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I tugged at the collar of my sweatshirt, it was starting to get a little muggy. Whose idea was it to hold a meeting in a room where the air conditioner wasn’t working? The five of us were seated at a long table, staring at an empty seat placed before us, we were waiting for Johnny to arrive. Behind us stood our individual body guards, shadowing us as if we came to see the president or something. My thoughts were broken when I heard the door open, we all turned to see Johnny walk in.

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologized. “had a little business to take care of.” he sat down in the empty chair, clasped his hands together and sighed. “Alright, lets just jump right into it. I called you all here today because of Brian’s situation.” he looked over at me when he said that and paused.

I tried to avoid his stare behind the shades but nothing worked, I could still feel it piercing me. “Is something wrong Brian?”

Everyone turned to stare at me, I can’t believe none of the guys were gonna come to my defense. “Um… no, why do you ask?”

“Well, I’m asking because I couldn’t help than to notice the attire you chose to wear to this meeting… it’s hot as hell out and the AC’s in here are down and you’re the only one decked out in long jeans and a sweatshirt… not to mention the hat and sunglasses.”

“He’s getting a cold.” AJ finally spoke up. I glanced over at him, relieving a sigh and silently thanking him, the only person to come to my rescue and try to divert the attention away from me. “You gotta understand Johnny, he’s going through a tough time here and he’s hardly getting any sleep or anything to eat. I’m sure you’d feel the same way if something was to happen to your daughter.”

All the attention was now diverted to Johnny, who continued to stare at me. Finally, he gave a small nod. “I probably would… listen, I’m no one to judge what you are going through right now Brian, but we can’t have you starving yourself and not sleeping… it’s not healthy.”

“Believe me, Kevin’s already given me the lecture.” I replied.

“Brian, take off your sunglasses.”

My heart stopped, he asked me to do what? “Look Johnny, the reason why he’s wearing it is because he has the dark circles under his eyes from a lack of sleep and the light isn‘t…” Howie tried to explain, but Johnny interjected.

“I understand that, and I would like to see for myself how bad this is getting.”

When I didn’t move to take it off, he leaned forward in his seat towards me. “Brian… you don’t know how serious this can get. Like I said, I am no one to judge what you are going through right now, but you’re not looking out for yourself and… well, someone’s gotta do it.”

“Yeah, and that someone is Kevin, Howie, AJ and Nick thank you very much.” I retorted.

“Brian, take off the sunglasses.” he repeated. “And that’s an order.”

The room had fallen eerily silent, not even a breath was heard. All eyes were on me, as if anticipating the moment where I’d take of the stupid shades. Hesitantly, I ripped the shades off, exposing my dark eyes to Johnny for the first time.

“What the hell is this?” Johnny asked no one in particular. “I was expecting to see dark circles, not a goddamn black and blue eye! What in the hell happened?” No one said a word, we all tried to avoid Johnny’s heated stare this time. “Someone better goddamn well answer me.” Still, no one said a word, and there was no way we could lie. “You can’t go around looking like this…”

“What in the hell do you mean I can’t go around looking like this?” I snapped. “What, my black and blue eye will ruin our image? Will my appearance ruin our careers? Better yet, will my appearance ruin YOUR career? Fuck you Johnny!” everyone stared at me at shock.

“That’s not what I meant Brian…” he tried to say, but I interjected him this time.

“Then what are you trying to say? Huh? Go on and say it Johnny, say how you really feel. All you fucking care about is YOUR image and the money. You don’t give a shit about us man!”

“I don’t give a shit about you? I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU?!? That’s bullshit Brian, how in the hell can you stand there and say I don’t give a shit about you guys after all I’ve done for you. I put money out of my own goddamn wallet into your Backstreet Project and you say I don’t give a shit?”

“You see, that’s what it’s all about ultimately… money. And lets not even go there Johnny, because all the money you placed into us, you were gaining it right back because of us.”

“No Brian, I believed in you guys… I believed in you when no one else gave you the time of day to show the world what you guys could do. I practically gave my life to help you guys achieve your dream, I lived my life for the five of you.”

At this point, tears of frustration was running down my face, Johnny’s eyes were welled up. “No… we believed in ourselves when no one else did… including you.”

“So that’s it?” he asked me. “You’re gonna go out there and ruin it all for everyone because you’re only thinking of yourself.”

“I am not thinking of myself Johnny.” I replied. “I am thinking of my son.” I took my sweater off and heard them gasp when I revealed my bruises and scars to them. “Take a picture of this… maybe it’ll make you some money.” and with that I left the room.