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The next day I sent Leighanne to stay with her mother, I felt that it would be better if she did. I did not want to seem as if I was pushing her away or anything, but I just couldn’t handle everything that was coming my way. I was determined to find our son, but how could I do that while dealing with my wife who was a complete mess?

The fellas decided to stay the night with me, to keep an eye on me or whatever. Howie, AJ, Nick and I were suppose to attend a radio interview today, but that was cancelled due to obvious reasons. I didn’t even bother to call Johnny, he called me instead and told me how very sorry he was and that I could take off as much time as I needed, he would deal with the press and fans.

I stayed up practically the whole night; visions of my son screaming for help plaguing my mind. But, when both Leighanne and I heard him on the phone, he sounded fine, as if he was really going to somewhere “fun” with a family uncle. That’s what bothered me the most, why would someone want to kidnap a child and treat them so kindly? You hear so many stories of kidnappers molesting and even killing their victims, but not this guy. Not Paul. That’s what really puzzled me, but at the same time I was very grateful that this wasn’t a case of molestation and murder, or as far as I know.

“Has anyone seen Brian?” I heard Kevin ask. I didn’t even say anything to let him know that I was here.

“Did you check his room?” that was Howie.

“Yeah, but he ain’t there.”

Things fell silent for a while, until I heard soft footsteps and a light knock on the door.

“Brian?” Kevin whispered, peering in through the cracked door.

There he found me, sitting on Baylee’s bed with his blanket grasped tightly in my hands. I heard him sigh as he walked further into the room, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the chair that was positioned across from me.

“Brian?” he repeated, trying to look me in the eyes, but I avoided him at any cause. “Brian, look at me please.”

When I did, he sighed again. I know he could see the redness in my eyes and the dark circles beneath them.

“I’m assuming you didn’t get any sleep?” he asked me.

I just shook my head. “Couldn’t.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself Bri? I know you want to find your son, hell we all do, but how can you expect to find him when you’re doing this to yourself? How do you expect to find him when you’re in this kind of condition?”

“I’m not doing anything to myself Kevin. I’m not gonna sleep until my son is found. How can you expect me to sleep when I know that he’s out there with some complete stranger?” I asked him. He said nothing in reply. “I shouldn’t have left him alone… he would still be here if I hadn’t left him alone and gone upstairs.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it Brian.” he firmly told me. “Stop blaming yourself for this, none of this is your fault, you hear me? NONE of it. You want to find your son, then stop tearing yourself apart like this. We will find him, and when we do he’s gonna want his daddy… and if you keep doing this to yourself, he’s gonna realize that you are no longer his father.”

I didn’t say anything to him, nor did I look up at him. What he was saying was the truth, but I just didn’t want to admit it.

“Look, why don’t you go and take a hot shower, okay? Hopefully that’ll calm your nerves and eventually put you to rest.”

I froze when he said that. The words Leighanne told me last night played through my head; I’ll start up a warm bubble bath for you to soak your body in… If only we hadn’t gone upstairs, Baylee would still be here with us. I can’t go through this again, what if something else happens?

“Brian!” Kevin exclaimed.

I snapped out of my trance and looked over at him. “Yes?”

“You were phasing out on me… c’mon, go and take a shower.”

I nodded and rose from the bed, walking over towards my room and straight into my bathroom. Once I closed and locked the door, I let my head fall back and hit it. I closed my eyes, but as soon as I did visions of Baylee and I flooded my mind. Visions of him and I singing “Climbing The Walls” at our last stop of the Never Gone tour.

Where do you think both you and Leighanne would be without your son?

I remember a fan asking me that question, and I had told her that I would never want to think about that. I remember telling her that we would be lost without Baylee, it’s funny how I stay true to my word. I never wanted to think about it because I was gonna make sure that nothing happened to him, nothing was suppose to happen anyway. Now, here I am without my son because I failed in making sure that nothing would happen to him.

“Don’t worry Baylee,” I whispered. “daddy’s coming soon.”