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She didn’t hear him so much as she sensed that he was there. Despite the tremendous amounts of pain and pressure her body was feeling, she knew she would always know when he was near. Rosa turned her head to give him a small smile.

“Hi.”

He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know if he could say anything. His heart was lodged somewhere in the vicinity of his throat, and he was wondering if he would have a heart attack from the way his heart was racing.

Managing to smile back, he stepped closer to the hospital bed. “Hello.”

Rosa shifted a little and rubbed circles over her belly, all the while watching him. “I-aren’t you going to yell?” she whispered.

He shook his head. “I couldn’t…I just—what’s going on?” His gaze was glued to her.

Before she could speak, another contraction hit her, and she fought to breathe through it. Seeing her in pain shot Howie out of his dazed state, and, taking her hand, he counted for her, helping her to breathe through it. It had been five years to the day since they’d last done this, but it came back to him.

When the pain had passed and the doctor had determined that there was still a ways to go before she was fully dilated, Rosa looked at her husband again. She couldn’t help but want to cry at the fact that his eyes showed not one ounce of disappointment, anger, or sadness as he watched her. Just love.

“Howie, tell me you’re angry. Tell me you’re pissed as hell at the fact that I left,” she begged, not wanting him to forgive her.

Bewildered, he frowned. “I can’t be mad. You’re here now, but I just…why? Why, Rosa? Why’d you leave?”

She glanced down at her swollen belly and back into his eyes. “We talked about this, Howie. Don’t you remember?”

“Remember what? I can’t quite recall ever talking about you leaving,” he replied.

She shook her head. “You said that it was probably best that we not have any more children after Ellie. That our hectic lives wouldn’t be the best environment to raise children in. That you were hoping that we’d do a good job with Ellie, but you didn’t want to take a chance that we’d fail with another child.”

As much as he wanted to deny he’d ever said those words, he knew she was right. He could remember saying that as he watched Ariella sleeping in her crib when she was a year old. How he was praying that he’d never fail her as a father, but his uncertainties that he would be able to be a father to more children were haunting him. He loved his career and he loved his family. He’d done well enough with one child and a career, but he didn’t think his luck would hold out if he and Rosa had any more.

He was snapped out of those thoughts as she struggled through another contraction. He wiped her forehead with a cool, wet cloth a nurse handed him and waited for her to catch her breath.

Finally, she looked up at him with cautious gray eyes. “Was I wrong?” she whispered. “Did I imagine you saying that?”

Howie sighed and shook his head. “I did say that, but it was four years ago, Rosa! I was worried that I’d mess up, but the last few years have proven that it wouldn’t be difficult to have more kids.” He stopped, frightening thoughts flooding his mind. “What were you planning on doing, Rosalie? You found out you were pregnant, so you left. What were you going to do? Were you going to come back?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I love you and Ellie. I was absolutely coming back.”

“What about the baby?”

She laid a hand over her belly again. “I was going to make sure it was okay, and then I’d come home.”

“You were going to give up our child?” He didn’t know what scared him more, the fact that she hadn’t trusted him or the fact that she had been willing to give up their child.

She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes. “Howie, I didn’t want to disappoint you. I didn’t want you to feel burdened”

He cut her off. “How could you ever think our child would be a burden? Did you think so little of me that you didn’t believe I’d be able to love another child as much as I love Ella?”

Another contraction hit her, and she squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn’t be able to see the sorrow and hurt on his face. Even when the pain had passed, she kept her eyes shut. She’d rather die than hurt him, and she’d gone and done it anyway. The best intentions, she thought.

“Lead to hell?”

Her eyes popped open. “Did I say that out loud?”

He nodded, an unreadable expression on his face. “You did.”

“Oh, okay.” She couldn’t think of anything to say, so she focused instead on the doctor kneeling between her legs to examine her.

Seconds of silence turned into minutes. Two hours later, Rosa tried to keep herself from pushing while Howie knelt behind her. The pressure was becoming unbearable, both from the baby and from Howie. She knew she’d have to say something soon or explode. She loved him too much to see all the love he’d had for her turn to hate.

They’d met when she had been working at Jive during the summer of 2004. She’d been interning while working on a Master’s for her business degree, and he’d been the Backstreet Boy recording a fifth album. She’d been allowed to sit in on meetings where their contractual obligations had been discussed and taken copious notes on the ins and outs of it all. After one of those meetings, Howie had approached her and asked if she wanted to help him with a contract he’d been working on at the time.

As a twenty-three year old business student, the opportunity had thrilled her. As a Backstreet fan, she’d nearly passed out. The rest of the summer had passed with her learning more than she’d thought she’d ever learn about business from time with a popstar. He was intelligent, though, and, despite the nearly decade of difference between them, she’d fallen in love with him. Three months later, he’d shown up at her doorstep on Christmas and told her he wanted to try dating. Dating had turned into so much more, she thought now. They’d married after the Never Gone tour, and Ariella had been born months later. She’d been so lucky and then screwed everything up on her own.

Panting the shallow breaths she was instructed to do, she laced her fingers with Howie’s.

“I…had…them…call…you,” she breathed.

He raised a brow and continued to rub her belly with his free hand. “Why?”

“Because…when…I…felt the contractions…I knew…I couldn’t…have…the baby…without you…here…with me. I couldn’t…give it…up…I…tore…up…the contract…with the…agency…I…was wrong,” she managed to breathe out before the pain became too much.

Minutes later, when he knew she would be able to speak again, he spoke. “Why did you do all that? If you thought I’d be angry at another child, why would you decide to let me know and keep the baby, too?”

Rosa turned her head to look into his eyes. “Because I knew that, no matter what, you would love our child and never be able to turn away from it.” She turned away again. “Regardless of whether or not you still loved me.”

He tightened his grip on her hand. She’d wanted him there. She had, in some twisted way, believed in him despite his words. And she believed he didn’t love her. The forgiveness was eking its way from his heart to his tongue.

“I can’t stop loving you, Rosa. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I feel the same way about Ella and this baby that’s fighting its way into the world.”

She turned her head again and met his eyes with tears clouding the smoky hue of hers. “I don’t deserve you, Howie. God, I love you so much.”

He laid his lips on hers and took in the taste he’d missed for months. Pulling back, he brushed his lips over the tears on her cheeks. “I love you, Rosa. Now, let’s try to get this baby into the world. I’m dying to see our child.”