I’m pretty sure all the wind was just knocked out of me from those simple words…mainly being that last one. Pregnant. I had so many questions, but only one was able to travel from my mind to my mouth. “Is she sure?” I tried to unscramble them in my head the best I could.
“Not yet,” Alicia sighed and leaned back in her chair. She looked disgusted but she didn’t seem like it was a big deal. “She hasn’t been feeling well the past few days, she said. She described her symptoms – a little nausea, but she hasn’t been throwing up. She’s been overly tired. She’s been overly emotional.”
“No offense, Alicia…” I cleared my throat. “But considering the circumstances, I think all of that’s pretty normal. Besides, I remember how bad the morning sickness was for Shelby when she was pregnant with Lanie. Shouldn’t she be throwing up?” I tried to make this seem like it wasn’t as big of a deal. There was no way she could be pregnant. We had sex once.
“Not necessarily, Nick,” Alicia jumped back. “Look, I don’t want her to be pregnant just as much as you don’t. I know after this ordeal, hell, probably even during the ordeal, you’re going to start drifting. She was devastated when you left her with Lanie. I don’t want her being left with two babies. I’m sure she can handle it, especially with my help, but I don’t want to ask her to.” She sounded defensive. Again, I didn’t really blame her. However, she had her facts wrong.
“You don’t know me,” I muttered and stared hard at her. “I’ve grown up a lot since Shelby and I were married. I know I need to be here and if we find out she’s pregnant…” I trailed off. Oh God. Pregnant? I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Then you better believe I’ll be around. Shelby and I are trying to fix things anyway, alright?”
“I understand that,” Alicia nodded her head. “But are you trying to ‘fix things’ because of being in the moment? Do you want to fix things for Lanie’s sake or for your sake?” She questioned.
“For mine and Shelby’s and Lanie’s sakes,” I said strongly. A smile curved upon Alicia’s lips, but it didn’t look friendly, it looked more like, ‘I’d-like-to-see-you-try’.
“This will be interesting to see,” she muttered. I shook my head angrily and stood up. I looked through the window to see Lanie getting her chemotherapy. Her little eyes were closed and her head was resting against the back of the chair she was in. They had the needle in her and she had her headphones on. The doctors weren’t too fond of Shelby and I always going in there with her, so I sent her in with the new Backstreet Boys’ CD to let her listen to it.
“Can you stay here with Lanie?” I turned and glanced back at Alicia.
“Where are you running off to already?” She glanced at her watch. “How long did that promise last? Thirty seconds?” She scoffed.
“I’m running off to check on your daughter,” I spat. “I want to make sure she’s okay.” I turned to walk down the hall.
“She’s not at the hotel,” Alicia called after me, suddenly feeling bad for what she said.
“Well, where is she?” I turned back around to face her with my arms crossed over my chest.
“She’s upstairs…getting the pregnancy test,” Alicia sighed and looked back towards the room where Lanie was resting. I swallowed another lump in my throat and my heart began to beat faster. I had meant what I said to Alicia. I had meant everything I had said to Shelby. But was I ready for another baby? Were we ready? The guys were already getting frustrated with me for not being ready to go on tour when I should be. There was no way I could leave Lanie and Shelby when I went on tour. And they couldn’t really come with me because of Lanie’s disease.
I walked down the long corridor to a desk. I smiled at the lady. “Uh, I’m looking for Shelby James,” I muttered. I still couldn’t believe I was standing here.
“She was in room 301,” the nurse grinned. “Congratulations!” She beamed. I wanted to throw up. I was hoping she said ‘Congratulations’ to every person that came through there, but I had a bad feeling they didn’t. I walked over to room 301 and sucked in a deep breath. No matter what, you have to be supportive, I muttered to myself. If this was true, Shelby would need me more than ever. I walked into the room only to find an empty bed. There was no one there. A frown crossed over my eyebrows. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe this meant the doctor sent her away when they found out she wasn’t pregnant. I walked farther down the hall just to make sure she hadn’t wandered somewhere else. She had probably gone back downstairs already and I had gotten worked up for nothing.
But then I saw her. She was standing outside the nursery with her arms folded over her chest. She was staring at all the newborn babies. Shit. I walked over and cleared my throat. “Did my mom send you up here?” She muttered, not even bothering to turn around.
“No…” I rocked back on my heels. “She told me that she was suspecting that you were pregnant. I was headed back to the hotel to check on you when she told me you had come upstairs.” I mumbled and stood next to her. I didn’t want to make her upset. Her eyes didn’t leave the glass in front of her.
“I thought she was full of shit, Nick,” she mumbled and I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was choked up, on the verge of tears.
“Hey,” I mumbled and draped my arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer to me. “What’d the doctor say?” At this point I had a feeling that she was pregnant, simply by the way she was acting.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered and dropped her head down, tears pouring from her eyes. Fuck. I sucked in a deep breath but pulled her in for a hug.
“It’s okay, Shell. Don’t worry,” I mumbled and soothingly rubbed her back in circles. I kissed the top of her head to try and calm her down. “Everything will be okay.” I was saying the words I knew I needed to. Did I believe in my heart everything was going to be okay? At this point, I had no fucking clue. At this point, my daughter was struggling with cancer, my job was calling me back to work or else, and my ex wife just found out she was pregnant.
“How the hell is everything going to be okay?” She pulled back a little and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Because right now as I see it, I can barely handle getting through Lanie’s illness. Now I have to start taking better care of myself and focusing on the life inside of me. How am I supposed to do that, Nick?”
“We’re going to have to take it step by step, okay?” I sighed and ran my fingers through her hair. “We’re definitely going to have to start thinking things through and focusing on the baby while continuing to focus on Lanie.” I sighed. Jesus, she was right. This was all getting a bit complicated.
“What about us, Nick? What the hell are we supposed to do? I mean, by gynecologist is back home in Tampa! I don’t know about any of the gynos here. And what about when it gets closer to the baby being born? And God forbid they put me on bed rest or something…” she began to ramble.
“Baby, calm down,” I stopped her before she could go any farther. “Just breathe, okay? Seriously. Let’s take it day by day. We’re going to be fine.” I sighed and pulled her in for another hug. Just for reassuring myself, I repeated, “We’re going to be fine.” I wish I could believe it.
Author's Chapter Notes:
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