[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Nick muttered. “Oh.  I screwed up, and she goes and gets knocked up by some guy.  If I hadn’t hurt her-”

“No, Nick.  Stop.” I squeezed his shoulder.  “Listen to me.  No matter how much you hurt her, if she really cared about you, she wouldn’t have cheated on you.” I was still having a hard time equating the absolutely wonderful Jamie to the cheating one.

Nick shook his head sadly.  “I really thought I’d found her, you know? I thought I’d found someone who would love me no matter what. The one who didn’t see dollar signs when she looked at me.  Who would stick by me through thick and thin.  And then, I messed it all up.”

I hated seeing him like this.  This Nick was nowhere near the happy, carefree, and, often, careless Nick I knew.  This Nick was broken, a shell of what he could be.  “You didn’t.  Whatever you did still doesn’t justify what she did.  I’m sorry, Nick, but this isn’t your fault.”  But I knew that it would still be a while before he would be ready to understand and accept that.

I leaned back in my chair, and we both watched the last rays of sunshine hit the blue of the water.  There were people walking on the white sands of the beach, and I could see a little girl dodging in and out of the waves as her father watched after her.  It reminded me of Baylee and me when we go to the beach.  He’s still not completely convinced that the water isn’t going to suck him under, so he lets his feet get wet and then runs back out.  The only time he’ll get out there is when I carry him in.

Leighanne says I spoil him.  That he’s six years old and shouldn’t be so scared of the ocean, but I’d rather protect my son.  He’ll find out that the world is full of terrible things soon enough.  As long as I can, I want him to remain innocent.

The way Nick no longer is.

I turned my head and could see that the tears had dried on his cheeks, but he looked so defeated.  There was not an ounce of innocence left in Nick, and I wished that I could go back to the time when we were just starting out in the business.  Before Lou had screwed us over, before Nick’s parents had gone off the deep end, before so many things had made us grow up too quickly.

“Hey, Nick.” I waited until he looked at me.  “Remember that time we put the rubber snake in Howie’s bed, and he screamed like a girl for five minutes, even after Kevin figured out it was fake?”

“Jeez, Brian, that was, like, twelve years ago.” But his lips twitched a little at the memory.  “Kevin was so pissed at us.  I thought his head would explode.”

I grinned.  “He was just mad because he’d been about to get lucky with Kris, and then Howie wrecked it by yelling at the top of his lungs.”

“Whatever, he gets a lifetime of getting lucky with Kristin, now.” And, just like that, Nick’s eyes filled again.  “The way I won’t with Jamie.  Oh, god, Brian, I really love her.  Why can’t anything go right for me?”

I didn’t know what to say, so I reached over and hugged him.  When he held onto me, tight, I patted his back.  “You’ll get through this, Nick.  I’m right here.”

***

Later, I forced Nick to take a shower.

“I can’t stand the stench, man.” Exaggerating, I covered my nose and waved my hand around.  “It’s like a fog of odor’s following you around.  Go take a shower and put clean clothes on.  Please! I’m begging you.”

Nick just shrugged.  “I guess I will if it’s that bad.”

“Brush your teeth, too,” I called after him as he climbed the stairs.  “Who knows what kind of creatures are crawling around in your mouth.”

The words he yelled over his shoulder made me grin.  He didn’t know it yet, but Nick Carter was slowly coming back.

I wondered when the last time he’d eaten was and decided to check out the kitchen.  His refrigerator held moldy cheese, an entire six-pack of beer, two eggs, and his car keys.  I picked up the keys and chuckled.  Only Nick would think to refrigerate his keys.

The contents of his pantry were pretty bad, too.  There were three boxes of Lucky Charms, and I rolled my eyes.  He was nearly thirty and still ate like a ten-year-old.  Obviously, there was nothing truly edible in the house, so I rummaged through his drawers, looking for a phone book.

Forty-five minutes later, Nick emerged, hair still dripping, and stared at the boxes sitting on the kitchen table.  “Where’d those come from?”

“A pretty terrific invention called delivery,” I replied and handed him a plate.  “I bet you haven’t eaten anything resembling real food in a while, so you better eat.”

He pulled open the first box, and, as I watched, inhaled the aroma.  I swear, I saw the drool practically drip down his chin.  “Heaven,” he said and lifted the first slice of pizza.

I didn’t say anything as he ate.  I was glad that he hadn’t sunk so low that he wouldn’t want to eat.  We all know Nick loves food, but, there have been some really dark times when he’s so upset he doesn’t eat at all.  Seeing him eat now was reassuring.  He would bounce back.

“I have to call everyone and tell them the wedding’s off,” he said after several slices of pizza.

I looked up at him, surprised.  It was the first time I hadn’t had to coax out information about Jamie or the wedding from him.  “I think word will travel pretty fast, Nick.  And if you still want to call everyone, I’ll help you out.”

“Thanks.” He stared off into space for a few moments, then sighed.  “I had it all planned out, Brian.  It felt like a frickin’ puzzle piece fell into place when I met Jamie, and I knew exactly how the future was gonna be.  This time, next year, I thought I’d be working on the new album with you guys and maybe Jamie would be pregnant with our first kid.” He shook his head, his eyes getting that lost look in them again.  “Now, she’ll be taking care of her first kid with whoever the dad is.”

I pushed my plate away as I lost my appetite.  His sadness was a tangible thing, and it cloaked the room.  “Sometimes, you can’t plan how life is going to be.  When I was a kid, I thought I’d be working in a church or something, you know? And look where I am now.  Where we are now.”

“Yeah, but you still have the perfect family.  I’ve always been jealous of you.”

I’d always wondered if he had been, but, hearing that it was true was still a jolt.  “Well, I was always jealous of you, too.”

His head snapped up, and he stared at me, shocked.  “Me? You were jealous of me? What’s wrong with you?”

If it had been any other time, I would’ve laughed.  Now, I just nodded.  “Yep.  I was jealous of all the attention you got because you were the youngest, you were the blond one, the cute one, the one all the girls screamed for.”

“They screamed for you, too,” he tried to point out, but I shook my head.

“No, Nick.  If it hadn’t been for you, the Backstreet Boys wouldn’t have gotten as big as they did.  I was jealous that you were the indispensable one.  Sometimes, I still am.” It was hard to admit these things out loud to both of us because it was the first time I’d ever allowed myself to understand why it was so easy for me to blame things on him.  Maybe I was exaggerating a little bit for his benefit, but it wasn’t as though I hadn’t thought of these things before.  “If it weren’t for you, do you really think anyone would notice us? Without the young blond one, Howie, Bone, and I are just a bunch of washed up-looking singers stuck in the past.”

Nick scowled.  “That’s not true, Brian, and you know it.  We’re a team, we stick together.  I am what I am because of you guys.  So just take back what you said because it’s a dirty, dirty lie!”

I liked seeing the spark in his eyes, liked that there was still fury in him instead of the pain.  “I can’t take back the truth, Prick.”

“It’s not the truth!” He shoved away from the table and began to pace.  “Have you ever heard yourself sing? Have you ever heard how the fans scream when you do?”

“They scream more for you,” I said, hoping he’d fire up some more.

“Bullshit, Brian.  That’s just fucking bullshit.” He jabbed a finger at me.  “You need to get over whatever this lame inferiority complex is.  You never had it before.”

I raised an eyebrow.  “How do you know? Do you live in my head? No,” I answered before he could.  “You don’t.  You stand there and talk about how fucked up your life is, and how no one will ever love you, but you’re wrong that you’re the only one who hasn’t gotten everything he wants out of life.”

I dumped my plate into the sink and walked out the back door and onto the beach, leaving Nick staring after me in shock.