“Mommy, daddy,” Lanie whispered softly. My eyes flew open and glanced at the bedside clock. 3:21 am. I watched as Shelby yawned and sat up, too.
“Hey baby,” Shelby sighed and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. “Do you have a fever again?” She whispered and lifted Lanie as they walked into the master bedroom. I got up and followed, retrieving the thermometer from a drawer. Shelby got it ready and put it under Lanie’s tongue. When she pulled it out, she sighed. “103.4.” She turned to me.
“I’ll go get a bath ready,” I kissed her forehead and walked over to the big Jacuzzi bath tub I had in the master bedroom. I made the water luke warm like we always had to.
“Baby, sit here with daddy while I go and get the ice packs and call the doctor, okay?” Shelby said. We were used to this. Lanie typically got fevers once every week or so. It was normal, but we had to call the doctor whenever it happened so they could track her progress and make sure she wasn’t too sick.
“Okay,” she mumbled and plopped down next to me on the cool tile. I leaned over and kissed her forehead. She really was burning up. It didn’t scare me as much anymore because the doctor had made it out to be fairly normal.
“Let me help you get undressed and we’ll get you in the bathtub, okay?” I pulled her Hannah Montana nightgown over her head and lifted her into the tub. “Does that feel okay?” I asked her. Her eyes seemed really heavy and when she nodded, her head seemed to droop. “Baby?” I frowned and ran my fingers through her hair. “SHELBY!” I yelled loudly when I didn’t get a response from Lanie. She fell limp in my arms. “SHELBY!” I yelled again. Shelby came in running.
“What? What happened?!” She asked. “O-Oh my God.” She cried as she watched what happened.
“Baby, call 911,” I tried to stay calm as I took Lanie out of the water and wrapped her in towels to keep her warm. “Call an ambulance.” I muttered through tears as I rocked Lanie in my arms. “Baby, wake up.” I whispered and kissed the top of her head. I tried to open her eyes but it was no use, they were rolled in the back of her head.
The only thought going through my mind was Lanie dying. She couldn’t die. She just couldn’t.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shelby and I sat in the hallway while Lanie was examined by the doctor. She had gone into some kind of shock. We weren’t sure why or how at this point. I glanced over at Shelby and gave her hand a small squeeze. “You okay?” My voice was raspy from crying and not speaking for a little while.
“I’m hanging in there,” she sighed and closed her eyes momentarily. “You?” Shelby had been really worried about me. She said she could never imagine pulling our daughter out of the water. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I had held my cool the way I did.
“Same,” I mumbled and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. We heard the door across the hall open and saw the doctor step out. Both of us jumped to our feet and hurried towards him. “Is she okay?”
He sighed heavily and led us over to sit down. “She’s okay right now,” he muttered. “Lanie is experiencing an infection. Her cancer has only gotten worse, and I’m afraid things are starting to change drastically.” He whispered. I felt my throat closing up on me and tears burning my eyes. I heard the first sob escape Shelby’s lips.
I licked my lips and tried to croak out some kind of sentence. “What do you mean by, it’s only gotten worse?” I asked him and tried to blink away my tears.
“Mr. Carter, your daughter’s cancer was much smaller and much less powerful when we first started watching her,” he began to explain. “Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia is very, very dangerous in children. When I first found it I was sure I could get rid of it.” He licked his lips as a pause before continuing. “At this stage in the cancer, as a professional I’m supposed to tell you that there’s about a 5% chance your daughter will live past the age of nine.” He said that last part so softly I wasn’t sure I heard it. Shelby doubled over in sobs and I tried to rub her back comfortingly, but wasn’t managing to uphold myself very well. “But as your doctor and a father myself, I’m going to tell you I’m going to work my ass off to keep her going and keep her strong.”
I nodded and leaned over to kiss the top of Shelby’s head. This came as such a shock. “S-She…she was doing so well.” I swallowed hard to try and get that out. “I mean, our family’s here…they…she…she was so energetic.” I was so confused as to how this happened.
“That’s very common,” the doctor nodded. “It just means you’ve kept her in such a positive and upbeat environment, you haven’t allowed her illness to stop you from living her life out to the fullest.”
“D-Did we push her too hard?” I felt my voice crack and the first tear escaped my eye.
“Absolutely not. Mr. Carter, you kept Lanie stronger by allowing her to live like this,” he reassured me. “I am so very sorry. I know this is never good news. But I want you to know that she has an 85% chance of living until she’s nine. It just continues to go downhill from there for most patients.” He tried to explain professionally.
“No offense, but I’m not interested in fucking statistics,” I didn’t mean to sound rude. I just wanted him to know this wasn’t interesting me at all. “I want to know what you see for my daughter five years from now.” I swallowed hard.
The doctor sighed heavily and licked his lips. Shelby sat up fully, still shaking from her sobs. She wanted to know what he had to say, too. “Mr. Carter, your daughter is very sick. As of right now, I’m not sure what to expect. I’m sorry.” He said simply and stood up. “You’ll be able to go in and see her in a few minutes.” He sighed before walking away.
I pulled Shelby close and held her as tightly as I could. I needed her and she needed me. So we sat there and sobbed together. It was all we could do.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a tearjerker, I'm not going to lie. I cried just writing it. Please review! I promise to write more soon if I get some reviews!!
