The first person he didn’t want to see was the first person he saw. Red hair hung in her face as he starred silently at her for a moment. She had a grey blanket around her shoulder and her head was in her hand. He could from his view see there wasn’t much attached to him. His eyes starred at her until she flinched and sat up with red eyes. She nearly gasped as she sniffed and gathered her red hair up and pushed it from her face with one quick motion.
“Howard I-I, I’m so sorry. I, Howie I’m so sorry.” She sighed wiping fresh tears from her face, ‘I’ll leave and get the doctor, ‘kay?” she sniffed as she got up and her skirt danced from the swift movement she made toward the door.
“Sarah.” He whispered. She turned and quickly floated back to him remarkably fast considering her current wear of a semi-wet shirt and a wrinkled bohemian skirt falling just below her ankle bone hidden by heels.
“What Howard,” she said softly kneeling near his bed side as he starred into her eyes sleepishly. She wiped tears from her eyes absently sniffing. “I know I’m stupid okay; I’m so stupid and I hurt you so, so bad and I’m so, so so sorry. Damn you can’t believe.” She whispered taking his hand.
“I want to go home.” He said, his voice’s volume rising after he cleared his throat. He coughed violently and she patted his back.
“The doctor wants to talk to you.”
“I need to talk to you.” He said softly. Reality sucked…badly.
“I don’t know-”
“Shut up.” She stopped and starred at him. She’d take his bluntness. She’d be fine with it for now. It was perfectly understandable. “What happened?”
“I, I made Josh get you. I ran in there before I realized I could swim and-“she sobbed loudly standing up, “Damn it you’re stupid! You stupid fuck, I thought I was selfish!” she screamed. “You were so pale…I thought you were dead.” She said the last part softly compared to the fast speaking of the beginning of her dialogue.
“I don’t understand.” He said softly, “Why do people cheat? Why did you cheat?” she starred into his eyes and saw nothing. No sweetness, no heart. No feeling or forgiveness. Nothing and it scared her to death.
“People cheat because they’re stupid.” She said bluntly. “I love you and you know, never mind.”
“I want a real answer Sarah.” He said. She nodded rubbing the left side of her face.
“I don’t know why people cheat. I know why only I cheated on you and, and…it was because…” she paused for several seconds nearly topping a minute before she opened her mouth again. “…there was this emptiness inside. It…I was mad. It’s so stupid, it shouldn’t matter to you why. I cheated, I did it and there’s nothing that can change-”
“I want an answer!” he hissed at her grabbing her arms. It was intended to be rough but he hadn’t yet regained his full strength. “Please…”
She closed her eyes. Oh how beautiful she is. That beautiful blue dress and red curls. They stood there in that park so silently listening to the soft chirping of the nature’s night life.
His grip was released when she opened her eyes and revealed eyes of glass, ready to pour oceans.
“I was jealous okay. I was jealous that you still had a family and it made me mad. Then I saw you talking to your cousin and, and it hurt okay.” She blinked fast to try and make the tears go away. She was tired of crying, she had a headache that was slowly turning into a migraine and she was so frustrated.
“So, you go out and start fucking other people because you’re mad because I have a family?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. It kind of just happened with Joshua, like it happened with you. Like when we kept bumping into each other at Starbucks and stuff. Like randomness. You can’t understand.”
“Than make me understand Sarah because I didn’t try and kill myself for fun.”
“And what thehell does that mean?” She snapped starring at him. She finally began to see something in his eyes. Sadness.
“It means that I don’t want to live anymore. Nothing works out anymore. You know, I thought you were special but I’m sorry because now, you’re just another stranger I thought I knew.”
“Howie, I know sorry is a small word okay. But, we all have problems.”
“Caused by other people.”
“And ourselves too. I admit, me and Joshua was my fault. You weren’t sleeping with him, I was. I know you and I’m sorry.”
“If you knew me,” he hissed, “I didn’t talk to my parents. If you knew me, you’d know that the “cousin” I was talking to was my sister Sarah.”
“Okay, so I don’t know about your personal life.”
“And after my father’s death and mother’s suicide, you’d know how fragile my heart has become.” He said softly. She didn’t know what to say. There was nothing to say because he was right and she was wrong. But then she already knew that and she never like the truth to be shoved in her face if she were right or wrong. She always took it personally. Oh well, just one more tear to paint on her canvas she figured.
“The doctor wants to talk to you.” It was soft and void of much emotion. She just felt like crap and wanted to go home.
“Okay.” He said softly before looking up into her eyes. She could barely maintain his eye contact. “That’s all? That’s all you’re going to say?” he asked and she breathed in deeply closing her eyes.
“What are we?” she asked softly, “Where do we go from here?”
