I couldn’t help but feel alone as we sat and watched Lanie sleep. I was angry, sad, frustrated and confused all at the same time. How could this be happening to us? I ran my fingers through my hair as Alicia approached us. She sighed heavily and sat down next to Shelby, draping her arm consolingly around her shoulder. “How are you two holding up?” She whispered softly. Shelby didn’t say a word, so I took it upon myself to answer.
“Shitty,” I mumbled. I was waiting for Alicia to yell at me or tell me why I shouldn’t speak that way, but nothing like that came from her mouth. Instead, she sighed and reached across Shelby to pat me comfortingly too.
“I can’t say I understand,” she said softly. “Because I don’t. I’ve never had a child this sick before.” She glanced down at Shelby. “Look at me, both of you.” She instructed. She knelt down in front of us and our eyes found hers. “I can tell you that your daughter isn’t dead yet.” She said firmly. I could see the tears pooling in her eyes. “Shelby Marie, I understand you’re upset and I don’t blame you at all. But you cannot continue to sit here and mope around or else you’re going to cause her life to end a hell of a lot faster.”
“I don’t want to make her tired. We should just let her rest,” Shelby mumbled through tears. She wiped angrily below her eyes and I put my arm around her again. Neither of us was taking this very well at all.
“Did you not hear the doctor?” Alicia wasn’t trying to be rude, but she was trying to get her point across. “He told me himself that you kept this baby alive. By you two acting as if nothing was wrong and making her live like a normal child kept her going, Shelby. Do you understand that?” Shelby nodded and continued to cry as we sat there.
Alicia was right. We couldn’t just sit around. But neither of us knew what to do. It was like she was this porcelain doll of some kind, and at the slightest mistake, we could break her. “What are we supposed to do?” Shelby asked quietly, pretty much reading my mind.
“Take her everywhere. Take her places she wants to see – like Hawaii, Disney World, the beaches, maybe somewhere incredible like Paris or Italy,” Alicia explained. “Then, once it gets to be too much and you’re about to have the babies, take a break. Let her rest at home. Live like a normal kid.”
“But she’s not normal,” Shelby sighed and rubbed her eyes. We weren’t getting anywhere.
“You have to make her feel like she is,” Alicia instructed sternly. “Shell, look at how far she’s come while you two were pretending everything was fine. Besides her medicine and her getting ill afterwards, you didn’t treat her like a cancer patient. You treated her like she was a normal little girl just getting a little sick here and there. Look at how much fun she had on Thanksgiving! And every other time. Include her in the preparation for the babies. Help her pick out names. Honey, the doctor said there’s only a 5% chance she’ll live after nine. I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, but Lanie can be that 5%.”
I looked over at Shelby, completely encouraged by Alicia’s little spiel. “I-I think your mom’s right.” I gave Shelby’s hand a squeeze. “We can hire a nurse to travel around with us. We’ll make it all comfortable for Lanie. Maybe we can rent out an RV or something while we travel the country. Then, maybe if she’s up to it, we can take a cruise or something.” I could see the dollar signs in Shelby’s eyes. She was worried about this costing way too much. I knew it was going to be an expensive few years, but I honestly didn’t mind. “Please stop worrying about the money.” I said sincerely. “Baby, I want us to be together…not just now for Lanie’s illness. But for when this is all over. My money is your money, your money is my money.”
“I-I know…I just don’t have much to contribute and I think I should start working again if we’re going to do something like this,” she shrugged and played with her fingers in her lap.
“Shell, you’re an amazing mother. You’re more amazing at it than I could ever be as a father,” I said softly. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again. This had been the most emotional time of my life. Alicia stood up and slowly backed away.
“I’ll be back,” she said quietly to give us some alone time.
“Nick, that’s not true,” Shelby placed her hand on my cheek and pulled my gaze up so I would look into her eyes. “I doubted you as a father time after time again. And now you’ve proved me wrong. You are so amazing with our daughter. You saved her life, Nicky.” She whispered and allowed more tears to roll down her cheeks. “I want to be with you forever too.” She whispered and kissed me softly. I had never felt so much passion in a soft, simple kiss then I did at that point. “I—“
We were interrupted by an alarm sounding off in Lanie’s room and doctors and nurses rushing in. Shelby and I both jumped up from our chairs and hurried to the glass window to see what was going on. Lanie’s body looked so lifeless and so frail. She was so sick. The doctors worked on her for a few minutes and we stayed in silence. I reached down and grasped her hand tightly in my own, intertwining our fingers together. I watched as the doctor checked her vital signs and inserted a needle into her wrist. I swallowed hard and glanced over at Shelby’s pale face. She looked as if she was going to be sick.
Before I looked back, the doctor was walking out into the hallway to speak with us. He sighed heavily and glanced back at our daughter. “That was an alarm to tell us that her white cells in her blood dropped again. If they keep dropping, there’s not going to be much we can do for her.” He said so softly, almost as if he was hoping we wouldn’t hear him. “I’m so sorry. We’re going to continue to do everything we can.” He nodded and began to walk away.
Shelby turned back towards me and swallowed hard. “I feel so sick.” She sighed and closed her eyes. I pulled her close to me and kissed her forehead gently.
“How about we go back home? This can’t be good for the babies,” I placed my hand on her abdomen. I knew that stress wasn’t good for a pregnant lady.
“I’m not sure I want to leave her here just yet,” she bit her bottom lip and looked back at the window.
“We can leave her here for the night, and if she stabilizes a bit by tomorrow afternoon, maybe we can think about taking her home like the doctor said,” I suggested. She went to protest, but I cut her off. “Shell, I know she’s sick. I know she needs medical care. We can bring someone in to take care of her. I don’t want her living the rest of her life in this hospital.” I said carefully. I was beginning to lose all hope.
Shelby nodded and allowed a tear to slip from the corner of her eye. “Fine. Let’s go say goodbye and go home.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Warning, the chapters coming up might be a little sad. I'm not sure where I'm taking this story, I'm honestly finding out myself as we go along. Please continue to review and let me know what you think!! I'll keep writing if you keep reviewing =]
