“Hey guys,” BJ greeted us as we walked towards Lanie’s room. She handed us a plastic bag with clothes in it.
“Thanks BJ,” Shelby smiled appreciatively and hugged BJ in a tight hug. “I haven’t really gotten the opportunity to say thank you for everything the past few days…but I really am thankful.”
BJ beamed. She and Shelby had always gotten along pretty well. “It’s not a problem, Shelb,” she winked. “I’m so honored that you came to me with Lanie. You both mean so much to me.” She hugged her back. “The doctor was in there with her when I got here a few minutes ago.”
Shelby’s eyes grew wide as we all traveled down the hallway. We saw Lanie and the doctor walk out of the hospital room. “Mommy! Daddy!” Lanie exclaimed and ran towards us in her hospital gown. Shelby bent down and lifted Lanie into her arms. I ran my fingers through her long blonde hair and kissed the top of her head.
“What’s going on?” Shelby asked the doctor as he walked towards us.
“Perfect timing,” he smiled. “I was just going to get Lanie situated in the room she’ll be in to have the chemotherapy. It’s always good to get them comfortable in the room beforehand because it makes the situation less scary for them.”
Shelby nodded and sucked in a deep breath. I wrapped my arm around her supportively and swallowed the lump in my throat. This was not going to be any easy day, but we had to go through with it. “Ready, baby?” Shelby kissed the side of Lanie’s head and began walking behind the doctor.
“Mommy, when can I go home?” Lanie looked up at Shelby. I always knew that Shelby was closer to Lanie than I was. It was a fact – Lanie was with Shelby most of the time. It wasn’t like I was hurt by that because I knew I wouldn’t have time for Lanie anyway with work. But there was still that pang of jealousy in my gut. The way Lanie and Shelby looked at each other; they were perfect together. They were a beautiful match and sometimes I wondered how Shelby hadn’t ended up being remarried already.
“Well, honey, we have to stay in the hospital until you get better…that might be a little while,” Shelby tried to remain honest with Lanie; I admired that. I was too chicken to come out and break Lanie’s heart, explaining to her that she probably wouldn’t ever return to preschool and we’d be lucky to get her healthy for kindergarten.
“Mommy? When we go home, can Daddy come with us?” She asked again. Shelby glanced up at me. It was the first time she had made eye contact with me since we had reached the children’s cancer floor and I could finally see the big tears she cradled in her eyes.
“We’ll see, baby. We’ll see,” she whispered. We approached the room and looked in.
“Here we are,” the doctor smiled warmly. It was a warm, friendly room. However I had a bad feeling that our first impression was the wrong impression and we’d soon come to hate this room. It was decorated in pastel colors – Disney stickers and themes were all over the room. There were book shelves all over the room, as well as multiple chairs that resembled dentists’ chairs, to me. There were bags of fluid at each chair, along with needles and tubes.
I saw Lanie’s eyes grow wide with terror. “I don’t like needles.” She got a death grip on Shelby’s shirt and shoulders. Shelby’s bottom lip began to quiver and she looked up at me for reassurance.
“Come here, baby girl,” I whispered and took Lanie from Shelby’s embrace. I knew she wouldn’t be able to stick Lanie in the chair. Hell, I wasn’t sure I could even stick her in the chair. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and held on to my arm – partly, I think, to thank me for stepping in and partly for something sturdy to hold on to. “Can I tell you a secret?” I whispered as we started walking towards a chair. Lanie nodded as she put her head in the crook of my neck and began to cry. I rubbed her back soothingly. “I used to not like needles either. I used to always hate them. But then I went to the doctor a few years ago and had to give blood…” I began as I sat down in the chair myself and pulled her on my lap. “And I closed my eyes and sang a song in my head, and it was over before I knew it.” I knew this was a different story. I knew Lanie’s story would consist of much more pain and discomfort than mine. But I wanted to bring her some kind of comfort.
“Really?” Her little blonde head lifted off of my shoulder for a minute.
I nodded. “Really,” I smirked and kissed her forehead. “How about you sit on my lap for it?” I asked, looking up at the doctor.
“I suppose we could do that this time around,” he winked and nodded. I thanked him silently, knowing it was her first time and this would be a big step for all of us.
“Okay…” she seemed to give in to our command. She placed her head in the crook of my neck once more and the doctor lifted her arm. “I don’t wanna do this!” She cried out, all of her fear resurfacing.
I felt the tears sting my eyes. I looked over at the chair next to mine and saw Shelby shaking with sobs. I motioned her to come over closer, so she pulled up a chair on wheels and sat as close as she could, resting her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my free arm around her and held her close.
“H-How about Daddy sing to you?” Shelby suggested and I nodded.
“O-Okay,” Lanie cried.
So I swallowed all my fear as I sat there huddled with my family – my family; the family I had never participated in or taken care of – and thought of what to sing. Even though I had never been a part of both Shelby and Lanie’s lives at the same time, at that moment right there where we were all entangled in our arms, I felt right at home.
“I’ve got sunshine, on a cloudy day…when it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May. I guess you say, what can make me feel this way? My girls. Talkin’ ‘bout, my girls…” I sang softly over and over again.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you for the reviews! This story's really growing on me. This chapter is a sad one...I'll admit I even teared up just writing it. This story's going to be both sad & happy -- different moments. Just read & review! I hope you all continue to enjoy it!
