“There he is,” I told Brian as we walked into the restaurant a few minutes late. Brian’s parents had flown into L.A. to pick Baylee up and bring him to Kentucky, so we had been late to one of Brian’s interviews. The interview then proceeded to run long to make up for the time we missed in the beginning, so we had to rush to get here, managing to only get there a couple minutes late. Jackie was seated in a back room, separated from the main dining hall. When Brian and I walked into the room, he looked up from his menu, standing up to greet me with a hug.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted, pulling me into the safety of his arms. Ever since I was little, his arms always seemed like a sort of shield around me, protecting me from all the evil and pain around me. The only other place that gave me the same feeling was being in Brian’s arms. Brian made me feel safe and protected, but he also made me feel invincible and strong.

“Hey, Jackie,” I greeted back, wrapping my arms around him. I pulled away after a few moments, reaching out to find Brian’s hand. “Jackie, you remember, Brian, don’t you? We went to high school together?”

“I remember. You were the one that always danced with Mel in the choir performances,” Jackie remembered, smiling at Brian.

“Yes, sir,” Brian confirmed.

“Oh please, call me Jackie,” he smiled warmly at Brian, shaking Brian’s hand. Once his hand was free, Brian reached out for my hand again, and I saw Jackie notice our interlocked hands, his eyes resting on the diamond on my ring finger for a second before returning to look at us. He gestured with his hand to the table, emphasizing his gesture by saying, “Shall we?”

Brian and I took our seats across from Jackie just as a waitress walked through the door. “Hi. My name is Janis, and I will be your waitress this afternoon. Can I get you anything to drink?” she asked, her smile obviously forced. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she recognized Brian, but it was obvious she was not a fan.

“She’ll have a sweet ice tea, and I’ll have a Sprite,” Brian requesting, knowing exactly what I was going to get.

“Do you know what you want to eat, or would you like a moment to think it over?” she asked. Brian looked at me, and I shook my head, letting him know that I wasn’t hungry. “We’ll just have two Chicken Caesar Salads, please.”

“Alright. Anything else for you today?” she asked.

“No thank you,” we said, watching her walk away.

I looked at Brian, smiling at how well he knew me. He returned the smile, placing his hand over mine on the table in a loving gesture. When we looked up, Jackie was watching us with a smile on his face. “You look happy, Mel. Happier than I have seen you in awhile,” he added. “Does that huge rock on your finger have something to do with it?” he asked.

I smiled, looking down to admire my ring for a second before returning my attention to the man across from me. “It’s not the ring that makes me happy, but the man who gave it to me,” I told Jackie, feeling Brian squeeze my hand.

Janis walked in, setting down our food and our drinks before scampering off again. Once she was gone and the door was closed again, Brian and I brought up the real reason we were there that day. Brian and I explained the situation to him, only pausing every once in a while to take a bite of our salads or take a quick drink.

By the time we were finished, Jackie had a look of concentration on his face. “That’s definitely a toughie,” he said. “But it’s not impossible. Tell me about Leighanne. Has she been a good mother to Baylee? Has she been faithful to you throughout your entire marriage? Any little thing you can tell me will help.”

“Umm… she’s hardly ever home. She spends all her time on sets of movies or in Hollywood looking for her next role. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t been faithful to me since the beginning, and I’m pretty sure she sleeps around to get roles in her movies, but I’m not completely sure. She treats Baylee like she resents him, only paying attention to him when the public is involved. She cares more about the fame and publicity than she does about Baylee and I,” Brian told Jackie as he hastily scribbled down notes on what Brian was saying. “She also has a violent temper. She has attacked fans or even friends of mine or of the guys for no reason.”

“Would you be against me using a private investigator to catch her in the act of any or all of these actions?” Jackie asked.

I knew Brian was a very straightforward and honest person and, having been in the spotlight himself and having had his privacy invaded, I didn’t know how he would react to Jackie’s question. I watched him closely, seeing in his eyes that he was waging a war in his mind. On one hand, he wanted to put an end to all this drama and frustration, but on the other, he wanted to respect Leighanne’s privacy. “Jackie, I don’t think we should take that approach. I know it will be very difficult to prove her guilt otherwise, but I know I don’t feel comfortable doing that, and I am pretty sure Brian doesn’t feel comfortable with that idea either,” I explained, stepping in for Brian. “I’m sure if we look into it, we can find some of the people she’s attacked and have them testify. We might even be able to contact some of the producers and directors of movies she’s been in and see if they’d be willing to testify. Plus, I’m sure some of Brian’s friends wouldn’t mind testifying about how she treated Baylee. We can find ways around it.”

Jackie nodded his head, clearly thinking our options through. “We can find another way, if that’s what you want. However, I don’t know what we can do about your husband’s secret. We can’t bargain with her because we have nothing to bargain with. We can’t have her sign a confidentiality clause because she won’t agree to the terms. About the only thing you can do is talk to her and try to appeal to her emotional-side,” Jackie regretfully told us. I sighed in disappoint, fearing that was going to be the answer he gave. I didn’t know what to do or how to tell John. I hated myself for putting him in this situation. He deserved better in life, and I was tearing him down as my life fell apart.

“We’ll figure something out,” Brian whispered in my ear as he pulled me into his arms. “It’s not your fault this is happening. It’s mine. I should have been a man three years ago and told Leighanne it was over. I should have been there for you while you were pregnant with Baylee. I should have never abandoned you. None of this would be happening if I had done what I should have.”

I pulled back, placing my hand on his cheek. The guilt in his voice was too much for me to bear. “Brian, it is not your fault. Leighanne isn’t playing fair. That’s not our fault. It just means we are going to have to try harder to make sure we win. She’s the one putting us in this position, but we’re all to blame in this. Feeling guilty about it or trying to figure out who started it won’t help us solve anything. We just have to put the past behind us and focus on the future. That’s the only way we can get through this,” I soothed him, trying to ease his pain. I saw him relax his stance slightly, and I watched as his eyes lost their sorrow and guilt. I knew he still felt guilty, but what I had said made sense and he knew it.

“You’re right. We can’t sit here and try to pass blame. We have to concentrate on how we are going to get through this situation without losing our sanity or one another,” Brian agreed, giving me a short kiss.

We finished lunch, working out as many of the details as we could before Brian had to head to the venue. “I’ll call you when I get some things worked out. Are you going to be on tour the whole time, or is there another number I can reach you at?” Jackie asked me.

“She’ll be here,” Brian answered for me, not even allowing me to think the question all the way through. I looked at Brian, shocked by his outburst, but decided to wait until we were in the car to ask him about it.

As we got up to leave, I gave Jackie one last hug, telling him I would talk to him later. When I stepped back, Brian shook his hand, thanking him for his help and for taking on the case. We promised to keep in close contact, before we walked out of the restaurant, going our separate ways.

As we drove back to the venue, I turned to Brian, asking the question that had been on my mind for the last 10 minutes. “Brian…” I began, but he cut me off before I could finish my thought.

“I know what you’re going to say, but I need you here with me, Mel. I don’t want to have to deal with all this while you’re across the country and I’m touring. I don’t think I could handle that,” he explained, letting his weakness show. I knew it took a lot for him to say that he needed me there, and to be honest, I really didn’t want to be anywhere else either.

“I don’t want to be anywhere else, either, Brian, but I have to think about John and our clients,” I sighed in frustration. I once again found myself torn between my husband and Brian, and I hated it. I didn’t want to let John down, but I also knew that Brian needed me to be there. He was having a hard time dealing with everything, and I knew he needed to know that I was there for him no matter what and that I supported him through it all.

“Tell John you need to be here. He’ll understand,” Brian argued, the frustration causing his face to wrinkle in stress.

“It’s not that easy, Brian. I have commitments. I have obligations. And despite everything, John is still my husband,” I refuted. I hated arguing with Brian, but he was being unreasonable. He was being selfish and not even trying to listen to my side or negotiate with me.

“What about me, Mel? What does that make me, huh? Why are you even with me, if you don’t even care enough to be with me when I need you?” he asked, the anger seeping into his voice.

“Brian, you are being completely unfair. You KNOW my situation. John has been there for me through a lot of tough shit. He’s been there for me when YOU weren’t. I can’t just ditch him and all our plans because you suddenly decided you want me in your life. How am I supposed to know you won’t run back to Leighanne? How do I know you won’t change your mind and leave me again, huh?” I yelled back, his arrogance starting to get the best of me.

“So, what, you don’t trust me?” he questioned.

“It’s not like you’ve given me any reason to,” I sneered, instantly regretting my words. I saw the hurt flash across his face and wished I could take it back, but still knowing that some part of me had to believe that if I had said it.

There was a long moment of silence before Brian spoke, his voice dangerously low and void of emotion. “If that’s how you feel, then why are you even here?” he asked. “Go back to your precious husband. I’m sure he needs you more than I do.”

We sat there in silence, neither one of us daring to make a sound. We both knew that we had overstepped our bounds, but we were both so stressed and angry that our pride got in the way. So instead, we spent the rest of the ride to the venue in silence, not looking at one another or even acknowledging each other.

When we reached the venue, Brian pulled the car into the underground parking garage and parked. I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I didn’t let them spill over. I refused to cry in front of him. I expected him to jump out of the car and run into the venue as soon as we were parked, but he didn’t. He turned the car off and sat there, silently staring out the front window.

I heard him let out a sigh of frustration and watched as he ran a hand through his sandy-blonde hair. He turned his tortured blue eyes to me, the pain too intense for me to bear. I turned my head away from his gaze when I felt the tears start to fall. When I returned my gaze to his, Brian’s face immediately softened and he looked at me with regret and fear.

“I’ve never hated the fact that I was a Backstreet Boy more than I do right now,” Brian whispered. “We need to talk about what happened, but I’m already late. Tonight, after the show…”

“I’ll be waiting…” I interrupted.

He nodded, looking down at his hands. “We better get in there,” he said.

“Yeah.”

We both stepped out of the car, walking into the venue. The distance between us was obvious to anyone who knew us. I walked with my head down not able to look anyone in the eye. Brian headed to the stage with one last glance at me. I headed the opposite direction to Brian’s dressing room, pulling my cell phone out of my pocket as I walked. I knew who I wanted to call… I just didn’t know if I should bother him with my problems.

As if on cue, my phone rang in my hand, the caller ID reading “John.” “Hello?” I answered the phone.

“Hey sweetheart, how did the meeting go?” John asked.

“It went alright…” I sighed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I hesitated for a second, almost chickening out, but John knew what I was thinking. “Honey, you know you can tell me anything.”

“Brian and I had a huge fight…He wants me to stay on tour with him and I told him I already had commitments made with you in L.A. We both said things we shouldn’t have. I told him I didn’t trust him, John. And he basically said I didn’t love him and that we were making a mistake. John, I’ve never fought with him this bad before,” I cried into the phone to my husband.

“Don’t cry, Honey,” he soothed. He kept talking to me, trying to calm me down so that he could finish his thought. Finally, my sobs quieted down enough for him to speak. “As far as the commitments, you know you can stay as long as you want. I can handle everything here by myself. You need to be with Brian right now while all this is going on. I’ll be fine. As for the fight, you two need to talk things out. You’re letting the stress get to you and you’re taking it out on each other. You can’t do that. You have to stick together or you’ll never get through this. You’ve been through too much already to let it go now because of a stupid fight.”

“You didn’t hear it, John. It was awful. We were so harsh to one another. I’ve never seen him so mad, and I’ve never been so mad in my life,” I explained.

“The only reason you had such an awful fight is because you care about each other. You had so much emotion behind your words that it made it seem worse than it was. I think, though, that deep down you knew he would forgive you and that’s why you said some of those things. We always end up hurting the people we care about the most when we don’t mean to. We hurt them worse than anyone because we know that no matter what is said or what we do, they will understand and they won’t hold it against us. Sure, they’ll get upset, but eventually we’ll get over it.” What he said made sense to me. I had hurt Brian because I was upset and I needed to take my anger out on someone. I knew that Brian would eventually forgive me, so I took all my pent up emotion out on him.

“How to I make him understand, though?” I asked. “We were both so upset.”

“Tell him what you told me. Tell him that you didn’t mean to say those things to him. Tell him you were so stressed out that you let your fear and frustration rule your mind. Tell him you love him and that you never meant to hurt him. He loves you, Mel…  He will forgive you,” John soothed.

“What would I do without you, John?” I asked into the phone, my tears finally ebbing.

“Be a hopeless mess… but you’d be just fine,” he said confidently. “So how did the meeting with Jackie really go?”

“We came up with a game plan, but there’s still a problem. No matter what we do, we couldn’t find a way to convince Leighanne not to say anything about you. None of the ideas we came up with would work. I’m so torn, John. I love Brian so much, and I want nothing more than to be with him, but I can’t let you take the fall for us. You deserve better than that,” I sighed, the frustration building again.

“Take a deep breath,” John ordered, hearing my stressed voice. “Mel, you know you don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself. You’ve waited for years to be with the man you love. Don’t let that go because of some silly threat. When the time comes, I’ll handle it, but until then, you need to be thinking about Brian, not about me. You deserve the chance to be happy. You are an amazing woman, and this is your chance to take your life back. Don’t watch it pass you by.”

I swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in my throat so that I could tell John what was in my heart. “I love you, John. I am the luckiest woman alive to have you in my life,” I told him.

“I love you, too, sweetheart. Now go find that man and talk to him. Don’t let something like this get in the way of your love,” he preached.

“Thanks for calling, John,” I smiled.

“Any time,” he said, hanging up the phone.

As I sat there, I thought about what I had to do. I used the time while Brian was doing his soundcheck and getting ready for tonight’s show to plan out what I was going to say. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to say what I had to, but I also knew I had no other choice. If we were going to get past this, Brian and I had to be honest with one another, even if it meant possibly risking it all. And so I sat there, waiting for his return and hoping it wouldn’t be the last time I saw him.