“Oh my god.  Nick, don’t do it.”

“Go away Roxie.  There’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”

“You don’t want to die Nick.”

“Yes I do.  I fucked up my family.  I’m a horrible father.  There’s no reason for me to still be here.  Please just go away and leave me alone.”

She cautiously took a step closer.  “You’re not a waste and you’re a great father.  That little girl loves you.  She needs you.”

“Not anymore.  She has you now.”

She started to move closer to him slightly faster.  “She needs her father.  And besides, do you really not want to be around as she grows up?  You’ll miss her first day of school.  The day she learns to ride a two wheeler, her first adult tooth.  If you do this now, you won’t be there to scare away her first boyfriend.  Who will give her away at her wedding?  You’ll never see your first grandchild.  Then one day, one of her children will ask her, ‘Mommy, where’s Grandpa?’  Do you really want her response to be that you committed suicide?”

Nick started sobbing.  His grip loosened on the knife.  He realized he was dropping it and went to grab it tighter.  He was shaking.  As he tried to steady the knife, he pressed the blade against his skin.  He felt the blade cut his wrist.

She reached Nick and gently took the knife from him.  “Hey, I need that.  Give it back.”

“No.  I will not allow you to commit suicide.”

"Why do you care what happens to me?  I pay you to pretend to care about Ariel, not me."

“If that were true, that I was only pretending to care about her, do you think I’d be down here trying to save her father from himself?  I love Ariel.”

“You don’t care about me, or what happens to me.”

“I love you.”  She said matter-of-factly.

He scoffed.  “Yeah right.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Are you suffering from short term memory loss?  It was only a week ago that you told me that guys like me were nothing but a waste of time and trouble.”

Roxie never regretted saying anything as much as she regretted those words to Nick at that moment.  “Nick, I didn’t mean that.  I was just hurt.”

“Why would you be hurt?”

Roxie knew she’d have to tell him.  She knew that that moment wasn’t the right time.  He was in a very fragile state of mind.  There’s no telling what he would do if she told him at that moment.  “Nick, think about Ariel.  How do you think she’ll feel if I let you do this?  And one day, sooner than you think, she’ll understand that you died by your own hand.”

“She’s better off without me.”

“Is she really Nick?” 

“She loves you more than she loves me.”

“She’s a kid.  Just because she wants to spend time with me doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you.  She adores you.  You’re her Daddy and she’s definitely Daddy’s little girl.  And besides, with you gone, there’s no guarantee that she’d ever even see me again. She’d either end up in foster care, or even worse with Tracy.”   Nick started crying harder, if that was at all possible.  Roxie immediately grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly as he cried.

Ariel woke up to the feeling of having to go potty.  She crawled off her bed and went into the bathroom.  When she came out, she noticed that her Daddy’s bedroom door was open.  She smiled.  She always loved crawling into her daddy’s bed in the middle of the night.  She ran for the door and looked in confused when the room was empty.  She shrugged and went downstairs.  “Daddy?”  She called out as she looked around for him.  She couldn’t find him anywhere.  She was starting to wonder if she was alone in the house and she started crying.  She saw the basement door open.  She cautiously approached the door.  She had never been in the basement and she was kind of nervous about going down there.

She heard what sounded like someone crying.  She cautiously made her way downstairs.  She turned a corner and smiled and immediately stopped crying when she realized that both her daddy and Roxie were there.  She took a step closer and then stopped when she realized that her daddy was crying.  “Daddy?”  She said then ran over to him.  She climbed onto the couch between Nick and Roxie and hugged him.  He put his uninjured arm around her, but wouldn’t let go of Roxie.  He needed the physical contact with Roxie.  He wanted to stop crying because he hated that Ariel had to see him like that.  “Daddy, why are you crying?  Did you get hurt?”

He nodded slightly.  “But we’re here to make him feel better, right Ariel.”

“Right.”  Ariel stated matter-of-factly.  “I love you Daddy.”  She said as she hugged him tighter.

Nick started crying harder.  Somehow he managed to choke out, “I love you too, Ariel,” in between sobs.

“Why don’t we go back upstairs?”  Roxie started.  She turned to Ariel.  “We’ll get you back to bed, and when you wake up in the morning, your Daddy will be feeling better.”

“No, I don’t want to go back to bed.  Daddy needs me.”

“I promise.  I’ll take good care of him.”

“Okay.”  Ariel said. 

She picked up Ariel so Nick could stand up.  Ariel put her hand behind Roxie and made a face as she looked at her hand.   “Eww, blood.”

“Yeah, Daddy’s hurt, but I’ll clean him up and get some bandaids for him and he’ll be fine okay?”

“I want Daddy.”  She turned toward Nick and leaned forward until he came close enough to hook herself onto his neck.  Roxie held onto Ariel until Nick had her supported with his uninjured arm.  She kissed Nick’s cheek.  “Don’t cry Daddy.”

He smiled slightly at her.  “I’ll try not to.”

Roxie left the room and returned moments later with a towel.  She grabbed Nick’s wrist to apply pressure to his wound.  Nick flinched.  It wasn’t until that moment that he realized how much the cut actually hurt.

Nick and Roxie headed upstairs.  Nick was still carrying Ariel.  At the moment, Nick was calm.  He still had tears in his eyes, and occasionally a few would fall when he blinked, but he wasn’t sobbing anymore.  Roxie reached over and took Ariel.  “I’ll put her back to bed.”  She handed the bloody towel to Nick.  “Make sure you apply pressure.  Wait for me in the bathroom.  Nick nodded and went to his room while Roxie took Ariel into her room.

Roxie placed Ariel in her bed and then started to head toward the door.  “Roxie?”

“What sweetie?”

“Is Daddy going to be okay?”

Roxie walked back to her bed and sat down on the side.  “Believe me when I say that he’ll be fine.”

“He was crying.”

“Yeah, but you can help him feel better.”

“I can?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“By giving him a lot of hugs and telling him that you love him as often as possible.”

“I can do that.”

“I know you can.”  Roxie stood up.  “Sweet dreams Ariel.”  She kissed Ariel’s forehead.  She left the room.

“Goodnight Roxie.”  Ariel said and closed her eyes.

Roxie entered the bathroom.  She knelt in front of Nick.  “Let me see it.”  Nick held his arm out to her. She gently removed the towel and was surprised by the amount of blood.  “Are you feeling lightheaded?”

“No.”

Roxie gently pulled Nick to his feet.  She ran the cold water and instructed Nick to place his wrist under the faucet.  He hissed as the cold water hit his open wound.  A lot of dried blood washed away.  She pulled his wrist from the water and looked at the wound.  “It doesn’t look that deep.  I don’t think you need stitches.”  She said.  She saw the wound was slowly filling up with blood.  “It looks like the bleeding is stopping.”  She took out the first aid kit and cleaned the cut and wrapped his wrist in gauze.

They left the bathroom and sat on the bed.  “Are you still gonna leave me?”

His words hit her like a ton of bricks.  She realized at that moment that she played a big role in his decision to attempt suicide.  She felt horribly guilty

“I’m not leaving you.”  She hugged him.  “I’m sorry for anything I did in the past week that hurt you enough to lead you to suicide.”

He started crying again.  She rubbed his back hoping to comfort him.  After he spent close to a half hour crying, he fell asleep.

She stayed up.  She kept brushing his hair back as silent tears streamed down her face, while he slept.

The next morning, Nick woke up and his eyes immediately locked with Roxie.  “How long have you been awake?”  He asked his voice rough with sleep.

“I never went to sleep.”

“Why not?”

“I was worried about you.  How are you feeling this morning?”

“Okay, I guess.”

She kissed him and rested her head against his chest, drawing shapes on his abdomen with her finger.  “I love you.”  She knew he didn’t believe her, but she was going to tell him until he believed it.  Then she was still going to tell him every chance she got, just to make sure he never forgot it.

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“The night I told you about my past.  I want to know what I did to make you want to dump me.  What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything.  That was all me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It was my junior year in college.  My boyfriend was a drug addict.  And he was abusive.  I had just turned 20 when I found out I was pregnant.  I was terrified to tell him.  But eventually I did.  He responded by punching me in the stomach until I miscarried.  He killed my baby.  I left him and swore to myself that I would NEVER get involved with someone like him again.

“Then I met you.  You seemed so different from him.  Then you told me about your past, and how you used to abuse Ariel.  Even though, I’ve seen no evidence of you acting like that, in my mind you seemed to have turned into my ex.  I’m sorry Nick.  I’m so sorry.”  Roxie said and started crying into Nick’s chest.

Not knowing what else to do, Nick just put his arms around her.  Nick held her as she calmed down.

The door flew open.  Ariel ran to the bed and climbed on and crawled over to Nick.  “Are you ok Daddy?”

He kissed the top of Ariel’s head.  “I’m ok.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Roxie regained composure and smiled at Ariel.  "How about we go get breakfast?"  She asked her, not wanting the little girl to think she was upset.

  "All right."  Ariel nodded happily.

 "What do you want today?"  Roxie asked her.

 "Umm...  Let's have what Daddy wants!"  She said and smiled at Nick.

Roxie looked at Nick.  “What would you like for breakfast?”

“Uh, French toast?”

Roxie laughed because it sounded like he was asking instead of telling.  “Are you sure?”

“Do I like French toast Daddy?”

“Yes you do.  You just always ask for waffles.”

Ariel looked at Roxie.  “French toast.”  She grabbed Nick’s bandaged wrist to get him out of bed.

He breathed in sharply and closed his eyes tightly hoping the pain would subside.

Roxie noticed what happened.  “Oh, Ariel be careful.”

“Why?”

“Daddy got hurt, so just watch out okay?”

“Come on.  Let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”  When they were off the bed Ariel went over to him and hugged his legs.  “Up Daddy?”

Nick looked down at Ariel.  “You want to get picked up?

“Well yeah.  How can I hug you if I’m all the way down here?”

Nick smiled down at Ariel.  He was suddenly feeling really good about everything.  Ariel did love him and he knew it at that moment.  "Yeah, c'mere."  Nick said and picked her up and held her.  He kissed her head gently.

“I love you Daddy.”

“I love you too.”  He carried Ariel downstairs and placed her at the table.  Just then the phone rang.  Nick answered then handed the phone off to Roxie.

“Who is it?”

“Your date from last night.”  He said with a hint of jealousy in his voice.  He was feeling inferior again.

“Oh,” Roxie took the phone from Nick.  “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Brad.”

“Oh, hey Brad.”

He decided to ignore the disappointment in her voice.  “So, I know last night didn’t end too well, but I was wondering if you were free tonight.  I was thinking, dinner and a movie.”

“Oh, that sounds nice, but I can’t.”

“Okay, what about tomorrow night?”

“Look, I’m sorry, you’re a nice guy but I have a boyfriend.”  She said and smiled at Nick.

“Since when.  You were single last night?”

“Actually I wasn’t.  I may have been saying it, but our date made me realize that my ex still had my heart and that it’d be stupid of me to be with someone other than him.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Well I am.  Let me spell it out for you.  I love Nick.  And you’re not Nick.  Bye Brad.”  She said and hung up the phone.  She smiled at Nick.   She walked over to him and kissed him. 

After breakfast, Nick went upstairs to get dressed.  He came back downstairs.  He kissed his girlfriend and daughter and headed for the door.

“Where are you going Nick?”

“To work.  I’ll be back in like 2 hours.”

20 minutes later, Nick was walking into his store.  “Well, hello stranger.”  Joann, the manager said. Joann was an older woman, who had grown quite fond of Nick and looked at him almost as a son.

“I only came in for the interview.  And also, I needed to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Would you be able to take over for me until further notice?

“Are you quitting?  You can’t quit.  You own the store.”

“No, I’m not quitting.  I guess you can just call it a personal leave of absence.”  Nick noticed her confused look.  “My life is kind of spiraling out of control right now, and I need time off.”  He walked behind the counter and reached for the binder on a shelf.  The sleeve of his long sleeved shirt rode up a bit revealing his bandage.

“Nick what’s that?”  He quickly put his arm down and pulled his sleeve back over the bandage.  “Nick, please tell me you didn’t.”

“I had intended to.  My girlfriend stopped me.”

“Thankfully.”

“Yeah.”  He said softly.

“When?”

“Last night.”

“That’s why you need time off isn’t it?”  Nick nodded.  She came over and hugged him.  “You take whatever time you need.”

“Thanks.”

“Hi, I’m here for the interview.”

~*~

That night, Roxie entered their room.  Roxie had just put Ariel to sleep and was shocked to find Nick already asleep.

He heard movement in the room and opened his eyes.  “Is she asleep?”

“Yeah.  I thought you were sleeping.”

“No, just resting my eyes.”

“Tired?”

“A little.”

“Oh.”  She said sounding disappointed.

“Why the disappointment?”

“Because I want to watch a movie and cuddle.”

“We can do that.  I’m not going to sleep yet.”

“But you’re tired.  You’ll probably fall asleep on the movie.”

“So, I can’t think of a better way to fall asleep than holding my girlfriend.”

Roxie smiled and put a movie on.  She got into bed and curled up next to nick.  “How are you feeling?”

“Okay?”  He wasn’t quite sure what she was getting at.

“I mean no depressing thoughts?”

“I always have depressing thoughts.”

“How about suicidal thoughts?”

“None of those, except for whenever I see the bandage, I’m reminded of last night.”

Roxie leaned up and kissed him.  “I love you.”

Nick knew that he loved her.  He realized that he needed to tell her.  “I love you too.”