“I want to share a room with Brian!” Nick cried, upset at the fact that he had to share a room with AJ.
“You make like I’m thrilled to be sharing a room with your dumbass! Shutup cry baby!” AJ retaliated.
“Alex, cut it out.” Kevin warned, not liking the way AJ always picked on Nick. “Nick, we’re only here for night, can you please just cooperate with us just once?”
“AJ’s mean to me! He doesn’t let me do anything.”
“AJ’s mean to me, he doesn’t let me do anything!” AJ mocked. “You sound ridiculous Nick, you know that? When will you ever just grow up?”
“I’ll grow up the day you stop being an ass…” the last part of Nick’s sentence was muffled out when Brian placed a hand over his mouth.
“Nick, don’t say that. What did your mother say about saying bad words?”
“Brian, I don’t want to share a room with him, I want to share one with you.”
Brian smiled and ruffled Nick’s blonde hair. “Don’t worry kiddo, it’s just for one night. If he acts mean to you, just call me and I’ll be there.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. All you gotta do is call on me and I’ll be there Nick, no matter what.”
~*~*~*~
“Why are you always so mean to me?” an 16-year-old Nick questioned.
AJ rolled his eyes, “I’m not mean to you, you just pout about every single little thing.”
“You know that’s not true. You are mean to me AJ, what have I ever done to you?”
“C’mon Nick, stop being such a cry baby.”
“I’m not being a cry baby. I’m tired of the way you always dis me. Just face it AJ, you’re jealous of me.”
“What could I possibly be jealous about when it comes to you?”
“I don’t know, but you do have a lot of things you could be jealous about. Since I’m the youngest of the group I get more attention, maybe because I get more singing parts then you or practically everybody views me to be the most cutest, popular Backstreet Boy. I see the way you glare at me when I’m with Kevin, maybe you’re jealous because he shows me more attention than he shows you. I would understand that though because he is the father figure of the group and I know you view him to be like a father model in your life. I’d be jealous too if I felt that way about him and he showed me little to no attention.”
Nick was cut off when he felt AJ’s hand snake around his throat and he was being pushed into the wall behind them. “Shutup Nick…” AJ growled.
Tears sprung to Nick’s eyes, surprised that AJ would ever lay a hand on him, but he should have known better because he struck a cord in AJ’s life, his father. AJ continued to glare at him, but his glare softened when he realized what he was doing and he removed his hand from his throat.
Nick just stood there against the wall, tears streaming down his face, still in shock. AJ sat down on the edge of the bed and buried his face into his hands, letting out all his emotions.
“Nick, I’m sorry... You’re right.” he cried. “I’m jealous of you because you have something I’ve always wanted. I’m jealous of the friendship you and Brian share, I’ve always wanted that.”
“What about Howie? He’s your best friend.”
“Things change over time Nick… he was my best friend, and he always will be, but I’ve always wanted a consistent friendship like the one you and Brian share. You guys have nicknames for each other for crying out loud. I just feel like the outcast of the group.”
Everything melted away from Nick, from their dispute to what AJ did to him earlier. He walked over to AJ and sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. He embraced him in a hug and pulled the older man close to him, allowing him to cry on his shoulders. “You should never feel like an outcast AJ… you never were one. And I’m sorry for what I said earlier, I had no right to even say that. But you have nothing to be jealous of Jay, me and Brian may be close and all, but you guys are all my best friends, we all share a special friendship that tops the Frick and Frack friendship any day!”
AJ glanced up at the young blonde and smiled through his tears. “Thanks Nick.”
“To tell you the truth, I’m jealous of you AJ…”
AJ looked up at Nick and he nodded, “I’ve been jealous of you since day one. I mean, you have one hell of a voice and a sex appeal that drive all the girls crazy, I just have these cute baby looks that make them scream. But besides the jealousy, I’ve always looked up to you. Me and Brian may be close, but you and I are on a whole ‘nother level because we’re only two years apart... the rest of them are ancient compared to us.” they both laughed. “You were truly the first older brother in my life that I’ve never had.”
AJ smiled and wiped away the tears that were now falling carelessly. “Okay, enough of this mushy stuff.”
They both rose off the bed and just stared at each other. Nick smiled and grabbed AJ into a tight hug. “I love you AJ… always and forever.”
“I love you too Nick.”
~*~*~*~*~
“AJ, open this damn door, c’mon now!”
AJ lifted his head to the sound of Kevin’s angry voice and the constant banging. He closed his eyes and shoved his head deep into his pillow again, he didn’t want to put up with their shit right now.
“He’s obviously not gonna open the door Kevin, and having you just knock on the door isn’t going to open it either.” Nick remarked.
“Did someone try to call his cell phone? Maybe he’s not even in here.” that was Brian this time.
“Oh no, he’s in here. And I did try to call his cell phone, he ain’t answering it. AJ, open this goddamn door!!” Kevin shouted again.
AJ squeezed his eyes shut, the constant banging wasn’t helping his headache. He had went out last night and drank by himself, completely forgetting that he and the fellas were scheduled to perform at a little league baseball game the next day. Since he didn’t show up, Kevin, Brian and Nick decided to hunt him down and see what the problem was, even though Kevin knew good and well why he didn’t show up.
“AJ, I swear to God, if you don’t open this door I will break it down, don’t think I won’t.”
AJ rolled his eyes, knowing good and well Kevin wouldn’t do something like that. He just wanted to get up and open the door so they would shut up and leave him alone, and that’s when he realized that he couldn’t. It took a lot of power for him to just lift his head up from the pillow, and he felt like throwing up everything inside him.
He let his head fall back down on the pillow, giving up. He waited for the routine of Kevin pounding, then the yelling, then Nick telling him some sarcastic remark, and finally Brian trying to negotiate, but none of that came. AJ sighed in relief, truly thinking that they just decided to leave him alone.
His eyes snapped open when he heard a loud crash and seen Kevin, Brian and Nick walk into his room.
“Alex, what in the hell are you doing?” Kevin fumed.
“What was that sound? What the hell did you do?” AJ slurred.
“Well, he did say that he was gonna break the door down, and he did tell you not to think he wouldn’t.” Nick replied.
“Alex, this is the last time I’m asking you, what in the hell are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” AJ retorted. “It’s our day off man.”
“You knew that we were scheduled to perform today so don’t give me that shit. I would ask you what the hell you did last night, but by the looks of things I can pretty much guess what the hell you did.”
“You know what Kevin? Fuck you! This was our fucking day off and even though we were scheduled to perform, I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to, and I didn’t want to go. What I fucking do is my fucking business, not yours so stay the fuck out of my life.”
“Is that how you’re gonna be Alex? You’re nothing but a fucking selfish prick man, you don’t see what you’re doing to all of us, you only care about is fucking drinking your life away. Well, go right ahead because I’m gonna do exactly as you asked, I’m gonna stay out of your life. I’m through with you Alex, I’m fucking done with you. You’re nothing to me, you hear me Alex? Nothing! You’re fucking dead to me, have fun killing yourself.”
“Kevin, stop.” Brian interjected, placing a calming hand on his cousin’s shoulder. “AJ, we’re just trying to help man, I mean look at you. Your health isn’t up to par and we’re concerned for you. Getting drunk all the time isn’t doing anything from you.”
“You guys don’t know how it fucking feels to lose someone you’re so fucking close to dude! You guys know how this industry works, they don’t give a shit about you, all they care about is the money we make for them. Losing my grandmother was like losing my mother and I didn’t have time to grieve man, I didn’t do shit. I wasn’t even there for her when she needed me most… ya’ll don’t know how it feels man.”
“You gonna sit there and tell me I don’t know how it feels to lose someone I’m close to?” Kevin snapped. “If you haven’t forgotten, I lost my father. I wanted the whole world to stop and grieve just as I was, but life doesn’t work that way. So, don’t you sit there and tell me I don’t know how it feels. You gotta stop acting like the whole world is out to get you and you need to open your eyes to see what you’re doing to all of us, your fans, your family… yourself.”
“I’m not doing anything to myself, I’m doing something for myself. All I feel is the mental pain and there’s no way I can get rid of it…”
“And getting drunk is the answer to all your problems?”
“Shut the fuck up already Kevin. Get the fuck out of here, all of you. I’m fucking tired of explaining myself to you guys, I don’t need to anyway. Just get the fuck out and leave me the fuck alone!”
AJ’s outburst caused everything to fall silent, no one said anything. Hesitantly, Nick and Brian made their way out of the room, not saying a word. Kevin just remained standing there, staring at a man he no longer knew; a man that was deeply consumed by his alter ego.
“Who the hell are you?” Kevin asked before he left.
AJ looked up once more, waiting to hear the door close, but he forgot that Kevin had knocked it in. He remained silent for a while to make sure that they were gone. When he realized that they were, he finally push himself up off his bed and tried his best to make his way to the bathroom. His legs gave way and he collapsed to the ground, laughing when he did.
He gave out a maniacal laugh, “Who the hell are you?” he mocked. “Who the fuck does he think he is?”
As he started to ponder over the question, he broke down crying. Kevin was the one who played the father figure role not only in the band, but in his life. He was the one who was always there for him when he found himself in trouble. He was always there to comfort him when he was down. He was the one who he deeply admired from the get go and has made a major impact in his life. Kevin was right, he could no longer do this to the rest of the fellas, it wasn’t fair to them.
He crawled over towards his bed and reached out to grab his cell phone, which was on his nightstand. He dialed Marcus’s number and waited for someone to answer.
“Hello?”
“Marcus…” his voice cracked, he couldn’t hold it in, he broke down all over again. “Schedule a flight for me out to Florida, and call my mom and let her know I’m coming home.”
“Why, what’s going on AJ? Are you okay man?”
AJ shook his head and choked on his tears, “I can’t do this anymore… I just want to go home. I quit.”
~*~*~*~*~
“Nick?” AJ called out, knocking on his hotel door. He got a call from him the other night, asking him if he could fly out to New Jersey to see him do a show for his “Now Or Never” tour.
As a group, they decided to go on a indefinite hiatus to give AJ the required time he needed to attend rehab and straighten out his priorities. A lot of people had speculated that they broke up, the Backstreet Boys were no more, but it wasn’t true. He felt that he was the one to blame for people thinking that way. During the hiatus, Nick decided to go on and pursue something he’s been wanting to do for a long time, a solo rock career.
Kevin, Howie and Brian began to think that this was really the end of the group when Nick decided to do his solo album and they started to blame the distance on him. AJ could only stand there helpless as they continued to blame everything on Nick, he didn’t even have the guts to stand up in his behalf. All he could do was stand there and watch as guilt gnawed at his heart, he was the REAL reason why they were on hiatus, why they were so distant from one another, why wouldn’t someone just verbally come out and say it? Maybe because they feared that blaming him would cause him to fall into his old habits again. One thing he knew for sure was that Nick was unhappy; unhappy at the fact that he felt that his album was a flop and unhappy at the fact that he felt no one was supporting him through the process.
“Nick,” AJ called again, continuing to knock on the door. “C’mon Nicky, it’s me… open up.” he hadn’t referred to him as Nicky in ages, he didn’t like that nickname. The only time he called him Nicky was when he was serious with Nick, which was rare. It was the same way with him, they only called him Alex when they were serious.
He fell silent, waiting to hear Nick shuffling around to answer the door, but he heard nothing. Part of him wanted to just give up and leave, fly back to Florida, but the other part of him wanted to let Nick know that he was there for him. He didn’t want Nick to think that no one showed up to support him, he wanted to make sure that Nick knew he was there to support him.
He slowly placed a hand on the doorknob and twisted it, finding it to be unlocked. He slowly pushed the door open and peered in, greeted by darkness.
“Nick?” he whispered, walking into the dark room and closing the door behind him.
He groped the wall, looking for the light, and switched it on when he finally found it. He squeezed his eyes close, the harsh light burning his eyes, but soon opened it to find that no one was in the room. His stuff was all over the place, his clothes and belongings out of his suitcase and strewn all over his bed and floor. He picked up a shirt that was carelessly thrown on a chair and held it up, it was the same shirt he was wearing tonight, which meant he was here.
He turned towards the bathroom and noticed that the door was closed but the light was on. He knocked on the door, “Nick?” he waited for a while to see if he’d get a reply. “Nick, it’s me… can I come in?” he fell silent again, waiting for an answer, but there was nothing.
He twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open slowly, “Nick?” he questioned, finally pushing the door all the way open to see Nick sitting on the toilet, drinking straight out of a Jack Daniel’s bottle.
Nick glanced up, drunkness glazed in his eyes. “What do you want?”
AJ walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, kneeling down before him. “I came to see you, what are you doing man?” he eyed the bottle, temptation kicking in but he fought the urge, the situation wasn’t about him at the moment.
Nick picked the bottle up again and placed it to his lips, ready to take another swig. “Drinking? Want some?”
AJ’s heart stopped and he stared at the bottle long and hard; Nick was truly drunk. “No Nick, stop doing this to yourself.” he reached out to grab the bottle, but Nick moved away. “C’mon Nick, please?”
“Don’t ‘please’ me AJ!” Nick slurred. “You don’t know how it feels… no one cares about me man, everything is always my fault. You guys make me feel like I’m nothing but a fucking mistake… going on hiatus was a mistake, me going solo was a mistake, me releasing an album was a mistake…” he paused, trying to hold back his tears but finally broke down and sobs began to wrack his body. “me trusting you guys was a mistake.”
“Nick, don’t say that.” AJ said as he reached out to grab the bottle away from Nick, actually succeeding. “You know that’s not true…”
“That’s all I ever hear, ‘Nick don’t do this’, ‘Nick don’t do that’, ‘Nick this is all your fault… I’m tired of it AJ. I thought you guys would at least be proud of me, but you all just proved me wrong!”
“Is that how you really feel. Nick, when you called me last night I was… shocked! To tell you the truth, I wasn’t receiving calls from anybody, not even Howie. I felt that everyone was isolating me because of what happened… if anything, I’m the one to blame for the hiatus, not you. And I am very proud of you Nick, best believe… if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here. As soon as I got off the phone with you, I booked the soonest flight out here. I am very proud of you, and I support you in everything and anything you do.”
Nick remained silent, he did have a point. “You were here the whole time?”
“From beginning to end.” AJ replied with a smile. He stood up and began to pour the remaining Jack Daniel’s liquor in the bathroom sink. “We’re all very proud of you Nick… and we’re always gonna be here for you, no matter what.”
Nick shot his hand out and grabbed AJ by the wrist. “And I want you to know… that I’m very proud of you too. You’re not to blame for any of this… you wanted help, we wanted you to get help and that’s exactly what happened. Focusing on your health first was what mattered most, don’t ever feel like you’re to blame for any of this.”
AJ smiled and helped Nick off the toilet. “Same for you bro. Now c’mon man, lets get you outta here and into your bed.”
“Thanks Jay… for everything.”
AJ looked down at him and smiled, “That’s what brothers are for.”
~*~*~*~*~
“Well, the boys wanted to be here today to tell you how proud of you they are, so come on out… Nick, Howie, Brian and Kevin.”
AJ stared long and hard at Oprah, what she was saying to her not really registering in his mind at first. After she announced their names, he turned and looked only to see Nick walking out first, followed by Howie, Brian and Kevin. A slow smile crept up on AJ’s face as he pushed himself up off the couch and embraced Howie first in a tight hug, not really believing that the guys were really there for him. He moved on to hug Nick, then Brian, and when it came to Kevin he could only stare at the genuine tears that were welling up in his eyes, his father figure, his older brother who had made that life changing intervention in his life.
Once things settled down, Oprah continued on with the interview. A few good laughs were released, easing the tension that was at first built. Since they’ve been on hiatus, they really haven’t came together in a single room and just sat down to talk, so of course having them all together on the Oprah show made things awkward at first, but all of that melted away when the laughs came into play and they exchanged words with one another.
“Who came in from London?” Oprah questioned.
“Nick” they all replied.
The audience began to applaud as Oprah thanked him. Nick simply smiled, “Anything for him man,” he said as he gestured over at AJ. “That’s what it’s all about.”
As the interview proceeded, AJ could only stare at the fellas in shock, still in disbelief at the fact that they were all there, after all this time of being away from each other for him. It was good to see Kevin as the same sappy, yet stern person he’s always been, his father figure and still his older brother. It was good seeing Howie still being the same old Sweet D. they’ve all known him to be. It was good seeing that Brian never lost his sense of humor, nor faith. It was good seeing Nick happy then he had seen him before. It was just damn good seeing all them together after all this time being apart from one another.
“Well, that was interesting…” AJ remarked as they left Harpo Studio.
“Tell me about it, it was a freaking tear fest!” Nick teased as he nudged Kevin in his side.
Kevin playfully pushed Nick away from him, “Shutup Nick, I honestly think it was a healthy release for all of us, don’t you think?” he turned to look at everyone when no one replied. “C’mon now, I wasn’t the only one up there all teary eyed.”
AJ laughed, “Nah man, it really was good. But really, I just want to thank you guys for being here for me… this meant a lot to me and I just can’t thank you guys enough for supporting me through it, even though I didn’t know you guys were acutally here the whole time until the end!”
“You should’ve got a hint when I called you last night!” Brian said.
“I know, but it still didn’t dawn on me. We’ve been away from each other for so long that I…” AJ paused for a while, thinking of the right words to say. “I was beginning to wonder if we were still a group… if we were still brothers.”
Kevin wrapped a comforting arm around AJ’s shoulders. “No matter what happens to us, nothing will ever change our brotherhood, nothing.”
“To tell you guys the truth, when we were in there I thought I heard an audible sigh being released from all the girls all over the world.” the rest of them began to laugh at Nick. “I’m serious, I shit you not man! We really need to write a long thank you letter to Oprah for reuniting us once again… speaking of which, I wonder how much “thank you” mail she’s going to receive from our fans…”
“Could you get anymore big headed?” Howie joked as he gently tapped Nick in the back of his head.
AJ simply laughed, “So, who’s ready for another album?”
Everything fell silent, no one said a word. AJ had to turn to see if they were all still there or not due to the silence.
“That’s a lot of stuff we’ll be getting ready for…” Kevin finally replied. “I mean, are you guys seriously ready for all the chaos? Touring, dancing, practicing, recording…”
“That’s the beauty of it all!” AJ said with a smile. “I thought we were ready for anything?”
“We are, but Kevin’s just skeptic because he’s a dinosaur and he‘s too old to be doing any of this!” Nick cracked, dodging away from Kevin when he reached out to slap Nick in the back of the head. “You guys seriously need to think of another place to hit me. You guys always hit me in the head, no wonder most of my brain cells are gone.”
“You didn’t have much brain cells for us to knock out anyway.” Howie fired back.
They all broke out laughing. “No, but seriously…” AJ said, bringing the laughter to a cease. “I’m ready for all of it… all over again. We’ve been off for a long time, and through it all our fans managed to stay loyal to us. It’s the least we could do for their loyalty… and I’m seriously tired of people asking me if the Backstreet Boys were done for.”
Kevin groaned, “Gosh, we decide to do something for ourselves by taking off for a year or two versuses the nine straight years we’ve been touring and people speculate that we’re gone, that we’re done for. Where the hell did we go, we were never really gone…”
“That would be a good album title.” Brian said.
“What, where the hell did we go?” Nick asked, laughing. “I can see it now, the Backstreet Boys release their sixth album entitled ‘Where The Hell Did We Go?’”
“I thought we agreed upon ‘Holy Hell We’re Back Again’?” Brian questioned.
“Fine, it’ll be ‘Holy Hell We’re Back Again, But Where The Hell Did We Go In The First Place’?”
They all laughed, “Longest and most ridiculous album title known to man.” Kevin retorted.
Brian shook his head, “But foreal, what you said before Kevin would be a great album title…”
“And that would be…” Kevin asked, leaving his sentence open for Brian to answer.
“Never Gone.”
Kevin nodded, “Never Gone… I like it…”
AJ came in between Kevin and Brian and wrapped his arms around their shoulders. “So, it’s on then? Are we ready for all of this again?”
Kevin looked over at his four brothers and smiled, “What do you mean are we ready for this? We were Never Gone…”
~*~*~*~*~
“Alex… Alex, look at me man.”
AJ opened his eyes and tried to look at the person who was calling him though the small slits of his eyes. He had hoped that it was all just a dream, he was with his brothers before and everything was fine, but the pain in his stomach was telling him otherwise. That’s when he realized that his life literally flashed before his eyes. He remembered staring wide eyed at the man and the gun, and all he could do was close his eyes. Once his eyes fluttered close, the life he shared with his four brothers flooded his mind, everything had came back to him, he had his memory back.
“Look at me buddy, stay with me okay?” Nick begged. His head snapped up and he began look around, “Someone’s gotta look for help, someone go call for help now.”
“Nick…” AJ gasped, feeling a pool of blood raise from his esophagus and into his mouth.
Nick lowered his head towards AJ’s mouth, not being able to understand what exactly he said. “Yes?”
Tears began streaming down AJ’s face, “I remember…” he choked out. “I remember everything Nick…”
Nick began to cry hysterically, not liking the way AJ was acting. “You do? What do you remember buddy?” he whispered, trying to strike up a conversation to keep him conscious.
“I remember…” AJ gurgled, pausing when a new pain wracked his body. “I remember us… we’d always fight over who we’d share rooms with… in the hotel… and I… I remember when you and I… got into that big argument… you were, asking me why I always so mean to you… do you remember that?”
Nick smiled and tried to bat away the tears that were freely cascading down his cheeks. “Yeah, I remember.”
“I was really jealous of you Nick…” AJ cried. “I’ve always… wanted to know, how it felt to be you.” he fell silent, closing his eyes. Talking was beginning to become too much of a task for him.
“Hey Alex.” Nick called out, shaking him gently to wake him up again. “C’mon, tell me what else you remember.”
AJ opened his eyes once more, he was getting tired. “I remember when you guys saved my life…” he paused as more tears spewed from his eyes. “I’ll never forget the day you saved my life Nick… Kevin broke the damn door down…” he paused again, trying to chuckle but the pain prevented him from doing so. “and you called me… you wanted me to be… you wanted me to be…” he began to studder, it was so cold now. “I was there Nick… didn’t you see me? I was there from beginning to end… you believe me don’t you?”
“Yes, I believe you.” Nick whispered, confused as to what he was talking about.
“I was always so proud of you Nick… I loved, your album… I know… we didn’t show it much, but you made us all proud in so many ways…”
Nick wiped away the tears that were trickling down the side of AJ’s face as he tried hard to fight away the hot, salty liquid that was swelling in his eyes. “I’m proud of you too Alex… I’ve always been so proud to call you my older brother…”
AJ tried his best to smile, but his senses were quickly fading away from him. “How could I ever forget this… all that we’ve shared… over all these years… they’re memories Nick… it was taken away from me… but now I got it back, I got it all back… I don’t…” he choked and swallowed hard, more blood was rising in his throat. “I don’t… want to lose it all again…”
“You’re not gonna lose it… it’s here to stay…”
AJ tried to take a deep breath in, but his body wouldn’t allow him to. He could feel himself choking, suffocating on the blood that was blocking his airway. There was so much more he wanted to tell Nick, but time was only permitting him to do so much, and he knew this was it. Time was only giving him seconds to get out a few more words and he had to make it count.
“I love you guys…” he whispered, his eyes fluttering close.
“Alex, don’t you say that!” Nick yelled, trying to get AJ to open his eyes again.
A shot rang out, tearing Nick’s attention away from AJ for a moment. He turned around in time to see Brian collapse to the ground and a man standing behind him, gun in hand.
AJ felt everything close in on him; he could no longer talk, he could no longer move, he couldn’t open his eyes… all he could do was hear what was going on around him. Gun shot after gun shot went off, and he wasn’t sure who it hit or what was going on. He heard blood curling screams come from his brothers and Nick screaming in rage and anger.
He truly didn’t want to lose his memory again, but as quickly as it came back, it was all leaving him again just as fast. Who ever knew life could change so fast in the blink of an eye? All it took was one man to change everything, and leave their lives incomplete.
Author's Chapter Notes:
You wanna know something weird?!? I was writing this chapter while listening to "Untitled" by Simple Plan and it inspired me to write it. For some reason listening to that song made it all the more emotional. Try listening to that song and read this chapter, let me know if you get the same emotional feeling I did or if it's just me. Lol. I'm sucha weirdo, but here's the second to the last chapter!! Sorry so long, but please enjoy!! =)
