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I felt the goose bumps forming on my skin as I thought back to those days, I was so troubled back then. The smallest thing could set me off, I seemed to have no control over my emotions. I probably drove the guys crazy, I know I drove myself nuts! That's when drawing became more than a hobby for me, it became my escape...
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I pulled out my sketch pad to continue working on my new little character I had created. I called him Shmedley the great! He was this chubby little action hero with a big bulbous head. His feet were much bigger than the rest of his body and when he walked he often tripped and plummeted to the floor. He wore a ruby red mask that barely concealed anything over the great big rosy cheeks he possessed. His costume was a bright green jumpsuit complete with purple cap. Shmedley was colorblind... I started to laugh

"What is he laughing at?" I heard Howie whisper to AJ. "I haven't got a clue, I think he's lost his mind" J said in that over the top voice of his.

"Hey Nicky, What's so funny?" I ignored him just continuing to draw. I gave Shmedley big black cowboy boots with silver tips on the edges. He loooked so ridiculous I bursted out laughing. I laid my head down on my creation and laughed.

"That kid had done lost his mind!" AJ said over my laughter. He walked over to sit next to me. "Yoohoo, Kaos! What is so damn funny?" I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. I let out a heavy sigh trying to quelch my latest bout of giggles. He laughed despite the serious face he was wearing. He looked down at my drawing, "Who in the holy hell is that supposed to be?" I cracked up again. He looked at me like I was insane.

"SHMEDLEY!" I screamed through hysterical laughter. Howie and AJ both cracked up. AJ still looking perplexed. "Whatever" He said as he walked away. I looked at my drawing one more time closing my eyes and picturing this big guy walking down the street wearing this get up. "He's a chubby gay cowboy!" I squealed.

"Uh, who's a chubby gay cowboy?" Lou said walking in the bus followed closely by Kevin and Brian. I panicked, sticking my foot in my mouth.

"Oh God Lou, I wasn't talking about you" I heard Howie gasp. J chuckled under his breath. I said something stupid again didn't I? I thought to myself while I waited for somebody to say something.

"What? Well, that's not important, anyway...you guys need to be ready in twenty minutes" Lou said walking towards me. "You young man should work on your manners" He glared, "Twenty minutes in the lobby" Then in a huff he was gone.

"Oh way to go dumbass! It wasn't you Lou!" AJ said in a complete mocking fashion. I rolled my eyes at him. "Well I wasn't talking about him" Kevin and Brian now had joined Howie in the 'that boy is so unusual' staring department. I put my sketchpad off to the side and ran into my bunk to get ready. I stopped in my tracks and walked backwards back to where Kevin was standing.

"Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"What are we getting ready for?" He answered me without even looking up from his book. "Photoshoot" I walked back to my bunk and grabbed jeans and a sweatshirt. If it was a photoshoot, they would dress me up in whatever they felt like.

As we were leaving the bus for the hotel lobby, I decided to grab my sketch pad. I knew I would be bored to tears. Lou was waiting for us with a disgusted look on his face. He always seemed like he didn't want to have anything to do with us. Like he had somewhere better to be. He painted on a fake smile.

"Hi boys, are we all ready?" We nodded. Together we followed Lou into the rented minivan. He briefed us on the shoot but I wasn't listening. Too busy trying to figure out a cape color for Shmedley. He wore purple and green, what would go best with that?

"Nick? What do you think?" I peeled my eyes away from the road and gave Lou my honest opinion, "Blue, maybe gray"

"Blue, maybe gray what?" He asked me losing patience. I looked at my band brothers and they all wore smiles.

"Uh, sorry...what was the question?"

"Pay attention Nick! You have to focus!" He yelled. I think he ws still upset about the gay cowboy remark. I wanted to reassure him once again that I wasn't talking about him, but instead I chose to keep my big mouth shut.

"Sorry" I said looking down at the floor. I started to fidget. When I felt uneasy or upset I found I had several things I did, one of them was fidget. As if moving around would make things easier for me to deal with. The next nervous habit to show it's ugly face was licking my lips. This drove everyone crazy. I couldn't help it. Lou reached over and hit my legs.

"Stop it!" He growled. I froze. Kevin grabbed Lou's arm, that surprised me. "No need to hit the boy Lou, he'll stop" I smiled at Kevin but he gave me a stern look in return. I turned my attention back to the window. I was always getting this man mad. It wasn't always like that, there was a time when he laughed at things I did. I feel like the puppy who has grown into a big ugly dog that's not fun anymore.

We arrived at the photoshoot to see guess who? Yes the one and only Fritz Afforblat. I smiled, there was something about him that cracked me up. He didn't make me wear an angel get up this time but insisted that we do a few pictures with the guys holding me up in the air. I reluctantly agreed.

It actually turned out to be fun. Kevin was the only one taking it seriously, the other's just tried to make me fall on my head. Howie kept tickling my neck! I laughed, almost falling to the floor!

"I like the way you laugh little boy!" He said in his broken english. At the end of the shoot, Kevin picked me up and dangled me upside down, "Okay Nick before I let you go, promise me that you will focus for the rest of the day" I was laughing like crazy, "Kevin, I always pay attention!"

"Yeah sure you do" He began swaying me back and forth. "Promise" I felt my shirt falling down by my chin exposing my stomach. Brian took advantage of that and started to tickle me. I struggled a little too hard and actually did break free falling on my head. I hit with a loud thud. "Oh my gosh, are you alright?" Brian asked me falling to the floor next to me. I sat up shaking it off. "Nick, are you okay buddy?" Kevin asked a second later. I just looked at them both and started laughing.

"You know Shmedley would have never let you get away with that!" I said getting up off of the floor.

"Nick, sometimes you make absolutely no sense" Kev said leaving once assured that my head was still firmly planted on my shoulders. Brian laughed at me. "Nick..oh never mind. I don't think I want to know" He stood up patting my shoulder as he walked away. I made my way over to the bagel tray and this time made sure I got one before we left.

"Nikolas, can I speak to you for a minute?" Lou asked me before I had a chance to run away. I nodded as he motioned for me to join him in Fritz's office.

"Nick, I was wondering if you'd be interested in doing something for me" I took a bite of my bagel. I little too big of a bite and had accidently stuffed my mouth. He sat there patiently waiting for a reply. All I could do was hold my hand up with the 'give me a sec' sign, chewing ferociously trying to clear my mouth.

"Sure, what do you need?" I asked him finally able to talk. Now I wish I had a drink. Lou's face became serious for a minute. I suddenly wished the other guys were in here with me. "I need a favor from you. It's top secret." Okay, this was getting a little bizarre.

"What is it Lou?"

"Fritz has a request"

"Uh huh?"

"He would like you to pose for a picture"

"Okay, with the guys?"

"No, just you"

"Now?"

"No, in two days, it's for a seperate shoot. It is not associated with the boys." I took another bite of my bagel. This time it was a stalling bite.

"What is it for then?" I asked Lou now just curious.

"For his private portfolio"

"His what now?"

"His portfolio, He asked if he could do some shots of you because you are young. He is missing that from his porfolio. He wants to capture an innocent youth"

"This is legitimate right? Nothing creepy about it?" Lou laughed. "Gosh Nick, aren't you a little too young to be cynical? No Nick, there is nothing creepy about it. I owe him a favor and I thought maybe you wouldn't mind that's all" I just nodded in agreement.

"Great Nick! thanks so much I'll tell Fritz the good news." We walked out of the office only to run into Fritz and his assistant. "Hey Fritz good news, Nicky says he will do the shoot for you!" Fritz looked pleased and shook my hand. I had cream cheese on it, he pulled away a little grossed out. I nervously laughed. "Sorry" I said wiping my hand on my jeans. He just stared at me and smiled.

Lou stayed behind to talk to Fritz as I ventured back into the minivan. The boys all looked annoyed. "What took you so long?" Kevin asked. I could tell he wanted to drop me on my head again. "Sorry, just business things" Howie laughed. "You and business don't go well together" I then sat upright in a bolt of panic when I realized I almost left my sketchpad behind. I went running back into the studio looking for it. I grabbed it off of the floor and was just about to leave when hearing my name made me freeze in my steps.

"You will make sure he is home by midnight at the latest? We have a busy schedule tomorrow"

"Yes, The little boy will be home by midnight"

"Good. Fritz, keep an eye on him."

"Your boy will be a very popular appetizer. Don't worry I will watch him."

"Good because the last thing I need is for his mother to find out and then ALL hell will break lose" I was trying to figure out why my mother would cause hell when they walked out seeing me standing there. Lou looked panicked and Fritz let out a nervous laugh.

"Come on son, let's get back to the car. There's been a slight change of plans, you are having that photoshoot tonight." I rolled my eyes. I was looking forward to just resting tonight. Playing video games and watching stupid movies with the guys.

"Lou, I don't think I want to do this anymore" I said licking my lips. He turned around and gave me a look. "Nick, it's too late to back out now, I have given my word already and my word is my bond" I fidgeted as we continued to walk out to the car.

"Maybe you could ask Howie to do this, He's short. He could easily pass for a kid" What am I doing? Offering up my band mate to save my own butt? How horrible was I? "Or maybe even AJ, he's young" Apparently very horrible.

"Nick this is what I have been talking about. You need to be a little more professional. Backing out of something as soon as you say yes, makes me look bad, makes you look bad and the boys look bad. Just go do the shoot. It shouldn't take too long"

So I agreed...

That night I was driven back to the studio under the top secret guise of calling my mother. I was left there. Nobody even taking me inside. The studio was completely transformed into a swanky, club like atmosphere. There was a sweet smell in the air and smoke hung right at my eye level. Men and women lined the walls casually talking and sipping on drinks. I felt out of place. Then I saw Fritz, he waltzed over to me

"There's my little boy" He stood on a chair and clapped trying to get everyone's attention. "Hello everybody, attention please!" they finally all quieted down. "I would like to get started shortly, I wanted to introduce you to this cute little boy. He will be portraying lost innocence. Everybody this is.." He looked over at me with eyebrows raised waiting for me to fill in my name.

"Nick"

"Ah, okay this is Nick" In unison the crowd all said "Hello Nick!" I laughed. I felt like I was at an AA meeting or something. Didn't they always begin every meeting with that?
I didn't have time to answer my own question when I noticed everyone disrobing. I mean totally getting bare ass naked. I didn't know what to do. I started turning around and closing my eyes..."Oh Geez, um..um.." I said as everyone completely stripped. There were naked men and women everywhere. I felt someone grab my hand. I screamed.

"No need to be scared little boy! Open your eyes" I peered through my fingers to see a beautiful brunette woman standing next to me holding my hand. I took my hands away from my face and stared at her. I mean STARED at her! She laughed while moving me to the middle of the picture. There was one lonely stool there. She had me sit. She began to massage my neck, "Relax baby" she whispered in my ear giving me goosebumps. All the naked people came and sat around me. My face was flushed with embarassment. I almost wanted to cry. A naked man grabbed one of my legs in his arms for a pose. I struggled wanting him to get off of me.

"No no no Nicky, let him touch you. He is only posing, he wants to recapture his youth. See you are youth!" I felt like hyperventilating. I was that nervous. The brunette continued to rub my back and massage my shoulders trying to help me calm down.

"Okay you there!" He pointed to a stunning red head off to my left. "You bite him!"

"Excuse Me?" I said tensing up, the stupid naked man on the floor refusing to let go of my leg, kept me from running. "Don't worry little boy she is taking a bite out of youth!"

"Yeah well youth wants her to keep her teeth to herself! They all laughed. She came and bit my shoulder. Not really biting just play biting. Then a man moved in behind me, taking the brunette's place and started to remove my shirt. That's when I had enough, I kicked the guy holding my leg off of me and pushed all the naked people away and bolted out of the room. Fritz called after me but I was not going to answer him. I crawled under a table. Already disappointed in myself.

"Hey" I jumped. The brunette managed to crawl under there with me "My name's Sheila"

"Hi, I'm youth" I said holding my knees in my arms and rocking. She moved behind me and began to message my neck. I continued to rock. She started to kiss my neck and I still rocked. When she had me on the floor lying on top of me, I looked off to the side, thinking about Shmedley. Yup if he were here, he would've never let this happen to me. Maybe I'll make his cape bright yellow. Nothing on him is yellow yet. Yellow it is...