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“So why did you get here so early? Visiting hours don’t even start until 11:00.”

Nick laughed at his own ignorance but answered anyway. “Yeah, well, I found that out the hard way.”

“Ah, I see,” Sam said with a smile.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments, and after realizing neither of the two visitors knew where to take their conversation, Nick attempted to break the ice.

“So why did you get here so late? Visiting hours started at 11:00, you know,” he asked with an obviously joking voice. But still, Sam felt the need to defend herself.

“I had to work!” She nearly yelled at him, though she laughed right after.

“I’m sure!” Nick replied in a mocking voice then continued solemnly. “Has anyone else visited her? I’ve been here all day, and other than hospital staff, you’re the only one that’s shown up.”

Sam saw the hurt and disappointment in Nick eyes. “I was here about an hour after she arrived, and I stayed until they made me leave. No one else came.”

Nick felt disgusted. He couldn’t begin to imagine how it must feel for Emily to be in a hospital room, trapped in her own mind, incapable of escaping her own thoughts, and no one was there to guide her through the mess she was forced into. Her own parents weren’t even there for her. Now more than ever, Nick was glad he came and he was definitely glad he came as fast as he did. He didn’t want to leave until she woke up, but he knew at some point, they would make him.

“I’ll be there,” Nick announced to no one in particular.

“You are here, Nick,” Sam reminded him, hoping he’d explain himself.

“I’m here in this room right now. Where was I the last six years? If no one is around for her now when she’s unconscious, how do you think she felt the last six years or longer, for that matter, when she was fully aware?”

Nick hated to think about it. He knew he had let her down before, but he never realized how badly he had let her down. She was completely alone in the world, and he never even took the time to notice. Emily loved Nick in ways that sometimes seemed impossible, and she never attempted to hide it, but Nick couldn’t even be a decent friend to her. He thought of all the times they’d hugged and remembered how Emily never wanted to let go. Sometimes he didn’t want her to, either. Sometimes the two of them together was so perfect, so real, that Nick wanted it to last forever. But that meant commitment, and Nick had no interest in such a thing.

“Nick, I’m Emily’s best friend. You’re the love of her life. All she needs is inside of this room.” Sam reassuringly said as she stood up and started walking towards the door, stopping just before she exited. “Show her that you care. Show her that you’re serious. Prove to her that you won’t let her down. She’ll come back, Nick. You know she will. She’s just testing you. But if you fail, it will destroy her.” She looked Nick square in the yes, “Don’t fail her.” She turned to Emily, “Good night, Em. And don’t worry; Nick will take care of you while I’m gone.”

Nick smiled at Sam to thank her for her sincere words, and she turned around and walked away.


The phone next to the young man was ringing, but the video game in front of him seemed to captivate his attention. When it finally stopped ringing, Nick decided that if the call was really that important, whoever it was would call back.

Ring

This time Nick paused the game feeling a little worried and reached for his phone. As he did so, a rather uncomfortable feeling overcame his body. He looked at the caller I.D. and knew that this phone call would not be good. Emily was calling him. She never called him. He usually never answered so she just stopped calling. Something was very wrong.

“Hello?” Nick answered the phone, greeted by tears.

“Nick?” Her voice sounded pleading. It was almost as though she had nothing to say, she just wanted to know that he was there; that she wasn’t alone.

“Yea, Em,.” He said softly, “I’m here.”

Emily never cried in front of him. For the longest time, Nick thought she was incapable of showing her anger and pain. He only found out how vulnerable she was through a story he had heard once from Sam a few years back, but even then, he had trouble believing it. But why was she calling Nick? He was the last person anybody should call when a situation was so bad it called for tears. Still, he tried his hardest to be there for her.

“Em, baby, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“I just don’t want to be alone anymore.” Her voice trailed off.

“You’re not alone. I’m here. I’ll always be here. Tell me what happened.”

“I just can’t take my parents anymore, Nick. Ever since I moved out to Florida, they’ve treated me like I don’t exist.” He could still hear her crying and it ripped him apart. “I feel like I have no one. I’m so alone Nick. When you answered your phone…” She didn’t want to hurt him, but she wanted to be honest, too. “I guess I just didn’t really expect you to.”

“Em…” He was unsure of what to say. “I’ll always answer my phone for you. If I don’t, I promise I’ll call you back. I don’t want you to be alone. I’ll be there for you, Em. You’re my best friend. You don’t live that far from me. You know you can show up on my doorstep anytime.”

“Thanks, Nick. You’re the best friend I could ever have. I love you.”

Nick chuckled, pleased with himself, “You’re welcome, babe. Just promise you’ll stop forgetting that Sam and I still care about you.”

“I didn’t forget, Nick. It’s just that sometimes, when I feel like I’m losing the world, it’s not always enough.”


Nick continued to remember their conversation that night and realized it was only three months ago that it took place. They had stayed on the phone talking for nearly three hours. It was the first time they’d done that in years. Nick remembered feeling happy that night. He didn’t care about his video games, and he didn’t care that he had to be up early the next day. He just cared about Emily, and making sure that she would be alright.

Remembering the words that came out of Emily’s mouth, Nick now wished he had said them back. But “I love you” was a fear, and Nick avoided it. But still, he was there for her. She came to him feeling helpless, and he was there for her exactly how he should have been; exactly how he knew Emily expected him to be. For the first time in his life, he didn’t let her down.

Unfortunately, that was the last time they had spoken. Nick didn’t even realize it had been so long. He just assumed that Emily would call him when she needed to talk, but she never did. She tested him again, and he never even realized it, but he failed. She wanted him to call her to make sure that she was still alright. Emily wanted Nick to take the next step and prove that he cared as much as he always said he did.

Why do I always have to fail her?


Nick sat in his chair, silently thinking of all the things he wished he could tell Emily. It didn’t take him long to realize that there wasn’t enough time in the world to make things up to her, but he’d try, and even if he failed, he’d try again. He would keep failing, and keeping trying until she forgave him completely.

The whole concept of Nick needing Emily to forgive him had begun to cause confusion. She loved him. She loved him the way most people dreamed about. Why would he need her forgiveness? It quickly became apparent that Nick was scared that he pushed Emily too far away. Three months ago, he opened his heart up and let her in, but just as quickly locked her out without warning or explanation. She had absolutely no reason to want anything to do with Nick after the way he treated her, and now that her life was nearly taken away, Nick knew she wouldn’t let him get away with stunts like that. He didn’t want to pull them anymore, though. He just wanted to love her so strongly that she would always know she was loved.

It was going to be a lot harder than he anticipated. Emily never cut him any slack. Now, he was pretty sure she wouldn’t even give Nick the rope.


“Hey, Nick?” He looked up from his thoughts. “It’s after nine.” Janet informed him. “I didn’t want to say anything earlier because you looked so troubled. It just seemed like you needed to be here, but I really need to ask you to leave for the night.”

“I understand. It’s not your fault. Thanks for letting me stay a little longer.” He got up and looked at Emily, “Good night, Em. I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise.”

Finally, he would start keeping his promises.