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When I heard a knock at my door, about half an hour after I got home, I jumped up and ran to the door, hoping it would be Nick. When I got there, I saw that it was Nick, but he had a bruised ring around his eye. It couldn’t have been, AJ wouldn’t do that, as far as I knew. I quickly opened the door.

“Hi Nick,” I greeted.

“Hey,” Nick replied.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Nick winced with pain as he spoke.

“AJ punched me,” Nick answered, “It really hurts.”

I then put my fingers out to touch the bruised area around his eye. The minute I even touched it lightly with the tips of my fingers, Nick winced again.

“I have black eye, don’t I?” Nick asked.

“Well, it’s actually more purple…” I started.

“Now what am I going to do?” Nick asked as he slumped down on my couch.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“If I can barely speak with out it hurting, how am I supposed to sing?” Nick returned.

“Do what you normally do,” I answered.

“Go on stage when you’re sick, dance when you break your leg, record when you have a cold, travel when a family member is dying, shoot intimate scenes in videos when you have a girlfriend,” Nick rattled off, “I hate that.”

“What else can you do?” I asked.

Nick then looked up at me with a look of shock in his eyes. It was as if he had suddenly realized that there was nothing else he could do. If he didn’t go onstage when he was sick, fans would be disappointed. If he didn’t dance when he had a broken leg, the stage show wouldn’t seem right. If he didn’t record when he had a cold, he wouldn’t be on the CD. If he didn’t travel when a family member was dying, he would disappoint every single fan. And if he didn’t shoot intimate scenes in videos when he had a girlfriend, there would be no video. The only way out of it would be to give up and not be in the music business, and what kind of a way out is that?

Nick suddenly realized the whole of it all and answered, “Nothing.”

I nodded.

“Wait, I could quit after the tour and I could come out here and we could…” Nick started.

“Nick, don’t be like me, whatever you do, don’t be like me,” I told him.

“Why, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re great,” Nick disagreed, “you don’t have to worry about hundreds of people, thousands of people, millions of people…”

“You’re right, I don’t,” I cut him off, “but I did.”

“What do you mean D?” Nick asked me.

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it,” I told him, “just don’t turn out to be a quitter, ok?”

“D, is there something locked up inside you,” Nick asked, “what’s so terrible about it, why can’t you tell me?”

“Alright, I’ll tell you,” I replied, “but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

Nick nodded.

“Alright, when I was 6 I was with the New York Ballet Company,” I started, “they thought I was really good and they wanted me to be on their touring team.”

“You were a ballerina?” Nick asked.

“Yeah,” I answered, then continued, “Anyway, when I was 7 my parents were going through a divorce and it hit me pretty hard.”

I paused and looked at Nick. He was watching me and listening very intently. I decided to continue.

“I didn’t want to tour while my family was splitting,” I explained, “so I tried everything to get out of it, but they wouldn’t let me.”

Nick nodded and then agreed, “It’s the same thing for us, we have to plan our personal lives around Backstreet Boys, instead of planning Backstreet Boys around our personal lives.”

I nodded, then continued.

“So I finally decided to break my leg, I asked if I could come back after it had healed,” I remembered, “but they said I wouldn’t be able to dance afterwards and that they didn’t want me back.”

“I’m sorry.” Nick commented.

“It’s ok,” I replied, then continued, “So after the divorce was done my mom and I moved out here, I haven’t put on a pair of shoes since, almost 14 years.”

Nick nodded.

“So you see Nick,” I told him, “if you do quit, you’ll look back on it and regret it for the rest of your life.”

“Yeah, I think I understand now,” Nick agreed, “I mean there are times when I hate the business, but somehow I know that it’s our destiny.”

“It probably is,” I agreed.

“D, do Carrie and Sauna know this?” Nick asked.

“No,” I answered, “not even Hannie knows it.”

“They’re your friends, why are trusting me with this?” Nick asked.

“Because I know you’ll benefit from it, and I know that you’ll keep it a secret,” I answered.

Nick nodded.

“Thank you,” I told Nick.

Nick then leaned in to kiss me. This time we weren’t interrupted by Howie, or anyone. Nick then put his arms around me and held me. The way he acted seemed to be telling me ‘let’s stay here and be like this forever. Let’s not leave,’ but I knew that Cali was still on the back of his mind, and I knew that was where he wanted us to be.

Suddenly Nick let go.

“We’d better get headed to the venue or we’ll be late,” Nick told me.

So then we left to go pick up Phanny and go to the venue. Everything would be the same except Phanny couldn’t come back, the manager got mad at Nick for bringing Carrie back, let alone me, and said Nick could only bring one of us back. Of course he picked me.

After the concert Nick and I drove Phanny to Mikka’s house and then Nick drove me home.

When we got to my house Nick stayed in his car.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked.

Nick shook his head, then answered, “I gotta let you think about Cali.”

I nodded.

“So I guess this is good-bye?” Nick asked.

“No, I really see it as ‘if you don’t come, I’ll see you next tour’ sort of thing,” I answered.

Nick then looked at me, like he always does when I say something like that.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” I told him.

Nick then got out of his car and stood right in front of me.

“I’ll always love you D,” Nick told me.

“I’ll always love you,” I agreed.

“If you don’t come,” Nick told me, “I want you to have this.”

Nick then pulled off the gold cross from around his neck. I’d seen him wear it a couple times, but I thought it meant a lot to him.

“No matter what happens, keep this D, promise?” Nick asked me.

“I promise,” I told him.

Nick then placed the necklace around my neck. After he did I clung to the chain like it would break if I let it go.

Nick then leaned in and kissed me. We kissed for a long time until Nick felt he really had to leave.

After Nick pulled away I saw the tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“I love you,” Nick told me, “don’t you ever forget that.”

“I love you too,” I told him.

Then Nick got in his car and drove away, thinking he would never see me again. What he didn’t know, is that I had packed for Cali while I was waiting for him to come, after he was done talking to AJ. I just had to add a few more things and that was it.