Brian and I sat in my office for a couple of hours, just talking and sneaking kisses, but being careful to avoid the subject of our feelings and how our relationship was changing. We also made certain to avoid the subject of Leighanne, as well. We knew that now was not the time and my office was not the place. So we just spent the time rediscovering the people we had become and the bond we had once shared.
“Are you hungry?” he asked. I was about to say, ‘I’m fine,’ but before I could, my stomach spoke for me. We both started laughing immediately.
“I guess I am,” I laughed along with Brian.
“Come on. I found this great Italian place the other day, and I have been dying to check it out,” he insisted, already pulling me off the couch.
We spent the remainder of the day just goofing off and having fun. After lunch, we went to a local kid’s park to play miniature golf, then headed over to my house to watch a movie and talk. It was then that we finally broached the subject of our relationship.
“Brian… what are we doing?” I asked after we finished watching “Sweet Home Alabama,” one of my favorite all-time movies.
“Watching a movie,” he said. When I gave him a look, he sighed, turning serious. “I don’t know…” he whispered. I waited for him to say more, but he just sat there looking at his feet.
“Brian…” I started, pausing for a second to sort my thoughts out. When I knew what I needed to say, I started again. “Brian, why are you doing this? You married Leighanne, so you must love her… why would you cheat on her?”
I saw his shoulders rise and fall as he released another sigh. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but I needed to know. “Things are complicated between Leighanne and I. I do love her, but it’s like we’re constantly struggling just to keep our relationship at a tolerable level. To me, love shouldn’t be that hard to hold on to and work for. I mean, granted, there are going to be some obstacles to overcome, but you should spend more time enjoying the relationship than fighting to keep it alive, right?” His eyes searched my own, looking for the answers he couldn’t find. He looked so lost and desperate for some kind of happiness. I nodded my head to show him that I agreed, unable to find the words to express my thoughts. “I know that I love Leighanne. She has been my saving grace throughout my entire career. When I had to go into surgery, she stayed with me up until the moment I was wheeled away to the operating room, and the nurses told me that she was by my side from the moment I was in recovery until I woke up. But over the years, we have both changed and through it all, we’ve grown apart. It’s a struggle just to hold a casual conversation. She’s not even home tonight. She just got home this morning and she’s flying out again for another week, even though I haven’t seen her all month because of this movie.” The frustration and disappointment were obvious by the tone of his voice and the look on his face. I could tell he was confused and hurt that something he thought was so right could have come to the point it was at now. I also knew Brian and I knew that he always tried to do the right thing, even if he was the one to suffer in the end because of it. That’s why I knew that things must be to an almost irreparable point if he was actually cheating on his wife.
“Have you actually tried telling Leighanne any of this? Have you tried discussing your relationship with her?” I asked.
He gave me a bitter, sarcastic laugh… one usually heard from men three times his age. It was a laugh of experience and cynicism. I knew it well because it was the same laugh I used on a regular basis. It was the laugh of someone who no longer believed in the naïve, childlike truths that we are all feed when we are growing up. “True love lasts forever.” “Things always happen for a reason.” “When you’re in love, anything is possible.” All of those phony, cheesy sayings you were told when you were a kid never hold true in real life. They are just a way to ease the pain of the world to those too young to have experienced it. It hid the truth and gave you the freedom to dream until you realized that none of it meant anything.
“She won’t even talk to me about how our days went unless she has something to complain about. How do you think a serious conversation would go?” he explained. “She lost that innocent spirit I used to adore about her. I know it’s still there, but she has just been blinded by everything around her. You used to be that way too. You used to be full of open-eyed wonder and dreams. You’ve lost that childlike spirit. But you were also always mature and level-headed as well, so you never got too carried away by your ideas and innocence. That’s what I love about you. You’ve always been passionate and open-minded, but grounded and logical. It’s the perfect mix of realism and idealism.”
I looked down at my hands and blushed at his compliment. “I always over-analyze things. That’s not very idealistic.”
I felt his hand lift my chin, causing me to look up into his beautiful blue eyes. “You are amazing. You have never been afraid to see the possibilities and to be open to new opportunities. You always allow yourself to be able to think of a future filled with all your dreams come true. That is extremely idealistic. And it is also one of my favorite aspects about you.” I smiled shyly at him, suddenly at a loss for words. He always knew just the right things to say to leave me speechless. I watched as his face drew nearer, and all my worries and cares about our relationship faded. All I could think about was the feel of his lips on my own. All I could feel was the passion he showed me. And all I wanted was to kiss him for however long I could. He pulled back, placing one last quick kiss on my lips before speaking again. “I don’t know what’s going on between us or where this can go, but I do know that every time I kiss you, my heart flutters and I feel like, for once, everything is right in the world. I can’t promise you anything because I am not in that position right now, but I made the mistake of letting you go once. No matter what, I am not letting you disappear from my life again. I love you too much to let that happen twice.”
At his declaration, my eyes immediately misted over and tears started falling from my eyes. I knew that he wasn’t in the position to offer me any form of true commitment, and at that point, it honestly didn’t matter. All I could hear was, “I love you.” Nothing else seemed important. “Say that again,” I requested.
“I love you, Mel, and I am not going to let you escape me again,” he repeated, knowing exactly what I was talking about.
I leaned over and kissed him, cutting off any other words he was planning on saying. I kissed him with more passion and more love than I had ever done before. To me, his declaration meant that I was not alone with these intense feelings coursing through me. He felt them too. “I love you, Brian. I always have.”
He pulled me closer, holding my neck and pulling me as deep into the kiss as he could. It was like he was trying to fuse our mouths together, but that wasn’t possible. I had never felt so much for one person in my entire life, and everything this man did to me, increased the fire I already had burning within me. He knew exactly what to do to leave me breathless and at his mercy. He knew just when to kiss me and when to whisper a soft declaration of love into my ear. He had a power over me that no one else had ever held, and as frightening as it was, it was even more exhilarating.
When we finally pulled back enough to calm our racing hearts and cool our feverish bodies, we were both out of breath and we both craved more, despite the fact that we knew we should stop. I looked over into his caring, crystal eyes and lost myself in the depth of emotion I saw lying just beneath the surface. His eyes were so clear and honest, and I had always been able to read him with just one glance.
“I want you, Brian. I need you to make love to me. I need you to prove to me that this is more than just a fleeting moment of passion,” I begged. I don’t know where that plea came from, but I could tell by his reaction, he felt the same way.
He gave me a questioning glance, silently asking me if I was sure I wanted to do this. At my nod, he grabbed my hand, leading me through the halls of my house to my bedroom. He gently guided me onto the bed, kissing me slowly and lovingly, not wanting to rush this. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked again.
“I’ve been waiting for this since high school. Please, Brian. I need you,” I confirmed.
He slowly started easing my shirt up, kissing and licking the flesh as it was revealed. His mouth was warm and his tongue felt like velvet against my skin. The higher he got, the more turned on I was getting. When he reached the satin fabric of my bra, he stopped moving up and took one of my heaving breasts into his mouth. I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped my lips at the feel of his warm mouth sucking away at my aching nipple, bringing it to an even harder peak.
After spending several moments on my first breast, he switched, taking the other into his awaiting mouth. I didn’t know how much more of his teasing I could take before I exploded, so I gently grabbed his head, leading his mouth to my burning lips. I needed him more than I had ever needed anyone, and I only knew one way to convey that feeling. I quickly grabbed the bottom of my shirt, pulling it all the way off my body, breaking the kiss for only a second before returning to our lip lock. With my shirt out of the way, I unbuttoned my pants and shimmied my way out of the restraining cloth. As soon as I had both my pants and my underwear discarded, Brian reached around me, unhooking my bra and throwing it to the side with the rest of my clothes. He pulled back, studying me with hungry eyes. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, as if in a trance.
I reached my arms out toward him, pulling him back to my body, uncomfortable with his scrutinizing gaze. As he started sucking on my neck, I lost all thought and began gasping and moaning even louder than I had been before. I reached my hands down to his strained pants, fumbling with the button in an attempt to get it undone in my passion-filled haze. In my attempt to free him from his constraints, I brushed against his growing bulge, causing him to increase his ministrations on my neck, nibbling and licking his way down my body, paying attention to every inch of exposed flesh as he moaned with every touch of my hand. When I was finally able to unhook the button, I was so far gone I could barely comprehend anything.
I quickly pulled his pants and boxers down, leaving his bottom half exposed as he rid himself of his shirt. I stopped for a second to admire his toned, muscular body as he gazed lovingly down at me. “I love you, Brian. Make love to me.”
He leaned down, taking my mouth with his own once more as I felt him position himself at my opening. Before he could tease me anymore, I quickly wrapped my legs around his waist and forced him into me. The moans that came out of us intensified with every move he made, no matter how slight. He filled me completely, leaving me feeling whole and fulfilled with every inch of his body touching mine. He started a slow, steady rhythm, and he pulled away from my lips so he could look into my eyes as he moved deep within me. I knew that I would not last long, since I was already so turned on. I grasped onto his strong shoulders, my nails digging into his tender skin, but not enough to leave a mark. I heard his grunts and moans of pleasure increasing along with my own as we both speed up the pace, moving closer and closer to the edge. I felt a burning heat start from my toes and start to spread throughout my entire body, but I tried to hold on, wanting Brian to cum with me. “I’m… close… can’t… hold on… much… longer,” I moaned.
“Let go,” he groaned out as he too was trying to hold on. With one final push, I let myself explode as I felt Brian release his load within me. Together, we went over the edge and slowly came back down. Brian rested his weight on me, and I held him as we both struggled to catch our breath. I had never experienced anything even close to what we had just shared. I closed my eyes as the exhaustion started to overcome the both of us. Within moments, we were both asleep lost in a world of dreams, but not before Brian uttered a quite, “I love you,” into my ear. I soon found myself lost in a content sleep. At least in my dreams, Brian was mine, and I didn’t have to share him. I feel asleep with a smile on my face and a longing in my heart. After tonight, it was too late for us to even attempt to turn back now. We were both in too deep and had too much invested in one another to risk it. Now we just had to figure out where to go from here.
