Her voice trailed into a soft gasp of surprise when she saw the front door of her home wide open. For an instant she felt a prickle of panic, which quickly gave way to excitement as Nick stepped into the doorway, leaning inside it with a welcoming smile. Squeaking, she pulled into her usual spot, flinging the Jeep door open the instant her key was out of the ignition. "Nickalicious, what are you--"
"I've got a surprise for you," Nick greeted with a secretive grin as he trotted down the steps to scoop her into a hug.
"A surprise for me?" Alana squealed as she squeezed him lovingly as she smacked a kiss to his cheek. "You cleaned my house for me? Bought me groceries? Got a warm bubble bath brewing for me?"
"Um… Not exactly…" Nick trailed, leaning back slightly after giving her several soft kisses. "I brought you something--"
"Oh… Well, that's alright, I can do the rest of that myself," Alana promised with a faint blush creeping to her cheeks, sliding away from Nick's grasp. Smoothing her scrub top, she climbed up the porch of her home, stepping inside her doorway. Reaching down to pull off her shoes, she then began her trek down the hallway, discarding her scrubs as she went.
Shutting the door behind him, Nick glanced over to the portable playpen he had set up in the center of her living room, wondering how she hadn't noticed it. Heading down the hall after her, he leaned in her bedroom doorway, biting his bottom lip when he saw she was standing in the center of the room, staring at the baby lying in the center of her bed. He had been careful to construct a barrier of pillows around Zachary as he slept, not wanting him to roll over and off the bed. "Surprise…"
"Zach…" Alana whispered in confusion as she tangled her fingers within her loose curls, unable to understand what the infant was doing in her room. Last she had heard from the nurses in the nursery, Zachary had been adopted and was in the best of hands. Hesitantly stepping up to the foot of her bed, oblivious to the fact that she was in a bra and bikini underwear, she leaned to stare down at the baby. "Did you steal him?"
"No… I adopted him," Nick murmured, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Reaching to adjust the blanket covering his son, he couldn't help but smile at the overwhelming love he felt for the child. His son… Looking up at Alana, his smile faded when he saw her incredulous expression. Holding his breath, he gently lifted Zachary into his arms, shifting him until he was resting against his shoulder. "Meet Zachary Allen Carter--"
"You really adopted him?" Alana interrupted as she meekly shook her head in disbelief as if trying to clear her thoughts. Tentatively seating herself on the very foot of her bed, she just studied Nick and Zachary. How he gently rubbed the infant's back as Zachary lightly began to stir, rooting at Nick's neck with a soft grunt. The realization seemed to catch her like a fist to the stomach. "God, Nick, you adopted him…"
"I had to… I couldn't stand the idea of someone else adopting him," Nick explained softly as he stood. "I picked him up this morning--"
"Why didn't you tell me you were going through the process?" Alana murmured, furrowing her brows with a pained expression as Nick passed her, watching Zachary's cobalt eyes widen as if he recognized her. "It takes weeks if not months to…"
"I started the adoption the day after I told you I wanted to do it," Nick murmured, tossing the blanket to the bed before he moved to the door. "I did what you said, you know? I thought about it. And I realized that I couldn't let him go…"
"Well… Congratulations…" Alana offered, not knowing what else to say as she moved toward her bureau. Sliding open the first drawer, she retrieved a pair of boxers and a fresh t-shirt. Pulling on the t-shirt and stepping into boxers, she assumed that Nick was leaving. He had showed her his surprise now he was off to do whatever. Tossing her curls into a high ponytail, she rubbed her neck in attempts to loosen the muscles, trundling to the kitchen for something to eat.
Turning from the stove as he waited for Zachary's bottle to warm, Nick smiled as she entered, and motioned to the table. "I stopped at the deli and got some dinner for us… Can you hand me that cloth diaper there on the counter? Zach's drooling a little--"
"Cloth diaper to wipe up drool, how appropriate, Nick," Alana mumbled, reaching to hand him the spit-rag before moving to her fridge. Popping it open, she frowned at the bared contents, reaching for one of her last Pepsis. "I've got to go grocery shopping…"
"We can go after dinner, can't we? I mean… I've got to be in town for at least two more months until the adoption is completely final, and I thought that…" Nick trailed as Zachary whined softly, wanting his bottle. Discarding his thoughts, he quickly scooped the bottle out of the warm water, popping the cap on before moving to sit at the table. "Here we go, Son…"
"Don't put that into his mouth without testing it on your wrist first," Alana blurted suddenly, closing the fridge on her knee as she became entranced by Nick's paternal skills. Cursing softly at the stab of pain, she pulled away to slam the door shut, rubbing her aching knee.
"I won't," Nick promised, wide-eyed at her exclamation. Giving the bottle a few shakes, he tested the formula on the inside of his wrist as the nurses had shown him to. Satisfied that Zachary's tongue wouldn't be scalded, he shifted the baby until he rested in the crook of his arm before offering him the bottle. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she mumbled, limping slightly toward her kitchen table. Slumping into the awaiting chair, she pulled her knee up to place the frozen can upon it. Satisfied at the soothing coolness that spread, she reached to rub her neck once more with her free hand. She couldn't understand what had possessed the man to adopt a child. It seemed impulsive and reckless, but he looked so satisfied with his decision. Alana couldn't seem to rationalize the consequences either way. "…You never really told me you wanted to be a father…"
"Oh… I thought… I mean, I guess I kind of assumed you'd know from the way I was acting with him that day," Nick murmured, getting to his feet. Securing Zachary in his left arm, he reached to hold the bottle with his left hand, moving to get the dinner he had bought them from the oven. Humming softly as he set her plate in front of her. "And I made dessert while Zach was taking his nap--"
"Dessert? You made dessert? You who only cooks from a can made dessert?" Alana questioned incredulously as she glanced down at her warm plate of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, buttered biscuits, and green beans with a sprinkle of lemon pepper. Looking up to Nick, who was retrieving the potato salad from the fridge, she found her jaw dropped slightly ajar. "Did it come out of a box?"
"No! I called Momma D for some help on her recipe for cherry cheesecake from scratch… The first one didn't want to do right, so I baked another--"
"You called Howie's mother to find out how to make cherry cheesecake from scratch?" Alana squeaked, leaning back in her chair with sheer bewilderment, tangling her hands in her curls. "That's my favorite dessert…"
"Is it?" Nick questioned, setting the potato salad in the center of the table before moving to sit down once again. "Well I hope you like it… I couldn't find any fresh cherries to make the sauce with, so I had to use canned…"
"I'm sure it's delicious…" Alana promised, reaching for her fork to spear some green beans.
"Is it alright if we stay here?" Nick questioned suddenly, easing the bottle from Zachary. Laying him across his lap, he lightly rubbed his back, having learned in the hospital it was the easiest way to burp him. "I mean, I guess I can get a hotel or--"
"Stay here? The two of you?" Alana blurted as her hand jerked, causing the fork to clatter against the delicate china she had received as a wedding present. Cringing when Zachary fussed from the jarring sound, she leaned forward in her chair as she rubbed her face. "I mean… I thought you were staying with Brian?"
"He kind of… Kicked me out this morning," Nick muttered, quickly pulling Zachary back into his embrace.
"Kicked you out? Why the Hell did he kick you out?"
"Because…" Nick sighed, getting to his feet once more as Zachary continued to fuss. Pacing the kitchen, he attempted all the soothing sounds he could think of until, finally, Zachary released a soft hiccup and thrust his fingers into his mouth. "He doesn't think I should be adopting Zach."
"What a self righteous prick…" Alana mumbled without thought.
"Who? Me?" Nick blurted, whirling around to face her.
"What? You? Lord, no!"
"Then who…"
"Brian - he's a single father. I mean, yes, he was married at one point, but him not thinking you should adopt Zach when you're obviously capable is just petty and--"
"He doesn't think I'm ready to be a father," Nick interrupted gently.
"Well…" Alana trailed, watching the way Zachary snuggling into the crook of Nick's neck. "…I think Zachary would tell him otherwise…"
"Beautiful? Can you hold him while I go to the bathroom?" he requested. "I'd put him in the playpen, but he hasn't finished his bottle--"
"I can't, I mean I'm trying to--" Alana's sentence halted as Zachary was hurriedly shifted into the crook of her arm and her hand was snatched to hold the bottle. Holding her breath to keep from cursing, she watched Nick race back the hallway as her entire body tensed. Looking down, she winced slightly at the curious cobalt eyes staring up at her as a little hand splayed across her cheek. Suddenly, all the memories of Colton came flooding back and she choked back a lump in her throat. "I'm…I'm glad you got a good home, Zachie… Nick's a great dad…"
Zachary wrinkled his nose, snuggling closer to her chest as he release a soft sigh. Curling his fingers in her hair, he tugged hard as he continued drinking his bottle, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Okay, okay, so he might have gagged when he was changing your diapers or stalled on changing you because he dreaded the smell… But he's a good guy," Alana promised as she unwound her curls from his grasp, brushing them over her shoulder. When he reached out in attempts to hold something that belonged to her, she helplessly offered her index finger. "Better?"
Zachary's lips moved around the nipple of his bottle, offering a tentative smile as he gripped her finger. Pulling it close to his cheek as he playfully kicked his bare feet against her leg.
"You're definitely a spirited tyke," Alana decided as she shifted him closer to her body, tickling his diapered behind with the hand supporting him in the crook of her arm. He was at least six weeks of age and extremely curious about his surroundings. Most infants would drift sleepily through feeding, but Zachary was wholly intent on watching her. His large cobalt eyes dark and mysterious, enhancing the soft creaminess of his peach complexion and darkness of his wispy raven locks. He was a gorgeous child.
"He rolled over when I turned to get the powder earlier," Nick announced from the doorway.
"Rolled over, huh?" Alana murmured as she jumped to her feet, eager to transfer the infant back to Nick's arms. "He's ahead of his milestones…"
"I was changing him and was looking at a little wiener, then I turned around for two seconds… When I turned back I had a naked butt to look at," Nick explained with a smile. "Hang on, I've got to wash my hands…"
"You don't wash your hands in the bathroom?"
"I didn't see any soap so I figured I'd use the antibacterial stuff in here…"
"I always have soap in the bathroom…" Alana mumbled as she watched Nick move to her sink. Hearing the dry sucks of an empty bottle, Alana sighed as she pulled the bottle from Zachary's mouth and grabbed the spit-rag. Leaning him over her shoulder, she slowly rubbed his back as she studied Nick carefully. "…How long were you standing there watching?"
"Only since you called him a spirited tyke," Nick promised, dropping a kiss on the top of her head before doing the same to Zachary. "What do you think, Zach? Should we keep her around for the next forty or fifty years or so?"
"I think you should take him back now," Alana suggested, not bothering to allow Zachary to answer, though the infant grinned after releasing a hearty belch. Exhaling a relieved breath when the was transferred back into Nick's arms, she leaned up to kiss his cheek. "…You're warm…"
"Well, you're hot," Nick returned with a grin, pulling her into a quick hug before he ushered her back to the table. "Go on and eat, I'll go lay him down--"
"I didn't mean that in a--" Alana groaned as Nick patted her backside to send her over toward the kitchen table before disappearing back the hallway once more. Fighting not to scream, she sank back into her seat and retrieved her fork. She wasn't going to be around for forty or fifty years. She didn't want children.
"He's watching the ceiling fan in your living room," Nick informed her a few moments later as he came back. Returning to his seat, he reached for his soda. Lifting his gaze to look at her, he saw the tense look on her face and quickly dropped his fork. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong…" she mumbled, reaching to break pieces of the fluffy biscuit off. "…You said you're leaving in two months? To go back to Florida or California or… Where ever you're living?"
"Actually, I'm thinking of staying in Kentucky for a while--"
"Why's that?"
"To be with you."
"Handsome…" Alana sighed, pushing away her dinner plate as a heavy lead coating seemed to pour over her stomach, making her nauseous. "…I would be happy to help you and Zachary for two months since Brian kicked you out. I have no problem doing that. But… I can't be a mother to him…"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nick questioned softly.
"I don't want to have anymore children…"
"You mean other than Zach?"
"I mean Zach," she whispered with a hard wave of guilt that caused her chin to drop.
"Oh…" Nick breathed as his stomach seemed to twist into a large knot. "…I see…"
"He's a beautiful child and you're going to make a wonderful father--"
"Don't try to lighten the blow, Alana."
"You never even discussed this with me, Nick. I told you to think about adopting and that's as far as it went. You kept the rest of it a secret. This was your decision to make. Never did you even tell me that you wanted me to be a mother--"
"Well you never told me that you didn't want anymore children."
"You never asked me."
"You could have told me at so many points in the past month--"
"And you could have asked me at so many points in the past month. Damnit, Nick, this is not my fault! Why would you think I even wanted children after Colt? What did I ever do that let you know that I wanted to be married again and raising children? Because, I assure you, it was all a mistake. I can't go through that heartache again. I refuse. I love you so much, but--"
"You don't love me enough to share a child," Nick finished slowly. "Fine. I get it."
"It's not even like that--"
"Don't bother," Nick muttered, pushing away from the table and lurching to his feet. Feeling his head swim from the fast movement, he blinked rapidly for a moment, groaning softly. "I've got to go get some things for Zach--"
"Nick, just wait," Alana interrupted in dismay as she followed Nick to her bedroom. She felt a wave of nausea wash over her at the sight of Nick's tense body, knowing he was furious with her. As angry as she was that he was brushing her off and assuming she didn't love him enough to start a family, she was sick at the thought of him being so mad. Especially as he pushed past her to the living room to settle Zachary into his car seat. "Damnit, Nick, you're really pale--"
"I'm fine. We'll be back in a little while, alright? Don't worry about the dishes I'll take care of them when we get back--"
"You're not even going to listen to me--"
"What more can you have to say? You don't want kids. End of story." Draping a blanket over Zachary, Nick snatched his wallet and keys off the end table. He had to leave before he completely lost his anger. The last thing he wanted to do was have a fight with Alana. "If you think of something you need, call me on my cell, okay?"
Alana opened her mouth to verify that there was indeed a whole avenue of words that needed spoken between them, but was lost as how to explain it without mentioning the death of her son. Immediately chewing on her bottom lip, she clenched her fists with dismay, allowing them to drop to her sides. Somehow, she knew this was the beginning of the end to her relationship with Nick. "I'll fix up the guest bedroom as Zachary's room..."
"Alright… I love you, Beautiful," Nick murmured, leaning close to softly kiss her cheek.
"I'm sure you do," Alana mumbled, trying not to flinch when Nick pulled away from the kiss, reaching to wipe away the tears that had slipped when he turned.
Stepping over the basket of toys that had been overturned earlier, Natalie yelped when her bare foot landed on a Lego block. Hopping on one foot across the entryway, she glanced out the window to see who was knocking so incessantly. Groaning when she saw Nick on the stoop, she opened the door. "Nicky, what are you… Oh my God, you really did it?" she breathed, reaching for the car seat he was holding. Taking a peek beneath the blanket, her eyes widened when the baby inside began to coo. Looking back at Nick, she stepped aside for him to enter.
"Zachary Allen Carter," Nick introduced as he closed the front door behind him, immediately sagging against it. Covering his face with his hands, he shuddered with a mounting sob. He had spent the afternoon purchasing everything Zachary would need for their two month stay in Kentucky, realizing by then he'd have to plan to have a nursery built in his home. He had hoped to be finding a new home somewhere with Alana, but she had abruptly ended that dream just a few hours early. Now, as his body ached, he had sought out a place of solitude. But had found himself pulling up to Brian's home where negativity threatened to consume him. If it wasn't Brian, then it would be Howie or AJ.
"Hello there," Natalie cooed softly, setting the car seat on the floor. Stooping, she quickly unbuckled Zachary, lifting him into her arms. "I can't believe you… It's official? You're a Daddy now?" she questioned, turning to look at Nick. "Nicky? What's wrong?"
"Everything," Nick mumbled, slouching onto the floor as he braced his tender back against the door. Holding his head within his hands, he shuddered again as a damp cold rushed over his system. Feeling his body tremble, he stifled a sob as he thrust the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears. "I hurt all over and my relationship with Alana is gone…"
"You… The… You want me to get Brian?" Natalie questioned, having no idea how to even begin helping the man. Chewing on her bottom lip, she gently rubbed Zachary's back. "Nicky…"
"Brian kicked me out and that's why I went to Alana's house and she doesn't want kids and--" Nick strangled a sharp sob as his stomach churned with nausea.
"God, Nicky…" Natalie sighed. Lightly kissing the baby's head, she stooped to place him in the car seat once more, making sure to buckle him inside. Sitting in front of Nick, she reached to touch his face, drawing back quickly when she felt the heat of a growing fever. "You're burning up. Can you go to the living room while I get you some Tylenol?"
"Scooper's down for a--What the Hell is he doing here?" Brian suddenly blurted in shock as he entered the foyer to see Natalie squatted in front of Nick and a baby carrier off to the side. All the tension in his body immediately rose as he walked over to intervene in the situation. "Is he coming back to admit that he can't do it? That he's not ready to be a father? That he's sorry for being a jackass?"
"Brian!" Natalie chided as Nick released another sharp sob. Sending Brian a glare over her shoulder, she leaned close to lightly kiss Nick's forehead, not liking the cold sweat she felt there. "Don't worry, Nicky. Everything's going to be okay," she promised in a whisper before getting to her feet. Picking up the carrier, she turned to face Brian. "Get him into the living room while I go get some Tylenol for him, okay?"
"Why are you getting him Tylenol and why am I bringing him into the living room? I already told him he wasn't bringing that kid into this house and expecting to live off me. He was so sure that Alana would be willing to be the mother of the child that he better just skedaddle right over there--"
"Damnit, Brian if you don't get him on that couch so he can rest--" Natalie broke off into a frustrated sigh. "Just do it, can't you see he's sick? And for your information, I technically brought the child into this house, and you are more than welcome to kick me out--"
"Then let Alana take care of him--"
"Now, Brian," Natalie interrupted with a warning glare.
Brian looked as if he might refuse, but he stooped to grab Nick by the arms. Hearing Natalie's snort of annoyance, he hefted Nick's weight with a mighty groan. Feeling the slick heat pouring off Nick's body caused him to wrinkle his nose in distaste as Nick just crumpled against him. Pushing himself toward the living room underneath Nick's weight, he groaned as the man wilted onto the couch. "What's wrong with you, Nick?"
"I'm freezing," Nick whispered, hugging himself tightly. Jerking slightly, he looked around the room. "Where's Zach?"
"With Natalie right now," Brian murmured, brushing his hand down his arm to rub away the dampness of Nick's sweat. "…Why aren't you with Alana right now?"
"We had a… Few words," Nick explained with a hard shiver.
"She doesn't want to be a mother to Zach, does she?" Brian guessed as he reached over Nick to draw the couch blanket over his trembling body. He then moved to sit on the coffee table, staring at Nick intently. "I told you, Nick--"
"I didn't come here to hear the I-told-you-so speech, Brian," Nick groaned, draping an arm over his face to block out the light. "I just needed--"
"I'm not telling you I told you so," Brian interrupted with an irritated frown. "I'm just saying that I knew she wasn't going to be excited about being a mother. God, Nick, her son died--"
"And I popped the Gnat's cherry, whoop-de-fucking-do," Nick muttered as his body trembled with another hard shiver. "I--"
"Here's the Tylenol," Natalie interrupted as she entered the living room, balancing Zachary, a medicine bottle and large glass of juice. Passing Zachary into Brian's arms, she ignored his sputtered protest, moving to sit next to Nick. "Nicky, can you sit up for me? This'll help your fever…"
"You really are pissy when you're sick," Brian muttered as he watched Nick whine with protest as Natalie's hand cupped underneath his neck. When she hefted his weight without much help, the feverish color washed away into an ashen white. And, suddenly, Nick went stumbling for the bathroom. "Shit, if he pukes on the rugs, Nat, take the kid--"
"Why, so you can continue to bitch at him like he's a wayward son that's come for a handout?" Natalie questioned with a scowl. Setting the juice down with a grunt, she launched to her feet to follow Nick.
"Natalie, you get sick at the sight of--" Brian groaned as he watched Natalie come flying back from the hallway with her hand cupped over her mouth. Shifting the infant into her arms without much complaint, he moved back the hallway to hear Nick's wretches growing louder. Stepping inside the bathroom, Brian found his own stomach churning as Nick heaved against the toilet, everything in his system seeming to flood from his mouth. "God, Nick…"
"I think I'm dying," Nick gasped.
"You're not dying--" Brian gagged when he noticed the pink tinge to the remnants of Nick's stomach contents. "You're throwing up blood!"
"Call Alana," Natalie called from the safety of the hallway.
"She doesn't want to see me," Nick protested feebly.
"But you're dying!" Brian exclaimed as he shuddered at Nick's continuous heaving.
"I'm not dying, you just said so…"
"You're vomiting blood, I'm calling Alana," Brian insisted, leaving the bathroom in search of a phone. He watched Natalie inch closer to the threshold of the bathroom, but refusing to peer in as she rubbed Zachary's back. Shaking his head in disbelief, Brian fumbled for the phone, hurriedly dialing Alana's cell phone number. It seemed to ring persistently, causing Brian's anxiety to rise. "Pick up. Pick up. Pick up--"
"Hello?" came a breathless reply.
"NICK'S DEAD!"
"Excuse me?"
Brian took a deep breath as Nick groaned loudly from the bathroom. "He's throwing up blood and he's got a fever and--Okay, so he's not really dead, but--"
"You son of a bitch--"
"Alana, please--"
"If she doesn't come, it's all your fault," Natalie hissed as she brushed past to retrieve Zachary's diaper bag from Nick's car.
"Thank you for that, Captain Obvious," Brian growled.
"Brian?" Alana called in his ear, sounding slightly perturbed, though it mixed with worry. "Hello?"
"Please, Alana, come over? Or do you think I should call an ambulance? He's throwing up blood--"
"He's probably heaving so hard that he popped a blood vessel," Alana mumbled with a hard grunt, obvious exerting herself in some capacity. "…Does he want me over there? Is he okay?"
"No, he's not okay, and--"
"Is that Alana?" Nick questioned weakly. "Tell her I'm sorry and I love her and I really, really want to work things out--"
"Yeah, he wants you over here," Brian murmured. "Please?"
"Just let me detangle from this mountain and I'll be over, alright?"
"Oh good God… Just don't fall off--"
"Fall off?" Nick yelped as he crawled into the hallway. "Where the Hell is she?!"
"Would you please get back into the bathroom?" Brian requested with a scowl. "Be careful, hurry up, bye," he rushed into the phone before hanging up. "She was on a mountain--"
"And you let her hang up without knowing that she got down okay?!" Nick howled in a rasp. "Get her back on the fucking phone--"
"Get back in the fucking bathroom! Now!" Brian growled. "Before I roll you outside to wait for her in the driveway!"
"Damnit, Brian, she's going to get hurt," Nick wailed as frustrated tears sprung to his murky eyes.
"No, she's not… I'll give her ten minutes, then I'll call and make sure she got down okay, alright?" Brian suggested, raking a hand through his hair. Hearing the front door shut, he turned to see Natalie heading upstairs with Zachary and a diaper bag. "What are you doing?"
"Someone has to take care of the baby and since you're a prick and Nick's ill; it'll be me," Natalie huffed, hurrying up the stairs with a defiant strut.
"Thank you, Natalie," Nick called softly as he pulled himself up into a sitting position.
Brian heaved a weary sigh, moving to stand at the bottom of the stairs. "Don't you have your hands full with Scooper--"
"That's your kid, you can take care of him," Natalie growled, slamming the master bedroom door, causing Brian to cringe.
"…Can you call my Beautiful now?"
"Where did I go wrong?" Brian questioned himself aloud, sinking onto the bottom step. "I try and try to do the right thing, but stuff just comes back and bites me right in the ass--"
"Brian!" Nick whined loudly from the bathroom as more retching could be heard. "Call Alana!"
