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I had no idea why I let these memories show their ugly heads. I should remember the good things. When I tried to grasp for those, they were hard to come by that's when the tears came. They were hard to come by because they barely existed. Not in those days anyway, I wonder why my mind fixated on Germany in 1995. There were so many other focal points I could have reminisced about, why then? I wiped my tears away as a knock on the door was heard. I stood up from my position on the floor pasting on my smile. Taking a deep breath I asked who it was.

"It's your momma" AJ said in his best ghetto voice. I laughed and opened the door. He was dressed to the nines. He wore a gray suit with matching hat. "Very spiffy" I said as he entered.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" He asked me when he noticed my sweats and tee shirt. I looked down at myself wondering why I was so slow moving.

"I was having a moment" J laughed, "Well I didn't mean to interrupt. Do you need to go wash your hands or something?" I play slapped him on the back of the head.

"I heard that Rok let you watch the baby BSB" I nodded. "I'm surprised. He said that Bailey seemed undamaged" I rolled my eyes. "Is there something you need? Or did you just feel the need to come and annoy me?" He grabbed my cheeks, "Oh I'm just here because you are my sexy sexy man!" and then he kissed me on the lips.

"EW! Yuck! Get off me you freakazoid" He let go and plopped down on my bed. I followed after him, "Gee, make yourself comfortable Bone" He laid down and flipped on the TV. "Thanks Kaos my young man don't mind if I do" I stood in front of the screen blocking his view. "You know you make a better door than a window" I laughed and shook my head. "Doesn't your wife want you with her?" He smirked, "Aw she has about ten people in there working on her hair. Ten people! That's insane"

"And?.." He still continued to try to flip the channels even though I was standing in his way. "And, I couldn't take the smell of hairspray anymore." I still just stood there staring at this doofus lying on my bed. The doofus but also my idol. I used to idolize this guy.

"What are you smirking about Nick?" I laughed, "Just thinking about the days when I used to idolize you" He sat up looking dejected. "What do you mean USED to? You still idolize me kid, just admit it!" I rolled my eyes at him again. He sat up and patted the bed next to him, I moved. I just assumed we were going to have a moment but then he laughed and laid back down. "HA! Got you to move, now I can watch TV!"

I pushed him over and laid next to him on my big bed as he restlessly flipped through the channels. He looked over at me and chuckled. "You really did worship the ground I walked on didn't you?"

"Uh..no I didn't"

"Yeah you did, you just said so yourself"

"Okay okay I DID. When I was younger and didn't know any better."

"And now?.."

"Now I know better" He pretended to cry. "I am so hurt. Kaos doesn't love me anymore. I am so beside myself with grief" He paused for a minute, "Hey Nick would you do me a favor and grab me that book over there?" I should have seen it coming but it was a force of habit. I bent down to pick up a book that wasn't even there and with one swift kick he knocked me to the floor, he died laughing.

"I can't believe you still fell for that! Oh my God that's too funny"

"Shut up"

"You actually fell for that again"

"Shut up"

"I mean..this isn't even my room"

"Shut up"

"There's no book even on the floor"

"Shut up"
~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*
"And you still bent over to pick it up"

"Shut up!"

"I mean how stupid are you?"

"Shut up! God Kevin do I have to room with this loser? I will pay you to take me with you!" Kevin looked over at me and smiled. I knew this was payback from hitting him the other day. Howie, Kevin and Brian were going out clubbing leaving me with this dork! I knew he was gonna try to make my life a living hell and to be honest I wasn't in the mood. AJ sat there still laughing and pointing at me. I rolled my eyes at him and went to find Brian. Maybe I could persuade Bri to stay with us. I hated when they left without me. Usually they took AJ but because of AJ's recent Pub incident, Lou said he had to stay behind.

I found Brian gargling in the bathroom. I scared him making him spit all over himself. He didn't look amused. "Brian, please stay!" He was wiping his mouth on a towel, "You just spooked me and yet you ask me to stay? No way Jose" He pushed past me and into the main living area.

"Aw come on Brian, AJ will be so mean to me all night. He's gonna make my life miserable" Brian ignored me and went over to Howie and talked to him. I stood there sticking my tongue out at AJ. He returned the favor.

"Uh..Kaos you make a better door than a window" I was confused. I looked behind me and back to J, "Huh?"

"God you are such a dumbass! That means move, you're blocking the TV!" I pointed to AJ and yelled "You see? He is already calling me names. Kevin come on! Please don't go out!" Kevin just looked amused. "Guys, please? Come on!" They all put their jackets on. "Have fun boys!" Howie said and winked at us. "Don't stay up too late and order a pizza for dinner or something" They left but Kevin quickly backtracked his steps, "AJ, please stay out of trouble okay?"

"Yes sir!" He said, his gaze never leaving the television, "Keep an eye on Kaos" I rolled my eyes at Kevin and he laughed. "Oh you're a real comedian!" I screamed down the hall to all three laughing Backstreet Boys.

I closed the door feeling defeated and quickly walked over to the desk and started to draw in my sketchpad. "Am I that bad?" I looked up at AJ and he legitimately seemed hurt. Now I felt bad. "No..I just wanted to be by myself" I huffed before returning to my drawing. "You know you hate being alone."

"I know"

"Then why so desperate to be by yourself?"

"I don't know"

"Well just pretend I'm not in the room"

"I'm trying to do that now"

"So stop talking to yourself then" He smiled at me and raised his eyebrows, "You know, I don't want to be here either, I would've liked to go partying. But no, I get stuck baby-sitting" I turned my head around giving him a death glare. "I am not a baby and I don't need a sitter! You are here because you got shit faced the other night. Maybe I am baby-sitting you!"

"Yeah, that's it Kaos, you're baby-sitting me!" He rolled his eyes. I returned to my drawing, I had all but given up on Shmedley. He wasn't a good character menacing. He didn't have the same effect. I chose instead to try my hand at making AJ. I turned his way slightly so he wouldn't feel me staring at him. There he was lying on my bed flipping through channels occasionally letting out a sigh. I started to draw him as a caricature. I gave him a really big head and no hair. I made him wearing butterfly earrings and holding a purse instead of a remote. I wrote the words Mrs. Doubtfire underneath him and busted out laughing. He looked over at me curious.

"What's so funny now idiot?" I shrugged. He came over and I quickly closed my pad. "Whatcha got in there that's so hysterical?" He tried to grab it away but I wouldn't budge. He began tickling my neck. Damn it Howie for telling the world I am ticklish. I dropped the pad and he ran to the other side of the room with it. He looked at the picture and gave me a nasty look. I thought for sure he was gonna charge at me, I was ready but he didn't. He sat down and started to go through my drawings. I walked over a little surprised. I thought it was some kind of trick.

When I reached the chair he sat in, he looked up at me, "Hey you know what Kaos? These are really good!" I sat down across from him, "Really? you really think so?" He looked up and nodded. I felt pride. Wow I was getting a compliment for something I did, not something somebody else made me do. Those drawings were me and he was complimenting them.

"Thanks AJ" I said and smiled. "Wow man, I never knew you could draw like this and...woah dude! who is this hot chick?" I pulled it away from him, "It's nobody" He held his head at a slant and closed one eye in a 'sure it's not pose'. I Looked down and saw Sheila staring back at me. He sat back in his chair waiting for an explanation.

"I made her up J"

"Well she looks really real to me"

"She's not"

"You sure? I mean if you have a crush on her or something that's okay" I rolled my eyes at him.

"She's hot! Has our little Kaos officially gone through puberty? You must have, to make her that buxom!" He then thankfully noticed Shmedley standing next to her, "Woah check out this guy, He looks a little different from the uh..what was his name?"

"Shmedley"

"Okay he looks different from the Shmedley of before. This one looks down right angry and serious. The look doesn't work on this guy" He then flipped to an earlier picture of my creation, "Now this works, the silly colors, the dopey face, why did you make him change?" I shrugged at him taking my sketchpad away from him and moving it to the floor. "Things change, sometimes, people change"

"Is something wrong?" Wow he caught me by surprise. I could be crying on his shoulder about something and he still wouldn't ask me that question.

"No, why do you ask?"

"You seem off a bit. I can't put my finger on it. You know beating the crap out of people bigger and stronger than you, flying off the handle about stupid things..different"

"No, I'm fine"

"You sure?"

"Uh huh"

"Okay then" He went back to his position on the bed. I followed him lying down right next to him, "You know kid, there ARE two beds" I just stared at him smiling. He flipped and we watched. I don't think he stayed on a single channel for more than a couple of minutes at a time. He kept looking down at me and everytime he did I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Oh very mature Kaos!" I had the sudden urge to start jumping on the bed, I have no idea why but I did. I stood up and began to leap from bed to bed. My goal? To get AJ to fall. He looked at me and grabbed at my ankles everytime I jumped close to him. I took that as an opportunity to jump even higher to try to avoid his swiping arm. That's when it happened. I jumped on to the other bed, which was mine, and went right through it.

Luckily I didn't hurt myself but I broke the bed, an expensive hotel bed to boot. AJ jumped off his bed and came over to inspect the damage. He had a huge smile on his face. I however was close to tears.

"Way to go dumbass! That's what you get for jumping on the furniture. I got on my hands and knees and inspected the damage underneath. I had managed to bend the frame and the box spring was completely ruined.

"Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God! What are we gonna do?" I asked AJ, by now he was back on his bed flipping through channels again. "AJ! What are we gonna do?" He ignored me so I went over and stood in front of the TV.

"Uh, like I said before Nickers, you make a better door than a window"

"AJ, what are we gonna do?"

"What do you mean we? I was minding my own business"

"AJ p-lease?" I was desperate. Then his mood changed and he spoke with a soft tone gently patting the bed next to him.

"Come here kiddo" I walked over and sat next to him. He laid back down, "HA! only kidding just got you to move out of the way!" I punched him with all my might in the stomach. I really didn't mean to but I lost my temper. He grunted and pulled himself into a ball.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry AJ"

"Shut the fuck up and get out of my sight before I kill you. Then you wonder why none of us want to be around you!" He screamed at me. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat on the floor rocking back and forth resting my head on my knees. I cried hysterically.

About an hour later a gentle knock on the door made me pull my head away from my knees. I had long stopped crying but was still taking gasping breaths. My head hurt.
"Kaos? Come on out of there okay?" AJ pleaded, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that to you" I stood up and opened the door. He was sitting on the opposite side the door. I came out and bent down next to him.

"AJ I'm r-really s-s-sorry" He looked at me taken back by how upset I truly was. "Geez man, it's okay. It's okay, you didn't really hurt me that bad. Relax. Breath" I was so embarrassed that I allowed myself to get like this. I have been too emotional. People will begin to think that I am special or something.

"I didn't m-mean t-t-to punch you like that. I don't know what came over me"

"It's really no problem. I didn't mean what I said to you either." I was still taking deep breaths hiccuping through my emotions. "We don't hate you and don't mind being around you, most of the time anyway" I tried to smile. It didn't really work. I was still miserable. "W-what do you think Lou is going to do about the bed?" That's what I was really upset over. I knew he was gonna be extremely mad at me. Maybe even kick me out of the group, or worse yet, send me out on another mission.

"God Nick, you have to calm yourself down, you're shaking like a leaf" I didn't notice it before, but he was right. I was totally shaking. "Everything will work out. Lou will probably be upset, but you know, he'll get over it" He stood up and gave me his hand, I grabbed it and he yanked me up. We walked over to the bed to survey the damage, "Kaos, you are gonna catch hell for this man, I'm sorry"

"He's gonna fire me" I said dejected.

"Aw, no he's not, he wouldn't never do that! He'll just yell and possibly deduct it from your per diem. That's all"

"AJ...If he sends me somewhere would you come with me?" He looked over at me and immediately a deep sadness overwhelmed his features. It's like he figured it out without me having to say anything at all.

"Sure thing, of course I will" Was all he said, "You know, we can share this bed tonight if you want, otherwise it's the floor for you young man!" I laughed.

That night we slept side by side together on the bed, that's also the night when I figured out that he got me better than anyone else, even though he was a dork!

The next morning while Lou screamed about the extremely hefty bill coming from our room, I through clenched fists just listened to him ramble. He was telling me how he was gonna call my family and make them pay for it and so on and so on. I tried my best to block him out. It didn't work. I felt my anger swelling as my body began to shake.

"Lou, it was me not Nicky" What did AJ just say? Did I hear right?

Lou turned his attention away from me and glared at AJ. "Why the hell were you letting me yell at the kid for then?"

"I just didn't want to admit it Lou. Sorry" Then he looked over at me, "Sorry Nick! I should have said something sooner" I didn't know what to say, Lou continued to yell at J while I just looked on not saying a word. He did deduct the money from AJ's per diem and forced him to stay in for the next two weeks, other wise he was gonna charge his mother for the damage directly. After the room cleared and it was just J and I packing up to head back to the bus, I walked over and gave him a huge hug.

"Why did you do that for me?" I asked him through the embrace. Not letting him go.

"Nick" He pulled away from me, "It was no big deal, you WILL be lending me money whenever I need it though"

"Sure, no problem AJ"

"Good, now all I ask is that for the time I am punished, you will control that temper, no punching or hitting anybody or anything"

"Okay I promise"

"Good, now I guess you'll have ME to keep you company for the next two weeks" I rolled my eyes while secretly happy that I had AJ to keep an eye on me. I knew no matter how bad he treated me, he would be right there always...as long as I didn't stand in front of the television...