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February 13, 2007

I clasped my hands together, waiting anxiously for the others to arrive. For once in my life, I was actually on time for something, I was at the recording studio before the other three. If only Kevin was here to see this, he would’ve been happy. Normally, I’d be greeted with “What in the hell took you so long Nick?” or a more sarcastic remark like “Did you forget how to drive your car?” but there was nothing but silence.

The fellas… well, I should say Howie, Brian, AJ and I haven’t really talked or seen each other together since November of 2006. Sure, we called each other on the phone every once in a while, but our phone conversations never lasted for more than an hour.

My thoughts were broken when I heard someone open the door. I looked up to see Howie walking in.

Howie looked over towards me and smiled, “I was kind of expecting me to be the first one here…”

“And me to be the last?” I joked.

I pushed myself up from the chair and grabbed him in a tight embrace. “Good to see you D.”

“Good to see you too buddy.” he backed away from the hug to look me over. “Gosh, look at you…”

“C’mon now D., it’s only been a few months.”

“Yeah, but it feels like it’s been forever! You look good Nick.”

“As do you. Hope everything is just as good though.”

“Well, now that I’m here, everything will be. Is it just you?”

I looked around at the empty studio, “Yup.”

“Am I dreaming or is Nick Carter really here before everyone else for once?”

I playfully pushed him away. “Shutup man.” I paused as I realized I pushed the arm that was grazed by a bullet and it looked awkward for some reason. “What happened?”

Howie looked down at his arm, “I got a skin graft done.”

“When?”

“In December. Doctors said the wound wasn’t healing properly, so they decided to do a skin graft to help the healing process.”

Just as I opened my mouth to ask him another question, the door opened revealing Brian behind it. “Did you guys start the party without me?” he asked.

I could only smile as I made my way over towards him, the question I was going to ask Howie completely leaving my mind. “Of course not Rok.” I replied as I grabbed him in a hug. “How ya doing man?”

“Alright I guess,” I could hear him falter in his answer, he wasn’t alright. “and how are you two?”

“Well, just found out that D. got a skin graft done.”

Brian looked over at Howie with wide eyes. “When and why?”

“Don’t I get a ‘Hello Howard’ and a hug before all the questions?” Howie asked, trying to sound hurt, but he failed miserably.

Brian smiled at him and hugged him gently, being careful not to touch the arm where he got the skin graft done. “Hello Howard.” he mocked. “Now, when did you get a skin graft and why?”

“Got it done this past December because it wasn’t healing properly.”

“I know Howie’s important and all, but if you haven’t forgotten Brian, you did ask me how I was doing.” I interjected. “And I am proud to say that I was actually the first one here!”

Brian actually gave an appalled look, damn him. He looked over at Howie for confirmation, who only nodded in response. “Where the hell is Ashton Kutcher?”

I chuckled at his stupid remark. “Why does that surprise everyone?”

“Having you being on time is like having a blue moon rise from the horizon… it just normally doesn’t occur.” Howie retorted.

Speaking of being on time, I looked around the studio again, finally noticing that it was only Brian, Howie and I. “Wonder what’s taking AJ so long.”

“I’m right here.”

The three of us turned to find a distressed looking AJ placing his duffel bag down on a chair. Gosh, he must’ve been so quiet and discreet when he came into the room because I didn’t even hear the door, and normally, it makes an irritating creaking sound whenever someone opened it.

“Sorry I’m late.” he softly apologized, not even bothering to look up at us. “I was honestly taking my time in getting here.”

Howie smiled warmly at his best friend, “Hey, no problem man.” he walked over towards AJ, expecting him to stop what he was doing and hug him, but AJ just kept to himself. “Ahem.” Howie coughed while stretching his arms out. “Did we sleep with each other last night or something?”

At first I gave an awkward look, confused as to what Howie meant by that. Brian glanced over at me and snickered, it wasn’t until I looked over at him that I finally got it. AJ, on the other hand, didn’t even smirk. He simply stopped what he was doing and gave Howie a brief and simple hug, and that was it. The look on his face remained the same, as if it was some forced routine he had to go through.

“Nice to see you D.” he muttered in the hug. He then hesitantly made his way over to me and Brian to give us a hug as well. “So, how’s everyone doing?”

While Howie started to recite everything once more for AJ, I broke off into my little own thoughts. Sure, the incident that occurred well over a year ago affected us all in different ways, but out of the five of us, AJ has all this animosity pent up within him. You would think that I would be the one that has all this anger and hostility, well, I should rephrase that. I DO have anger and resentment within me, but I know better than to withdraw myself and use it against the people I love.

Remember when I told you that I was visited by Aaron while I was in my coma? Well, when I became conscious, I woke up to this whole other light in life. He told me that everything was going to be okay and that he’d be seeing me soon. Now, don’t ask me what the hell he meant by that, because I really don’t plan on dying any time soon, but I trust my brother for some reason. Hearing him tell me that everything was going to be okay gave me ultimate reassurance. I mean, I killed this man that messed up our lives, it was all over, but AJ kept living his life as if the whole world was out to get him.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Howie call my name. “Yeah?”

“I said are you ready? We’re all here now.”

I gave a weak smirk and nodded. I turned to look at the door, almost as if waiting for Kevin to bust through it any moment. No… we all weren’t here.