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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey everyone, sorry its taken so long to update this story, but thanks for the reviews, they really inspire me to write more.

enjoy and rememeber to read and review

Thanks a million

Tracy
I sat in the "breakfast" area of the bus, and just starred out side, listening to the song that played softly on the stero, it was a beautiful, clear night that night, there was no clouds in the sky just the stars shining brightly,
"Why are you up so late, don't you need like beauty sleep or something?" AJ asked with a grin as he leaned against the wall, he was wearing Nike sports pants and no shirt, his sexy tattooes displayed for everyone to see. I smiled up at him
"Hey J" I answered, as I got up and made him a cup of Milo,
"You okay?" he asked, his stunning brown eyes, full of concern,
"Yeah, I'm fine, why?" I answered, trying not to look at him,
"you just look ... so ... sad" he whispered staring at me, I handed him, his cup of Milo and sat down again, going back to staring out of the window. I laughed lightly, trying to ease the tenstion that had built up.
"Whats so funny?" he asked with an amuzed grin,
"You worry too much, ya know that?" I asked him, he grinned at me,
"its in the job description, worrying, comes with being a best friend to someone" he told me seriously, and grabbed my hand in his,
"You know you can talk to me and the rest of the guys about anything ... right?" he asked, I smiled up at him and hugged him,
"Yeah I do, I love you" I whispered, he smiled back and whispered the same thing to me, the problem was, I meant in as in more then friends, but I just couldnt tell him.
"AH whats going on here .... having a tea party without me" Brian asked with messed up hair, and the goofiest grin,
"Ya know, I've never met anyone who can have a smile that big, just after waking up" I told him with a laugh as he sat down next to me, and AJ sighed,
"Just go away Bozo the clown, if we needed you, we would call you" AJ joked to Brian,
"How many times do I have to tell you, you not invited to any party that Ash and I are having, thats why they "Secret" tea parties" AJ replied pretending to be annoyed with him, but shooting a wink and grin in my direction, I just sat there giggling at the two, It had been so long since I'd felt this comfortable and Safe, I knew if the guys were with me, nothing or no-one could hurt me.
"Kiss my ass" Brian replied as he gave AJ a dirty but playfull look to show he was just joking, then he threw his arm around my shoulder with a smirk,
"well SHE is MY best friends COUSIN" Brian added with attitude,
"oh yeah, and thats sooo scary, because the whole world is terrified of THE NICK CARTER" AJ answered scarcastically,
"That's good .... everyone should be terrified of me" Nick joked pulling a "macho-man" poses behind AJ, which just caused me to start giggling, and not long after that, I had Nick, Aje and Brian on the floor with laughter. After it had all died down, I cleaned up then announced I was going to get more "beauty sleep" as Aj had so nicely put it.
"night love ya guys" I said as I gave each of them a big hug, and headed back to my bunk.

I lay in my bunk that night and just let the tears fall, I knew I had to tell them, but how could I tell them this, they would freak out so bad, I was so scared, what would they think of me? what if they thought I deserved it? I cried my self to sleep thinking about it.


"No leave me alone, please .... i'm sorry, Just please don't hurt me" I cried, as I tossed and turned, trying to get away from him, I had been having the same nightmares since it happened, I had been terrified to close my eyes lately.

"Ash .... Ash" Kevin said shaking me, "no, please don't hurt me, i'm sorry" I cried, I opened my eyes to see 5 sets of very concerned eyes starring back at me, without even realising it, I grabbed Kevin and clung on to him, "I was so scared" I cried, I felt him wrap his arms tightly around me, "its okay Ash, shhhh" he said soothingly, as he gently rubbed my back, trying to calm me down, I sat their hugging him and crying for about half and hour, before I lay down to try go back to sleep,
"Night Ash" they all said, as they kissed my cheeck goodnight.

~~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~~~

"Ash" Kevin said lightly shaking me,
"We at the hotel" he whispered. I groaned but pushed the blankets off me,
"okay thanks Kev" I replied my eyes still blood-shot from crying a few hours before, I jumped off the bunk and grabbed my clothes before setting off to the bathroom to get ready, When I finally got out of the bathroom and finished getting my bags ready, I could see the concern in AJ's beautiful chocolate brown eyes, and sighed, I knew I was going to have to come up with a good excuse for the night before,

Just then the screaming pulled me out of my day dream, and I realized that we had pulled up outside the hotel, I still couldnt get over how famous the guys had become, I mean come on I've known them basically my whole life, to me they were "just the guys" but to everyone else they were the "Backstreet Boys".

That day the guys had a full schedule so I spent the afternoon at the hotel, after swimming for a few hours I decided to head back up to my room and get ready for dinner, knowing the guys would be back any second. About half and hour later there was a knock on my door,

"Coming" I shouted as I quickly put on a pair of blue bellbottom jeans and a shirt,
"hey" I greeted my cousin,
"hey Ash , you ready to go?" He asked as he walked into my room,
"5 minutes" I said running back into the bathroom to finish my make up and hair,
I walked out of the bathroom about 15 minutes later and we headed down to the lobby, we had decided it was safer to attend the Hotel's resturant, then go somewhere else.

"Uh ... Ash ... you okay" Kevin asked quietly, we had been sitting in silence the whole night, everyone lost in thier own thoughts.
"yeah, I'm fine," I said with as much of a smile as I could,
"it was just a stupid nightmare" I answered,
"So Bri, I hear you got a new girlfriend" I asked him excitedly, hoping the guys would go with me and change the subject, I couldnt stop thinking about the night before, I knew I had to tell them, but not now. It just wasnt the right time.

"yeah, I do" Brian said, his whole face lighting up, at the thought of Leighanne.
"Leigh's amazing Ash, you'll love her, I know you will" he aswered, I smiled, so happy to see Brian like this, i hated it when one of the guys were hurting; It hurt me just as much, after all they were more then just my best friends, They were my hero's, my brothers in simple they were my LIFE.