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After leaning back into the taxi to pay the driver, she stepped onto the sidewalk with her single piece of luggage so he could pull away. Glancing up, she simply stared at Howie's home for the longest moment, cradling her injured right arm over her slightly protruded stomach, she thought twice about walking up to Howie's front door. Last night had been overwhelming to say the very least and a blur in her memories. She had gone back to the hotel to collect her things from the hotel room and change out of the dress. She then spent most of the night on the beach, simply watching the waves roll. She had managed to keep the panic attack under control till she checked into a small hotel on the boardwalk. When she sat on the edge of the bed, she lost all control. All the memories of Nick's promises flooded back into her mind in a single tsunami-like wave. The rage of her fiancé's betrayal had all but disintegrated her will to live. That's how her arm had been injured. Maybe she shouldn't even waste her time seeing Howie…

Before she could fully change her mind and reach for her phone to call another taxi, the front door to Howie's home opened, the man himself stepping out onto the small porch. Howie's face seemed tense with worry as he gazed at her, already heading down the steps to reach for her bag. "God, Sweetie, I've been so worried," he breathed, embracing her gently before turning to usher her inside.

"Why were you so worried? I'm twenty-three years old and fully capable of spending the night in the city by myself," Alana explained, her voice meek and broken, simply allowing Howie to take her inside. Usually she would fight to do what she wanted, but her will was crushed. She could only make sure to tend to her injured right arm, pulling the sweatshirt sleeve down to cover her foolishness. "I just wanted to spend the night out on the beach…"

"What'd you do to your arm, Sweetie?" Howie questioned as he moved her towards the couch so she could settle there. Setting her bag by the coffee table, he moved to sit next to her. "AJ told me everything… Are you feeling better? He said you threw up--"

"I should have known he'd squeal like a pig," Alana sighed, gathering the cuff of the sweatshirt sleeve into her left hand so Howie wouldn't be tempted to peek at the injury. Dropping her chin to just stare at her rounding belly, she knew the truth of the matter. She looked like Hell and if AJ didn't squeal, then Howie would have certainly been able to figure it out anyway. "I'm fine. I tried seafood for the first time that wasn't in the shape of a stick and apparently it didn't agree with me last night."

"And… That hurt your arm?" Howie continued, gently taking her right arm into his hands. Pulling back the sweatshirt sleeve, he raised one brow when he saw the fine cuts into her skin. "Sweetie…"

"I didn't do it on purpose if that's what you're thinking," Alana mumbled when he bunched the sleeve against her upper arm to view her lower arm. It was littered with fine cuts and tears, the larger cuts sealed together with makeshift butterfly stitches that she had created. What seemed worse was the gross swelling of her hand and fingers; dark bruises coloring around her knuckles and back toward her wrist. When she had caught her reflection in the mirror of the hotel in the middle of the panic attack, her frustration and rage burst into a violent physical outburst and her hand went directly into the center of the mirror. She loathed the sight of her reflection, just wanting to stop the hurt for a moment. Even if she made her hand hurt to forget the pain in her heart.

"God, Sweetie… Why'd you disappear like that?" Howie murmured as he launched to his feet.

"What was I supposed to do, Howie? Just go back to the party and pretend that everything was fine? Just go into our circle of business associates and toast the career I created? I felt like the building was falling in on me. I didn't want to stay there and I'm not some child. I can leave and go where I please… What are you doing?"

"Calling a doctor to come and take a look at your hand," Howie explained as he reached for the phone.

"Bringing a doctor here isn't going to do a damn thing. It's broken and I'm going to the Emergency Room when I get back to Kentucky to get it taken care of," Alana explained, reaching to grasp Howie's t-shirt to prevent his intentions. "I called the magazine and told them there was an emergency and I had to cancel. I promised them some of my ultrasound copies, so if you could fax them over or something, I'd be grateful. And I'm doing an exclusive interview with them over the phone."

"Why are you going back to Kentucky--"

"The anniversary of Colt's death is three days from now and I promised my ex-husband that I'd go to his resting place with him. And, if I went back to California, there's a damn good chance that I'd end up in jail being someone's carpet-bitch--"

"Alana!"

"What?"

"You shouldn't say things like that!"

"I'm going to Kentucky for a few days so I can have a break," Alana corrected instead, hearing Howie's front door burst open as he disappeared into the kitchen for something. Sighing softly, she leaned back against the couch, covering her face with her good hand.

"D, have you heard anything?!" AJ bellowed as he slammed the door shut. Turning to enter the living room, he skidded to a stop when he saw Alana on the couch. "Halle-fucking-lujah! You weren't answering your phone, the hotel said you checked out and--"

"I wasn't staying in the same room with Nick, even if he probably went back to Natalie's room last night… And I got a new phone because I didn't want him or her calling me," Alana interjected softly, reaching to roll the sleeve back down.

"God I was so damned worried," AJ admitted as he tossed his cap to the coffee table before settling next to her to pull her into his arms.

"Alex! Wait!" Alana yelped in pain when her right arm was crushed against AJ from the power of his embrace. Immediately, she jerked backward to cradle her arm, fighting the pained tears that flooded her eyes. She was so very tired of crying.

"Holy shit, what'd you do?" AJ questioned with a worried rasp.

"I just… It was an accident…"

"Are you okay?" he murmured, gently pulling her to him so her back rested against his chest.

"I'm okay," she promised, watching blearily as AJ took her right hand into his, carefully assessing the injuries she had caused. Leaning back fully against him so her head rested against his shoulder, she just watched the gentle ministrations of his work, wincing when he bellowed for Howie to bring out an ice pack. "I was just telling Howie that I'm going back to Kentucky for a few days…"

"To see Jeremy at the cemetery?" AJ murmured.

"And maybe go back to the hospital, see some old friends, find my favorite patients, spend some time with Lizzie…"

"Okay…"

"What now?" Alana asked, tilting her head to look up at AJ's morose face as Howie returned with an ice pack.

"I'm not allowed to miss you?" AJ questioned softly, taking the ice pack and gently placing it over her arm.

"Of course you're allowed to miss me… But I am coming back… I have a contract with you two and I'm obligated to finish this album. I have meetings and photoshoots and interviews and studio time… I'm not leaving forever…"

"I know… You'll call me? Every hour?" AJ requested, ignoring Howie's irritated sigh.

"I made sure to transfer numbers I needed from my old phone to my new phone before it ended up in pieces," Alana promised with a small nod, shifting slightly at the seeping of icy coldness over her injured hand. But she looked to Howie for a moment. "I know you're my manager and it's not really your job to be in my personal affairs… But is there any way that I can get you to find me a furnished apartment or something in California?"

"Sure thing Sweetie," Howie promised softly.

"Wait, you can stay with me--"

"I don't need anything big or extravagant or expensive. Just a bedroom for me and a bedroom for the twins… Anything'll do, really," Alana explained, disregarding AJ's offer. "Anything that fits in my budget so I don't have to worry about you fronting the bills."

"I'll take care of it," Howie assured her. "When are you leaving?"

"A few hours--"

"Why don't you go upstairs and take a shower and I'll fix you some lunch?" Howie offered when AJ opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm not hungry, but I'll take you up on the shower," Alana answered, pulling herself from AJ's embrace to stand. Taking the ice pack into her own hand to balance on her wrist, she shifted close to Howie to press an affectionate kiss to his cheek. "Thank you so much, Howie…"

"It's all going to be okay, Sweetie. I promise," Howie murmured, giving her a gentle squeeze. Making sure to avoid her arm, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead when she slipped away. Watching her head up the stairs, he turned to AJ. "Leave her alone. Understand?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" AJ growled, offended that Howie would even suggest that he had ill intentions toward Alana. Throwing himself off the couch, he was quick to follow his friend into the kitchen, though his gaze moved to the stairs for a moment. He thought about helping Alana take her shower. After all, her hand would be far too damaged to—

"You know damned well what it means," Howie grumbled, grasping AJ's shirt in order to jerk him into the kitchen. "You leave her alone. She just found her fiancé about to have sex with another woman, the last thing she wants or needs is some greasy jerk-off sniffing around her."

"First off, it ain't my fault that Nick was fucking around with Natalie. I tried to tell her from the very beginning, but she wouldn't listen. And they were even planning on ditching at Tabu to get together. And I ain't some greasy jerk-off! I'm one of her best friends! She needs me, so get your paws off my new shirt!" AJ hissed, yanking himself away from Howie's hold, though he stumbled into the kitchen table instead.

"What do you mean they were planning to ditch at Tabu? Are you fucking crazy?" Howie growled, shoving AJ into a chair before the man could be tempted to leap up and leave the room.

"When we were recording two days ago, I was walking to the kitchen to get a soda and Nick was talking about getting away with Natalie the next day. Called her his favorite mistress. So don't tell me I'm fucking crazy!"

"I find that very hard to believe," Howie decided with a shake of his head.

"You say this after Al finds Nick throwing Natalie over your desk, his dick halfway in her?"

"She was drunk!"

"That's your excuse for what she did?"

"She wasn't the only damn person in that room!"

"No shit!"

"Then why are you placing all the damn blame on her?"

"When did I put the blame on her? I said Nick threw Natalie over your desk, not the other way--"

"I think I might be better off just waiting at the airport for my flight," Alana interjected softly, having come down to ask where the towels were only to catch the edge of the conversation. It was all too clear, though. Natalie would always have the trust and support of the group, no matter what she did. Both Nick and Natalie were to blame for the affair, but Howie was quick to come to her defense. There would be no fairness at all. They loved Natalie too much.

"Sweetie--”

"I just wanted to let you know what was going on. Make sure everything gets canceled for this week and rescheduled for the following. I'll be ready to go back into the studio immediately," Alana promised, setting the ice pack on the counter. "Thanks for everything, Howie."

"You're welcome, but Sweetie are you sure--"

"Why don't I drive you to the airport?" AJ suggested, leaping to his feet before Howie could stop him.

"It'd be better than wasting more money on gas," Alana consented. "I'll go get my bag."

Howie sighed as Alana left the room, turning to glare at AJ. "Don't you dare--"

"Dare what?" AJ tempted with a wicked smirk, fumbling in his pockets for his keys.

"You know," Howie warned.

"I'm just giving her a shoulder to cry on--"

"And a hard dick to suck on, I'm sure."

"Don't get mad, D, just get even. That's my motto."

"Just be careful."

"Why would I need condoms? She's already pregnant--"

"Goddamnit, AJ--" Howie abruptly cut off when he heard AJ's snickering. "You son-of-a-bitch--"

"I love you too, Daddy D," the younger man cooed, skipping out the door.

*~*~*

Tiptoeing around the hotel room, Nick hurriedly tossed things into the suitcase, being sure to avoid making too much noise. Zachary slept peacefully, despite his earlier demands for his mother, and Nick wanted to keep him peaceful for as long as possible. Heaving a sigh when he heard someone tapping at the door, he momentarily hoped it was Alana, but the memory of his actions the night before flooded back, causing a wave of guilt to sweep over him as he moved to answer the knock.

"What are you doing here?" Nick announced wearily instead of the usual greeting that he would offer Natalie. But things had changed between them following the previous night. Whatever relationship they had previous to that night had burned beneath the foolishness of their passion for one another. What had possessed him to take up Natalie's offer? Alana was his only love; the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. His past, present, and future. She was the only woman that fueled a burning desire deep within his heart… Until… At first he thought of closing the door and telling her to go away, but the similar haunted look on her face possessed him to open the door for her. Though, he did nothing to greet her, simply returning to his tasks at hand. He had to get home to California, hopefully Alana would be there and he could make amends.

Natalie sighed heavily, carefully closing the door behind her. "I was hoping 'Lana would be…"

"Look around, Nat… You pretty fucking much got rid of her now, didn't you?" Nick muttered with a casual shrug of his shoulders, moving into the bathroom to gather Zachary's bath things.

"I wasn't the only one on that desk, Nicky," Natalie immediately defended with a shrill growl bubbling against her throat. Immediately moving to stand in the threshold of the doorway leading to the bathroom, she watched Nick steadily drop things into a bag, not caring what was what. "If you don't remember, I'm not the one that got my nose broken, now did I?"

"Only 'cause you were too damn busy… Damnit, I'm tired of all this fucking fighting," Nick sighed wearily, jerking his hands through his hair before zipping the bag closed. "Look, Nat, whatever you wanted, the answer is no. When you get back to California, you need to find another place to live. 'Cause I'm not going through this shit again."

"I just wanted to talk to 'Lana and apologize for what happened. And then I wanted to talk to you to make sure you were okay…" Natalie immediately thrust her hands into her t-shirt to pinch and roll at the wrinkles she created. Chewing on her bottom lip, she tensed when Nick brushed past her, no kindling of any romantic interest flooding from his body into hers. Instead, he was so cold. Natalie felt so miserable after what happened. Alana's dejected facial expression had haunted her through the entire evening. She had spent most of her time sobbing. "What do you mean I can't live with you?"

"Exactly what I said. You can't live with me. Call JC or Flavio or Howie or one of those other retarded fuck-offs who still dangle around after you," Nick replied in a monotone, cramming the last of his items into the suitcases. Looking towards the head of the bed, he saw with relief that Zachary still slept.

"Don't forget you were one of those fuck-offs--"

"And I know you're so damned satisfied. Happy now? See the shit that happened just 'cause you wanted to know whether or not we could fuck?"

Natalie shrugged her shoulders haphazardly, moving to sit at the head of the bed. Reaching to brush her fingers down Zachary's tummy, she maintained a naïve impression about what had happened. After a night of sobbing into a soggy pillow, she decided that things couldn't possibly be as bad as she projected it. "'Lana loves you more than life itself and she's pregnant, she's not going to just leave--"

"She walked in and saw you with my dick in your hand," Nick hissed, wincing in pain when his nose twitched with annoyance. Cupping his palm over the bandages, he slumped on the foot of the bed. "That was pretty much a deal breaker, Nat."

"Look at the bright side, she didn't shove the engagement ring into any of your cavities though--"

"I'm sure she would have if she'd been able to see straight. Don't you realize that she hates me now?"

"She hates me, too."

"Trust me, she hates me more…" Nick trailed, getting to his feet so he could move the bags to the door.

"Nick… You wanted to do it as much as I wanted to do it--"

"That doesn't make it any less wrong. Put him in the carrier for me?"

"You're really serious about making me find somewhere else to live?" Natalie asked, turning to gather Zachary into her arms. But, the baby had turned onto his stomach, using the blankets as leverage to scoot across the large bed. He seemed determined to get away from her.

"Maa!" Zachary announced, looking to his father with a wide grin as he continued his trek.

"Hey, Son," Nick murmured, dropping the bags just outside the door for the bellman to retrieve. Glancing down the hallway to see the trolley already being wheeled towards his room, he turned to scoop Zachary up into his arms. "I'm serious, Natalie."

Natalie's facial expression turned crestfallen. "Why?"

"Because of what always happens when we're alone together! If we're not fighting we're--"

“Falling in love?" she guessed hopefully, just wanting someone to love her, if anyone.

"…What?"

"We were falling in love… Right?"

"God no," Nick breathed, staring at her incredulously. Was she truly that naïve, to think that their actions indicated deeper feelings? "Holy shit, Nat--"

"What?" Natalie whispered, immediately scrambling from the bed.

"You were falling in love me?"

"God, no," Natalie breathed, clasping her hands into her lap when she ended at the edge of the bed. "What makes you think that? Like we could ever make anything good together…"

Nick eyed her warily, not quite believing her denial. "But you just looked all hopeful like some kid at Christmas--"

"Oh please, what does it matter, Nicky? It wasn't like you were falling in love with me. And Brian's my one and only… And you're hopelessly in love with Alana… Right?

"Right."

"So… What are you going to do?"

"Go home and raise my son… She already changed numbers on her phone, and neither Howie or AJ'll talk to me, which isn't surprising. I have no idea where she is or what she's doing."

"You're sure you don't want me to help--"

"You've helped enough," Nick interrupted with a sigh, stooping to place Zachary in the carrier. Once his son was strapped in, babbling excitedly, he glanced towards Natalie. "Just give me a call when you're ready to come get your stuff."

"Are you not going to be at the house when I come to get my stuff? Is that it? We're just going to stop being friends and everything because of one little mistake? Because 'Lana overreacted?" Natalie charged, standing with a disconcerted expression crossing her face. The spring of tears welled in her caramel eyes while she studied Nick, wanting him to tell her otherwise.

"I'll be there, Jesus… She didn't overreact. Considering the circumstances, she probably under-reacted," Nick sighed. "We can still be friends, okay? I just need to get things worked out with Beautiful."

Upon hearing his father's nickname for his mother, Zachary squealed with excitement. Throwing his head around, he attempted to rock his car seat so he could find her. Thrusting a fist into his mouth, his lightening brows furrowed in confusion. "Da! Maa? …Mama?"

Nick picked up the carrier, glancing towards Zachary with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "We're going to find Mama, Son…"

"Dada! Mama!" Zachary approved with a lopsided grin against the fingers he had thrust into his mouth, looking to Natalie.

"We'll see you around, Natalie," Nick promised.

"You're not going to find her--"

"The Hell I'm not."

"She's changed her--"

"I don't give a damn what she's changed. I'll find her."

"You love her so much…"

"More than anything in the world," Nick promised before turning to leave.

Closing her eyes and pursing her lips together to keep from crying out, she waited for several moments after Nick allowed the door to close behind him. Satisfied that he would already be on the elevator and leaving, she hurried over to her hotel room, fumbling with the lock till she was safely inside. Without warning, a sharp sob burst from her chest as wave after wave of angry guilt swept over her. She had compromised the future marriage of Nick and Alana because she was feeling insecure. Because she wanted Nick to love her in the chances that she could love him and forget about Brian. But, she had only caused the destruction of so many lives and now she was homeless. Heaving a strangled breath, she reached for the phone, hurriedly punching in the familiar numbers to Howie's home.

Wiping her eyes on the hem of her t-shirt, she released a hearty sob when Howie answered on the second ring, his voice as always tinged with just a note of warmth and welcome.

"…Hello?"

"Howie, I need help," she instantly whined with a broken whimper.

"…Nattie?"

"Nicky kicked me out…"

"Oh, Nattie," Howie sighed softly. "…Don't you think that maybe that was in the best interest of both of you?"

"Yes," Natalie agreed after a moment, allowing the word to drag out over several syllables. Sniffling, she fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt, hoping Howie would help her. "But now I have nowhere to go…"

"Don't you still have your place in Georgia?"

"I got out of my lease when Baylee was in the hospital," Natalie admitted. It had seemed the natural thing to do. Somehow she had known deep down that Brian would take care of her when Baylee got better. Now those plans and thoughts were all for naught.

"…Well, where do you want to live, Nattie?"

"You mean my dream house or just a place to throw my purse down at the end of the day?" Natalie questioned with a hiccup.

"Where you'd like to live right now, Nattie. Do you want to stay in California? Do you want to go back to Georgia? Maybe you liked Kentucky best? Or Florida?"

"California, I suppose… If Alana still wants me to help her out…"

"We need all the help we can get and I'd love to still be able to give you a paycheck. The thought of you starving, poor, and hungry just makes me sick… We just can't tell Alana that you're helping out right now. Maybe let you run the website and keep up on her appointments for me…"

"That sounds pretty good to me, Howie…"

"I have to find Alana a little place, so it won't be a bother to find you one while I'm on the hunt-You didn't hear that from me."

"Okay. Thank you so much, Howie."

"How are you doing, Sweetheart?"

"I'm okay," Natalie lied softly, quickly brushing the newest wave of tears away.

"You don't sound okay…"

"I just lost my best friend and my living quarters, Howie…"

"Which best friend are we talking about?"

"Alana… Who else?"

"I'm just wondering what Nick was to you, Nattie… What you were thinking when you two decided to… Did she really find you on my desk with him? What were your intentions?"

"God, Howie," Natalie groaned, flopping onto her back so she could stare at the ceiling. "I don't know what we were thinking… And yes, she found me on your desk with him… I was drunk and trying to prove to myself that I could still bring a man to… I don't know."

"So many men at that party and you decide to prove your feminine wiles on Nick? God, Natalie, you're so beautiful and charming. Every man looks your way when you walk by. They remember who you are no matter how briefly they met you…"

"I'm sorry, Howie…"

"I'm not the one you have to apologize to, Nattie."

"I know that… Can… Can I stay with you until you find me a place? My budget doesn't allow for a hotel stay right now--"

"Yeah, Alana left a few hours ago."

"Left? …Do you know where she's going?"

"I'm one of her managers, of course I know where she's going."

"And I'm her assistant, I should know where she's going too…"

"She's spending a few days in Kentucky. Seems the anniversary of her son's death is in two days and she promised her ex-husband that she'd visit the cemetery with him. Of course, that'll be after she goes to the Emergency Room… Remind me to call her to make sure she actually went--"

"Emergency Room? What happened?" Natalie chirped worriedly. "God, did something happen to the babies--"

"Nothing happened to the babies and nothing will… That is if she manages to get her appetite back at all… Seems she got sick in front of Tabu, which probably put a hurting on my sales… But, she sent her hand through a mirror. She's pretty sure she broke a few bones in her wrist and hand area. It's bruised and swollen. And the cuts… She'll be lucky if it doesn't get infected--"

"Oh, God, and it's all my fault," Natalie groaned.

"It's Nick's fault - his hard head probably didn't help her hand--"

"No, it's my fault," Natalie disagreed, sliding off the bed so she could begin to pack her few things. Sniffling, she picked up the dress she had worn the night before, eying it ruefully before tossing it into the trash. "I was the one who had a fixation on Nick. The one who had to prove something to herself. The one who got drunk and practically raped him--"

"He's a grown man and he could have said no--"

"Stop arguing with me… Can you come pick me up?"

"Yes, I'll leave right now."

"I really appreciate this, Howie… And I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"We're friends, Nattie, think nothing of it."