I shift uncomfortably in my seat wondering when Kevin is going to say something cheesy to me. Luckily I am spared. I'm glad we are complimenting each other instead of insulting each other, but still it feels odd. We had to do things like that in my therapy sessions in rehab. We would sit in this huge circle and tell each other why we were worthwhile. Some people would go on and on...
"You are a great person because you smile when I make a joke"
"Oh, well you're a great person because you said I am a great person because I smile when you make a joke" Blah blah friggedy blah blah blah
All the while I would sit there gradually sinking down in my chair thinking they don't know me at all. Those people who I went through treatment with were really nice but once we left that place, we never spoke again. Those people didn't know me.
These people do.
I admit, I was never one to hand out unnecessary compliments. I am much better at handing out silly insults. I am just about to make a joke at Nick's expense. Why not he is the easiest one to pick on, when Kevin turns to me with that loving look in his eyes. Oh no here it comes, AJ I like you because...
"AJ?"
"Yes?"
"Can you pass me a soda?" Not exactly what I was expecting. I look at him a little confused. I'm a little disappointed.
"Soda, you know what that is right?"
"What?"
"S O D A, or pop or cola! However you decide to pronounce it, pass one my way please!" I open the cooler and take out a Coke for Kevin. I hand it to him and he smiles at me.
"Thanks" He says and turns back around. I can't help but feel slighted. They complimented everyone in the car but me. True, Nick did mention the juggling thing but that wasn't exactly a compliment. I wonder why they don't feel like I deserve something nice to be said about me?
I look past my thoughts and realize that all eyes are on me except for Brian's. They have grins on their faces.
"AJ?" Kevin says again.
"Yes?"
"You wanted me to say something nice about you didn't you?" He laughs when I start to stutter.
"Aw, AJ that's so precious!" Nick says as he reaches over and pinches my cheek.
"No! I don't care if you say anything nice about me or not!" I insist.
"And if you pinch my cheeks again I will break your fingers!" I say playfully to Nick.
"Come on J admit it, you were totally expecting me to give you a compliment" Kevin says to me wiggling his bushy brows my way.
"I was not" Now I find myself laughing.
"J?"
"Oh all right! I was expecting you to say something cheesy ass to me but you didn't big whoop dee doo" I say laughing.
"Oh AJ repeat after me your good enough, your strong enough and gosh darnit, people like you"
"That's enough Carter, I mean it don't make me come over there!" I look over at him and he sticks his tongue out at me.
"Oh very mature" I say sticking my tongue out at him.
"AJ, I'll say something nice about you if you want" D says and his demeanor is serious. I send a smile his way.
"I'll say that we are all extremely proud of you! It's not easy to do what you did and you overcame everything. Good going Alex!"
They all clap and say good job.
"Hey, I already knew you were proud of me!" I say when it dawns on me that maybe that was the whole point.
The car quiets down for a few minutes. They do know me better than myself sometimes. I am amazed by that. I shouldn't be but I am!
"AJ?" I look over at Nick and smile
"Yeah kid what is it?"
"I like something about you too"
"And what would that be?"
"I like how you are dealing with going bald. I know that must be hard for you!" He cracks up at his own joke in such a high pitched squeal that I can't help but join in.
"Carter I swear I am going to beat you!"
When the laughing is over and done with I slip back in to my thoughts of rehab. Sitting in a circle pretending that everything would be all right. There were twenty people there with me. How many have stayed sober? How many are back there for a second time, a third? How many of them are dead?
"I am lucky to have you all as my friends" I say to my bandmates. They all look at me and nod.
"Well, same to you buddy" Kevin says as he winks at me.
"Except for you Carter!" I say pointing at him.
"I'm sorry J, I didn't really mean it" He says and the look in his eyes tells me that he thinks I was serious. So I continue, pointing to my head...
"Not until you say your sorry to what's left of my hair!" He smiles. I feel better.
"Okay... sorry hair I won't let it happen again."
"That's better!" I wink at him. He turns to look out the window. Back into his little world. I wonder what color the sky is in there.
These guys, I have been through so much with them. They know me so well. I sit back, pull my baseball cap over my eyes and realize...
I like that!
