When I first started as a member of Backstreet Boys at the age of 19, it never came across my mind that one day this group would reach to a stage where Backstreet Mania cast a huge phenomenon on the fans. Afterall, when Sam and Charles left the group, it was like having a broken pair of wings that we almost given up the idea of moving on. They said they had no faith in Backstreet Boys making an impact in the music industry but Lou insisted on us finding the replacements. Lou insisted that no matter what happened, Backstreet Boys must never split. Not at a time when we had so much to offer and talent to share.
After days and weeks of searching, we finally found the replacements. The Kentucky cousins came and when we were first introduced to them that morning in the recording studio, I knew right there and then, our destiny had changed its path. That Backstreet Boys will never be the same again. If Sam and Charles were the broken wings that left us handicapped, then Kevin and Brian were the hands that came right on time to lead us all to a new beginning in our lives.
It certainly did not take us long to adapt to the new changes with two new family members living with us especially Nick and Brian. They were close, and so were everyone. Friendship that we had meant so much more than just a word. People were so used to seeing us having those group hugs, smiling, laughing, playing pranks and joking around as friends in front of the cameras but it was through these eyes that captured those moments of us going through the rough patches throughout the journey as friends, as members of the Backstreet Boys. As brothers to be exact.
How we used to share each other’s shoulders to cry on when the challenges seemed to be too much for us to take. How we used to stay up till late at night when someone fell sick, especially Brian because of his health problem. How we stood together, holding hands, praying for Brian to have successful surgery. How we used to give encouragement to one another when the lawsuits started. How we braved against those terrible rumours spreading around on our split and how we tried to put up a strong front when Kevin had decided to leave.
How I wished I could have shown more love the guys. No, not with kisses or hugging that was for sure! Enough with all those remarks and speculations about my sexuality, there was no need to add more to that. It was more like appreciation. To tell them how I appreciate those years of life being one of the members of Backstreet Boys, being one of the brothers who got to share responsibility in making sure Nick never stayed astray and being part of the Backstreet family.
I wished I had the power to turn back time. To a time where this picture was taken. We looked so carefree, and innocence back then. As usual, in every photo shoot sessions I would ask Clara, our personal assistant to hold my camera and to snap as many pictures as possible so that when the future comes, I will proudly hang these memories on my hall in down the memory lane of Howard Dorough, a member of Backstreet Boys. Maybe not many realized this but way before Nick started out on his Space Corner or was it Nick’s Space, Nick’s Corner, yeah whatever he called it, I had mine first so that kid still owed me dinner for taking my copyrighted idea.
Johnny was our photographer at that time. It was our photo shoot project with him for one of those music magazines and he was quite a nice lad. Someone who was fun, easy-going and very creative but not as creative as AJ, I assumed. Who would have thought, a picture that was taken during our five minutes break became one of those distinctive memories of a lifetime. Well, at least for me though deep inside me I kept asking myself, what the heck was I thinking?
Why did I even have to listen to AJ? No wait! I should be asking, why did we even have that agreement in the first place at all! The agreement was, each one of us had to pick a stick in the van on the first day of the week. The one that had the longest will have the say of the week and everyone will not protest to it. I loved it when Kevin got the longest stick. It was a safety week for me to keep Nick, Brian and even AJ off my back but of course, these kids had means and ways to get to you even by playing small pranks like putting rubber snakes on your bed, whip cream inside your sandals, glue on your mug and so on. Trust me, when you thought you had experienced the worst, the worst has yet to come.
That day happened to be AJ’s day though it was a close fight in length between my stick and AJ’s. Okay now, why does that sound porno to me. Anyway, its AJ’s fault for all the porno talks in the van with Nick. Better erased that off before his third eye starts to read the bubbles of my thoughts from afar. That guy could be quite unbelievably insane sometimes!
“D… you okay?” What did I say?
“What? I’m fine.”
“Your face looks like you’re thinking of something naughty!”
“Right! Is that supposed to be funny? I’m not like you that easily turn on by just a broom dressing up like Marilyn Monroe, now go away!”
“Alright, alright… you don’t have to be mean!” Oh great! As if you knew what “mean” really mean!
“Whatever dude, now go!”
“You know what people said when you are being so defensive D?”
“Do I really have to entertain you right now Jay? Where’s Nick?”
“He’s checking on the new girl-”
“What?”
“Just kidding alright! He went to the loo! So, do you want to know what people said when you are being so defensive?”
“Do I have any choice?” I could have just walked away but no, the glow in his eyes sparked something that stopped me from leaving and whatever something it was, it looked wickedly mischievous. In order to remain in the safety zone I guessed its best to stay and listen. Just like what I always did. “Fine! Shoot it!”
“That you really ARE thinking of the naughty things… now tell me, were you thinking about Marilyn Monroe before I disturbed your little fantasy?” My fantasy would be having you tied up to that chair with your mouth taped. Wait, no, not fantasy but a mission if he continued provoking me with those stupid questions.
“Sorry to burst your bubbles dude! Its NOT Marilyn Monroe, not those strippers, not anyone in particular as you think it is alright! Now, get going!”
“Jay!”
“Hey bro!” Thank God Brian was here.
“Did I miss anything?” I turned to AJ and raised my eyebrows.
“Not much except that-”
“What?” It was hard to comprehend the anxiety in Brian’s voice. Or was it exhaustion?
“D is having some fantasy here-”
“Seriously Jay, its not even included in the category of funny! Now, get on with it!”
“See what I mean!”
“Alright stop teasing him Jay! Now, where’s Nick?” Brian said as he gave AJ a light pat on his chest.
“Loo.”
“Loo?”
“Still in the loo? You sure he went to the right direction? What’s taking him so long?” I asked trying to avert his attention away from our earlier conversation.
“I think I better check on him! You know, just in case…”
“Oh come on Jay! You know Nick… he’s not that suicidal type! Furthermore its only Kev, not like he lost a soul mate or something… right?”
I did not utter a word.
I was not sure if I could agree with Brian. Of course, the impact of Kevin’s decision might not be as great as it had on him than on us. They were cousins and definitely, it would not affect the family ties they had no matter what the decision was but when it came to Backstreet Boys, it was different. Not when you have been living, breathing, playing and growing up together for the last thirteen years. Not when you have had thirteen years of friendship, thirteen years of being there for one another and thirteen years of showering this brotherhood with love, care, responsibility and trust. Without doubt everyone was truly affected by it, especially Nick.
“Are you alright dude?” Brian’s voice snapped me back to face the reality. Alright? Ever since Kevin announced his decision to leave, nothing was alright.
Yes, it felt good to be back in the arms of your brothers and to see everyone doing fine as if it gave you one kind of energy to keep on going and going. When you started to share and making updates on your lives with these guys, you knew the bond was still there. Somehow that day, I simply hated to be there for the wrong reason. I hated to sit on that chair where we had to face the media regarding this issue and I hated to see the disappointment on those faces that had been supporting us right from the beginning. Our fans.
“D, are you alright?”
“Yeah… I’m fine…”
“Good… what about Nick? Is he okay?”
“Nick? I don’t know… that kid refuse to talk to anyone since that day but we managed to call him last night about today… you know, he’s been avoiding our calls.”
“I know. I’ve been trying to get him too but his cell is always off! What are you doing?”
“What?”
“What’s that thing in your hand?”
“This? Do you still remember this?” I showed the picture to Brian. Without saying a word, we both acknowledged that moment of stupidity. Moments of triumph for AJ for convincing us, the innocent fools to obey his commands and amazingly the outcome was priceless.
“Wow… walking down the memory lane eh?”
“It feels good to do that once in a while.”
“I can’t believe we actually did that!”
“You’re asking me!”
“Who’s the one to suggest this? I doubt its me!”
“Rest assured that it’d never be me either! Its Jay’s turn remember?”
“Oh yes! I remember now… you almost had a fight with him in the van!”
“Well, that’s because he cheated!”
“How did you know he cheat?”
“Because… forget it, I just knew he cheated on this one!”
“Man… what were we thinking?”
“Beats me! I was asking myself too just now!”
“And how did you ever get this picture?”
“I got Clara to hold my camera that day and while we did these stupid stuff, she snapped it.”
“You know, out of all the people… it still amazes me that Kevin agrees to the idea!” I could not agree more on this with Brian. Kevin? The one who supposedly to tame the wildness in the group was a part of the act? Oh yes, we were young and ignorant back then but still, Kevin?
“Remember what Jay called him?”
“What?”
“Statue of Puberty.”
“You mean Statute of Liberty?” Brian gave me a funny glare. The same glare he gave to AJ each time AJ mentioned anything dirty in any of our conversation.
“Hey! Don’t give me that look! Its not like I’m the one calling him that, its Jay alright!”
“I know. I thought he’s supposed to be the Captain Planet?”
“Captain Planet? Then what was Nick?”
“Superman.”
“Super what?”
“Superman. See, he’s sort of flying I guess and… why are you holding his leg?”
“Because his leg almost hit my face! I should have stepped on him but damn! Kevin beats me to that one!”
“Oh okay… now, what was I thinking?”
“I wish I could read what you were thinking at that time Bri! You look goofy, aren’t you?”
“But not as goofy as this guy! I think this is one of the best picture to blackmail him, don’t you think?” I returned the funny glare with a sharp look as he kept pointing at AJ on the picture. Brian? Talking about blackmailing? What had happened to the Saint Brian? “What?”
“Nothing… its just sounds creepy to have YOU talking about blackmailing! For once I thought I was talking to Nick!”
Then we broke into short chuckles as we kept staring at the picture. I guessed I knew what we both were thinking as we seemed to stop and sigh at almost the same time.
“Man… I miss those days!” He said.
“Me too…”
“We seem to be so oblivious to everything in the past but now…”
“Things have changed.” And I hated it.
“Yeah, things have changed… and it changed so much isn’t it? It feels like only yesterday we met, we sang and phoof! Today we are going into a new chapter in the history of Backstreet Boys.” History? That was how fast time really gone by? How old am I now? 34? Yeah, sooner or later I’ll be a history myself and that’s the real deal! “D… why are you smiling to yourself?”
NOW, why do they keep pointing out to me just at the wrong time?
“Nothing… just this picture brings back the old memories.”
“I know… what a memory huh. Well… I wish Kevin knows what he’s doing.”
And I wish I could make him stays.
