I’ve made a new friend for life. Who would have guessed this person would be old enough to be my grandmother, but she is. Belle and I talked for about three hours. After she got done telling her son and me exactly what had happened, through tears and a varied mix of emotions, she looked over at me and told me it was time to tell her my story.  

I felt dumb because compared to all she had been through, I felt like I didn’t have much to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous in comparison, but she said no matter what has happened, it’s best to purge your soul of it. “After all…” She said, “It’s not like we all have a thirteenth step to hide behind.”  

So, I did just that, I purged everything to this woman. I told her all about my family and how hard it has been to grow up in the spotlight. She was able to understand exactly what I went through and when I needed her to, she held my hand. Her son, left halfway through our conversation. He could tell we were more than comfortable in each other’s company.  

I asked her if she regretted what she had done to her father and she told me not a day went by that she didn’t cry about it. If she could undo what she had done, she wouldn’t have ever pulled the trigger. He would have gone to prison for the rest of his life most likely, instead he had become an urban legend. She regretted that most of all.  

She told me I should start writing down my feelings in a journal and then she handed me the one that lay buried for so long. “Use this one, it needs to see better days and most importantly, it needs a happy ending.”

I felt honored that she would give something so personal to me, but at the same time maybe she was just anxious to let it go. I thought about writing in it so many times, but today is the first day I am actually doing it. It’s been a long time.  

When I got back from Belle’s the guys had a billion questions for me but I wanted to keep our conversation just between us, so I didn’t say very much and they didn’t press. Ironically enough Brian showed up to Kevin’s the very next day and didn’t believe a word of any of this. He said we all probably spent our time together coming up with this elaborate story. Still to this day he thinks Belle is a figment of my imagination.  

We never told anyone else what happened at the house. It’s as if we never encountered Parker Daniels or his wife. They made sure our trip to the police station was wiped away as well.  

During dinner that first night Brian arrived, Kevin told us all about wanting to leave the band. He said he had made up his mind awhile ago and not much was going to change it. He made sure he looked over at me when he was done giving his speech and even though it hurt more than anything, I nodded at him. Why would I want him to continue to do something if he wasn’t happy? That would just be very selfish of me.

See? I’m growing up…little by little.  

Oh and Chub Chub is now a permanent fixture in my new house. Although, his name is really Wally, Belle told me I could call it whatever I wanted just as long as I took that stupid knife out of its belly, which I did.  

Well, there ya go. I should stop writing now since it’s my turn to sing. We’re in the process of trying out some new songs for the new record, without Kevin. It feels weird, but he’s only a phone call away and besides, I know where he lives.  

So, life goes on.  

It’s not the best life in the world, but I guess it could be worse.