“How’s it going down there?” Howie sounded worried, and he was probably right to worry. I didn’t think I was going about this business of taking care of Nick well. After all, instead of consoling him, I was yelling at him to grow up.
“Uh, well, it’s complicated. The whole thing’s complicated.” I told Howie what had happened between Nick and Jamie, though I still didn’t know what it was Nick had said to Jamie that made her run off and into some other guy’s bed.
Howie was quiet for a few seconds. “Wow. Well, how’s he doing?”
“He’s angry. At me. At himself. The world in general.” I slipped my shoes off before sand could get into them and began to walk towards the water. There was plenty of moonlight, and it was a peaceful spot.
“Anger’s the second stage of grief.” Howie sighed. “Where is he, right now?”
“Oh, I pissed him off well, and he’s sulking in the house somewhere.” I knelt to pick up a wet fragment of shell and rubbed it between my fingers as I walked. “I’d rather see him mad than as upset and broken as he was when I got here this afternoon.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him that he wasn’t the only one who has insecurities about life. That he needs to get over it.” I stopped and stared out at the ocean in front of me. I was close enough to the water that the waves lapped at my toes. It was nice out here, and I understood why Nick chose to make his home as close to water as possible. “He was pretty shocked that I would kick him when he was down.”
“Brian! Why would you do that?” Howie sounded furious now. “If I had known that you would just go down there to hurt him some more, I would’ve gone instead. Way to go, pal. Way to be a supportive friend.”
I chuckled at Howie’s reaction. “D, relax. It’s got him thinking, and he’s not sitting on his deck sketching pictures of Jamie anymore. It’s better that he’s angry rather than wallowing in misery. You didn’t see him. I did.”
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Howie asked with a resigned sigh.
“Mostly.” I turned to glance back at the house. Nick was nowhere to be seen, so I figured he was holed up somewhere. “You know, D, I wish Jamie had been killed or something instead of getting pregnant with another guy’s kid. It would’ve been easier to deal with.”
“Brian!” Howie’s gasp was shocked. “What the hell are you saying?”
“I know it sounds horrible, but, if she’d died, we wouldn’t be dealing with his broken heart. It’s painful to see him like this, to see him wishing for her.”
“He wants her back after what she did?”
I sighed. “He thinks it’s his fault that she cheated.”
“What?!” I love when Howie gets angry. You just want to pinch his cheeks or something. Not that I would, but I’m just saying…
“Yeah, that’s what he’s holding on to, and I think that convincing him otherwise is my best bet at helping him out.” At least, I hoped it was. Honestly, I’ve never been a pro at the whole relationship and feelings thing. Sure, I have a wife and kid, but it was just dumb luck that I found Leighanne. I still don’t understand women in general, and what to do after a woman’s stomped all over your heart? Pft. Forget it. My remedy would be to pretend it never happened and act happy. You act enough, there comes a day when you actually believe it.
Howie sighed again. “Do you want me to come out and help?”
“No, no. You need to stay with Leigh.” I watched the water for a few more seconds before turning back towards the house. “I think I can muddle through this on my own. Maybe it won’t be perfect, and he probably won’t be absolutely fine at the end, but I think I can handle it.”
“Okay,” Howie said after a couple seconds. “Keep me posted. Kevin keeps calling, and you know how annoyed he gets when he calls long-distance and there’s nothing new to tell him.”
Oh, Kevin. He’d never be far from us because he was still keeping his eye on us. “Sure, yeah. I gotta go, Howie. I think I’ve let him stew enough.”
“Good luck.”
As I climbed the stairs to the deck, I figured I’d need that luck. When I opened the door, the first thing I saw was the pizza. No, it wasn’t on the table. It was stuck to the wall.
“Yep. Anger,” I muttered to myself. “Anger’s good. Second step.”
I picked my way through the pieces of broken glass on the floor and went searching for Nick. When I didn’t find him anywhere on the first floor and noticed that the house was silent, my first thought was that he’d gone out. Panicked now because I didn’t want him roaming the streets when he was upset, I checked the driveway and saw that all the cars were where they were supposed to be.
“Nick!” I started up the stairs to the second floor. “Nick Carter! If you’re alive, you better answer or I’ll kill you myself!”
When he didn’t answer, I ran up the rest of the steps and pushed open every door until I found him in his bedroom, hunched over a picture of him and Jamie.
“Nick.”
He looked up at me, and I could see the tears swimming in his eyes again. “Brian, I want her back. I’ll do anything. She said that it wasn’t fair to me to have to deal with her and someone else’s baby, but I’ll do it. I just want Jamie back.” He slid off the bed, his hands still gripping the picture. “I’m going to go find her.”
“No.” I figured we’d just moved at lightning speed from anger to bargaining. “Nick, you can’t have her back. You know it’s not a good idea.”
“Yes, it is!” There was still a spark of anger in his eyes. “I love her and she loves me! How is being with her a bad idea?”
I pushed him back down on the bed and looked into his bloodshot eyes. “Nick, she cheated on you. I don’t care how much you hurt her, if she’d truly loved you, she wouldn’t have done it.”
“How do you know? You only met her a few times. You don’t know what she was really like.”
“You’re right,” I said calmly. “I met her a few times, and I liked her. I certainly didn’t expect her to cheat on you because I thought you guys were in love.”
Nick swiped at the tears on his face, and the gesture and his expression reminded me of Baylee. “We are in love, and we’ll get married if I go and talk to her. Beg her to forgive me.”
“I think it would be better if you forgave her. She betrayed you.”
“Well, she wouldn’t have if I hadn’t hurt her by telling her that her work was useless, and she should be happy that, once we got married, she wouldn’t have to do it anymore!”
I didn’t know what to say to that for a little while. I remembered how passionate Jamie had been about her position as a music teacher in an elementary school in downtown Tampa. It just didn’t make sense, though, that something like that, no matter how hurtful, would send a woman into someone else’s arms. “Nick.”
“You know I’m right, Brian! I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because I’m an asshole. If I go find her and apologize a million times, everything will be the way it’s supposed to be again.” Nick was seriously convinced that his way was going to work. That all their relationship needed was apologies, and they’d be back to normal
“I know you want Jamie back, Nick. But it would be wrong for both of you. And think about that baby she’s carrying. You’d always resent it a little because it’s not yours. It wouldn’t be fair to the baby, either.” I gripped his shoulders and looked him dead in the eye. “Think about it, Nick. Really think.”
He stared at me for a long, long time. I wondered what he was thinking, if he’d heard what I said, or if he was still in his own fantasy world where difficult things could be easily fixed.
“Can you just give me some space?” Nick asked after a while.
Surprised, I stepped back and let go of him. “Sure. I, uh, I’ll go clean up the mess downstairs. If you need me, just holler.” I stopped at the door and looked back at him. He still sat, his eyes fixed on the floor. Poor kid, I couldn’t help but think. “Don’t go out, Nick. Don’t do it.”
He didn’t look up.
***
Nick didn’t go out that first night, and he didn’t leave his room the second day. I had to practically force him to eat something. The pounds were sliding off of him, and it felt like whatever progress I’d made for a little while had just gone downhill again. Part of me wanted to go find Jamie for him and make him happy.
Late at night, I could hear him crying. The last time I’d heard him cry was way back in the beginning of the Backstreet Boys when he’d been homesick. Now, over fifteen years later, it was hard to listen to, but I knew he had to work his way through the pain. As his friend, I knew I just had to stay close.
On the third day that I was there, the doorbell rang. I wondered if one of the others had decided to come down to help. Nick was still in his room, and, after consulting Google, I’d figured out that he was working his way through the depression stage of grief, which meant he was almost on the other side.
When I opened the door, the last person I expected to see was Jamie.
“Brian.” Her voice was quiet, and she looked about as well as Nick did. Which wasn’t saying much at all. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“Yeah, I didn’t really make a public announcement about it,” I answered. “What are you doing here, Jamie?” She was the last person Nick needed to see. He was doing so well, and seeing Jamie would definitely be a setback.
Her knuckles were white as her fingers clutched her bag, and her eyes were puffy, as though she, too, had been crying. “I needed to see Nick. I know I’ve made a mistake,” she added quickly. She must’ve seen my expression. “I just need to explain myself to him.”
“I’m sorry, Jamie.” I blocked her way into the house. After all, I had a friend to protect. “This isn’t a good idea.”
“Jamie?”
I turned around and found Nick standing in the middle of the staircase. “Nick, I thought you were still sleeping.”
He ignored me and hurried down the stairs. There was a tiny flicker of hope on his face, and I knew things were going to be bad after this visit. “Jamie, what are you doing here? I thought—I was sure you were gone for good.”
“I’m sorry, Nick. I really am. I just need to talk to you. Please.”
Nick is such a marshmallow, and, even as I wanted to slam the door in Jamie’s face, he was letting her in. Things, I decided, were obviously going to get worse before they got better. And we’d been doing so well.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for all your reviews, guys! This story started off as a personal exercise in writing, but I'm glad you're enjoying it!
