“Is there someone else?” Brian sat in a chair in the brightly lit kitchen and watched Leighanne pace the ceramic-tiled floor. “Did you meet someone else?”
She stopped in mid-step and turned to face him. The look in her eyes was so sad. “Oh, Brian. There’s no one else. It’s just you. It’s been only you for over ten years.”
“Then what is it? If it’s not someone else and it’s not me, then what is it?” He was trying really hard to stay calm, even though it felt as though the world was crumbling away beneath his feet. “What could possibly make you want us to be apart? Did you fall out of love with me?”
Leighanne sighed and sat across from him at their kitchen table. “I don’t know if I’d say that because I’ll always love you, but I just feel like, lately, we’ve lost that…something special.”
“What?”
“I know, it sounds crazy, but I just don’t feel that magic we had for the first ten years we were together. In the last year, it’s not the same.” She knew her explanation sounded lame and ridiculous, but she couldn’t quite explain the jumble of feelings within her. “I can’t believe I’m saying this either, but it’s true.”
Brian was quiet for a long time as he stared down at the floor. When he finally spoke, he didn’t look up at her. “So you’re bored and want out.”
“It’s not that simple,” she began, but his searing look cut her off.
“Not that simple? It’s not that simple?!” He shoved back his chair, and it was his turn to pace now. “You know what I’m hearing, Leighanne? I’m hearing that my wife, my rock suddenly doesn’t want to be with me. I’m hearing that you think we’ve lost that spark we’ve always had. And you know what I think about all that?” His breath was heaving as he glared at her, his eyes so blue with anger. “I think that’s bullshit. If you don’t want me anymore, just tell me. But don’t you dare lie to me or make up excuses.”
“I’m not making excuses, and the last thing I’d ever do to you is lie!” She shook her head. “Brian, I love you, and I swore to you that I’d be by your side forever. I was so sure that we’d be happy forever, but, in the last year or so, I realized that I’m just not happy anymore. That’s not your fault, and it’s not mine,” she added quickly when he opened his mouth to retort. “I woke up one day and realized that I wasn’t where I thought I would be. I love you, and I love Baylee, but I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
“Do what?” Brian stared at her helplessly. The love of his life didn’t want to be with him, and, no matter what she said, he wasn’t able to make her happy anymore. He’d never felt such pain in his heart before. “Be with Baylee and me? Be my family?”
She bit her lip nervously. “Partly, yes.”
“Oh, my god.” And, just like that, his life dissolved in front of his eyes. His legs were suddenly boneless, and he sank to the floor, his hands clutching his head. There were tears blinding him, and he could feel them running down his face. “Oh, my god, I can’t believe this is happening.”
There were tears slipping and sliding down her cheeks as well. “I’m sorry, Brian. I’m so sorry.” She dropped to her knees in front of him. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but I couldn’t keep it a secret from you anymore. I know you love me, and I love you, too. I just…I can’t spend all my days as a wife and mother. I need more.”
“Then I’ll help you.” Her face was blurry through the tears in his eyes, but it was still so beautiful to him. “If you want to do another movie, we’ll find a script and start working on it. Do you want to expand your bag line? We can do that, too.”
Leighanne felt her heart break for him. “I can’t do that, Brian. I can’t keep using your name, your star power to get by. I don’t even know if acting is what I want anymore. That’s why I need space, right now. I just need to find my place again.”
“Your place? Baby, your place is right here.” He reached out a hand to touch her cheek, but she shifted away and broke his heart. “Please, please don’t leave me,” he whispered.
“Oh, Brian.”
When his arms went around her, she didn’t resist and rested her head on his shoulder. Brian held her as close as possible, terrified of what was to come. Her mind was already made up, and he knew he’d never be able to change it. “Will you come back?” he wondered quietly.
“One day,” she whispered, though both of them knew it might not be the truth.
So they sat there, on their kitchen floor, holding each other, knowing that things would never be the same again. He’d never been able to deny her anything, and they both knew it.
***
I didn’t want to tell anyone what was happening in the beginning. Leighanne moved in with her sister, who lived an hour away. I think we both knew that she wanted to be far enough away, so that I wouldn’t drop by to see her everyday. But she didn’t want to be too far away because she wanted to see Baylee, spend time with him. No matter what happened between us, neither of us wanted Baylee to be hurt by it. Of course, he was full of questions.
“Where’s Mommy? When is she coming home? How come she won’t come to Parents’ Day at school? Can we go see her? Can we call her?”
It was torture to listen to his sad little voice ask for Mommy. Slowly, he quit asking and, when he did see Leighanne, he wouldn’t pester her about coming home. Baylee took her leaving much better than I did.
The first few days after she left, I was furious with her. I’d given her everything, and she had tossed it back in my face. When she’d asked me to spend less time with Nick, I said, “Sure, baby. Whatever you want.” When she said, let’s move to Atlanta, even though my home was always Kentucky, I agreed. When she told me she wanted a huge wedding, I gave her my checkbook and told her to go nuts, even though my dream wedding had always been a small ceremony. After Baylee was born, she told me she didn’t want more children. That was the hardest thing for me to give up because I’d always imagined a house full of my children, but, loving her, I convinced myself that Baylee would be enough.
After all of that, she still didn’t want me. So I threw things, I drank too much when Baylee was asleep, and I almost torched our wedding albums. I wanted everything of hers gone, and, soon, it was.
Within three months, every last thing of hers was gone from that house, and, if it wasn’t for the pictures, it would’ve been as though she’d never lived there.
Adrift by starbeamz2
Author's Chapter Notes:
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