“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lanie. Happy birthday to you,” we all sang out in the hospital room. All the nurses and doctors that had come to help Lanie the past few weeks all huddled around in her room as Shelby and I presented her with a small cake we had picked up from the grocery store. Shelby’s mom was there, as well as BJ and Aaron.
“Thank you,” Lanie grinned and blew out her four candles.
“Four-years-old already,” Shelby smiled as I took the cake to cut it. “I can’t believe you’re getting so big!” She hugged her gently, trying not to break her small frame. “You wanna open presents now?” Shelby asked as she maneuvered her way to sit behind Lanie, holding her protectively against her.
“Presents!” Lanie cheered. I chuckled and went to the small table where a lot of gifts had gathered that morning.
“Okay, let’s see here…” I grabbed the first small bag. It was from Shelby’s mom. “This one’s from Grandma.” I smiled up at Alicia who nodded back at me. Shelby reached for it and helped Lanie open it. It was a stuffed giraffe from the hospital gift store with the movie “Monster House”.
“Can we watch it?” Lanie looked up at Shelby. Shelby nodded and kissed the top of her head.
“Maybe later, kay baby? Thank Grandma for your present,” she instructed and Lanie did as she was told. I chuckled and pulled out another gift. This one was from Aaron and BJ. “Let’s see what Uncle Aaron and Aunt BJ got for you…” she pulled at the tissue paper and found a brand new baby doll with two changeable outfits and a soft blanket with different Disney characters all over it. Lanie gasped in excitement, making all of us laugh.
“Thank you, thank you!” She seemed so excited. “Mommy, this was one of the dolls I wanted!” She exclaimed. After staring at it for a few moments, she pushed the gift to the side waiting for the next one.
The nurses and doctors in the hospital had gotten her a few different DVDs to watch as well as different games to play where she could play from bed. It was very considerate and she seemed to really enjoy them. Shelby had gotten her two dolls she had wanted as well as a new Disney movie that had just been released.
“Okay, one more present, baby,” Shelby kissed Lanie’s head again. It was a loving gesture, but I had realized she was terrified Lanie would spike a fever again. “This one’s from Daddy.” She got me out of my trance and I handed Lanie the bag.
“This is kinda for the future…” I tried to explain as Lanie opened it. I had gotten her a little bathing suit and a shovel and pail.
“What’s it for?” Lanie questioned. Shelby looked up at me with a frown as she found the envelope in the bottom of the bag.
“It isn’t for any time soon,” I reassured Shelby, mainly. “I just thought it’d be nice once we get the okay from the doctor.” I shrugged. Shelby opened the envelope to find the three plane tickets to Hawaii I had gotten. Her jaw dropped open.
“Mommy, what is it?” Lanie pried and tried to reach the envelope in her hands.
“Tickets to Hawaii,” Shelby mumbled, still in shock. I smiled, hoping she was in a good shock.
“I just figured after Lanie got a little better maybe we could take a family vacation. If we need to wait until after the baby’s born, then we will,” I explained. “I just want to keep those tickets…I want us to work on getting to that point.” I said softly and put my hand on Shelby’s.
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and smiled. “I think that’s a great idea, Nick.” She leaned in and kissed me softly, causing a fit of giggles to erupt from Lanie. “What do you say to everyone, Lanie? All these people came here for your birthday, little miss.” Shelby smirked.
“Thank you,” Lanie smiled around at all her guests. They all got a minute with her and then left the room. The doctor was the last one to stay.
“Nick, Shelby,” he called us out into the hallway. “She’s free to go now. I think she’ll be fine. She hasn’t had a fever all day. And like I said before, it’s sure to happen again…just follow the steps I gave you and you won’t have any problems.” He smiled.
“Thank you so much,” Shelby smiled and shook his hand. I did the same.
“Now how about you? How are you feeling?” He asked her, seeming concerned.
“Fine, other than some morning sickness,” she shrugged. “Any precautions I need to take? Anything I can to avoid…” she trailed off. I frowned, wondering what she was talking about.
“Mrs. Carter, you didn’t do anything to cause Lanie’s illness…” the doctor responded. Woah. She thought she had done something to bring this upon Lanie? I had no idea that was going through her mind. “It’s very common for parents to wonder if it was something they did in raising the child, or for mothers to think if they had eaten differently or done something differently. I checked your records. You didn’t smoke, drink or consume drugs during your pregnancy. Please don’t blame yourself. And don’t be afraid to have this baby.” He smiled. “You and your husband seem to be wonderful parents. Don’t let something like cancer stop you.”
“T-Thanks,” she nodded and swallowed hard. He walked back down the hall and Shelby turned to go back into the room. Before she could, I gently pulled on her arm.
“Hey,” I said softly. She looked up at me with big tears in her eyes. “Are you blaming yourself for this?” I asked her quietly and nodded towards Lanie’s room. She choked back a sob and nodded. “Baby,” I sighed and pulled her into my chest. “Why?”
“I just can’t stop wondering what happened. She’s been in my care ever since she was conceived, Nick. Was it something I did during pregnancy? Was it something I fed her?” We had been over this, but I couldn’t blame her for wondering.
“Come here,” I said and pulled her towards the chairs we had found so familiar over the past few weeks. We sat down and I sighed, pulling her close to me. “Sometimes I wonder if it had anything to do with me not being there…” I muttered and glanced down at my hands.
“Nick, that’s ridiculous,” she sighed and wiped at her eyes.
“See? I think it’s ridiculous when you say you caused it,” I spoke up. “Shell, neither of us did anything wrong when it comes to Lanie’s health. I think our relationship could have eventually ended up hurting her like my parents’ divorce hurt me. But maybe we caught it in time? Maybe this is supposed to help us work on us for a little while.” I sighed.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she sighed and dried her eyes a bit more. “Thanks, Nick.” She smirked and kissed me softly.
“It’s what I’m here for,” I smiled. “But while we’re on the subject…” I decided to bring up something else I had noticed with Shelby. “I’ve been watching you with Lanie…and you seem afraid that she might break or something.” I tried to word it as carefully as possible. Instead of getting my head bit off, Shelby looked down at the floor and nodded.
“I don’t want to hurt her, Nick,” she sighed.
“Baby, you aren’t going to hurt her,” I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently. “She needs us to hold her. She needs our strength. We can’t be afraid of her or afraid that we’re gonna hurt her. I mean, I guess being gentle would be best…but don’t be afraid.”
“Dammit, Nick! This is so hard,” Shelby muttered and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do around her. I don’t know…and like, this whole pregnancy thing isn’t helping any. I’m trying so hard to keep up an appetite for the baby’s health and I’m trying to do everything right,” she sighed while a few more tears spilled out the corners of her eyes.
“Shell,” I mumbled and kissed her temple. In a way, I was really glad all of this was coming out. She had kept it hidden for so long. “Don’t worry, okay? I’ll talk to the doctor before we leave and get some kind of a description of what kind of foods you should be eating to keep you and the baby strong and healthy. We can do this. I promise you, we’re going to get through this.” I said.
She sighed and smiled up at me through her tears. “I hope you’re right.” She muttered and leaned into my grasp. Not only was I trying to hold up my daughter and keep her strong through her battle with cancer, but now I was holding up my pregnant wife. I was strong enough for the both of them, but am I strong enough to keep myself going, too?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm so glad you're enjoying it just as much as I'm enjoying writing it =] Keep on reviewing! I'll try to get more out to you soon =]
