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"Okay, have I mentioned how beautiful this room is? It's almost like they made it just for me!" Stephanie smiled with excitement as she came out of the bathroom in a large t-shirt and baggy pajama pants.

"I think this might be the twentieth time since you arrived?" Howie decided with a questioning smirk as he turned the television off, reaching to place the remote on the bedside stand. Shifting, he watched Stephanie launch herself onto the large bed, squealing with excitement at the plush quality. "You look like the cat who ate the canary."

"Except without the feathers in my mouth," Stephanie giggled, burying her face in a pillow to collect herself. She turned to look at him and she became speechless, the breath caught in her throat. Throughout her years as a fan, she had dreamed of being in the same room with Howie. Not only was she in the same room, she was in the same bed and damn, did he look good wearing a simple tank top that adhered to his chiseled body and pajama pants that settled around his tapered waist.

"I think you'd do well to keep the feathers out of your mouth."

"Y-Yeah, I thought so, too."

Howie furrowed his dark brows at the stammering in her dialect. "Are you okay, Stephanie?"

"Me? Oh, I'm fine. Everything's great. I'm in this amazing hotel with five great guys and now I'm in bed with one of them and he looks so good in just pajamas and... and you're letting me babble!" She groaned, smacking her forehead.

"I think it's cute?" Howie chuckled.

"It's embarrassing," Stephanie whined, rubbing where she hit herself. "I'm not very good at this kind of stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Just being around a guy."

"Why's that?"

"I just got out of a serious relationship about six months ago."

"How long were you together?"

"Two years."

"Wow. What happened?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"Good point," Stephanie nodded, chewing on her thumbnail. "I guess my relationship with Chris was what you would call toxic. There were times where I had never been happier and then times where... it was bad. I loved him, but when he drank he became someone else. He never beat me, but he would put me down all the time. I always tried to leave him and each time I came crawling back. One night he slapped me and I woke up. I realized I wasn't in paradise and if I wanted to be myself again, I had to leave. So I did and I don't regret it."

"Damn..." Howie trailed, not really knowing what else to say. He glanced down at her, looking so serene curled amongst the pillows. "At least you had the strength to get away. Some women don't."

"I know. I thank God for helping me," Stephanie sighed softly, cocking her head to the side. "What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your relationships. I won't tell anyone, I--"

"It's okay," Howie chuckled. "You're rambling."

"Thanks for telling me," She smiled, blushing softly as he began his story.

"My last relationship wasn't toxic, in so many words, but it certainly wasn't good for me. Charlotte was good at being affectionate when she wanted to... or wanted me to... she never came on the road with me and one weekend I came home as a surprise and caught her cheating on me with our neighbor. I found out she had been cheating on me all along and she blamed it on me not being good enough for her."

"What a bitch," Stephanie spoke freely.

"You're right. That's exactly what she was," Howie had to smile at her honesty.

"She didn't deserve you anyway."

"Sometimes I wonder if she was right. Maybe if I had been home more, or given her more attention--"

"Hardly. She should have been willing to work with your career. It's something you love so much. She should have come on tour. If she loved you more, she would have made it work."

"You're right... I need someone who deserves me as much as I deserve them," Howie nodded. Everyone had told him the same thing, but it seemed to sink in when it came from Stephanie.

"Exactly."

"Maybe someone like you?" Howie inadvertently asked.

"Someone? Like me?"

"Are you an echo?"

"Well no," she blushed for what seemed like the thousandth time and looked into his chocolate brown eyes. "Why someone like me?"

"I'm not really sure," Howie admitted honestly, glancing down at her. "I don't really know much about you. Just some idle chit-chat. Nothing too serious. But when I look at you... Something just draws me in..."

"Like fate is speaking to you..." Stephanie finished his sentence.

"Yeah," Howie admitted with a soft nod.

"What is fate saying now?"

"Something you might slap me for..."

"I would never slap you."

"I doubt I want to tempt fate."

"Maybe you're supposed to."

Howie stared at her for the longest moment; just watching the way the gray of her eyes clouded the soft blue. It was almost like a stormy sky basking over the ocean. Tempting fate seemed plausible, especially as he lowered his head. Their lips mere inches apart as he whispered her name, then descended to taste her. It was nothing she had ever experienced as Stephanie closed her eyes in pure joy, wrapping her arms around his neck as their kiss deepened.


~*~*~*~


Brian walked along the darkening streets of the city, keeping his head low so no one would bother him with an autograph or picture. The incident at the hotel set him off yet again, and a walk was in order so he wouldn't resort to his other methods. It was getting risky with the guys watching him like a hawk. He scowled and fastened his pace.

What was their problem with him anyway? It wasn't as if he had been the problem child of the tight knit group. In fact, it was easier to put blame upon AJ and Nick. Those two were the ones that needed guidance. Yet, they were the ones watching him. It was so ironic. But not the amusing ironic of some alternative rock song. An ironic that drove Brian into the brink of insanity.

"They just need to leave me alone," Brian muttered, rubbing his wrist softly. Thunder clapped overhead but he didn't flinch as raindrops began to fall.

He wasn't hurting them or their image. In fact, whenever they were on TV or in concert, he was in his most exuberant states. He proved to the fans that he loved them unconditionally and this was the best place to be. That the world was alive and bright. But inside, he was dying inside. His world was bleak since Leighanne claimed that she no longer loved him. That she simply 'fell out of love.' How was that possible? Brian wondered what kind of person he was that someone could just so easily fall out of love with him. Just one day his whole world came crashing. But, no, he wasn't hurting them. In fact, he was just hurting himself.

The rain was now pouring as Brian drowned in his dark thoughts. The pain was always there; it would never go away. And maybe it wasn't supposed to. Maybe his heart was meant to grow cold and hard, a block of ice to protect itself from anyone else. He had dreamed about marrying his soul mate but now it seemed like it wasn't meant for him. Tears gathered in his lifeless eyes as he continued to walk.

He was a nobody, despite the drones of fans that screamed their undying love for him. But who were they to say? They idolized him as a body of fame. As what the media projected him to be. There was no realness within their love. No seriousness to their proclamations. He would be alone. Forever. With a flimsy engagement ring that proved he was nothing.

A flash of lightning actually startled him from his thoughts and he realized that he had reached a little boardwalk overlooking the ocean. The waves were white-capping and crashing against the shore, matching the turmoil in his soul. He looked up at the sky and screamed, letting out all his anguish.


~*~*~*~


"Damn, it's really storming out," AJ stood by the large bay window, wincing as lightning cracked and thunder rumbled. It even hailed for a few minutes. Brian was out there somewhere, and it made the men worry.

"I'd call his mother if I knew it'd make any difference, but he's changed," Kevin murmured, briefly glancing up from his novel, not that he had been reading. Instead, he continued to glance toward his watch, timing the hours that Brian had been gone. What had gotten into his younger cousin?

"All because of that stupid bitch," Nick seethed, tossing his sketchbook on the coffee table.

"Nick--"

"We all know that's what she is. They were together for how many years? And then just three months before their wedding, she falls out of love with him. How the fuck does that happen?"

"I couldn't tell you..." Kevin trailed, though he secretly condemned the woman that had broken his cousin's heart. He had never seen Brian so down trodden. So heartbroken. The lifelessness in Brian's eyes terrified him. Kevin had tried so very hard to reach him, fearing he would do something foolish by the end. Women were always out to hurt Brian. That much was obvious.

"I rest my case. The woman is nothing but a bi--"

"We could call her worse things," Howie announced, finally appearing in the living room with a suddenly refreshed Stephanie by his side. The glimmer of excitement in his chocolate eyes told the men that good things had happened.

"We could, but I think we're all bigger people than her. Name-calling isn't going to change what she did to Brian," Stephanie added, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"We could find him someone better," AJ decided, though his seriousness turned into a wicked lopsided grin. "Well, not me and my black book. That ain't what the man's looking for."

"Definitely not," Howie shook his head, smiling softly as he and Stephanie curled onto the loveseat.

"Do you know anyone?" Nick inquired, actually keeping quiet about the obvious festivities occurring between Stephanie and Howie.

"Not anyone offhand--"

"Well ain't that a fucking shame," Nick concluded, hearing the door to the living room open.

"You're very crude sometimes," Stephanie rolled her eyes playfully.

"Classy was never his forte," Kevin muttered, craning his neck to see Brian stalking into the living room. His clothing was soaked, adhering to his skinny frame, showing that he had been losing weight dramatically since the break up. His face was pale and his eyes held dark rings beneath him. Bruises could even be seen by the chunks of hail flying. And Kevin couldn't help himself as he launched to his feet. "Jesus Christ, Brian--"

"I'm fine," Brian interrupted, not slowing down as he headed for his room.

"You look like shit," Kevin disagreed, hurriedly following his relative, catching the door that had almost been slammed into his face. "Brian--"

"Just leave me the fuck alone! You all act like I'm a ghost, so why start caring now?! What goes on in my life is none of your business!"

"You're my cousin, damnit, it is my business--"

"Like you even care. Now get out of my room before I make you," Brian snarled.

"Brian--"

"GET OUT!" Brian pushed Kevin hard and slammed the door shut.

"Brian!"

Brian screamed out in sheer pain as he slammed his fists on the door, attempting to scare Kevin away. His body raged with a dark fire of contempt, threatening to explode from within. It felt as if his heart was trying to tear the flesh from his body in means of escape. Throbbing with emotional pain, Brian stumbled into his bathroom. Panting for breath, he hurriedly searched the confines of his toiletries, pulling out a pair of sharpened scissors. Falling to the bathroom floor, he heaved ragged sobs and ripped open the sleeve of his soaked shirt. Revealing dozens of faint lines of scars, he cared not, holding the blade above his trembling flesh.

Only wanting the emotional pain to cease, he cut deep into his flesh to promote a physical pain. He winced at the deepness of his anger, watching the dark lines of crimson gush from beneath the paleness of his skin. And he was siated as he collapsed against the cabinet of the bathroom. Sobbing with sheer relief. Sobbing for how lost he had truly become.