“Nick, I am so proud of you,” Brian grinned over the phone. I chuckled and rubbed my fingers over my eyes. “You and Shelby are compromising. Its gonna be a lot easier for Lanie to get through this if ya’ll continue to get along.” He threw in his opinion.
“Yeah, well, I’m almost starting to think me and Shelby are gonna get sick of each other soon,” I sighed and glanced down the hall to make sure Shelby wasn’t anywhere in ear shot. Her mom had come in again to visit Lanie so they were in the cafeteria while Lanie was getting her chemo. “I understand that she’s struggling with everything, Brian. But doesn’t she realize I am too?”
“Maybe you should tell her…” Brian suggested. “I mean, she should realize it now. Maybe she just needs to hear it from you, ya know?”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” I sighed. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. “I feel so guilty because there are moments where part of me just wants to walk out…but I can’t do that. I don’t want to do that.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall.
“Well…” Brian started but then stopped.
“What?” I asked and opened my eyes, now curious as to what he was going to say.
“Well, we had a meeting with Johnny today. He wants to know when we’re going to be able to promote the album and get going. We shouldn’t push the release date back any…but we can’t release without promotion,” Brian explained. Shit. I had completely forgotten about the album with everything going on. “It’s already October 15th, Nick. The album release is in fifteen days.”
“Fuck,” I mumbled and rubbed my eyes some more.
“You said you wanted to get away for a while…everyone needs a breather from a situation like this. You could spend a few weeks promoting with us in Europe, then go to New York for the release and then go back with Shelby. We’ll probably take two weeks off after the release anyway before hitting the road. And you don’t even have to be at the start of the Christmas shows…Howie is gonna be getting married and having his honeymoon.” Brian tried his hardest to make this rational.
“I don’t know if I can leave, Brian. I know I want to…but Shelby would never just get up and walk away. I shouldn’t…” I bit my bottom lip. He was right, though. I really needed to take a breather.
“Johnny’s going to be calling you soon. We don’t know what to do with the album,” Brian sighed. This was a tough situation. The album was done and ready for release, but I wasn’t ready to leave yet.
“Well, I guess I’ll talk to him about it when he calls,” I muttered as Shelby came around the corner with her mom. “Listen, Shelby and her mom are coming back so I better go. I’ll call you later tonight.”
“Alright, sounds good. Give Shelby my best and say hi to Lanie for me.”
“Will do, thanks man,” I sighed. We said goodbye and hung up just as Shelby plopped down in a chair next to me. I glanced over and watched her. She looked really sick – her eyes were closed and she was fairly pale. “You okay?” I frowned.
“I don’t feel well at all,” she mumbled. “Definitely from lack of sleep and being in this hospital around sick children for the past few days.”
“I told her she needs to go rest. She shouldn’t be here when she’s not feeling well,” Alicia, Shelby’s mom, folded her arms across her chest. “Honey, you can’t take care of Lanie when you’re sick. Nick will be fine with her by himself.”
I nodded. I was surprised her mom felt that way. Her mother had seriously hated me after everything happened with Shelby and me. It was never a pretty situation. “Yeah, I have it under control.”
“I’d just feel really bad if she woke up and asked for me,” Shelby sighed and rubbed her eyes from being so exhausted. “Would you promise to call me if she needed me?” She looked over at me.
“Absolutely,” I nodded. I was pretty surprised she was even considering leaving. “I’ll go in and sit with her after her chemo and stay with her while she falls asleep.”
Shelby bit her bottom lip, obviously contemplating whether or not to leave. “I guess it would be kind of nice to go back and get some sleep for a little bit.” She looked at her mother and then at me.
“That’s what I’ve been telling you all morning,” Alicia threw her hands in the air as if she gave up with a grin. “Just take my room key and go back to the room and get some rest, alright? I’ll come by in a little bit. I wanna see my grandbaby.”
“Mom, she’s really sick,” Shelby tried to warn her. I swallowed hard. I thought Alicia was going back to take care of Shelby…when in reality, I had to put up with her. I had never had an amazing relationship with Shelby’s mom. She always thought I wasn’t good enough for her daughter, or something. I guess I could understand that to a degree, especially after all the shit I put her through.
“I know that,” Alicia rubbed Shelby’s back soothingly. “Honey, you deal with it day after day. I’ve prepared myself for this. I can handle it. And besides, Nick’s here.” Did she just smile at me? I swear I saw a grin curve up her lips.
“Okay,” Shelby grinned and kissed her mom’s cheek, then kissed mine. “Sorry I have to leave…”
“Baby, don’t worry about it,” I touched her hand softly. “We’ll be fine.” I reassured her for at least the third time now. She smiled and walked down the long hallway to exit the hospital. “She really is amazing.” I muttered towards Alicia when the conversation suddenly ended.
“That she is,” Alicia agreed and took the seat Shelby had just been in. “What exactly are your intentions, Nick?” I had remembered her asking me this question years ago when we decided to get married. I had answered her in the only way I knew how. I told her I wanted to marry her daughter and start a family with her. She wasn’t convinced…neither was I.
“I want to be here for her and Lanie…” I said truthfully. I knew in my heart that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be the person they could turn to.
“Don’t make it seem like it’s some sort of job, Nick. Because it’s not. For the past four years, Shelby’s come to me with her problems or difficult situations. Shelby and I can get through this on our own…without you,” Alicia stated firmly. Part of me wanted to be offended, but then I realized she was just trying to protect her daughter. Alicia and Shelby had always been fairly close. She was worried about her daughter’s feelings. I didn’t blame her.
“It’s not a job,” I shook my head and looked down at my hands to compose my words. “I’ll admit…I’ve been more of a father to Lanie in the past week than I have ever before in all four years of her life. I love her, Alicia. And part of me will always love Shelby. I really think we can work out our differences and work on us. Definitely to make Lanie’s life a bit easier, but not just for her sake…for ours. I think there are a lot of unanswered questions and feelings that can’t just be pushed aside.”
Woah. Where had that come from? It seemed like the past few days I was so confused about my relationship with Shelby and what I wanted, and here in the past few seconds after being thrown on the grill by Alicia I seemed to know everything.
“I’m impressed,” Alicia nodded her head. “I never expected that to come out.” She scoffed. “Listen, Nick. Shelby keeps trying to tell me that you’ve changed…you’re different know. I guess I can see some of that. But what happens when Lanie gets better, or God forbid, something happens?” She lowered her voice. “Where do you stand when you’re child is well again?”
I swallowed hard again. These questions seemed so life altering. “I don’t think I could ever leave Lanie or Shelby’s side again…” I muttered so softly I wasn’t even sure she had heard me. Nervously, I began tapping my foot on the cold tile of the hospital floor. Why was she so demanding? I felt like I was suffocating.
“Good,” Alicia mumbled. “Because I think my daughter’s pregnant.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
I cannot thank you guys enough for all the reviews!! It's so fun to log on and read them all. Here's the next chapter! Let me know what you think!! Big cliffhanger at the end =]
