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The next day was just as long and grueling, today being Aaron’s burial date. Again, everyone was there, Nick, his family, their extended family and friends, and his bandmates. The press and fans were locked outside of the graveyard due to privacy, they could only stand outside of the gates and watch in silence as they would lower Aaron’s casket six feet beneath the earth. Brian stared at the casket in a trance, Nick’s words echoing in his ears, replaying through his mind.

“Have you lost your damn mind?”

“No… I’ve lost more than that.”

He looked up towards the Carter family and seen Jane crying and reaching out to her sounds lowering casket, Bob was holding her back. Angel was crying as well, Leslie trying to hold her trembling form. BJ had rose from her seat and stormed away from the site, tears falling freely from her eyes and anger ripping her apart from the inside out. Nick only glared at the casket as it was being lowered. This was the last time he would be seeing his brother… on second thought, the last time he ever saw his brother was before the accident.

The priest made the sign of the cross as the casket finally came to rest in the hole, and the graveyard workers began to shovel the dirt back into the hole. Jane snapped up from her seat and was about to jump into the hole after her son, but Bob pulled her back and began to carry her away from the site. Leslie and Angel rose from their seats and followed their parents out. Nick broke his stare from the sight of his brother being buried and looked up to glare at Brian. He stared at him long and hard, his eyes low and red, his mouth twisted in a tight line. Brian tried his best to avoid his glare, but he could feel Nick’s eyes burning into the core of his soul. Finally Nick snapped up from where he sat his seat flying backwards as he did so. Brian could only watch Nick as he left, following his hysteric family to the limo.

“Brian.” Howie whispered, touching his shoulder.

Brian looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“C’mon, lets go...”

But Brian shook his head. “Just give me a few minutes out here… I’ll meet you guys at the limo.”

Howie was going to protest, but refused to when he seen the hurt and guilt in Brian’s eyes. He sighed and patted his on the shoulder, “Stop doing this to yourself Bri… no matter what Nick says, this isn’t your fault…”

Brian didn’t say anything in reply. Howie turned away and started to walk back to the limos, knowing he wasn’t going to get through to him, no matter what he did. A minute or so later, everyone left the burial site and the workers were through with filling the hole with dirt. Brian knelt down by the mound of fresh dirt and placed his hand on it, silently saying a prayer. All of a sudden, he felt a drop of water land on his head, and when he looked up to the sky; rain began to fall, pelting his body and face. He looked back down at the grave and reached behind him to grab the basketball he had brought with him.

“I forgot to give this to you yesterday…” he said, placing the basketball on the mound of dirt. “Save a spot on the court for me, will ya…” his voice cracked, and he just sat there, letting it all out. His tears mixed with the drops of rain that was running down his face. He placed his two hands on the dirt and began to claw at it. “I should’ve told him Aaron… I should’ve listened to you… this is all my fault.”

“Brian!” a voice shouted. “Brian!”

Brian slowly looked up and saw Aaron standing over his grave, smiling down at him. All of a sudden, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his body and tried to haul him in the air. Brian fought back against the grasp and landed back down on the now soggy dirt, caking his tuxedo with the dark red mush.

“Brian, c’mon now… get out of the rain.”

Brian turned back to the voice and seen Howie standing there with their chauffer under an umbrella. “I told you to give me a few minutes out here alone…”

“It’s been more than a few minutes Bri… your drenched man, do you want to catch something and go back into the hospital?”

Brian didn’t answer him. He raised his hand towards Howie and had allowed himself to be pulled up from off the muddy ground. Howie wrapped his arms around Brian’s shivering shoulders and drew him closer to him, trying to get him as warm as possible. Once they got into the limo, Brian began to cry again, covering his face. Howie sighed and decided not to say anything; he just sat there and had let him get out everything he could.

“It’s all my fault D… I should’ve told Nick!”

“I already told you Rok, it’s not your fault. You can’t help it if you were looking out for Nick… you were simply doing what any best friend would’ve done.”

“No!” Brian all of a sudden snapped, taking Howie by surprise. “A best friend wouldn’t keep anything from them… a best friend would tell them anything… a best friend would tell someone if their brother died. I’m no best friend Howie… I kept it from him, because I wasn’t ready to tell him… while this whole time I was blaming all of this on him, saying that he wasn’t ready.”

Howie remained silent, truly being at a lost of words. Brian turned away to look out the window, wiping his tears away angrily. The rest of the ride remained silent, both Howie and Brian looking everywhere and anywhere but at each other. Once they arrive at the hotel, Brian quickly jumped out of the limo and made his way into the hotel, not even bothering to wait for Howie.

He punched the elevator button and waited impatiently for the doors to open. Howie slowly came up to him, making sure he stood at a distance. Once the doors slid open, both Howie and Brian stepped on, still not saying a word to each other. Howie finally broke the silence. “Why are you pushing me away?”

“I’m not pushing anyone away…” Brian replied in a monotone voice.

“Obviously you are, because you won’t say anything to me… you won’t even look at me.”

“You want me to look at you?” Brian asked, turning so he could stare Howie dead in the eyes. “There… I’m looking at you. And you want me to say something to you, well look, I’m saying something to you right now… there, you happy?”

“No, I’m not happy… what would make me happy is if you listen to me for once when I tell you that this is not your fault. You don’t even see what your doing to yourself Brian… this whole time, you were worried how Nick would react if you had told him that Aaron was dead, but now look at you… your not even worried about yourself and how your reacting when you should be.”

“This isn’t about me… I don’t care about me Howie, what I care about is Nick… my best frie…” he stopped in the middle of his sentence. “I just don’t care about me.”

Brian was cut short when he found himself pinned to the elevator wall, Howie’s hands grasping the collar of his shirt. He was taken aback when Howie slammed him into the wall, causing him to fall speechless. “Stop it!’ Howie shouted so loud, he could’ve sworn the elevator shook from the power of his voice. “I’m tired of seeing you do this to yourself… I’m tired of you blaming yourself for something you shouldn’t feel guilty for. I’m tired of hearing how you don’t care about yourself and everything. Just… stop it! Listen to me and listen to me good… this is not your fault. I don’t know what I can do to get it through your head.”

Brian glared at him all of a sudden. “Why don’t you hit me?” he asked him. “I know you want to hit me… I can see it in your eyes. Hell, it’s not like I wasn’t beaten up before… you seen what Nick did to me, why don’t you just join the club and do what your aching to really do Howard…” Howie cringed when Brian said his full name, venom dripping from his voice. “You’re only wasting your breath and time… if talking is obviously not getting through to me, why don’t you hit me as hard as you can… maybe, just maybe that’ll knock some sense into me. Hell, if you hit me hard enough, it might even give me brain damage and I won’t have to put up with this pain anymore… and you’ll no longer have to put up with my s***.”

Howie only stared at Brian in shock. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but most of all; he couldn’t believe the words he was hearing was coming from Brian’s mouth. “No… I’m not going to hit you Brian. Maybe I’ll just let you go… let you think what you want to think, do what you want to do… just don’t come crying to me when you hit rock bottom.”

The doors slid open, and Howie quickly made his way out of the elevator. Brian just stood there, staring helplessly at Howie. He began to slide down the wall of the elevator, matching the tears that slid down his face. First he lost Nick, now Howie… who was next?