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Another week had painfully gone by. Emily’s parents still refused to make the trip to Florida to see their daughter and had only called Nick once to see how she was doing. Emily’s condition had shown no signs of improvement, and she had given no indication of waking up. Nick was breaking down more and more every day. He spent most of his nights secretly crying out his pains, discouraged that he could still do nothing for Emily. Sam kept hoping. She hoped that Emily would recover and that Nick would make it through the days. Most of the time, she wondered how he got up in the morning and put himself through such intense amounts of pain. Every time he walked into her room and saw Emily lying on her bed, still and quiet, another part of his heart achingly died.

Oblivious to his own destruction, Kevin, Brian, Howie, and A.J. had begun spending more and more time communicating with Nick. They made more phone calls, and made more trips to his house late at night. They took turns visiting the hospital to see how Emily was, and to make sure that Nick was still fighting. The look of sheer defeat in his eyes scared everyone around him, and he was totally unaware. Amongst the small group of friends he now had supporting him, the common feeling of fear was overwhelming. His four friends, as well as Sam, wondered every day if Nick would completely break down and give up. No one ever seemed to know what to say to the broken man to make him see a light at the end of the tunnel.

He spent so much time in Emily’s hospital room watching over her, trying to protect her that he had begun to drive himself insane. Though his intentions were pure and honest, the torture he put himself through to support his friend was beyond toleration. The person who seemed the most worried by Nick’s state of mind was A.J. He spent the most time talking to Nick and supporting him.

He went out of his way to make sure Nick was alone as little as possible. He knew the consequences of depression, pain, and hopelessness, so he did everything he could to prevent Nick from traveling the same mistaken paths he once took years earlier.


A.J. walked into the hospital room to find Nick sitting in a chair in front of the window, slightly angled towards Emily, but mostly facing the door. He had his hands interlocked, and he sat motionless, staring down at the ground in a trans-like state of mind, wearing a hat to hide the emotion. He looked solemn and hurt. He was covered with pain and anguish. A.J. could only wonder what was going through the troubled young man’s mind, but whatever it was, he knew it couldn’t be anything good.

“Hey, Nick,” A.J. said somewhat quietly, trying not to startle him while attempting to gain Nick’s attention.

Nick looked up, grateful to see his friend standing before him. “A.J.? What’s up, man?”

A.J. walked over and set a chair just in front of Nick. He sat down, observing the worn appearance of his friend.

“Not too much. How you are doing?”

Nick sighed, unhappy with his state of mind. “I feel like shit.”

“You look like shit,” A.J. informed Nick, evoking the slightest smile on his face.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Nick joked, but couldn’t laugh.

A.J. wanted to talk to Nick and get him to open up, but as the pointless conversation went on, he realized he had no idea how to start such a deep discussion. Nick was not an easy person to deal with, especially when he was in an unstable frame of mind. Though he had managed to stay away from drugs and alcohol as a means of escape, he was still very troubled. A.J. knew all too well, though, that bottling up every last emotion would only wreak havoc within time, so he made it a priority to help Nick as much as he could, whether Nick wanted it or not.

“How are you feeling inside? What are you keeping hidden?” A.J.’s question was blunt, and Nick looked surprised.

“What do you mean what am I keeping inside? I’m not hiding anything,” Nick insisted, knowing full well he was lying and A.J. didn’t believe him.

“You’re hiding everything inside. That’s okay, Nick. I understand. I really, really do. But you have to let it out eventually. Nothing good comes from storing that shit inside. You need to talk, and I want to listen. Do yourself a favor and talk now, before it’s too late.”

“…too late for what?”

“For you. I did the same thing, Nick. Remember where it got me? Stop it before it starts.”

“No offense, but I’m not gonna end up like you, A.J. I know better.”

“I knew better, too. It’s not always that easy. It’s okay to talk about this stuff, you know? I’m not gonna judge you. I just want to help you before you completely fall apart.”

“I’m fine, man. Don’t worry about me. Worry about Emily.” Nick was getting irritated by the relentless pressure, but he knew his friend was only trying to help.

“I am worrying about her. But I’d be willing to bet if she saw you like this, she’d be worrying about you a whole lot more than I am. Do you really want her to wake up to a man that’s broken and defeated because he couldn’t handle what was going on around him? When she wakes up, she’s gonna need someone strong. You can’t let yourself go like this, man. She needs you. You’re all she’s got.”

“I’m not,” Nick said ashamed. “I’m the one who always let her down, remember?”

“Yea, I do. I remember you letting her down then, but what about now? What about the last month? You haven’t even come close to letting her down.”

“I feel like I have.”

Finally, Nick was opening up. A.J. was making progress, and with a little more pushing, he’d have Nick letting every demon he harbored inside escape him.

“Why though? What more can you do for her, Nick?”

“I don’t know, A.J. I wish I knew. Because whatever I’m not doing, or haven’t done is the reason she won’t wake up.”

“Nick,” A.J. stopped and looked at Nick, knowing he was completely serious. “There’s nothing you can do or say that will make her wake up. For your sake, I wish it was that easy. But it’s not, man, and you can’t rip yourself apart inside thinking you’re not doing enough. You’re doing more than anyone.”

“I wish I could do more, though,” he confessed, feeling his faith subside.

“We all wish we could do more. Nick, I want her to wake up just so you guys can be together. You guys need each other. I still don’t understand how you stayed apart all this time, but I know she’ll turn to you when she wakes up. She trusts you, and when she finds out what you’ve done for her, she’ll count on you again.”

“I’m really afraid I’ll let her down. I would hate myself a million times over if I ever hurt her like I did in the past. But I don’t know how to be the person she needs me to be.”

“Just be the person you are right now, only happier.”

Nick accidentally let a small smile cross his face. He knew he had been living in a state of deep depression and it had worried the people around him, but until Emily was awake, there was no way he’d overcome the lock it had over his mentality.

“I can’t be happy until she’s ok. I know that might be hard to understand, but I just can’t feel good when she’s so bad. I just want her to wake up.”

“I understand, Nick. I know this is really hard for you, but you’ve been handling it very maturely, and I know it sounds corny, but I’m really proud of you. She will be too. However long it takes, you just have to wait it out, and eventually she’ll come back to you.”

Nick’s face suddenly contorted into a look of complete despair.

Quietly he asked, “What if she doesn’t? What if I messed up too many times before, and now she can’t trust me enough to give me one last chance?”

“Nick-,” he was cute off.

“A.J., I couldn’t handle it if she did that. I can’t live without her. Everything good in me is because of her. I can’t lose her, man. I can’t.”

“I honestly, honestly don’t think that will happen. Even if she pushes you away at first, she still loves you more than anything. She’ll come back, Nick. You just have to show her you aren’t going anywhere.”

“I’m not. I never will; never again.”

Finally, A.J. was able to clearly see where Nick’s demons lay. They were in his heart, right where Emily should be. The fear of losing her even after waking up was haunting his every thought. Unfortunately, there was no way to help Nick through this nightmare. The only person that could save Nick from himself was Emily, and she still needed to wake up.