It's so funny how when you look out a car window at high speeds, everything seems to become the same dull blurry color green. No matter what it is you happen to be looking at. The trees go by so fast that they all blend into each other. I think that is what started to go wrong for us. We have been together on this crazy ride for so long going at such a fast pace that we all started to get blurry. We blended, first our voices, then our personalities until eventually we as people went away only to be replaced by the dullness of being one of five.
Thank God for small miracles. The day Leighanne came into my life is a day that the blurry green was replaced by a radiant yellow.
I sit up a little and stop staring at the endless passing shrubbery. Just thinking about Leigh makes my pulse quicken and my mind a little clearer. Being away from her, even if only for a few days, was a hard task. She is my world and without her all things seem monotonous.
I look over to AJ who is quietly sipping on his soda and I smile at him secretly wishing he and Sarah would find even half the happiness that Leigh and I have been fortunate enough to share. I wish she was here. But she's not. There's no room for yellow in the blurry world of Backstreet. Instead I have to deal with them.
I gaze into the back of my youngest band members head with such animosity that it almost makes me sad. We were at one time the best of friends, two peas in a pod, brothers in arms. Until I found Leigh, he was my missing half. In a purely platonic way. Now he is a stranger. When I look at Nick, I see hurt.
I hear a sneeze and immediately say bless you to Howie sitting on the other side of J. He says thanks and continues to sleep. I regret getting into a fight with D but quickly shake it out of my mind. There is enough tension in this car already.
I turn my thoughts back to Nick. Five years is a big age difference. He is one place and I'm in another. We can't seem to ever meet in between. Leigh tells me it happens sometimes. Even the best of friends drift apart. I could do better. So could he.
Leigh and I are almost six years apart. I feel no difference in age when it comes to her. She has been the best thing that has ever walked into my life.
"What are you thinking about?" AJ asks me. I look over at him and almost keep it my secret but instead answer proudly "Leigh"
A sarcastic chuckle can be heard coming from the front seat, but I choose to just ignore it. J nods his head and goes back to nursing his soda.
9:37am. I wish I had taken something to help me sleep on this trip.
"Kevin, how long before we get there?" I ask with the slightest hint of anxiety in my voice.
" We have a long way to go yet Bri" He says annoyed. I fidget to try to stretch my legs.
'You can borrow my game boy if you want to Brian, I'm not using it right now." Nick says as he stretches behind his head to hand me the game. I say thanks and take it. I want to say so much more but for now the words are lost. Maybe I would find them later. I start to play but soon realize that my 27 year old eyes cannot adjust to the motion and stay in focus on the game, so I put it down and once again stare out the window.
The dull blurry trees still blending together....
