- Text Size +

“Mr. Carter.”

Nick took a deep breath and stood up.  Roxie stood up with him and grabbed his hand.  Hand and hand they walked over to the doctor.  “How is my daughter?”

A smile finally graced the doctor’s face.  “She landed on her arm, and then rolled onto her back.  She has no internal injuries and no serious injuries.  She merely broke her arm.”

“A broken arm?  You’ve had me sitting in a waiting room for 3 hours worried sick about my daughter for a broken arm.”

“I’m sorry sir, but we had other patients who were more critical than she is.”

“Are you kidding me?  She’s 4 years old.”

“I assure you she’s fine.”

“You’re assuring me.  You left my four year old in a room by herself?  How is that reassuring.  Where is she?”

“I think you need to calm down first.”

“I’ll be calm when I never have to see you again.  Now where’s my daughter?” 

The doctor nodded and led Nick and Roxie to Ariel.  He pulled the curtain back and Ariel looked up.  “Daddy.”  Ariel squealed excitedly.  Nick sighed in relief and made his way over to her bedside.  He smiled down at her and brushed her hair back gently.  He leaned down and kissed her forehead.  “Look Daddy.”  She said and waved her cast in the air.

“You got white?  But there are so many other cool colors.”

“I know.  I had a choice.  But I figured you couldn’t draw Ariel on a colored cast.

Nick chuckled.  “You have a one track mind.”

Ariel looked at her father confused.  “What’s that mean?”

“It means you only think about one thing.”  Nick sat on the bed and pulled his young daughter onto his lap.

The doctor walked over to them.  Nick was a little confused that it was a different doctor.  “I have her release papers.  I just need you to sign by the x.”

Nick nodded and took the pen.  He signed on the dotted line and stood up holding Ariel.  “Daddy, can we go for ice cream?”

“Yeah, let’s go get ice cream.”

“And when we get home will you draw Ariel on my cast.”

“We’ll see.”

“Okay Daddy.” 

Nick carried Ariel out of the hospital and to his car.  Nick drove to the nearest ice cream parlor.

Later that day, while Ariel was taking her nap, Nick was sitting on her bed drawing Ariel on her cast.  He still felt guilty for her even have to wear the cast.  Roxie showed up in the door.  She watched him concentrate on the picture he was drawing.  Moments later, he placed Ariel’s arm down and stood up.  He was walking w/ his head down and looked up just in time to see that he was about to walk into Roxie.  “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

Roxie smiled at him. She grabbed his hand and led him into their room.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Nick sighed.  “I don’t know.  In a short time that cast is no longer going to be cool, it’s going to be uncomfortable.  And she wouldn’t have to wear it if I was paying attention.  We shouldn’t have been yelling in front of her.”

“I’m really sorry Nick.  I don’t know why I got so upset over you not remembering.”

“If I knew it meant that much to you I would’ve remembered.”

Roxie burst out laughing.  “It doesn’t mean that much to me.  Normally I only care about the yearly anniversary.”

“Then what happened this morning?”

“You know Nick.  I really don’t know.”  She watched Nick turn away from her.  “You’re still thinking about her falling out of the tree aren’t you?”

“Do you remember the day we ran into my family at the mall?”

“Yes.”  Roxie looked at him confused.

“BJ said something about me fucking up Ariel’s life like I fucked up everyone else’s.  It hurt hearing it.  But it hurts more now that I know she’s right.”

“What are you saying Nick?”

“I’m a horrible father.  I always have been.”

“Nick.  You’re not…”

“Yes I am.  I’ve always known it.  I just seemed to have forgotten lately.”

“You have to be doing something right.  She adores you.”

“She adores me because I pay attention to her.  Tracy never did.  It doesn’t make me a good parent.”

“Nick, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I don’t want you to say anything.”

“I’m only trying to make you feel better.”

“I don’t want to feel better.  I don’t deserve to feel better.”

“Why do you suddenly feel like this?”

“Roxie, I just want to be alone right now please?”

Roxie nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

Later that night Roxie came into the room.  “Nick, Ariel wants you.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s her bedtime and she wants her daddy to tuck her in.”

Nick stood up and silently walked into Ariel’s room.  He adjusted her blankets and kissed her forehead.  “Daddy?

“Yeah.”

“My cast is itchy.  Can I take it off?”

“I’m afraid not.  It has to stay on to help your arm heal properly.”

“How long?”

“6 weeks.”

“Is that a long time.”

“It’s going to feel like a long time.”

“Did you ever have to wear one?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“I think I was about 8 years old.  I was trying to do tricks on my bike.  It wasn’t a good idea.”

“Like running up the tree wasn’t right?”

“Get some sleep honey.”  He kissed her forehead gently.  “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Daddy.  Love you.”

He was standing in the room just watching her sleep when Roxie came in.  “Do you feel any better?”

“Not really.”

“Well, maybe there’s a single father support group you could join.”

“Yeah, that’d work.  Yes, I have a problem.  I’m a screw up and I’m going to screw up my child, if I haven’t already.”  He replied sarcastically.

“You know what, come find me when you’re done throwing a self pity party.”

He stood in the door for a few more minutes before he went to find Roxie.  He found her in their bedroom.  “I’m sorry.”

Roxie stood up and hugged him.  “Nick, kids get hurt.  This isn’t your fault.”

He sighed.  “You don’t get it.”

“ If you feel you’re such a bad father, then you need to stop crying about it and do something.”

“It’s not just past events that are upsetting me.  It’s that I don’t think I know how to fix this.  I don’t know how to be a better parent.  I don’t want to be the reason that my daughter ends up like me.”

Everything finally made sense to Roxie.  “You think that something your parents did when you were a child is the reason you got into drugs and you don’t want that to be the case for Ariel.”

Nick looked down shamefully.  “Yeah.”

“Nick, just because you screwed up, doesn’t mean you’re a screw up.”

“I feel like a screw up.  It seems for the past few years I haven’t been able to do anything right.  Roxie stayed quiet.  All of a sudden she stood up and headed for her closet.  She seemed to be digging around looking for something.  “Babe, what are you doing?”

“Ah ha.  I found it.”

“Found what?”

“This.”  She stood up and walked over to Nick.  She sat on the bed next to Nick.  “I think we need to change the subject.”  She handed him the small wrapped package.  “I wanted to get these for you.  It just so happened to coincide with an anniversary.”

“What is it?”

Roxie smiled.  “Well open it and find out.”

Nick ripped the wrapping paper off.  He looked down at the gift in his hands.  “Guitar strings and picks huh?”

Roxie shrugged.  “I figured it might give you an incentive to try to play again.”

“Thank you, but, um, I’m not sure I’m ever going to play again.”

“I think you should.”  Nick looked at her.  “It might make you feel more like you felt before your drug problem.”  Nick couldn’t help but smirk a little.  “I see that smirk.”

Nick pushed her down on the bed and straddled her.  “So you think I should feel like a horny teenager.”

Roxie laughed.  “You know what I meant.”

“I know.”  Nick gently slid off her.

Roxie smiled at him.  “Let’s get some sleep.”

“I’m going to go out for a drive.  I need to clear my head.”

“Oh.  Do you want company?”

“I think I just need to be alone right now.”

Roxie nodded.  “Be careful.”

Nick only nodded before he left the room.

He got into his car not sure of where to go.  He drove around aimlessly.  When he discovered that no amount of thinking could clear his head, he found himself pulling into an old familiar parking lot, not knowing where else to go.