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The waiting room was just as empty as the front lobby. As Nick entered the room, he noticed a gentleman in the far left hand corner, slouched over in a chair. The man appeared to be asleep, and Nick decided to sit on the other end of the room to avoid waking him. As he searched for a desirable seat, he noticed an array of vending machines. Feeling extremely groggy from the poor night’s sleep, Nick decided a cup of coffee might help him wake up enough to calm down. The thought made him chuckle. He had never tried to calm himself down with coffee before.

It had been only ten minutes of waiting when anxiety began to set in again. With so much time to do nothing but think, Nick’s thoughts manage to escape his control. He kept picturing the worst possible outcome the situation offered, and he feared entering the hospital room even more than when he first arrived. It was evident that he needed to find something positive to occupy his time with, and the only idea that came to his head was the card he had bought in the gift shop for Emily. He quickly decided to personalize the card he had purchased.

Immediately, Nick was puzzled. He couldn’t figure out the perfect way to start the greeting. As he sat in the chair staring blankly at the colorless wall in front of him, every possible salutation that he could think of processed through his busy head. Feeling like he had achieved less now than he had when he first decided to write in the card, he gave up on thinking and just began to write.

Emily

When I heard about your accident, I couldn’t begin to tell you how horrible I felt. I was incredibly scared for you, and I was beyond worried. I panicked for hours and questioned how something so horrible could happen to someone so beautiful. I analyzed every moment I had ever spent with you and wondered if I could have made that time better. I remembered all the fun times we spent talking about everyting for hours, or analyzing what the meaning of life really is. I cherished every time you came out to support me no matter what the distance was. Basically, whatever the emotion was, I felt it; every single one, including love. I realized that I loved you. I love you. I realized that the reason I was experiencing such an intense amount of fear and anxiety for you was because you mattered so much more than I ever allowed myself to understand. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I ignored my feelings for you for so long, and I could never apologize enough for the pain I put you through all these years, but I can promise you that I will love for the rest of my life, no matter what.
I know you’ll get through this on top. Stay strong and we’ll be together.
With Love,
Nick

“Sir?”

Nick shot his head up quickly, “Yeah?”

“It’s nearly 11:00. You can go visit your friend whenever you’re ready.”

“Oh, ok,” he paused, “thank you.”


The hallway seemed to lengthen during the wait. What once felt like several miles now felt like several million miles. This time it was real, and it was going to happen. There was no way to fictionalize the last twenty-four hours. There was no way to turn back time. Everything that could have gone wrong was about to, and there was no way that Nick could ever change this unfortunate reality.

After breathing heavily and sweating profusely, Nick accepted that it was uncontrollable and everlasting. He fumbled with the gifts in his hands, hoping to distract himself from his own fears. Before he knew it, he was standing in front of room 422 on the fourth floor with only an inch and a half of wood in between himself and the love of his life.

Slowly, Nick pushed the door open, and the squeaking of the hinges echoed throughout the entire hallway. The moment sent an eerie feeling through Nick’s body, almost as though he was entering a haunted house. Though the two situations were different, the fear that overcame his body was similar. His heart again began to pound and his knees were shaking. His world was crashing before his eyes, and there wasn’t a thing Nick could do to stop it.
Despite being scared out of his mind, he finally decided to enter the room. Taking the smallest steps possible to delay the encounter, he entered the tiny dark room and looked over at the limp body resting quietly on the bed.

Pain was all he felt; pain from knowing he disregarded Emily’s feelings for so many years; pain from knowing it took a near fatal accident for him to swallow his pride enough to fall in love; pain from knowing he put his ego ahead of everything else without a second thought; pain from seeing his best friend, his love, his whole world lying on a bed, stabilized by machines, fighting for her life. Insufficiently, he hoped that the pain he was feeling had relieved Emily of even the slightest amount of the pain he knew she was feeling. After all, it was the very least he could.

Reluctantly, Nick took another step into the room. After stopping for a moment, he took another step and continued on until he was standing in front of her. He gazed at the limp body clinging to life. He thought of the spirit that once capture that body and wondered if it was still alive inside her. He stared and stared and stared and just kept staring. This was all real. He tried to fight the reality of it all, but nonetheless, it was real. Emily was really in a coma, and Nick was really feeling pain in every part of his body, but mostly his heart. It had shattered into a million pieces the moment he saw her. She looked so helpless. He was so helpless. There was nothing he could do to fix this.

Nick’s mind had been racing for what seemed like hours, though it had really only been a couple of minutes. He kept thinking of all he could have had with her, and how his selfishness had pushed away the one person that would have made his life perfect. Quickly, the guilt in Nick’s stomach began to well up in his throat, and he fought desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening to surface. Without even realizing it, he began to speak.

“Hi, Em. Sam called me. She told me what happened.” He paused, unsure of where to go next with his confession. “I just wanted… I needed to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being the man you needed me to be for so long.” He stopped to stare at her, but hesitantly continued. “I’m sorry for dismissing your feelings and for pushing you away. I’m sorry that for so long, I couldn’t make you as happy as you deserve to be. I know this won’t change anything, and I know it won’t make you wake up, but at least if you can hear me, you’ll know how I feel. If I could turn back time, I’d do things so differently. You would come first. That would change everything all by itself. Maybe if I had put you first for once in my life, you wouldn’t be here right now. I don’t know.” Nick could feel the ball of guilt building in the back of his throat again. He hated that everything he was saying was true, but he knew it had to be said. “All I know is from now on, things will be different. I don’t usually make promises because the only real promise I can make is that I’ll break it, but this time, I promise you, things will be different. I won’t break that.”

Nick closed his eyes, fearing the tears that were scratching at his eye lids. There was so much he wanted to say; so much he wanted her to know. But where could he begin? Trying to clear his thoughts and start over, he remembered the gifts he had bought at the gift shop.

“I know it’s not much, but I bought you some gifts,” he told her with a fake smile.

He walked over to the right side of the bed and placed the Teddy bear under her arm. “There you go. Now you have something to hold onto.”

He wanted to smile, but the pain was too much to bear. The tears were beginning to revive themselves again, and Nick immediately attempted to reoccupy himself.

“I got you some flowers, too. I figured it might make the room a little brighter. They’re green, just the way you’d want them. Here’s a card too,” he showed her. “I’ll put it on the table here by your bed so that when you wake up, you can read it.”

Suddenly, the thought of Emily not waking up entered his mind. He began to stare at her again, thinking of what his life would be like had she never entered it. Without warning, a single tear slid down Nick’s cheek, and he knew he couldn’t live without her.