I was scared but I wasn’t gonna run this time.
Seven
I stepped outside and wished it was 60 degrees. It was a scorching 93 degrees with a humidity I didn’t want to know. And it was only 7:21 am. I slid out of the car and my grandma stopped the door.
“Lucca, whatever happens today, I love you.”
“I’m not going to die okay.” I said curtly and I
closed the door. I felt more in my element when I was mean. I felt safe. I turned around and walked up the stairs. I heard whispers immediately. It was like every laugh that echoed in my head was toward me and everyone’s eyes were glued to my face. I didn’t want to melt, I wanted to disintegrate. I never wanted to see these people again. I hurried over to him. There was a familiar face I knew wouldn’t laugh…at least he wasn’t supposed to.
“You look like shit.” I said and he smiled alittle more. There was a purple bruise over the left side of his right eye. There was also a bruise on the opposite side of his face on his cheek.
“You don’t look to hot yourself.” he said rubbing his jaw. I gave him a small smile.
“What class you goin’ to?” I asked.
“I’m not. I’m leaving to go walk around town. You
wanna come?”
“Whatever.” I said and he smiled.
“You’re melting.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” he said walking into the school. I didn’t know what it meant but I didn’t really care. It was hot, 7:30 in the morning and we were walking through a school with no air conditioning. We walked to the back and snuck out where the smokers were after we put our book bags in his locker. We hopped a short fence and started walking to the city. After ten minutes or so, the school disappeared behind us and we wandered around clothing shops. He brought me a sun dress and some makeup and I madly put the shit on. It was to make me look older. A sundress, high heels and sunglasses. I thought it looked somewhat classy but I wasn’t the class type. I got to pick out his outfit so I made him wear tight pants and a Hollister shirt. If I’d be uncomfortable, so would he. He swore he’d never talk to me again.
“What do you want to do?” he asked as we stood outside of Hollister. I held a bag with Pac Sun on it with my clothes in it. He held a Hollister bag.
“Go exchange these shoes for flip flops.”
“Teenagers wear flip flops.” he said matter-of factly. I scoffed.
“I’m sorry king Howard for asking.” I said sounding offended and sarcastic. He smiled at me.
“No harm intended.” he smiled. I had to admit, he was cute. Even with his bruised eye and cheek, he had tanned skin and these large oval brown eyes. His nose was sharp but curved and he had high cheek bones. He was more pretty than handsome and it was weird but I loved his personality.
“Let’s go. We can go to the park. I already see people looking at us because we don’t look any older than we are.” he shrugged.
“So I’m wearing these horrible clothes for nothing.”
“Wear it to church.”
“I don’t go to church.” I said raising my eyebrow.
“You don’t go to church?”
“No, why?” I said and he took my hand and led me off across the street. I sucked in breath. It wasn’t the fact he was leading me that made me nervous, he was touching me and my heart was fluttering. I was scared but my games face was still on. I was still cool and collected. Still angry, Asian and mad.
“I’m gonna show you my church. It’s the large one by the park.”
“I don’t recall.” I said trying to sound uninterested.
“I know you care.” he turned back to me and pulled me down a maze of streets that made up downtown.
We arrived at a grassy field minutes later and we trekked across the freshly cut green grass. It sweltered in the hot air that made sweat form on my skin. The sun blared down and it was making me somewhat annoyed because the light fabric of the sun dress was beginning to cling to my body and shape me more than I cared to be. I didn’t like one inch of my body. I’m ugly and I’m fine with it.
“How do you know?” It took me a while because it was so hot and it took all my energy not to faint from the heat. I watched my feet as they stepped through the grass. I nearly sprained my ankle a hundred times trying to balance on high heels in grass. A fly fluttered briefly brushing past my leg and the moist grass made my feet clammy and wet.
I looked up as he said, “This is my church.” It was beautiful and majestic like the churches in Europe. It was a tanned color and it had green streaks down it. I guessed it had to do something with chemical erosions of copper. I liked the gothic German architecture. I liked the tall pointed towers that sat atop of it. The towers were so tall, it seemed they scratched against the blue sky that was full of fluffy white clouds. Of course Howard never saw this through my face or my eyes.
“It’s beautiful.” I said respectfully.
“We can go in.” he said looking at me.
“Naaa.” I starred at the church and how it stood against the sky. It was stunning, “I’ll pass.”
“Come on.” he said ripping me along.
“Damn boy!” I cried and then I fell twisting my ankle.
“Shit!” he cried. He dropped to the ground and for the first time I saw he was scared, worried, troubled.
“Look what you did.” I rubbed it in his face as I
slipped off the shoe. My ankle throbbed but it didn’t feel horrible. I rubbed it. He placed his fingers and began to massage my ankle. I removed my hands and starred at him. My heart fluttered when his fingers touched my skin. His fingers were like electricity and I breathed in deeply but quietly.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Dude, I didn’t mean to make you fall.”
“Howard.” I said and he looked at me with tears in his eyes. We held eye contact for seconds before I felt a tear hit my skin. His fingers fell from my ankle and he kneeled in the grass. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. One minute we were laughing and running along. The next he’s crying. Besides, it’s been a long time since I’ve cared for someone. I pulled him in a hug and rubbed his back like I saw on the TV shows. That’s what everyone did when someone cried. But then I also wanted him close to me but still at a distance. He cried into my shoulder and he melted. I had never seen him do more than a smile and echo no criticism to me.
“What’s wrong.” I knew it was deeper than me falling. It was deeper than me hurting my ankle.
“Nothing.”
“That’s bullshit.” I pushed.
“Leave it alone.”
“What the hell happened last night when you went home? Was it me? Mom, brother. Sister?” I pushed hard because I didn’t know what else to do and I wanted to know. My heart was beating fast now. I don’t know what emotion it is. I’m more confused about my emotions because I’ve never felt what it was.
“No.” he whispered.
“Uncle? Dad?” His head turned away sharply at the word “dad”.
“He and mama argued last night. He hasn’t come
home and mama’s worried. He left because he thinks…”
At first I had thought that the city’s voice had drowned him out but I watched his lips because I couldn’t look in his eyes. So much pain from…I don’t know where it came from.
“Howard, come on.” I said softly, “Tell me.” I said slipping my hand into his. I tried not to show I hesitated but my hand gripped his lightly.
“He thinks I’m pitiful.” he said with a look of disgust on his face, “He thinks I’m disgusting.” he said and I could hear his Spanish accent now. He was shaking his head now and he starred at the ground. He uttered something in Spanish.
“What does your mom think?”
“What does mama think? She’s mad and I get a feeling they have always looked down on me. I’ve never been a big personality in the family. John with his humor, Pollyanna with her beauty, Caroline is so successful in everything she does and she’s in college getting straight A’s and she’s in everything. She’s the president of her class and she’s one of the youngest in her class. I try and keep a positive attitude but he calls me weak and when I try and prove that I‘m strong, he throws it back into my face.” he growled the last sentence.
“Howard, you have tons of personality.” I said and I was so out of my comfort zone that I probably would need a pass port to get back to my comfort level. I didn’t like to compliment people.
“I tell myself that every time they remind me how beautiful my hermaņa is, how crazy my brother is. How amazing my sister is. I can’t get above. I can’t do them justice. And it hurts. Either I act too feminine that he wishes he had a daughter sometimes or I’m a golfo.” I didn’t even want to know what that meant so I didn’t ask.
I starred at our hands while he starred at my face.
“It’s okay to ask. I‘m sorry, sometimes I ramble in Spanish.” I smiled.
“What’s a gofo?”
“Golfo. It’s Spanish for hooligan.
“I think you’re damn beautiful and anyone who disagrees can go straight to hell. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone Howard.” I told him feeling angry. I was angry at his stupid parents for making him feel like crap for having a big heart. I was angry at his brother for covering Howard’s wit and his sister for being beautiful and his older sister for being the complete opposite of me: a success. He surprised me. I thought he was happy, I thought his family was perfect. I thought that he lived a good life with support. How could his attitude be so positive despite his family’s unacceptance?
“You want to know what I mean by you were melting?”
I smiled because he wasn’t crying anymore and he
was molding back into the Howard where nothing you could say could alter his face except a grin that told the world “words will never hurt me”.
“Yeah, that would be-” He grabbed my face and pulled me toward him. Our lips smooshed together softly. It was short. He looked in my eyes.
“You’re not as cold as you were.” he said softly. It scared me. I was scared but I wasn’t gonna run this time.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry about the wait. It's Spring Break and I finally got to write a chapter. School is so hectic with papers to write and tennis has started.
