A bump in the road startles me out of my sleep and I stretch my arms and yawn while trying to work a kink out of my neck. I look to my right to notice that my two band mates are asleep and for the time being, the back of the car is mine. My watch says it's only 10:15 and I am disappointed to see that my slumber didn't last as long as I would have liked. Ah well, what can you do? I sit up and look straight ahead.
It's hard to see over Kevin's tall frame but I manage to notice that we are passing by beautiful countryside. I scurry through my bag looking for my camera. I decide to take a picture of the view.
"what are you doing D" Kevin asks me when he heres the click of the camera.
"Just taking it all in" I say as I realize just how much truth there is to that statement.
There is a lot that needs to be taken in. I fully understand how desperate this trip is but I'm not entirely sure that everyone else gets it. I shudder at the thought of having to digest an end to this group. This isn't how I pictured it happening.
If you were to look at a scrapbook of our life together, It has been far from happiness all the way, but now the pictures are more black and white than color. The smiling faces replaced by pensive looks. The laughing and hugging replaced by resentment and arguing. Yes, this is definitely not how I pictured this.
I try to snap another picture but Kevin's head interrupts the view. I'm just about to give up hope when Nick offers to take the picture for me. I smile and give him the camera.
"D, I'm not really good at this so if it doesn't come out right don't get mad okay?" he says to me as he attempts to take the picture. He snaps one and then hands the camera back to me.
Nick apologizes for everything nowadays. There was a time that I would know he was only kidding but not anymore. He feels like this is all his fault. It's not. It's everybody's. I smile and put the camera back in my bag. The rustling wakes Brian up and I feel guilty for making so much noise.
"Sorry Brian, I didn't mean to wake you up." I say as he turns my way and stretches his body out as I did before.
"It's no problem, I wasn't really sleeping anyway" he says as he fiddles for Nick's Gameboy. Seeing that toy in his hand gives me hope that the two of them will reconcile.
"I'm sorry about before too, I was being a crabby jerk! This cold is making me be a real idiot." I say to Brian as he makes eye contact with me. His smile let's me know that for now, all is forgiven.
I turn my thoughts back to photography. Old band pictures of the five of us making faces at the camera after hours of takes. I miss that. I grab my camera again and have an idea. "Hey Brian, let's take a picture of J while he is sleeping." I say as a smile crosses his face.
"Why don't you guys put his thumb in his mouth or something" Nick says hoping that one of us would take him up on that. I decide that now is the time and go for it. I place J's finger in his mouth as Brian snaps the picture.
The whole car rolls with laughter as AJ wakes up at the flash of light. Kevin glances at me from the rearview mirror and smiles. Nick looks back at me and mouths the words thank you and Brian reaches over J to give me a high five.
This is much better I think to myself as the car quiets down. I miss the laughter and the pranks. I was usually the brunt but still, it was better than nothing.
I continue to look out the front to see the beautiful country side and continue to wish that the pictures won't fade to black and white....
