gun while doing renovations.”

“Yes.”

“That’s why you broke in.”

“Yes. I need this story to have a happy ending. My family has been through enough.”

I nodded at him and I totally understood what he meant.

“Then, let’s go get it.” I said as I stood up and led him to his namesake’s room.

 That’s why when we were trying to figure out where to hide the gun, I knew instantly where it should go. I walked into Tommy’s room and went back up the secret staircase, stopping at the thirteenth step, where I buried the gun forever…