“Here ya go, baby,” I kissed the top of Lanie’s head as I cradled her in my arms and walked into her bedroom. By now, the top of her head was completely hairless and her frail body was practically limp. She had lost five pounds already which was completely unhealthy for her already tiny frame.
“Daddy, can I play with Layla?” She yawned from her bed and tried her hardest to sit up, leaning against the headboard behind her for support.
“Baby, Layla’s in Tampa at my other house,” I explained. Layla scared a lot of people because she was part pit bull, but she was so good with Lanie. Very protective of her, even. “Maybe we can fly her out here in a few weeks or something. Besides, I’m not sure it’s good for you to have a dog around. It might not be healthy.” Her immune system was down now that she was sick and I knew dogs weren’t the cleanest animals around.
“Okay,” she agreed, but seemed disappointed. “I miss my friends.” She sighed. She glanced down at her empty hands and looked around her room. It was then that I spotted big tears in her eyes. “When can we go home?” I had to swallow hard to try and get rid of the pain in my throat. Home. Home as in where her and Shelby had been living. Lanie would never feel at home when she was with me.
“When you’re better,” I sat down on the edge of her bed and took her small hand in mine. “Maybe when the doctor says it’s okay we can bring some of your friends over to see you. We just don’t want to put a lot on your right now, baby girl. You’re sick and we want you to get better.” I tried my hardest to explain. No matter how much Shelby and I explained, Lanie would still have questions. That was expected. Hell, I even had questions daily. So did Shelby. We would never get them all answered.
“Are you going to come home with us?” She asked for probably the hundredth time since she had been in California. I bit my bottom lip and glanced towards the doorway. There was no sign of Shelby. “I’ve been thinking about it.” I admitted. I knew I didn’t want to get her hopes up, but I was serious. I was considering. “I might not live with you and mommy, but I might move to my Tampa house. That way, you can visit me whenever you want and I can come spend time with you and mommy.” I said softly and brushed my thumb over her cheek. Her little eyes lit up right away. She had my eyes…that only made the pain in my gut worse.
“Really?” She looked excited. I chuckled and nodded.
“Yep, but how about we keep it a secret for a little while, ‘k?” I tucked her into her bed under the covers as I began to stand up. “I don’t want mommy to know yet.” I didn’t want to explain that I wasn’t sure if Shelby would be happy with my decision or not…I wanted Lanie to think everything was just fine. Lanie nodded in agreement. “Get some rest, baby.” I kissed her forehead and stood back up. “I love you.”
“I love you too, daddy,” she grinned. “Daddy?” She asked as I reached the door. I turned around.
“Yeah?”
“Do you love mommy, too?” She asked as she propped herself up a bit on her pillows.
Shelby wasn’t around, so I didn’t worry about her hearing me. “Yeah, I do,” I answered truthfully. “I love your mommy very much.” A big grin spread across Lanie’s lips. I shook my head with a laugh and turned off the light. “Now rest.” I pretended to be stern, but Lanie knew I was playing. She giggled and I shut the door to a crack. In the small light in the hallway, I saw Shelby leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. “H-Hey.” I stumbled over my words softly and cleared my throat.
“Hi,” she said softly with a smirk stretching across her face.
“U-Uh, how much of that did you hear?” I chuckled nervously as I walked towards her and we entered the hallway leading to the stairs. I awkwardly shoved my hands deep into my jean pockets and rocked back on my heels.
“Enough,” she nodded. It was then in the small light from the moon shining through the glass window above the front door in the second story foyer that I saw the tears forming in her eyes. “You love me, Nick?” She asked me hesitantly. “I mean, if you were just saying it to make her happy I would completely understand. I’d just like to know…for real…do you love me?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down at the carpet below our feet. Of course I loved her. I loved her very much. But how was I supposed to come and just surrender myself to her? How was I supposed to trust her all over again? What if she laughed in my face when I told her I loved her? “I’ll always love you, Shell. We’ll always have a special bond.”
She nodded and glanced down at our feet. “A love where there might be something there in the future, Nick? Or a love because I’m the mother of your daughter…?” She asked curiously.
“Um,” I licked my lips. What the hell was I supposed to say? “I don’t know, Shell. I mean, we haven’t been back together in a while…maybe more of a love for the second part? But --…” She nodded and smiled to try and make it seem like she wasn’t upset, but deep down I knew that wasn’t the answer she had wanted. “I definitely think we should continue on and be together and maybe get to that point.”
“It’s okay, Nick,” she shrugged as if nothing was wrong. I sighed. She always did that – especially recently – and it really bothered me. “Really. It’s fine.” She smiled and kissed my cheek. “I’m gonna go crash. I hooked up a baby monitor in her room and the other end is in the guest room with me, so I’ll hear her if she needs me.” She explained. “Night.” I nodded.
“Night,” I sighed and turned to retreat back to my bedroom. As I climbed under the covers and leaned against the headboard, I sighed. It was only 9:03. I knew for a fact Shelby was tired, but I didn’t think she was tired enough to go to bed at 9:00 at night. What was happening? Why was everything so complicated?
I must have drifted off to sleep with the light on, even. Too much on my mind, I guess. “D-Daddy?” I heard someone cry. I opened my eyes to see Lanie standing in the doorway to my room. I glanced at the clock – 2:24 am.
“Lanie?” I scooted up and hung my feet over the edge of the bed to scoop her up in my arms. “What’s wrong baby?” I asked softly as I rubbed her back in small circles trying to soothe her.
“I-I don’t feel good,” she sobbed against my shoulder. I frowned and leaned in – her cheeks felt so warm.
“Lanie?” I heard from the doorway. We both turned to see Shelby squinting in the light of room. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?” She muttered and quickly hurried across the carpet over to sit on the edge of my bed.
“Shell, she feels really warm…” I muttered and rubbed the sleep out of my eye as I handed her off to Shelby. Shelby pressed her lips across Lanie’s forehead and gasped.
“Nick, do you have a thermometer?” She questioned and slowly rocked Lanie back and forth in her arms. I nodded and headed off to the bathroom to pull the device out of the medicine cabinet. I retrieved it and brought it back to Shelby. “Baby, put this under your tongue, okay? It won’t hurt, I promise.” She kissed her forehead once more. Lanie did as she was told, and as the thermometer beeped, Shelby pulled it away. “Shit.” She mumbled. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, again. “Nick, it’s 104.5.” She cried and stood up with Lanie in her arms. “We need to go to the hospital now.” I gently took Lanie out of Shelby’s arms and cradled her like a baby to my chest.
“Okay, grab my cell phone and keys and we’ll get started,” I muttered. I was scared. I was tired of being scared. It seemed like every second something new was coming out of Lanie’s condition. “How bad is 104.5?” I asked as we hurried to the garage.
Shelby swallowed hard and turned back to me. “Bad.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
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