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I got dressed taking my time as Kevin between bursts of conversation with AJ, would rap at the door telling me to hurry up. I used to be afraid of him, I still am sometimes. Not so much as the early days, actually it was shortly after he rescued me outside of that crazy night club, that my view of Kevin began to change. I saw him in a slightly different light. A much more positive one. Shortly after that incident, I started to try to understand the man behind the stoic frame. Kev is one of the most layered people you could meet. Charming and polite to his fans and acquaintances, but those of us who he was very close to, saw the other side to his personality. The side that demanded the best from everyone at all costs, the perfectionist, who had little time to dawdle over things like fun. This is the Kevin that up until those days in Germany, I had known.

We had nothing in common. I would find myself complaining to his cousin about how he so unfairly treated me. Brian always promising that he would turn around. Striking analogies to children my age hanging out with grown men. It didn't happen often unless there was something 'sketchy' going on he would say and then laughter would ease up the frustration and the conversation would be dropped.

The night he so warmly placed a cover over my semi sleeping frame, I saw that gentle side come out. He was so mad at me, lecturing me to no end but yet, as I laid there, pretending to sleep, I saw that other side finally. Like Brain said, I saw him turn around a little. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all a big picnic for us but it was a start.

"Niiick?" I look over at the door and laugh, purposely slowing my pace to make him mad.
"Yes?" I say slowly and deliberately. "Are you almost done in there?" I laughed, "No Kevin I'm not. Why do you ask?" I hear him grumble under his breath. I loved egging the guy on, even now at 23, I loved making him mad. See what I really figured out about Kevin in Germany, was that he wore his emotions on his sleeve. I had fun with it too.

"Nick, you gotta get moving buddy! I don't want to be late for this!"

"Relax Kevin, I'll be done soon. Just chill out!" I heard him laugh and resume a conversation with AJ or was it Howie? Yup it sounded like Howie had now joined the party as well. Maybe I WAS making us late. I began to pick up my pace just a little.

Yeah, shortly after he came to my rescue in Germany, we found ourselves bonding once again, this time over something a lot more serious...
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I got myself out of bed very slowly. I hadn't been feeling well for the last few days and had developed a nasty nasty headache. I staggered over to the fridge searching for anything to eat that wouldn't make me vomit.

"What crawled up your ass?" AJ asked me when I started to grumble under my breath about there not being anything to eat. "Leave me alone!" I spit out at him. He shook his head at me and got up and went into the living area. I sat at the table and sulked. Putting my head down on my arms. I was so tired of living on this stupid bus and eating fast food morning, noon and night. All I wanted was a decent home cooked meal and a nice warm bed to sleep in.

"Hey Kaos!" Brian said as he took a seat across form me. "AJ said you are being pissy this morning" , I thought about totally ignoring him but instead just grumbled at him as well. "Hmmph!" I said through my sweatshirt sleeve. Brian found this amusing, "If you are still sleepy, why don't you just go back to bed? We still have a while before we get to our destination"
"Hmmmph!" I said a little louder. "What's the matter Nick?" Now, I could have answered this question so many different ways, but I chose the dumbest thing to say instead. I always did that. "I am hungry! And there is nothing to eat in the stupid fridge or the stupid bus!" I whined still not bothering to pick my head up from my arms.
"You're being pissy because you are hungry? That seems dumb to me!" I looked up at Brian and rolled my eyes. "Leave me alone please" I begged him and put my head back down on the table. He did. He walked right back to the living area, Wow two down and two to go I thought to myself.

Maybe I should've gone back to my bunk but I couldn't get comfortable. Some people liked the rocking motion of the bus finding it easier to sleep in it than a hotel bed, not me. All it did was remind me that I was moving farther and farther away from home. So I just sat there and sulked. Occasionally shifting my position between coughs. No one bothered me. They knew better, I'm sure they were just afraid I would pummel them or something. The thing is, I kind of wanted them to bother me, just a little. I didn't enjoy being alone, being with the guys, even if they were annoying me, would still be better than being by myself.

I found myself thinking of home. I wondered what my siblings were up to. My father probably trying to fix something in the backyard in the process breaking at least three other things. Mom cooking in the kitchen, oh who was I kidding, Mom didn't like to cook. She did in my imagination though. A home cooked meal from her would amount to some Hamburger Helper and frozen French fries. It was still more of a home cooked meal than what I was getting here. Having day old burritos for breakfast wasn't my idea of good home cooking. You know the thing that I missed the most though, sad as it sounds, were my animals. I missed my dogs so much, missed them jumping on me first thing in the morning when everyone else ignored their barks to go outside. Playing Frisbee and fetch with them. Licking my face when I was happy and never leaving my side when I was sick or sad. I wonder if they will even remember me when I go back home. They have probably bonded with the other kids by now, waking Aaron up instead of me.

I decided to go to the bathroom because I was about to lose it again. I swear I am such an emotional wreck! I got to the bathroom and ran into Howie who was just about to run in there. "Hey Nicky! You need to use the bathroom before I take a shower?" I shook my head. "You sure?" I nodded. "Well, you're a man of many words today aren't ya?" He said while winking at me. I rolled my eyes at him and proceeded back to my place at the table. I had debated on going to the back where everyone else was but figured it was best for all involved if I stayed right here.

I wasn't sure why I was even home sick, I mean, my home wasn't a home really. It was a house if that makes any sense. Mom has never been any good at the Mom thing, always a better manager than mother. I have gotten used to it but occasionally it has been rough. There are times that I just need a Mom not a business partner. She has always had a hard time separating the two identities. I still love her though, and at the moment I needed her here with me! I went over to Howie's bunk opening the curtain up and searching for his cell phone. His Mom had bought it for him as a birthday present when she realized how far away he would be from her. Now, she was a great lady.

I jumped up and searched under his pillow, I knew he wouldn't mind if I used it. I would pay him back. He knew I was good for the money. I still found nothing, but my mind wandered when I heard Kevin talking in the bunk next door. He obviously had Howie's cell. I started to sulk again throwing myself on Howie's pillows. His bunk seemed more comfortable than mine for some reason. Life was so unfair!

Through the quiet of the bunk I was able to hear bits of Kevin's conversation. It sounded like he was talking to his mother.

"Yes Mom, everything is good here...I am Mom I promise. I miss him too, I think about him all the time." I wondered who he was talking about, "Aw, Mom don't cry, you know he's watching you from above. I'll be home soon too I promise. I know he would have been proud, thanks...okay I love you too! Bye Mommy" I chuckled that he called his Mom mommy, I would have to save that and use it for later. I jumped down from Howie's bunk and pulled open the curtains to Kevin's bunk. I was floored by what I saw..Kevin..crying.

"What the fuck are you doing? Get the hell out of here!" He pushed me making me fall to the floor. He jumped down and reached for me. "God, Nick I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, you just surprised me that's all" I stood up brushing away my own tears. I was angry and hurt, and really not feeling well. "Just leave me alone!" I screamed at him as I huffed back to my own bunk. Just before hopping up I turned around and looked at Kev, he seemed so sad. I walked back over to him. "Hey Kevin, are you okay?" He looked up at me, tears still in his eyes and nodded. Now I know what I must look like when I blatantly lie. "Aw, Kev, no your not, let's talk" He seemed annoyed like what is this kid gonna do to help me? I hopped up in his bunk so he couldn't avoid me. He followed.

I sat close to his pillows while he sat by his alarm clock and TV. His long legs almost even with me. I was sometimes amazed by the size of him. He should have become a football player. I was getting to be pretty tall too but I was so scrawny next to him. He was still wiping tears away from his eyes. "Kevin, why are you so sad?" He laughed.."It's nothing little guy, I'm just a little homesick" He said he was homesick. Just like me! Amazing, finally something in common. "I am too" He smiled at me, "It's okay to be homesick Kevin. We are very far away" he nodded while resting his head against the wall. "Today is..it's nothing" Wow he was almost as bad as me, "Today is what?" I asked hoping to pry it out of him. He motioned for me to stop talking with his hand as he tried to collect his emotions. "It's just that today is my dad's birthday. I miss him you know? I wish I was home with my Mom and brothers instead of thousands of miles away. That's all" I looked at this great big man, who I was so intimidated by, and just for a second, I saw him turn into a small kid. Just like me.

He let out a big sigh letting me know he was done being emotional for now. I sat back and stared at him, could it be this guy and I had more in common than either of us thought? "Kev..Tell me about your dad" I asked him, I suddenly felt a need to get to know him better, this new Kevin I was seeing for the first time.

"Well, he was a great guy, As tall as me but so much more mellow. He loved to be outside, he loved nature and hiking and kids. God he loved to be around kids, every year he would volunteer to dress up like Santa for church. They all knew it was him but he did it anyway." He looked up at the sky smiling. I could tell he was recreating the scenes of his childhood in his mind. It was nice seeing him smile again.

"He sounds like a great guy. I wish I could have met him"

"Yeah, me too. He would have liked you! My dad was a practical joker"

"He was?"

"Yes, he was" I laughed, "But Kev..you are so serious! How did that happen?" He slapped my leg, "I have a fun side too you know!" Nah impossible. "I'd like to see that side every once and awhile" I told him as I started making my way out of his bunk.

"Hey wait a minute, what did you need?"

"Huh?..Oh..just the phone I wanted to call home" I said right before a coughing fit. He pulled me back into the bunk and was patting my back as I coughed. "you okay?"

"I'm sick"

"How so?"

"I just feel achy and icky! I miss home too. I want my Mom here!" I felt weepy again but stopped myself. He felt my forehead, I at first pulled away. I thought he was gonna slap me or something. "Kiddo, you have yourself a fever." He said pushing me down on his bunk. He jumped down, "Stay here I'll be right back" I nodded. His bunk was even more comfortable than Howie's! No fair!

He was back in a few minutes carrying a cup of hot tea and some toast with honey on it. He placed them down next to me and hopped back up. I felt embarrassed. I sat up ready to get down. "No, stay here! Drink this, it will help clear up some of that gross stuff in there" I nodded taking a sip and making a face. He laughed. "It's tea with lemon, it's good for you! Trust me"

"It would be even better with sugar" I tried to put it down but he wouldn't let me. "Here's the trick you take a sip of tea then a bite of toast. Do it" I did and he was right, the honey on the toast made the tea seem a lot sweeter. "thanks" I said while shivering. He placed his blanket over me, "Now rest, I know it stinks to be sick so far from home, but I'm here for you. Okay?" I nodded. I realized that maybe Kevin needed me as much as I needed him.

He just sat there keeping me company holding my tea for me, patting my back when I coughed and making sure I stayed nice and warm. "Kevin..thanks for being here for me"

"It's nothing little man, thank YOU for being there for me, you made me feel better and I appreciate it" I smiled. I fell asleep in his bunk, he switched with me for the night. I woke up feeling a little better physically but a lot better mentally, it was nice to know that I wasn't the only one longing to be somewhere else. I still managed to razz Kevin about calling his Mom Mommy though...